If your child sleeps poorly

[klmama]

Just a PSA. 

If your child sleeps poorly, despite getting enough exercise and having good sleep hygiene, the bed or something in the bedroom might be part of the problem.  Don't just ask your dc about it -- kids may not recognize the problem, even if they are teens.  You need to actually go in at bedtime and lie down on the bed with lights out, so you can experience what they do. 

Does the bed frame squeak?   Is the mattress too hard?  Too soft?  Is the mattress level?  Are there "ruts" in the mattress that prevent you from rolling over or sleeping anywhere else except right in the middle of them?  Does the mattress have an odor? 

Get under the covers to check out the bedding.  Are the bed coverings warm enough?  Are there extra blankets available?  Is the covering too heavy for comfort?  Are the sheets smooth and soft?  How does the pillow feel?  

Is there any light coming in from the window at night?  

Does anything electronic in the room produce a buzzing sound or a light that could disrupt sleep?  Lamp? Computer?  Alarm clock?  Night light?

Are there other sounds in the house or outside that might disrupt sleep?  Do you have a water softener that runs through its cycle during the night?  How loud is the furnace/air conditioning in your dc's room?  Can you hear the dehumidifier?  The TV?  Household appliances? The neighbor's dog?   The door opening to let your own dog outside?  The garage door?  

Happy sleuthing!

[4atHome]

Or they may have a med condition like hyperthyroidism or blood sugar issues.

[prairiewindmomma]

Or apnea. Overly generous tonsils can cause apnea, even in children.

[Katy]

Or they could have a sibling that wakes them up and tries to goad them into getting into trouble all night long.

[WoolC]

Deleted for privacy

Edited January 27, 2021 by WoolC

[mommyoffive]

3 hours ago, klmama said:

Just a PSA. 

If your child sleeps poorly, despite getting enough exercise and having good sleep hygiene, the bed or something in the bedroom might be part of the problem.  Don't just ask your dc about it -- kids may not recognize the problem, even if they are teens.  You need to actually go in at bedtime and lie down on the bed with lights out, so you can experience what they do. 

Does the bed frame squeak?   Is the mattress too hard?  Too soft?  Is the mattress level?  Are there "ruts" in the mattress that prevent you from rolling over or sleeping anywhere else except right in the middle of them?  Does the mattress have an odor? 

Get under the covers to check out the bedding.  Are the bed coverings warm enough?  Are there extra blankets available?  Is the covering too heavy for comfort?  Are the sheets smooth and soft?  How does the pillow feel?  

Is there any light coming in from the window at night?  

Does anything electronic in the room produce a buzzing sound or a light that could disrupt sleep?  Lamp? Computer?  Alarm clock?  Night light?

Are there other sounds in the house or outside that might disrupt sleep?  Do you have a water softener that runs through its cycle during the night?  How loud is the furnace/air conditioning in your dc's room?  Can you hear the dehumidifier?  The TV?  Household appliances? The neighbor's dog?   The door opening to let your own dog outside?  The garage door?  

Happy sleuthing!

 

We have that and we are all suffering now.  The neighbors let their 2 huskies out at 4:30 or 5 am and they bark insanely loud for hours.  Any solutions?  We have 4 sound machines running and it still wakes everyone up.  Oh and they bark all day too.   Honestly it is ruining my day, everyday.  

[klmama]

1 hour ago, mommyoffive said:

 

We have that and we are all suffering now.  The neighbors let their 2 huskies out at 4:30 or 5 am and they bark insanely loud for hours.  Any solutions?  We have 4 sound machines running and it still wakes everyone up.  Oh and they bark all day too.   Honestly it is ruining my day, everyday.  

Have you gone over to talk with the neighbors?  They may not realize how their pets are affecting you.  

[mommyoffive]

1 minute ago, klmama said:

Have you gone over to talk with the neighbors?  They may not realize how their pets are affecting you.  

When it first started happening, I wanted to.  But we have had a lot of bad interactions with our neighbors, when we have talked to them about issues.  So honestly we just didn't see it going well.  And sorry, but you would have to be nuts to know know how your insane barking dogs for over an hour at 4:30 in the morning  are effecting your neighbors when we all live in small plots of land .  Sorry, I am really in a bad mood about this today. 

[klmama]

Do you live within city limits?  There's probably a noise ordinance.  You could call the non-emergency number for the police department and ask about it.

 

[itsheresomewhere]

42 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

When it first started happening, I wanted to.  But we have had a lot of bad interactions with our neighbors, when we have talked to them about issues.  So honestly we just didn't see it going well.  And sorry, but you would have to be nuts to know know how your insane barking dogs for over an hour at 4:30 in the morning  are effecting your neighbors when we all live in small plots of land .  Sorry, I am really in a bad mood about this today. 

My neighbor removes his hearing aids at night and has no idea his dog barks anytime he is out at night.  That was stopped to a point when a very angry lady marched over there one afternoon and went off on him.  Probably not the best way to handle it but it was very effective. Now we only have to deal with the barking during the day...

[mommyoffive]

34 minutes ago, itsheresomewhere said:

My neighbor removes his hearing aids at night and has no idea his dog barks anytime he is out at night.  That was stopped to a point when a very angry lady marched over there one afternoon and went off on him.  Probably not the best way to handle it but it was very effective. Now we only have to deal with the barking during the day...

I know this isn't what is happening.  There is one older lady living in the house, but there are 3 younger people that I have talked to over the years that live there too.  Honestly I don't know what is going on.  They used to be really good neighbors, I would have never expected this from them. 

[J-rap]

Those are great suggestions.  Another thing it could be is a hyper-sensitive personality type.  I didn't understand this well when my kids were young, but now that they are adults, I finally understand why especially one of them never slept well.  He is so ultra sensitive -- both sensory-wise, physically, and emotionally, that the tiniest thing would keep him tossing and turning.  I so wish I knew about highly sensitive personalities when my kids were growing up.  

[Farrar]

Just three sessions of sleep therapy helped us immensely. And we saw a doctor to rule out medical causes. I regretted that I waited years to do this. It was so useful. I'm sure all the sleuthing can help, but the therapy was the solution for us. It was the best, most effective therapy I've ever seen in action.

[Drama Llama]

1 minute ago, Farrar said:

Just three sessions of sleep therapy helped us immensely. And we saw a doctor to rule out medical causes. I regretted that I waited years to do this. It was so useful. I'm sure all the sleuthing can help, but the therapy was the solution for us. It was the best, most effective therapy I've ever seen in action.

What did they do in sleep therapy?

Sleep is an enormous issue for me.

[klmama]

2 minutes ago, Farrar said:

Just three sessions of sleep therapy helped us immensely. And we saw a doctor to rule out medical causes. I regretted that I waited years to do this. It was so useful. I'm sure all the sleuthing can help, but the therapy was the solution for us. It was the best, most effective therapy I've ever seen in action.

I've never heard of it.  What did they do?

[lulalu]

3 hours ago, J-rap said:

Those are great suggestions.  Another thing it could be is a hyper-sensitive personality type.  I didn't understand this well when my kids were young, but now that they are adults, I finally understand why especially one of them never slept well.  He is so ultra sensitive -- both sensory-wise, physically, and emotionally, that the tiniest thing would keep him tossing and turning.  I so wish I knew about highly sensitive personalities when my kids were growing up.  

Any resources? What would you do with your child differently than you did? 

I suspect this is my ds who is 8 yo. 

[Farrar]

31 minutes ago, klmama said:

I've never heard of it.  What did they do?

This sums it up pretty well:

https://www.sleepfoundation.org/insomnia/treatment/cognitive-behavioral-therapy-insomnia

For ds, who was around 12 or 13 at the time, the education piece was really important. He had a lot of incorrect assumptions about how sleep should work that were keeping him up. But there were a lot of specific changes the therapist urged him to implement and a lot of relaxation training. It really did turn out to be useful. A number of the things were things we had tried previously in isolation, but the context of doing it after a medical evaluation with a therapist who specialized in sleep issues was huge.

[J-rap]

13 hours ago, lulalu said:

Any resources? What would you do with your child differently than you did? 

I suspect this is my ds who is 8 yo. 

It's different answering this as a parent of an adult child.  But if I had an inkling of what was going on then, I would have read as much as I could about HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) to understand it better.  I would have made more of an effort to help him with sensory stuff:  working a lot harder to block out sounds, light, etc.  I would have helped him with mental exercises to help quiet his brain.  I would have helped him develop habits that would help him relax, like maybe a warm bath and soft music before bed.  (We were a busy household with five children so I didn't always pay attention to very individual and unique needs when my kiddos were young.)  And I would have talked to him a lot more about how his brain and body were interpreting things and reacting to things, so that he was aware of it himself instead of just being helplessly absorbed by it all.  I also think I would have spent more time just quietly sitting with him and walking with him, and helping him be comfortable in that.  

I definitely would have talked to him a lot more about his emotions, about how they were beautifully sensitive, but how they also might be causing him to interpret things incorrectly.  It didn't occur to me to push my children to share their private thoughts with me...  I always wanted to respect their privacy, even when they were very young. (I thought that was a GOOD thing!)  But I so, so wish I had pushed more, because I would have had a much better understanding of their makeup and how they processed the world around them.  I know that having that knowledge about themselves would have helped them a lot as they got older.  Plus, I'm sure we would have had some great conversations, and would have likely gotten us into the habit of sharing so much more with each other.  I try and do this now as a parent of adult children, but it's harder.

Oh, I also would have changed his diet.  He's discovered that his body is so sensitive to some foods ~ something we had no idea about when he was a child.  I knew he had stomach aches a lot, but I didn't realize that his diet needed changing.  (We ate healthy foods -- not junk foods, so it didn't occur to me that even "healthy" foods could be bothering him.)