Carrie12345 Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 5 minutes ago, Eos said: Reading back through this thread, I will add that although we have only two hard rules, we consider ourselves "strict." What does that mean without rules? I think it's about manners, thinking through how my behavior affects others and choosing the most respectful path. Strict for us has also meant low-level consumerism, but mostly it's about attitude. Speaking and acting respectfully and participating in keeping the household running. So somehow we were strict but not rule-bound. It's possible I'm using a word that others associate with voluminous rules. "What the eye doesn't see the heart doesn't yearn for" is an expression I used and thought about a lot when the kids were young. So instead of having to have rules about clothes or technology, we just didn't have some of the things that some families argued about and my kids didn't yearn for them because they weren't in school to see or hear about them. To me, that solidifies the whole “many paths to the same destination” principle. Attitudes run HIGH in my house, and that absolutely includes mine and dh’s. There’s definitely a line, but it isn’t well defined, and we all cross it from time to time, and we all get called out on it and have the chance to remedy it. But lots of arguing, talking back, complaining, and what have you. Flies on our walls would probably have a field day! And yet we get so many compliments on those little demons outside of the house. I will admit to one drawback, though. When they have an Outside Conflict, my grown kids often bottle it up and just rant at home. They’re still figuring out how to best advocate for themselves in non-familial scenarios. But they are still kind of young, so maybe that’s to be expected. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wendyroo Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 3 hours ago, Melissa in Australia said: We have routines, manners AND rules. we have one rule taped all over the kitchen door. It is do NOT touch matches or lighters. do NOT start fires. that was what the fire prevention officer sent me to tape up after twin 1 lit multiple fires under his bed. We have other rules like not allowed in anyone else's bedroom - that is to reduce the chance of theft and deliberate breaking of personal stuff. Wash hands as soon as coming inside , and before eating is also a rule. Shoes off before coming inside. these are all rules we have manners and charts on the wall that if twins comply they get positive reinforcers. these include saying please and thank you , putting clothes in the laundry basket and putting snack plate in the dishwasher, brushing teeth . we have routines, like as soon as you finish eating tea you go have a shower , brush your teeth and go to bed with audiobook. Our whole day is a very long closely followed routine really we have chores we all do them at chore time. I have chores , pick veggies for tea and bring in laundry, DH has chores feed dogs and shut up shed. twins have chores, collect sticks from under the gum tree for kindling and get 5 pieces of fire wood each so I can cook tea, take scrap dish to chooks. This. 100% this. Our house is conducted as much like adult society as possible so it is a realistic training ground for my non-neurotypical kids that need a LOT of training. When we had to implement the psychologist-designed safety plan at 6 this morning, and lock Elliot in his plywood-reinforced bedroom, it certainly felt to him like an arbitrary punishment leveled against him unfairly by "The Man" simply because we are bigger and stronger. Yet his behavior this morning easily qualifies as assault and battery with a weapon...so, I guess, get used to it kid, because society is just never going to accept your right to attack people with scissors just because they won't let you borrow their books. Everything from the Constitution down to the neighborhood ordinances are rules I have to live by, rules that will invoke consequences if I choose to break them. If I stop to think about it, I can become overwhelmed by the vast numbers of rules I am beholden to...many that realistically, even as a literate, well-informed citizen, I don't even know or understand. So I feel no guilt imposing reasonable rules/norms/routines/obligations on my kids. For my particular kids, doing otherwise would leave them woefully unprepared for adulthood in this heavily regulated society. They simply have to get used to following the rules of their society (which, at this point, is their family) or living with the consequences that "The Man" (at this point, their parents) will impose upon them. 6 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AurieD Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 We have rules, chores, and weekly pocket money. But If you ask my kids we probably have no rules as they are never really stated. We have no rule about where to eat but when they have food I ask them to go eat at the table or take it outside. We have no specific bedtime but we have a routine that has the kids in bed at around the same time each night, and it’s not an option for them to just say no I’m not doing that tonight. We have fairly strict screen time limits, they can’t just go and watch tv when they want. For chores they are required to clean up their areas (bedroom, craft, toys) on Saturday morning so my husband can vacuum. As they get older we will probably ask them to help out with things sometimes, but I can’t see us adding any more assigned chores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) I agree it might sound funny if someone says there are no rules if you don't see they might be implying broad principles. I also will add that though I didn't specify much for rules as they grew we had more rules when they were toddlers pres-schoolers. I just have much older kids and it is expected they will follow the law and be kind to others. They have found that life is better when you are kind. I have instituted temporary rules when they were younger to train them to good habits. Now they know they have to do that for themselves at times whether it be goals or rules or whatever. They have heard us complain enough of people driving fast through subdivisions where kids play etc to know we think those pretty not intelligent or thoughtful of others and for some reason my 15- 22 year olds really care what we think. I'm blessed that way. I think everyone has to do things differently because they have different kids and different lifestyles and you have to do what works for you. If you see a problem be it relationship strains or worries about being ready for adulthood then it is time to reanalyze. Edited February 14, 2022 by frogger 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted February 13, 2022 Share Posted February 13, 2022 (edited) 16 hours ago, Ausmumof3 said: Totally off topic but does that mean you cook on a wood stove? Yes. Slow combustion stove. Wood stove Edited February 14, 2022 by Melissa in Australia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drama Llama Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) ... Edited February 14, 2022 by Baseballandhockey 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 (edited) 2 hours Edited February 14, 2022 by frogger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 14, 2022 Share Posted February 14, 2022 On 2/11/2022 at 3:52 AM, Melissa in Australia said: we have rules. heaps of chores and no pocket money. We have few rules and few chores and no pocket money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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