Bipolar question

[WildflowerMom]

Is it possible to be genuinely happy without being in the manic or hypo manic phase?   I’m not talking about hyper happy or rah rah happy, just pleasant.  

[Terabith]

Yes.  

[Terabith]

1 hour ago, WildflowerMom said:

Is it possible to be genuinely happy without being in the manic or hypo manic phase?   I’m not talking about hyper happy or rah rah happy, just pleasant.  

Have you read An Unquiet Mind, by Kay Redfield Jamison?  I highly recommend it for an in depth account of what it's like living with bipolar disorder (by a highly educated psychologist who is herself bipolar).

Edited October 4, 2021 by Terabith

[WildflowerMom]

33 minutes ago, Terabith said:

Have you read An Unquiet Mind, by Kay Redfield Jamison?  I highly recommend it for an in depth account of what it's like living with bipolar disorder (by a highly educated psychologist who is herself bipolar).

Thank you!  I’ll look on Amazon now. 

[Faith-manor]

Oh yes. Very much so. Mania is way way beyond happy, feeling joy, experiencing contentedness. It is on an exponentially extreme level, outside the bounds of the wide bell curve of normal.

[WildflowerMom]

Ok, thanks y’all.  I got that book ordered.   I really just not know what to think, tbh.  I’m at my wit’s end.  Sigh.
(This is dealing with ds) 

[Terabith]

1 minute ago, WildflowerMom said:

Ok, thanks y’all.  I got that book ordered.   I really just not know what to think, tbh.  I’m at my wit’s end.  Sigh.
(This is dealing with ds) 

He hasn't been diagnosed long, has he?  It can take a long while to get meds right.  And the worries about "is this happiness or is this mania/ hypomania?" take longer to dissipate.  

Edited October 4, 2021 by Terabith

[WildflowerMom]

Just now, Terabith said:

He hasn't been diagnosed long, has he?  It can take a long while to get meds right.  

No, not long.  He goes back for the third time to this new psych next week.   I just don’t think these meds or at least this combo is doing much.   He seems to be doing well as far as no real mania symptoms but can’t get out of this funk, or at least it seems that way to me.   Maybe he is different around friends as opposed to family. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Idk.   He would rather be anywhere else than with us, unless of course, we are doing something for him.  I won’t label it selfishness, but I would if he were nt (or maybe there’s another term for it).  I swear I think there’s more going on, maybe a missed ASD diagnosis or something.   Idk.  I had/have a lot of this crap, too.   I want him to be well in a way that I wasn’t sometimes, ykwim?   I don’t want to describe it too much because people will think I’m just complaining about him and I’m really not.  I just want a fix.  

[Spryte]

My loved one needed many adjustments to her meds, but when we found the sweet spot it was obvious. I think it took a good 8 months, with two in patient stays and several psych visits under her belt. 
 

I hope you all get there soon. 

[Terabith]

Yeah, treating bipolar depression is a lot harder than treating/ preventing manias.  I'm sorry.  

[WildflowerMom]

I just have to keep reminding myself 'he's bipolar, he's bipolar' so I don't lose my mind.    And at what point do you say, 'you know, you're not helpless.  You can get some things done on your own.'?   At what point as a parent do you say, 'you've got to figure some things out for yourself?'   I have ptsd from him.   I see a new psych in 2 weeks.   But I just want to walk away and disappear, ykwim?   He doesn't even live at home, he lives with roommates, and I'm still losing my mind with him. 

[Terabith]

25 minutes ago, WildflowerMom said:

I just have to keep reminding myself 'he's bipolar, he's bipolar' so I don't lose my mind.    And at what point do you say, 'you know, you're not helpless.  You can get some things done on your own.'?   At what point as a parent do you say, 'you've got to figure some things out for yourself?'   I have ptsd from him.   I see a new psych in 2 weeks.   But I just want to walk away and disappear, ykwim?   He doesn't even live at home, he lives with roommates, and I'm still losing my mind with him. 

Even when someone is ill, they are still responsible for themselves and their actions.  They are still responsible for doing the things they need to do, like taking their meds and attending appointments.  Being bipolar doesn't mean they are a child or incompetent, and giving them a pass for being a jerk or not doing appropriate things to care for themselves and their responsibilities is not, in the end, kind.  I mean, there are exceptions.  Someone who is delusional or psychotic is not responsible, and it is appropriate to provide some the level of assistance that you are willing to when they are depressed.  But it's not a "get out of jail free" card.  He absolutely CAN and SHOULD get things done on his own!  I'm not minimizing how difficult it is.  Trust me; I know how hard it can be, both as someone with mental illness (bipolar and PTSD are actually my diagnosis of record, although my counselor and shrink are questioning if major depression and anxiety are more accurate) and also as someone who is mom to two kids with mental illness.  And if he's truly incapable, then it might be time to consider hospitalization.  But being ill is not being a child.  

I'm here for you if you want to talk in more detail, either on the thread or if you want to pm me.  Hugs.  It does sound like it's appropriate for you to take some steps back.  

Edited October 4, 2021 by Terabith

[Miguelsmom]

Yes you can be happy. You can also be a jerk when manic or in a mixed episode. It can take a very long time to find medication that works for him. I'm bipolar+ other things and my husband is bipolar. Feel free to pm me. 

[WildflowerMom]

Thanks y'all.   Yes, I may PM when I get a chance.  💛💛💛

[KidsHappen]

Yes, it is possible but it is not easy. The first thing you have to do is find the right cocktail of medications (which in my case took years) and then take them consistently. If the current cocktail is not working press your doctor to try something else. If your doctor is not willing to work with you, find a new doctor. Sometimes it takes a while to find a doctor that is a good fit.

It is much easier to manage the mania than the depression and it is hard to manage anything else if you are still depressed and there are not a lot of options for anti-depressants for bipolar people. Things that help regular people with depression might not necessarily work for a bipolar person (exercise and sunlight for instance) but other things that might not matter much to regular people make a huge difference to bipolar people - like sleep. It is critically important to get enough sleep and difficult to do for a young adult especially living with other young adults.

You have to put systems in place to manage your life without too much thought or effort. And sometimes you need to find ways to distract yourself from difficulties until you are more up to managing them. I  recommend reading, or binge watching a show but not gaming. Some sort of support group is helpful as well. All of this took me years but things have come a long way since I was dxed. You can expect him to make quicker progress but it will still take some time for adjustment.

[Melissa Louise]

1 hour ago, WildflowerMom said:

I just have to keep reminding myself 'he's bipolar, he's bipolar' so I don't lose my mind.    And at what point do you say, 'you know, you're not helpless.  You can get some things done on your own.'?   At what point as a parent do you say, 'you've got to figure some things out for yourself?'   I have ptsd from him.   I see a new psych in 2 weeks.   But I just want to walk away and disappear, ykwim?   He doesn't even live at home, he lives with roommates, and I'm still losing my mind with him. 

I'm glad you have a psych appt coming up. It's really, really hard to deal with young adult + diagnosis and extra hard to know how to remain both connected and also to step back, in order to preserve your own wellbeing. 

Big hugs. 

[WildflowerMom]

1 minute ago, Melissa Louise said:

I'm glad you have a psych appt coming up. It's really, really hard to deal with young adult + diagnosis and extra hard to know how to remain both connected and also to step back, in order to preserve your own wellbeing. 

Big hugs. 

Thank you.   Yes, it's like constantly walking on eggshells, like I do everything for him that I can possibly do to make his life less difficult, but at some point I'm going to break.  And that point is coming fast.   But then if I step back and something happens, I'll never get over that, ykwim? 

[Melissa Louise]

Just now, WildflowerMom said:

Thank you.   Yes, it's like constantly walking on eggshells, like I do everything for him that I can possibly do to make his life less difficult, but at some point I'm going to break.  And that point is coming fast.   But then if I step back and something happens, I'll never get over that, ykwim? 

I totally get it. 

It helped me to understand I was less in control of the outcomes than I thought I was. I can't actually stop dd killing herself, for example, during times her depression returns. Even if I anxiously try to manage the risk. In some ways it's a relief to know you can't make or break a bad outcome. That's a lot of pressure to carry around. 

The illusion that we, single handedly, as moms, can stop our children's mental illness in it's tracks by setting ourselves on fire for them, is immensely damaging. Both to us, but also, I think, to the adult relationship with our child. 

[KSera]

1 hour ago, WildflowerMom said:

Thank you.   Yes, it's like constantly walking on eggshells, like I do everything for him that I can possibly do to make his life less difficult, but at some point I'm going to break.  And that point is coming fast.   But then if I step back and something happens, I'll never get over that, ykwim? 

I totally get this. I'm not super knowledgable about the med options for bipolar, but I wondered if mirtazapine plus mood stabilizer had been tried? Mirtazapine often works for depression when other things fail (this was the experience of the person I walk on eggshells for), and I see that given with a mood stabilizer, it hasn't been shown to increase mania. It also helps a lot with sleep, if that's an issue.

[WildflowerMom]

2 minutes ago, KSera said:

I totally get this. I'm not super knowledgable about the med options for bipolar, but I wondered if mirtazapine plus mood stabilizer had been tried? Mirtazapine often works for depression when other things fail (this was the experience of the person I walk on eggshells for), and I see that given with a mood stabilizer, it hasn't been shown to increase mania. It also helps a lot with sleep, if that's an issue.

I'll definitely look into it. Thank you!   I'm curious to see what his psych suggests.   I've heard mixed reviews about the things he's taking now. 

[Spryte]

4 hours ago, KSera said:

I totally get this. I'm not super knowledgable about the med options for bipolar, but I wondered if mirtazapine plus mood stabilizer had been tried? Mirtazapine often works for depression when other things fail (this was the experience of the person I walk on eggshells for), and I see that given with a mood stabilizer, it hasn't been shown to increase mania. It also helps a lot with sleep, if that's an issue.

Mirtazapine was the final component to my loved one’s cocktail, and once they upped the dose we hit the sweet spot. Mood stabilizer, anti-anxiety med, mirtazapine at night, anti-depressant and anti-anxiety meds in the am. And adequate sleep. Mirtazapine was the final addition, and helped a lot - it’s good for anxiety, depression and sleep here.