bethben Posted February 27, 2020 Share Posted February 27, 2020 So, background. I homeschooled for 13 years. I put my daughter in school when she was in 3rd grade because every time i sat down to teach her, I was shaking from stress. My ds went to school last year because homeschooling and taking care of my disabled adult son were too much. I put dd and ds into a very promising new charter school last year and the first year was great even though they were in a temporary facility with many classrooms not even having walls. I thought I would never like public education and was happy to find a place where I had few complaints. They built a new school building, the principle changed and then changed again. 1/4 - 1/3 of the the teachers have left (k-9th) mid year. My 9th grader lost almost a year of history as they lost a teacher who was awesome, replaced him with a long term sub, and now a permanent teacher who last week emailed as to how he is now just starting to expect the standard outlined in the school charter statement. My dd's teacher quit last week after a pretty chaotic classroom situation he never did get under control. Her math teacher has changed four times. My daughter has some mental health issues from adoption trauma. She needs stability in a classroom and a teacher who is in control. Without it, I am genuinely concerned she will get expelled for basically taking things into her own hands and beating up someone. She punch a kid during class already this year. Dh and I are talking to the principle next week, but are unsure if we can get consistency from this school now. This is my dd's second school since the original one has a lot of people bailing on it also for not really educating children. My question -- I soooo do not want to homeschool. I wrecked my health- emotionally and physically doing so and am just now getting it back somewhat. Anyone else find a happy situation when public school is so failing you but you don't want to homeschool? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zoo Keeper Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) Does your state allow part time enrollment for public schools? In my state, homeschoolers can take classes/activities at local public schools, provided they are not bumping out another student who is already enrolled in the class/activity. It has been a good option for some of my older kids in jr. high/high school. My especially difficult, exploisve, blood, sweat and tears, um challenging 🙂 child is taking half days at a technical high school and half days with me at home. He has consistent outside accountability in subjects he enjoys, and I get breathing room. Win-win for both of us. Edited March 3, 2020 by Zoo Keeper 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori D. Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 I'm so sorry for the difficult situation. It does sound like the instability of the school and their staffing issues is making it more difficult for DD to manage her own issues. That would be my first thought, is to switch to a new school with more stable/consistent teachers. A different public school? A charter or private school? Boarding school? A hybrid or university model school? (attends 3.5 days/week, and remaining 1.5 days done at home) Pay for an aide to walk through the classes with her, and help her manage her issues? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hs03842 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) - Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted February 28, 2020 Author Share Posted February 28, 2020 Part of the reason I did like this school was that they were keeping grade size to about 50 kids. So, two classes per grade. My 9th grade ds has mild autism so having less people to stress him out has been good. My 6th grade dd also could use a smaller grade size just so that I can keep a handle on who she is having conflicts with. When she went to the charter school two blocks from our home, there were too many kids to keep up with. She had weekly new kids that she was having issues with. At least this way, I can see who she's consistently having issues with and keep their contact to a minimum. We live in a busting at the seams area. Most school are overcrowded as the district is desperately trying to keep up with the housing boom here. The school we are zoned for is known for bullying and a lot of kids fighting each other. My daughter would get caught up in that easily because she demands justice for people. She's just as likely to beat up someone for hurting/ insulting another kid as she would for herself. She got into a small fight last year because of a kid hurting his brother before school (I keep telling her to get a teacher to take care of these situation, but she's all emotion when she encounters these things and doesn't think). So, a smaller school means to me that the teachers have a handle on what kids are doing better. There are few places to hide. But, at the same time, the constant teacher turnover has been hard for her also. It seems to be lose/lose. I guess I don't feel like I have options. It's either this school or homeschooling. Maybe I just need someone who's done it even when they didn't want to and it didn't affect them negatively. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hs03842 Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) - Edited June 8, 2020 by JoyKM 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sherry in OH Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 Have you considered public e-schooling? She'd be out of the classroom setting but still accountable to someone other than you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily ZL Posted February 29, 2020 Share Posted February 29, 2020 I just want to encourage you to know that lots of people today are ending up homeschooling because of bullying and other classroom problems and not because they actually want to do so. You're not alone if that's what you end up doing. And it doesn't mean you have to do it in any certain way or the way you used to. If your daughter is strong willed and in Junior high age territory, it might make sense to give her a huge amount of input in what she wants to do and let her take ownership. She could choose if she wants to do an outside class, or online class, or if she likes one type of science more than another. If it were me, I would ditch academics for the whole spring and focus on healing, having fun, building good memories together. Maybe planting a garden, having her learn to cook some things, etc. And I would try to arrange for a daytime volunteer job somewhere in the community so she can feel like she's doing something valuable. Like a vet's office or meals on wheels -- they may be happy to have even a younger child volunteering. That can help them feel a sense of purpose. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Storygirl Posted March 1, 2020 Share Posted March 1, 2020 I'm going to offer a different voice. Don't homeschool her again. You really don't want to. Your relationship with her suffers when homeschooling, in a major way, and that is important to factor in. I reached a point where I could not homeschool any more and maintain my personal well being. And then I homeschooled for two or more additional years, because I didn't think that public school would be an adequate option for my particular kids. They've been in school for five years now. There are things about being in school that are not ideal, but there are things about homeschooling that were not ideal, and at least when they are in school, it's easier to preserve our relationship. It does not sound like the current school is working well. Have you visited your local public school and taken a tour? You might find there is more potential there than you think. Or look to see if you have any public schools nearby that allow open enrollment, where your kids can attend there, even if you don't live in that district. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 2, 2020 Author Share Posted March 2, 2020 (edited) On 2/29/2020 at 6:10 PM, Storygirl said: I'm going to offer a different voice. Don't homeschool her again. You really don't want to. Your relationship with her suffers when homeschooling, in a major way, and that is important to factor in. I reached a point where I could not homeschool any more and maintain my personal well being. And then I homeschooled for two or more additional years, because I didn't think that public school would be an adequate option for my particular kids. They've been in school for five years now. There are things about being in school that are not ideal, but there are things about homeschooling that were not ideal, and at least when they are in school, it's easier to preserve our relationship. It does not sound like the current school is working well. Have you visited your local public school and taken a tour? You might find there is more potential there than you think. Or look to see if you have any public schools nearby that allow open enrollment, where your kids can attend there, even if you don't live in that district. I totally agree but am unsure what to do. We have all the social engineering nonsense in the public schools here. My daughter has HUGE problems with that type of thing and will fight for her convictions. Not fight in kindness - fight in angry words and disrespect (we nor our church are not like this at all and honestly don't know where she got such venom). She also needs the kind of supervision a smaller school could give. She has been kicking and punching kids on the sly already. I thought that giving her a 504 plan (the IEPs little sister) could help and I could put some things in there that could help her calm down but now I find out that unless you have a medical reason for the 504 plan, the school ignores them to the point that parents have given up trying to get the school to comply. So, I keep thinking homeschooling is the only path out of this mess. I can't do it. 😓 Edited March 2, 2020 by bethben Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 6 hours ago, bethben said: I totally agree but am unsure what to do. We have all the social engineering nonsense in the public schools here. My daughter has HUGE problems with that type of thing and will fight for her convictions. Not fight in kindness - fight in angry words and disrespect (we nor our church are not like this at all and honestly don't know where she got such venom). She also needs the kind of supervision a smaller school could give. She has been kicking and punching kids on the sly already. I thought that giving her a 504 plan (the IEPs little sister) could help and I could put some things in there that could help her calm down but now I find out that unless you have a medical reason for the 504 plan, the school ignores them to the point that parents have given up trying to get the school to comply. So, I keep thinking homeschooling is the only path out of this mess. I can't do it. 😓 I think mental health issues are dealt with under Other Health Impairment for IEP purposes. You might need a lawyer to get an IEP, but it sounds like you need one. That said, they often rely on parents/kids to advocate for themselves to get accommodations, but if you need behavioral stuff or a change of placement, that's likely to be IEP territory. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 21 hours ago, bethben said: She has been kicking and punching kids on the sly already. I agree you should not be homeschooling. I also don't get why this dc doesn't have an IEP, and if the schools are stretched thin what she needs is private services. 1) Private mental health services. She needs access to private services immediately. Counseling, meds, OT, whatever combo it's going to take. 2) Put everything on the table for schooling. Sending her away to a boarding school, sending her to a relative in a different district where she can get services, a cyber school, hiring a private intervention specialist to come in, whatever. Around here, you can private pay an intervention specialist or retired teacher, if you can find one, usually for around $40 an hour. It's cheaper than boarding school and it removes you from the equation. I'm sorry your current charter school isn't working out. Sounds like they're destructive to her mental health and destabilizing her. I'd probably just flat pull her out, get her private mental health services, and then line up your new educational plan when you figure it out. A month or two of read alouds, crafting, and focusing on mental health might be a good recovery plan. Take walks, get counseling, practice the strategies. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 21 hours ago, bethben said: Not fight in kindness - fight in angry words and disrespect (we nor our church are not like this at all and honestly don't know where she got such venom). Ok, for my ds that level of latent anger can be chemical. We ran genetics and put him on 5HTP, but some kind of anti-depressant or mood stabilizer can be the ticket too. Maybe back up and ask why her body is going this angry, that she's injuring people. I mean, sorry, but that's just astonishing. That is not solely cognitive and that needs some serious help, some combo of meds and counseling and self-awareness strategies till that is no longer in her repertoire. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 Does your school system have some sort of therapeutic program? You may have to search. After a lot of problems with my anxious kids, and after too many burned bridges, we learned about a dedicated program in our district for kids with mental and emotional challenges- many kids were just social anxiety, selective mutism, etc. I'm not talking about alternative schools for like delinquents or even autism specific. It was NOT offered to us even though we fit the criteria perfectly and, had we gone straight there, things may have gone better. We learned about it from a teacher who runs the program who we just happened to be talking to. Then we asked for it from the IEP team and they were all supportive of moving us into it, but by then it was too late; too many hard feelings...too late in the year...and we are homeschooling again. I'd ask for something like that. If she can't be successful in a regular classroom, they owe it to her to find an appropriate setting somewhere else. You may be able to go to a different district or a private school. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 3, 2020 Author Share Posted March 3, 2020 12 minutes ago, PeterPan said: Ok, for my ds that level of latent anger can be chemical. We ran genetics and put him on 5HTP, but some kind of anti-depressant or mood stabilizer can be the ticket too. Maybe back up and ask why her body is going this angry, that she's injuring people. I mean, sorry, but that's just astonishing. That is not solely cognitive and that needs some serious help, some combo of meds and counseling and self-awareness strategies till that is no longer in her repertoire. She has a counselor who has tried to help her with calming techniques. I am making another appointment with her to try and figure out what is really going on and what needs to change. It’s gotten really complex. I’m not opposed to medication but the last round we tried put her in a really really horrible place. I have a person who will run genetics and match medication if needed. She wasn’t this bad last year. She had some issues, but not this level of anger. She can get really angry at us at times when we discipline her (Sunday was that she needed to eat dinner because she gets crabby if she doesn’t) , but we give her space to cool down and usually she does what is expected and we get an apology. Then she becomes happy kid again. I just think she has had such chaos and never has a chance to cool down. We just found out she is getting her fifth math teacher soon. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 3, 2020 Author Share Posted March 3, 2020 10 minutes ago, Paige said: Does your school system have some sort of therapeutic program? You may have to search. After a lot of problems with my anxious kids, and after too many burned bridges, we learned about a dedicated program in our district for kids with mental and emotional challenges- many kids were just social anxiety, selective mutism, etc. I'm not talking about alternative schools for like delinquents or even autism specific. It was NOT offered to us even though we fit the criteria perfectly and, had we gone straight there, things may have gone better. We learned about it from a teacher who runs the program who we just happened to be talking to. Then we asked for it from the IEP team and they were all supportive of moving us into it, but by then it was too late; too many hard feelings...too late in the year...and we are homeschooling again. I'd ask for something like that. If she can't be successful in a regular classroom, they owe it to her to find an appropriate setting somewhere else. You may be able to go to a different district or a private school. Not that I can find. I did put her on a waitlist for an alternative school, but yes—it’s where the delinquents go. I’m putting her on all sorts of waitlists. My problem is—I can’t figure out if it’s just the chaos of this school and just needs an organized/good teacher situation or if she needs other school alternatives. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 3 minutes ago, bethben said: Not that I can find. I did put her on a waitlist for an alternative school, but yes—it’s where the delinquents go. I’m putting her on all sorts of waitlists. My problem is—I can’t figure out if it’s just the chaos of this school and just needs an organized/good teacher situation or if she needs other school alternatives. I didn't find ours either. You could try asking for a therapeutic program and seeing if you can put the burden on them to find her a place. You may also find a day/outpatient program through a hospital. My kids' therapists who work with kids in the district all day long didn't even know the district had a therapeutic program! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 46 minutes ago, bethben said: She has a counselor who has tried to help her with calming techniques. I am making another appointment with her to try and figure out what is really going on and what needs to change. It’s gotten really complex. I’m not opposed to medication but the last round we tried put her in a really really horrible place. I have a person who will run genetics and match medication if needed. She wasn’t this bad last year. She had some issues, but not this level of anger. She can get really angry at us at times when we discipline her (Sunday was that she needed to eat dinner because she gets crabby if she doesn’t) , but we give her space to cool down and usually she does what is expected and we get an apology. Then she becomes happy kid again. I just think she has had such chaos and never has a chance to cool down. We just found out she is getting her fifth math teacher soon. I'm not sure what the discipline was, but physical discipline may be completely inappropriate if there are sensory issues. Also, I was just watching a video about GABA levels in puberty. if she's going into puberty (and 12 is the right age) her whole brain may be amuck. It could explain why she was more rational last year and not this year. Apparently the GABA levels crash as the hormones go up, and it can be worse in girls, which explain the higher rates of anxiety in girls in puberty. Apology is good!! That's a really good sign if she has the level of social thinking and understanding to do that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 45 minutes ago, bethben said: My problem is—I can’t figure out if it’s just the chaos of this school and just needs an organized/good teacher situation or if she needs other school alternatives. Both? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 3, 2020 Author Share Posted March 3, 2020 1 hour ago, PeterPan said: I'm not sure what the discipline was, but physical discipline may be completely inappropriate if there are sensory issues. Also, I was just watching a video about GABA levels in puberty. if she's going into puberty (and 12 is the right age) her whole brain may be amuck. It could explain why she was more rational last year and not this year. Apparently the GABA levels crash as the hormones go up, and it can be worse in girls, which explain the higher rates of anxiety in girls in puberty. Apology is good!! That's a really good sign if she has the level of social thinking and understanding to do that. Nah- we told her she had to eat dinner before she was allowed to do anything else. That was it. She fought us for a while on that, argued about why won't we let her eat when she should be sleeping (because this child very much needs to sleep a lot), and just overall argued about how she hates rules. Then we let her be and she ate dinner eventually also figuring out that she was pretty hungry. Food vastly improved her mood. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emily ZL Posted March 3, 2020 Share Posted March 3, 2020 You might consider some self-care too. This sounds stressful and hard on you as well. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted March 4, 2020 Author Share Posted March 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Emily ZL said: You might consider some self-care too. This sounds stressful and hard on you as well. I feel about ready to have a nervous breakdown. More stable teachers are planning to leave at the end of the year. It’s a mass exodus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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