What are your goals for your kids, as far as college?

[Hannah]

20 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

We were keen that the kids had good academic results. Sports etc. are rarely important for university entrance in the UK, so they just pursued whatever they fancied.  Only in more vocational fields like medicine do extracurricular experiences matter.

Our goal too was to prepare the girls so that they could enter public university if they wanted.

Here too good academic results in the national school leaving (or equivalent) exams are the primary requirement, including for the 11 medical schools in the country. Medical school starts straight after high-school and is a six year degree which includes practical training from the 2nd year onwards. It is the most competitive degree with more than 36 000 application for 1 800 1st year positions annually.

My kids have competed at national level in their sport, but it does not make any difference in university selection in their chosen fields.

There are 26 public universities of which 11 are 'traditionally academic' meaning they only offer degree courses, no vocational diplomas. Population 60 million. 

I have no idea how this would compare to a state flagship, but in most of the worldwide university ranking reports the top 5 are in the top 500 wordwide and the remainder in the top 1000.

 

 

[Hannah]

10 hours ago, Corraleno said:

what kind of life style he really wants, and what aspects are most important to him, and then work backwards to figure out the best path to get him there, rather than just accepting the values and goals of his peers (most of which have simply been handed down from parents rather than being consciously thought through and freely chosen) and then just following the path that everyone else claims is the "best" or most desirable or most prestigious, without stopping to think whether the place it goes is really where he wants to end up. 

We have had very similar discussions.  Because medical school is so prestigious and its where the "best" kids go, it means that there are kids going the medicine route only because they have stellar marks and it shows how accomplished they are, not because they really want to be doctors.  Some of the universities now do required a certain amount of job-shadowing to counter this.

[DawnM]

My parents both went to college but DH's parents did not.   DH and I both went to college. I can remember telling him that college would be something I would stress to my kids as being important, HOWEVER, 95% of the time, the college itself doesn't matter, at least not for undergrad.

DH attended a college that was not highly competitive for undergrad but then attended a very competitive grad school program.   

I currently have 2 kids in college.  Both are in good colleges, but not highly competitive colleges.   I am ok with that.   My oldest dropped out of college after 2.5 years and I am struggling with it.   Not necessarily because he dropped out, but because I don't believe he can get to his goal without that degree and he doesn't seem to get it.   

 

[SKL]

My goal for my kids is that they keep their options open and are able to make good choices for them when the time comes.

I don't encourage fancy, highly selective, expensive options.  But if they want to pursue them, more power to them.  My funds for college are not unlimited, so a very expensive choice will require a great scholarship (or some great work-study arrangement).  My kids have never given me reason to think they'd earn a great scholarship.

My personal preference is that they stay in or near my home while they are still teens, if not longer.  We have many universities within driving distance, from plain Jane state schools to expensive private ones.

In my friend circles, talk of college almost never comes up.  A lot of my kids' friends don't have plans to attend college, or, it isn't their number one career concern.  For example, one good friend wants to do theater as a career, so his mom wants him to live in NY ... I didn't ask, but I assume she also means he'd be attending university there, but not based of the fanciness of the university.  Other friends are like me, open to different possibilities as their kids figure out what they want to do.

[Guest]

Having not read the thread (and, for all I know, we’re now talking about which mini-vans get the best gas mileage 😏), but my goals are/were: 

1) Go to college;

2) Major in something that they like AND that has a reasonable likelihood of fitting them for a liveable wage; and

3) Complete a bachelor’s, preferably in four years and not longer. 

Oh, also: accomplish this with little or no debt, so that meant *for us so far*, in-state publics. 
 

Beyond that, I didn’t plan their activities with an eye on scholarships for athletics, nor did I care at all about them going to a top tier or highest rank school. I just wanted them to go to a school people have heard of, where they could pursue the major that suits them best, where they could reasonably expect to have a good social experience and that this would be accomplished through in-state publics for affordability, and because I have decent choices in state. 
 

Now off to read if my post relates one jot to what’s being discussed now…

[DawnM]

18 minutes ago, Quill said:

Having not read the thread (and, for all I know, we’re now talking about which mini-vans get the best gas mileage 😏), but my goals are/were: 

1) Go to college;

2) Major in something that they like AND that has a reasonable likelihood of fitting them for a liveable wage; and

3) Complete a bachelor’s, preferably in four years and not longer. 

Oh, also: accomplish this with little or no debt, so that meant *for us so far*, in-state publics. 
 

Beyond that, I didn’t plan their activities with an eye on scholarships for athletics, nor did I care at all about them going to a top tier or highest rank school. I just wanted them to go to a school people have heard of, where they could pursue the major that suits them best, where they could reasonably expect to have a good social experience and that this would be accomplished through in-state publics for affordability, and because I have decent choices in state. 
 

Now off to read if my post relates one jot to what’s being discussed now…

If you are attending a local college and plan to commute, I suggest not getting a mini-van at all.   

[SKL]

As for "the college experience," honestly, I am still an outsider*, despite having multiple degrees.  The whole "fit" discussion may be a bit beyond me.  This may be another reason I would rather my kids live at home (at least for the first year or two), where they can be themselves, bounce things off of the person who cares the most for them, and not worry about things we can't control.  The fact that they will start college at 17 is another factor.

Maybe I'm doing my kids a disservice with this kind of thinking.  Maybe I should find the energy, time, and motivation to do college visits outside of driving distance.  Maybe I will.  Still thinking about this.

////

*Upon high school graduation, I was 16, poor/blue collar, and rural.  There was one college choice for me - the nearest regional (non-residential) campus of a state university.  I never lived on campus until grad school.  My folks had never been to college either, except to pursue their associates' degrees as commuting adults (having already borne a houseful of kids). 

I applied to 1 grad school, which accepted me and gave me a half scholarship.  It was a bit prestigious in our quadrant of the state.  I did not fit in there at all.  Not at all.  The only people I could really make friends with were foreign students / immigrants.  I got my education and moved on (with huge student debt).  With more knowledge and guts, maybe I could have made a better choice, but that's all water under the bridge.

My kids are in-between as far as family culture.  They aren't poor, rural, or ignorant.  But they probably don't have much concept of "college fit."

[SKL]

And concerning extracurricular activities - I do think about what will look good on a resume / college application, but I'm thinking more along the lines of:

• Is the kid socially active?
• Is she physically active?
• Do her personal choices reflect good character traits?  Responsibility, work ethic, ability to collaborate, caring for others, etc.
• Do any of her choices contribute to her career intentions / life goals?

I do insist on my kids being active in ways that build on the above.  Ideally, they choose the activities.  But if they are inclined to be inactive, I will push them to choose something.  I will also identify and facilitate options I think are especially good.  But I give preference to activities they choose on their own.

[Guest]

42 minutes ago, DawnM said:

If you are attending a local college and plan to commute, I suggest not getting a mini-van at all.   

😄

[KeriJ]

nm

Edited September 18, 2022 by KeriJ

[Ravin]

I knew from years ahead of time that DD was probably not college bound. I have followed her lead and tried to ensure she had and has the needed tools to pursue her chosen path, whatever it is. Right now, it's living far away from us while trying to figure out how to hold down a job and pay rent. At some point, it might include college and/or some kind of post-high school vocational training. We have tried to make sure she knows she has options. 

DS is probably college bound, but kind of young for us to worry too much about it. His current online charter is affiliated with a university so if he sticks with it through high school, there will be dual enrollment opportunities.

If instead he decides to go to the local high school, there are dual enrollment opportunities with the local community college.

 

Beyond that, we'll scope out that bridge when it's closer on the horizon.

 

[wintermom]

Our goals weren't college specific - rather post-secondary of some sort, depending on their interest. In Canada, it seems that each institution has different requirements for homeschoolers, and each program has specific course requirements. You have to plan well in advance (grade 9) to ensure that there is time to complete the course requirements. I wanted my dc to have the widest number of options available, that were also in line with their interests and capabilities. Academic courses were important, as were practical experiences, like co-ops, summer jobs, and extra-curricular activities (music, sports, theatre and cadets). 

The preparation seemed to have paid off well, as 3 out of 4 are in university programs of their choice, and the 4th is still in high school and on track to enter into the program of his choice. None of the dc wanted to go away to university or tech school. There are several in our city, which is wonderful!

[Shoeless]

7 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I think this is where knowing your kid comes in.  And some kids are very difficult to know. 
 

My son is a bit of a dreamer……not like dreaming dreams but rather the type who can’t focus and just stares into space.  So I spent a lot of time even when he should have been independent learning really holding his feet to the fire.  I had worked closely with him all his life so I knew his interests and strengths even if he did not think of those things much less how it would translate to making a living. When he was 16 I took him on a vote he tour and told him to pick something.  I did not try to set him at all but I was not one bit surprised that he chose it based upon process of elimination.  So we got down to IT and drafting and IT was full so there ya go.  He immediately loved it and suddenly he had a plan of what he wanted to do.  Now he has a job in engineering and will graduate in December. 

Mine was on a somewhat academically advanced path when I realized that the go-go-push-push lifestyle was giving him anxiety. I backed waaaaay off. He's much happier and relaxed now, even if he isn't "living up to his potential". 🙄