katilac Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, regentrude said: (just like, being white in a county where 93% of the population are Caucasian, I have the luxury of not having to think about that either). Did you mean your state? The US is about 72% white if you include Hispanics who self-identify as white, about 60% if you don't. Edited January 28, 2020 by katilac 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 20 minutes ago, BeachGal said: Ten year olds are about in fifth grade, maybe fourth. Many of them are becoming curious about what sex is. I'm in my 50s and well before the internet, by sixth grade, I knew I liked boys. My friend, also in sixth grade, used to go to middle school basketball games and would sneak out and make out with boys. That was in the 1970s in rural Montana. Ten might be a little young yet, but if a child is curious enough to begin asking questions about sexuality, they likely can find all kinds of information on the internet some of which, IMO, is not appropriate for that age. That is why it's so important to let them know they can come to a parent to ask questions. No need to get into the nitty gritty but just let them know they can come to you. Celibacy only works if the individual truly wants that. It's entirely possible for them to lead a secret life so that they don't get shunned by their family or community. It does happen. Keeping in mind that boys tend to be about 2 years behind girls in maturity .... If a boy that age is hyper interested or trying to engage sexually, that is a red flag for sexual abuse. It's that uncommon. Of course it's possible this particular child is the exception, but I think it much more likely that he is not making plans to engage in sexual activities. It cannot hurt to let him know that celibacy is an option for people who aren't interested in what most adults in the community do. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, katilac said: Did you mean your state? The US is about 72% white if you include Hispanics who self-identify as white, about 60% if you don't. No, as I said, I was referring to my county. My county is 93% white. Rural Midwest. Edited January 28, 2020 by regentrude 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 6 minutes ago, regentrude said: No, as I said, I was referring to my county. My county is 93% white. Rural Midwest. Oh, we don't have counties in my state, the word never registers with me! #teamparish 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeachGal Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 14 minutes ago, SKL said: Keeping in mind that boys tend to be about 2 years behind girls in maturity .... If a boy that age is hyper interested or trying to engage sexually, that is a red flag for sexual abuse. It's that uncommon. Of course it's possible this particular child is the exception, but I think it much more likely that he is not making plans to engage in sexual activities. It cannot hurt to let him know that celibacy is an option for people who aren't interested in what most adults in the community do. Re-read what I said. I did not say 10 year old boys are "engaging in sex." I said they are becoming curious and their curiosity could lead them to check out inappropriate content on the internet. And that is why it's important to keep the doors of communication open. I further said that my girl friend began making out (only kissing) with boys from our class -- all sixth graders so about age 11 -- back in the 1970s. I don't think it's all that out of the norm at least it wasn't from what I saw. I have absolutely no problem with individuals being celibate or talking to their children about living a celibate life. In fact, I've had that conversation myself with my gay son, but we also emphasized that if he decided he'd rather not be celibate, that's fine, too. He's been in a relationship for almost two years with a very nice young man. It's okay with us. I'd much rather he know that he can be fully honest with us. We will not reject him. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 21 minutes ago, BeachGal said: Re-read what I said. I did not say 10 year old boys are "engaging in sex." I said they are becoming curious and their curiosity could lead them to check out inappropriate content on the internet. And that is why it's important to keep the doors of communication open. I further said that my girl friend began making out (only kissing) with boys from our class -- all sixth graders so about age 11 -- back in the 1970s. I don't think it's all that out of the norm at least it wasn't from what I saw. I have absolutely no problem with individuals being celibate or talking to their children about living a celibate life. In fact, I've had that conversation myself with my gay son, but we also emphasized that if he decided he'd rather not be celibate, that's fine, too. He's been in a relationship for almost two years with a very nice young man. It's okay with us. I'd much rather he know that he can be fully honest with us. We will not reject him. I agree with encouraging open communication, which goes both ways, albeit tailored to the child's age. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 12 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said: I think that telling kids that they can be gay and not experience disapproval in certain religious communities if they just don't have sex is dishonest. The reality, is that there are religious communities who continue to fight against LGBT people's rights to marry, adopt children, serve as leaders in activities involving youth, etc . . . Recently I read an article about a girl who was kicked out of her Christian high school for posting a picture of herself on social media eating a cake decorated in the colors of the rainbow. Most 10 year olds are not interested in sex, or planning on having sex, but they are certainly interested in other things on that list. My oldest started telling me at age 5 about how he was going to name his first son Spongebob and his second son Pikachu. At 7 he asked me how he could make sure his kids were all boys and not girls. At 9 my middle kid expressed opinions on the question of whether he'd wear a suit or a tuxedo if he was the one getting married. My youngest, who is 9, has talked about wanting to coach youth hockey. So, while kids this age may not be planning on having sex in the immediate future, they are thinking about and planning activities that might be closed to them if they chose to be both members of certain religious groups and openly gay. Well all this is true whether or not a child mentions at age 10 that s/he thinks s/he is gay. Not really sure what the suggestion is. Tell this 10yo kid he needs to walk away from Islam and all Muslims? Tell him his life is likely to be hell if it's true that he's gay? Write a letter to the mosque insisting that the message be changed to welcome gay people? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 We don't need to figure out this child's entire life right now. She asked what she should say. Some of us said to tell him to be quiet and some of us said to be supportive. They can probably figure the rest out on their own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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