Kid Bedrooms - Sharing & College & Quarantine & Whatnot

[historically accurate]

Firstly, we live in a 3 bedroom mobile home, so not spacious, no basement, no attic, although we do have a garage (no HVAC there so cannot use as living space). Secondly, all are girls. Thirdly, oldest is on the spectrum and middle has PTSD and some other mental health issues. Fourthly, each bedroom has 2 beds (one has 2 twin beds, one has a bed with trundle). Fifthly, middle and DH are both higher risk for COVID complications.

Our oldest is going 11 hours away to college next week, and our two youngers (age 15 & 13) have shared a bedroom for 13 years. We have decided to let youngest take over oldest's bedroom, but the question then becomes what to do with oldest when she returns in November. She will be coming back week before Thanksgiving, and she will have a week of online classes + finals online and will be here until second semester.

Option 1: we boot youngest back into the currently shared bedroom and give oldest her room back. Pros: best option for Quarantine purposes (oldest's school is a medium to high flame hotspot - Alabama) - they'd still share a bathroom. Easiest for oldest to get her NEEDED alone time. Cons: Bad for middle's mental health - she's slept on the couch for a year since she has had major sleep disruptions since the trauma.  Just seems wrong to let 15 & 13 year old have their own rooms only until kid not living here needs one of them. Possibly could get middle to sleep on the couch again, but we've been working to get her comfortable in a bedroom for 9 months and we are almost there - I'd hate to send that backward if we achieve that before November.

Option 2: Have oldest bunk with youngest. Pros: mentally best for 15 yo, 13 yo is very stoic and long-suffering (ie: she would not ever complain), gives oldest a comfortable bed. Cons: oldest is in her room about 23 hours a day normally (she does not hang out with us in living room, etc) so would probably keep 13 yo from having any private space, oldest goes to bed at 12-3 am, youngest is in bed by 9, and there would be no chance of quarantining.

Option 3: I actually hit on this one because my brother stayed with us a couple of days last week while his AC was out. We popped a mattress in our foyer - it worked fairly well. Have oldest take over our long & skinny foyer for her bedroom. There is a coat closet in there and some cabinets. I could clean those out for her before she returned home. We could roll the trundle in there. Pros: semi-private space (it does have a large arch into it, but we could hang a sheet), wouldn't disturb anyone overnight, somewhat less exposure for COVID quarantine. Cons: she is not an early riser and it's open to an open-concept living/kitchen/dining and middle is up by 7 am at latest, can't open front door without kicking mattress out of way (although we rarely get front-door visitors especially during COVID). 

DH is currently working from home several days a week in our walk in closet. If he is back in the office full-time at that time, she could use that area for schoolwork. If he's still at home, she'd have to take over a bedroom (mine?) during the day for schoolwork.  

What do you think? I really can't think of any other options. 

[almondbutterandjelly]

Can't things stay the way they are now?  I would think that oldest would feel like she has no place at home anymore if you give away her room.  Are you wanting her to leave as soon as possible?  No judgment, but those are my thoughts.

[historically accurate]

25 minutes ago, perkybunch said:

Can't things stay the way they are now?  I would think that oldest would feel like she has no place at home anymore if you give away her room.  Are you wanting her to leave as soon as possible?  No judgment, but those are my thoughts.

Is it "normal" to keep an empty room for a college student while having the other kids doubled up? Other than me, no one's ever gone to college in my family (DH did online after marriage), so I don't know what's usually done. I agree it sucks for my oldest, but we never even thought of keeping an empty room for her for 8ish months out of the year while the other two are sharing a 10x12 room. 

I don't know, until I grew up, I had lived in about 20 different places including rented rooms, apartments, RV parks, as well as big houses, so "home" was (still is to be honest) pretty transient for me. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong because of that lens?

[Selkie]

I would be hesitant to make any changes to the bedroom situation until you see how the semester goes for your college dd. I have a feeling that many colleges are going to have to shut down their dorms shortly after school starts.

[Pen]

Could you use garage as a private living space if you added a portable heater or ac unit?   Maybe even put a cabin tent inside the garage for more privacy and cleanliness and warmth if it is cold season? 

Normally I would say let youngest use oldest ‘s room while oldest is away, then let oldest resume her room when back.  But I think oldest would need a quarantine space and garage might be better to quarantine in and also to not have oldest’s schedule keep others up.

[wathe]

58 minutes ago, Selkie said:

I would be hesitant to make any changes to the bedroom situation until you see how the semester goes for your college dd. I have a feeling that many colleges are going to have to shut down their dorms shortly after school starts.

This.

It's probably prudent to leave things as they are.  Change is hard, and there has been more than enough change for everyone this year already.   Assuming the room sharing arrangement for the youngers currently satisfactory, I wouldn't move them.  You may end up needing older's room for quarantine sooner than you think. Maybe they can take occasional "overnight field-trips" in the empty room.

(I'm in a 4 bedroom house with 2 kids, aged 11 and 12.  They share a room.  They may take overnight field trips into the usually vacant guest room at will, but it is clear that they are using space that isn't "theirs" when they do this.  The arrangement is satisfactory to all.  The fourth bedroom functions as a home office.)

[carriede]

In my family, rooms didn't change until we launched after college.

[RootAnn]

I'd plan on Option 3 if all the girls agree. I'd get their input.

Also, know that your dd should be able to stay at college even if things shut down again.  (Mine goes to the same school your dd is heading to & stayed in the dorms when they went all online.) Mine will likely stay in the dorms until finals are done.)

We do keep an open room that is DD's though two of my others are doubled up, but her room is now also our guest room for FIL or other visitors. Her room has also become a quiet retreat for a couple of the other kids.

[mommyoffive]

I would do a combo of selfie and Margaret,  when college kid leaves on kid sleeps and uses the college kid's room.  But doesn't change it.  Or just easy changes that you could pack up again in a day. That way if college kid has to come home they can go back to the way it is now.

[maize]

12 hours ago, beckyjo said:

Is it "normal" to keep an empty room for a college student while having the other kids doubled up? Other than me, no one's ever gone to college in my family (DH did online after marriage), so I don't know what's usually done. I agree it sucks for my oldest, but we never even thought of keeping an empty room for her for 8ish months out of the year while the other two are sharing a 10x12 room. 

I don't know, until I grew up, I had lived in about 20 different places including rented rooms, apartments, RV parks, as well as big houses, so "home" was (still is to be honest) pretty transient for me. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong because of that lens?

I certainly didn't have my own room at home after leaving for college! In homes with fewer bedrooms than family members it doesn't make sense to keep one room set aside for someone who is rarely there.

I was fine bunking in whatever space could be made for me when I was home.

[vonfirmath]

12 hours ago, beckyjo said:

Is it "normal" to keep an empty room for a college student while having the other kids doubled up? Other than me, no one's ever gone to college in my family (DH did online after marriage), so I don't know what's usually done. I agree it sucks for my oldest, but we never even thought of keeping an empty room for her for 8ish months out of the year while the other two are sharing a 10x12 room. 

I don't know, until I grew up, I had lived in about 20 different places including rented rooms, apartments, RV parks, as well as big houses, so "home" was (still is to be honest) pretty transient for me. Maybe I'm looking at this wrong because of that lens?

I would do the foyer thing

It makes every sense in the world that you give your other girls their own room when she goes away to college, even if she will be back here and there because of the times.

My parents moved shortly after I went to college and they did not "keep a room for me" when I visited and I never cared. I knew I had a place to sleep and that is what mattered.

[KungFuPanda]

14 hours ago, beckyjo said:

Firstly, we live in a 3 bedroom mobile home, so not spacious, no basement, no attic, although we do have a garage (no HVAC there so cannot use as living space). Secondly, all are girls. Thirdly, oldest is on the spectrum and middle has PTSD and some other mental health issues. Fourthly, each bedroom has 2 beds (one has 2 twin beds, one has a bed with trundle). Fifthly, middle and DH are both higher risk for COVID complications.

Our oldest is going 11 hours away to college next week, and our two youngers (age 15 & 13) have shared a bedroom for 13 years. We have decided to let youngest take over oldest's bedroom, but the question then becomes what to do with oldest when she returns in November. She will be coming back week before Thanksgiving, and she will have a week of online classes + finals online and will be here until second semester.

Option 1: we boot youngest back into the currently shared bedroom and give oldest her room back. Pros: best option for Quarantine purposes (oldest's school is a medium to high flame hotspot - Alabama) - they'd still share a bathroom. Easiest for oldest to get her NEEDED alone time. Cons: Bad for middle's mental health - she's slept on the couch for a year since she has had major sleep disruptions since the trauma.  Just seems wrong to let 15 & 13 year old have their own rooms only until kid not living here needs one of them. Possibly could get middle to sleep on the couch again, but we've been working to get her comfortable in a bedroom for 9 months and we are almost there - I'd hate to send that backward if we achieve that before November.

Option 2: Have oldest bunk with youngest. Pros: mentally best for 15 yo, 13 yo is very stoic and long-suffering (ie: she would not ever complain), gives oldest a comfortable bed. Cons: oldest is in her room about 23 hours a day normally (she does not hang out with us in living room, etc) so would probably keep 13 yo from having any private space, oldest goes to bed at 12-3 am, youngest is in bed by 9, and there would be no chance of quarantining.

Option 3: I actually hit on this one because my brother stayed with us a couple of days last week while his AC was out. We popped a mattress in our foyer - it worked fairly well. Have oldest take over our long & skinny foyer for her bedroom. There is a coat closet in there and some cabinets. I could clean those out for her before she returned home. We could roll the trundle in there. Pros: semi-private space (it does have a large arch into it, but we could hang a sheet), wouldn't disturb anyone overnight, somewhat less exposure for COVID quarantine. Cons: she is not an early riser and it's open to an open-concept living/kitchen/dining and middle is up by 7 am at latest, can't open front door without kicking mattress out of way (although we rarely get front-door visitors especially during COVID). 

DH is currently working from home several days a week in our walk in closet. If he is back in the office full-time at that time, she could use that area for schoolwork. If he's still at home, she'd have to take over a bedroom (mine?) during the day for schoolwork.  

What do you think? I really can't think of any other options. 

If it were any other year, I’d give each younger child their own room and have oldest bunk with youngest. (She can be awake until 3 am in the LR or Kitchen if she must.) However, with the pandemic there are no guarantees that your daughter will spend much time on campus. 
 

I’d have the two younger girls continue to sleep in the same room but let the one who can roll with change the best take over the empty room during the day. The younger ones, and especially the youngest, will eventually get their own rooms. College girl does need a ‘home’ for holidays, summers, and possible illness.

In a small home It’s unreasonable to expect rooms to go completely unused, but I’d hold some space in there for the oldest until she’s flown.