How do you fit in life?

[choirfarm]

Honestly, how do you homeschool on a consistent basis and still get life done? I would LOVE to be home from 8am - 3 and feel like I need to do that. We have co-op on Wednesday morning ( 9 times in fall, 9 times in spring) and the boys have piano lessons on Wednesday afternoons. My daughter has violin on Thursday afternoons. The boys did flag football which only took Saturdays. My daughter did soccer this fall and probably will again this spring which practices on Tues/Thurs evenings with games on Saturday. Dh really wants them to be involved in the community. Then I have my invalid father. I try to take him to Walmart, get his hair cut, etc on Wednesday afternoons while the boys are at piano. But today he needs his regular check-up and a chest x-ray before I take him to the pulminologist in a couple of weeks. My car needs to have its oil changed. My dh will come up with things I HAVE to do like yesterday he needed a very important letter mailed that I had to take to the post office, get mailed and do it to get proof it was delivered. Our local tax office is only open from 8-12, so if I want to get car tags or such it has to be during those hours. I had to get one of our cars inspected a week or two ago. My daughter got strep last week. My dad got a bladder infection (we think) on Monday so since he already had an appointment for today, they just let me get a sample from him and I picked up the antibiotics and didn't have to take him in, but still...once again I'm going to town (We live out in the country.) Sigh.. Many times I just leave the boys at home doing their schoolwork (almost 14 and 12) so it is better but still they don't work as well when I'm not there. It is just so hard to go over Biology, double check Algebra, crack the whip because the 12yo "forgot" to do whatever even though he has a checklist, sit and teach my daughter to read...oh, yes. BTW from my I hate reading thread. I went in and she got glasses and has some kind of a tracking problem or something. I have to schedule 2 days of an hour and a half each to get her detailed testing. Then we will talk about vision therapy. I'm not sure how often that will be, but he said it will be more intense and at the office, not on the computer like my son's was. Sigh... Even if they were in school, it would take me several days each week to get all my responsiblilties done while they were there..

 

Christine

[Peela]

It can be hard to fit it all in, for sure. At least your older kids can work somewhat independently- mine do too, but I know what you mean about them not working so well when you are not around.

 

I know a mum who simply has her daughters take their work everywhere. When one child has a music lesson, the other is sitting outside doing her Saxon maths or whatever. Hardly ideal, but it's their solution to the issue.

 

Other than that, you can only do what you can do. I am pretty defensive of our time at home- I often don't even answer the phone.

[choirfarm]

It is sleeting here and his wheelchair ramp was covered, so I canceled his appointment and rescheduled it for next week, and piano may get cancelled. We'll see. Hooray. But how do you fit in life. Dh forgot his wallet, but with the sleet he is just going to chance life without it rather than having me bring it to him.

 

Anyone have any great suggestions?

[Lizzie in Ma]

Because I can never manage to say what is in my heart to my satisfaction. But here goes for whatever it is worth. :)

 

Like Peela I am very protective of my time at home but so many times and more often than not lately our school days get broken up into chunks of usable teaching time and time that they will have to work independently.

 

I think it has helped that from very early on I set the tone for what we do as part and parcel of our everyday lives. I was determined that school would not be a separate part of our lives but part of it's fabric.

 

I really hate "down time" on a school day so the car became a place for the fun stuff. The Geography songs they memorized, the Latin chants and vocabulary, Diana Waring's lectures and SOTW audio. We all learned together and had fun doing it. My 7th grader will still listen, laugh and sing with the Skip Count Kids Bible Heroes cd. Now we even have a laptop that was given to us that we can use in the car for writing, research, our BJU Life Science and assigned viewing on Netflix instant play (if we can pick up wifi where we go).

 

We have tote bags that are pack up and go and with all our Dr. and hospital visits of late, those bags get a lot of use. In go the books and snacks and water and we are a mobile school.

 

They know if they are stuck and I am unavailable to move to something else until I can help. They know if it is not done to my satisfaction and with the best of their ability they will have to do it again.

 

While my older has sewing lessons my second grader and I go to the library down the road and work together. While my older one has writing class, we babysit the baby of the Mom who gives the class and do second grade in the afternoon. When we take on the 3 youngest of a friend who is in the hospital, I let the 2nd grader play host to them and we catch up on a Saturday. Even on the worst of days, reading aloud from whatever they are supposed to be doing keeps us learning and together.

 

It is rarely "picture perfect" and Lord knows it can be frustrating but when school is part of life, it is easier for me to take bumps in the road in stride. I think it is good for our kids to realize that learning isn't something we do from 8-3 or 9-4 but part of life all day every day. Like laundry. :)

 

I hope you find a balance that works for you and yours and I wish you joy on your journey.

[Ellie]

We had one day a week for errands, and I kept that day dedicated for errands as much as possible. If I had to do an errand on another day, then it was done in the afternoon, when we were finished.

 

I would not have done a co-op, specifically because I thought it was better for us to be home (or on a field trip or whatever, as a family).

 

My dds did 4H, Camp Fire, Scottish Highland dance, marching band, and soccer once or twice, but those activities were in the late afternoons (scheduled around public school children, after all) and so did not interfere with our homeschooling activities.

[CookieMonster]

You have quite a bit of "Life" to fit in to your homeschoooling right now, as I see it.

 

A father with failing health who needs you 1-2 times weekly.

Co-op 1 entire morning per week

Piano 1 afternoon per week

Soccer 3 times per week

Violin 1 time per week

 

Your father alone is quite a responsiblity. Your Co-op is a big commitment. These are big commitments because you also have to deal with the dailiness of life: doctor's appointments, bills, housecleaning, cooking, grocery shopping.

 

Then you have piano, soccer, and violin added to the above very full schedule.

 

None of these things are bad things. All of them, I would say, are good things. But, I would think that it's not possible to do them all right now.

 

Yes, your husband wants your children involved in the community. But, there are times and seasons when those outside commitments need to be put aside. You have spread yourself too thin, methinks.

 

You do need 8-3 every day for academics, so what else can go? What is really a priority for your family? Stick to whatever one or two things develop that priority. Perhaps co-op needs to be put aside for a year. Perhaps someone else can look after your father. Perhaps sports and music should have a year of rest. Perhaps you also need to lighten the academic load for a time. Perhaps you can hire a maid. Perhaps your kids can carpool rides. (I can't tell you what exactly you should do, because I am not you.)

 

I'm all for fitting life into homeschooling. But, I think you would benefit from realizing that you have too much life to fit in with homeschooling right now (my opinion) and that you should take a step back and look at the big picture, and make some adjustments.

 

HTH

[Michelle in AL]

We homeschool and I have a FIL in assisted living I take care of too. One thing I do is insist my husband help with driving when he's home.

My kids do: guitar twice a week, choir/drama (we car pool this) and church on Wed & Sunday evenings.

I clean while my kids are doing school work. I explain what is needed and then do what I can around the house.

I've lowered my expectations. The house is clean, but far from immaculate.

Dr's appt's don't come more often than once a week around here. I figure the kids will be OK working on their own during those times. Yes, they may not do as well, but they do need to learn to work without me hovering over them.

[Remudamom]

We live first and fit school around life. Does that make sense? In the winter we've got long evenings to finish work.

 

After 16 years of homeschooling I've figured out that if you just keep plugging away, things get finished. Children get older and more responsible. Life gets enjoyed.

[Kari C in SC]

I don't have any advice, but I sure do understand you. My mom and sister don't drive. My mom never did. My sister was just diagnosed with a brain lesion - so she can't drive anymore. I understand having to be a caregiver. I helped with my dad before he died as well. My dh also calls and has something that has to be done right away at least once a week. I wish I had an answer. I am just doing the best I can. Some things get done right on time and others don't. I don't know when I will get it together. Maybe when I "retire".

[choirfarm]

The problem with dropping co-op is this: this is where the science labs get done. My oldest is doing Biology labs there now. Next year he would do Chemistry and my middle one would do the General Science labs. I cannot do them here. I am experiment challenged.. they never work..don't have time or energy to even figure them out. They are like a foreign language. Give me a poem to analyze any day! Dh is a surgeon and bless his heart says he will go over it with my oldest, but it is hard for him to find the time. The co-op will start with lesson 9 in January. ( they have already done the labs up through 8 there) My son has finished the reading but still needs to go over and take the tests with dad for chapters 7 and 8. They went over 6 last night at 9pm when he got home because I have been waiting several days to have him do that test.

 

As far as schooling in the car. I did that when the kids were younger and lots of relatives were ill and in the hospital, but how do you take Alg/Biology,TOG reading and questions with you. It is a lot harder than when they were in elementary.

[choirfarm]

Grin.. I've already given up some stuff after talking to my husband: daughter's dance class was on Thursday, I said no to basketball though everyone wanted to play. I also direct a children's choir on Sundays and will drop that at the end of the semester. I really can't carpool because we live out on 50 acres (mowing and taking care of that will start again soon). Hiring a maid sounds heavenly. Someone said to have dh drive to some of these. Won't work... he leaves at 5 or 6 am and has to work one out of 5 weekends as well as being on call various times. He generally gets home at 7 or later every night.

You have quite a bit of "Life" to fit in to your homeschoooling right now, as I see it.

 

A father with failing health who needs you 1-2 times weekly.

Co-op 1 entire morning per week

Piano 1 afternoon per week

Soccer 3 times per week

Violin 1 time per week

 

Your father alone is quite a responsiblity. Your Co-op is a big commitment. These are big commitments because you also have to deal with the dailiness of life: doctor's appointments, bills, housecleaning, cooking, grocery shopping.

 

Then you have piano, soccer, and violin added to the above very full schedule.

 

None of these things are bad things. All of them, I would say, are good things. But, I would think that it's not possible to do them all right now.

 

Yes, your husband wants your children involved in the community. But, there are times and seasons when those outside commitments need to be put aside. You have spread yourself too thin, methinks.

 

You do need 8-3 every day for academics, so what else can go? What is really a priority for your family? Stick to whatever one or two things develop that priority. Perhaps co-op needs to be put aside for a year. Perhaps someone else can look after your father. Perhaps sports and music should have a year of rest. Perhaps you also need to lighten the academic load for a time. Perhaps you can hire a maid. Perhaps your kids can carpool rides. (I can't tell you what exactly you should do, because I am not you.)

 

I'm all for fitting life into homeschooling. But, I think you would benefit from realizing that you have too much life to fit in with homeschooling right now (my opinion) and that you should take a step back and look at the big picture, and make some adjustments.

 

HTH

[Melanie]

If it were me, I would drop sports and school year round. I'd also require some school on the weekends. In fact, that's exactly what I did. ;) Schooling year round, six days a week has relieved so much pressure. We have taken many days (and weeks!) off because of "life" and still my children are past the halfway point in all their books.

 

My kids also make use of trips into town for their activities (dance and drama -both time consuming and nearly daily - and piano) to complete their reading. They each have a book light for when it is dark. Sometimes we listen to an audio book.

 

My husband is out of town right now, so I have to do all the errands. I like to do everything in one trip, so I'm gone for a few hours once a week or so. They are able to stay home and do math unsupervised, but sometimes I have a documentary handy for them to watch instead. That's a fun way to break things up, especially if it's a cool topic like the Barbarians. ;)

 

Anyway, I highly recommend the schooling year round. It really cuts down on the amount of school that you absolutely MUST do every day.

[Happy]

Investigate doing some things online...renewing car registration, for example. Our county does that online these days saving me lots of time and aggravation. You can also do a lot with the postal system online. Anytime I don't have to leave my place of 'work' I'm better off.

 

*I* also don't do things like car inspections or oil changes. In our division of labor, that's dh's job. Mine travels extensively and still manages to get it done, so I'm willing to wager your dh can too.

 

Your JOB is to be a homeschool mom and wife. Your second job, at this season of life, is to be a loving daughter to your father. After all that comes extra curricular activities, household stuff, and church/community responsibilities.

 

If your schedule is shoving you around, SHOVE back. ;)

[hornblower]

I think it sometimes helps to think of yourself as having a full time job in an office. Would you still be doing all the extra stuff for various people (bank visits, renewing insurance etc) if you had a ft job in an office? Or would you be sharing those tasks with your dh? When dh & I both worked full time, we still managed to get all these things arranged - at lunch times, on the phone, online etc. Just because you're home and it's 'easier' doesn't mean you need to do it.

 

I think you need to 'guard' your homeschooling time. I guard it (and my writing time) with a bit of a fierceness. It's too easy for everyone to infringe on it because you're there, you pick up the phone, and hey, you could do that!

 

Um, NO. I'm busy. It might look like I'm doing nothing, just sitting around at home, but I'm working.

 

What helped me was to make certain times of day 'booked'. Because I don't do schedule switches very well, for me it helps to have it always be the same time of day. So MY mornings are for writing. When the kids get up, it's homeschool time. Then it's quick chores. And after all that, THEN, it's field trips, classes, errands, whatever. We do not go out before 1230 and I do not answer the phone in the mornings & I'm not available for errands, appointments or anything else. I can look at the calendar and those hours are already filled. Ooops, sorry, can't. Already have something at that time.

 

If you carve out hours like this and are serious about honoring those hours, it works well.

 

The other thing is that there's nothing which says you can't do your learning between 8 and 10 PM. Or on weekends. Maybe for you, it would work better to have a Sunday/Monday 'off' and Mon could be the medical appointment day etc and you homeschool through Sat.

 

Bottom line is: decide on your priorities; don't be everyone's gofer; plan your days and weeks in advance; make other people fit in around YOUR priorities for you, your children and your dh.

 

Don't be reactive- be proactive about organizing your life. We used to do a demo when I ran a breastfeeding support group. It's called the rocks.

 

You take a bucket and pour in sand, pebbles and several big rocks. The big rocks end up sticking out or not fitting in.

 

If you put in the big rocks first, then the pebbles and then the sand, things fit in. The moral is to figure out what your 'big rocks' are. Is it breastfeeding the baby? Homeschooling the child? Take care of the big, important things first.

[choirfarm]

It is really hard for him to carve time off to do things like that. He is a surgeon and so seeing people in clinic, operating, etc. He can't say, I have to leave at 3 for such and such.. Many times his last patient is scheduled at 4:30 but he is still seeing people until 5:30 or he had to send someone to the hospital and has to go check on them. I love my dh dearly and he is a great guy and husband, but I cannot count on him to do anything at any set time.

[Parrothead]

Hire it out. I'm sure you can find an agency or individual that will take care of your chores for you. Maybe a retired person with a bit of time each week. Wouldn't it be worth $40.00 a trip for someone to take your dad to appointments? Or the same amount to get your vehicle registration taken care of?

 

Hire someone to take care of business for you once or twice a week between X to X time. All appointments must be scheduled when your personal assistant can take care of them. If you don't feel comfortable letting someone else take your dad to the doctor, then you take him while your assistant frees up the rest of your time. With help you won't feel so pressured by taking the time to take care of your dad.

[WTMindy]

I selfishly, carefully, and dilligently guard our days at home. My friends know not to ask me to do anything (like watch their kids, etc...) Now, I will say that I don't have parents who need care yet, but I would be very clear that in the mornings you do NOT go out for any reason. Tell your fil that all doctors appointments need to be scheduled after 2:00(or whenever). If there is some emergency, I'd grab the math books, stick everyone in the car and go, but that would be a last result. Life does happen, and you have to respond, but I do think that it is helpful if you are feeling like things are out of control to make some hard fast rules for yourself. Maybe co-op needs to go. (Maybe it doesn't, but it is OK to revisist all those decisions) For us, it is because we have co-op two days a week that I am SUCH a stickler about our other days. And, I'm mean. Unless someone is throwing up or has a high fever, we plug along with school. A couple weeks ago we all felt horrible, but I forced us to continue.

[Tabrett]

On the flip-side, try to imaging working full time and having to do all your errands, dealing with mounds of homework, your dc's extra activities and taking care of you father after work. :confused:

[Danestress]

I'm in the midst of it too, and we lose a certain amount of school time doing things for my parents, because they sincerely need me and they love me and I feel that's a responsibility that belongs to me. My children are also involved in sports and in serious music study that I am not willing to give up, and so life can be busy and complicated.

 

The best days are the ones when I wake up in the morning and sincerely ask God, "What can I do for you today?" Our days are numbered, and most of us don't know what we have left, so it helps to think that I am relying on his direction, day by day.

 

Since you asked what we do, I meditate on this: He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice

 

I try not to listen to the voices of guilty and condemnation that tell me that I am not doing enough, that if I didn't visit my father that day but caught up on Latin, that I am a bad daughter, that if I did visit my father, I am ruining my children by missing a math lesson, that if I got both done but didn't fix my hair, I am a bad wife etc. That's not the voice of the Lord. It's a stranger's voice. I just try to daily hear his voice and follow, but I am NOT very good at it.