Homeschool Groups-how important?

[happyWImom]

I know this has been talked about before, but I had trouble finding the

threads.:blushing:

 

But, I need the sage advice from the hive. How important are hs groups, co-ops, etc..? Especially as kids get older? I've had varying opinions on this (and probably will now;)) but I need to hear it again!

 

We belong to a small group near us, with just a few families, and it's fine for now. There is a fairly large group in a city that's 40min away, and they do a lot of things. I really like many of the families, but because of the distance, it's hard to get together on any regular basis, especially for the kids to just play, so they don't really have any "close" friends. At this point, it's fine, but I'm concerned (yes, I'm an anal planner) about as they get to be jr high & high school age. What's the consensus?

Thanks!

[Laura K (NC)]

It's a county-wide group, and though I have some issues with the particulars, the overall support that it gives is tremendous. At the younger ages it was a networking source, an opportunity to do spelling and geography bees and science fairs, field trips and skate days. Now that my kids are older, we depend on the homeschool group for a prom, several varsity sports, some which are nationally competitive, group standardized testing, and sometimes debate teams and other academic competitions. Through this local homeschool support network I find out when driver's ed classes are available, how to navigate the PSAT, SAT, and ACT tests through the public and private schools, and how to go about signing up for the community college classes (and which teachers to go for and which to avoid!).

 

I could do everything above by myself, I guess, except the sports. If we didn't have a good homeschool group to provide sports for my three sons, I would absolutely not be able to homeschool through high school. I am doing everything I can to make sure those sports teams thrive.

[mazakaal]

I've just started an off-shoot homeschool group with a lady because the main group is 40 minutes away from us. I've never had a good homeschool group to go to. Even the one that's 40 minutes away doesn't thrill me.

 

So, yes, you can certainly homeschool without a group. Would it be a whole lot nicer to have a group - oh, yeah! You really need to ask yourself if the small one near you is enough right now. There's not really much point in anticipating the future, when your kids are older, because the group may grow by then. Anything could happen.

[MBH]

You raise an interesting point. My inclination is that the desire for socialization for socialization sake is not all it appears to be. If you are in a more remote area, your children will not necessarily be hindered by the lack of friends nearby.

[Erica in PA]

It's important to me that my kids take part in classroom activities regularly. There are social skills and classroom learning habits that I want my kids to develop from a young age. I also want them to see friends on a regular basis to develop relationships. These things are important to me from early elementary on up, and become increasingly important as my kids grow older.

 

For us, the best fit is a weekly co-op that meets throughout the year. It's almost like a once a week school. To me it is the best of both worlds-- we are homeschooling, but still experiencing some of the best things about being in school, as well, without many of the negatives.

 

There are some people whose children graduate from homeschooling without ever having been in a classroom. While it seems to have worked out fine for them, that wouldn't be the path I would choose for both academic and social reasons.

[Guest Katia]

My personal experience has been that homeschool groups are not only not necessary but can be very harmful and hurtful to teens and their families. Especially conservative Christian groups. They are very judgemental.

 

I say stay clear of them. Have your kids take community college classes when they are in high school and volunteer to do community service work. This will give them all the 'socialization' they need and it will be a productive experience. It will also look better to a college admissions officer!

[LauraGB]

Ours is big enough to pick and choose the activities. For instance, we have never participated in the co-op in the spring or the Project Fair or things of that nature because they just aren't our "thing" so far. However, my kids really like the gym program (about 120 kids participate) and the Spelling Bee (which is a preliminary to the national one) and some of the field trips (which I know I wouldn't probably take the time to organize and bring my dc on my own). The dc have made some good friends and its been good for them to belong to a group whose faces they recognize. As for me, I like what it offers for the dc, but I don't participate in the adult support groups simply because I am not that social. That's not to say I wouldn't, because some of the meetings this year have looked really interesting.

 

All in all, I have found it to be a helpful service.

[AnnetteB]

We've participated in choir, drama, play dates, swim times and a science class with other hs kids, but we have never belonged to a formal group in our years of home educating. The kids would love to fill their days with all that "fun stuff," but I felt it was all distracting. The socialization value was limited. Our teens have volunteered at church vbs, the local library, hospital volunteer program, and worked for the neighbors. None of our neighbors hs, but they all think our kids are great.

[Pretty in Pink]

i think it depends on your family's situation. if you are a social family and your children are involved in activities outside the home then i do not think groups or co-ops are necessary for your children (the collective you, not you specifically). i personally have found joy in networking with other homeschoolers in my community, but this could be something as simple as a yahoo group, it does not have to be a co-op or organized group. the pressure to be involved that often comes with co-ops can be a drawback for some if the members of the co-op are not gracious. being a mom of littles i fully understand some peoples' inabilities to be involved in things like that and i do not judge. i help out as i can and hope others show the same grace for me when i am unable to do so.

 

having said all that, groups/co-ops have always been supplemental experiences for our family and not major components of our HSing experience. truthfully we socialize with our friends (many of whom we met thru the HS group) more outside of the group setting than within. we are just too busy living, learning, and participating in our community to participate in all of the HS groups' activities.

[happyWImom]

It's important to me that my kids take part in classroom activities regularly. There are social skills and classroom learning habits that I want my kids to develop from a young age. I also want them to see friends on a regular basis to develop relationships. These things are important to me from early elementary on up, and become increasingly important as my kids grow older.

 

For us, the best fit is a weekly co-op that meets throughout the year. It's almost like a once a week school. To me it is the best of both worlds-- we are homeschooling, but still experiencing some of the best things about being in school, as well, without many of the negatives.

 

There are some people whose children graduate from homeschooling without ever having been in a classroom. While it seems to have worked out fine for them, that wouldn't be the path I would choose for both academic and social reasons.

 

I agree, and we can do the same with a local group. What about close friendships though? How important do you think they are, now, and as they get to be teens? Because my kids don't really have any. In church, my dd has only 2 boys in her Sunday school class, and ds is the only boy in his!! They are both in soccer right now, but the soccer is at a YMCA 40min away, so we don't see any of them other than Sat. during the game. At this point, it's totally fine for the most part. They have each other, and get together with others from the hs group 2-3 times per month. But no "best friends" type thing. I'm thinking that might be a good thing-especially the way little girls can be :tongue_smilie: but am I wrong?

[mom2att]

When my dd was the age of your oldest, we belonged to a small group that met at our church. Our kids were of similar ages, we just did easy stuff like park days, and it was perfect for us.

 

Fast forward to today--dd is in 7th grade. The group we belong to has over 200 children, offers a variety of co-op classes, field trips, and other social activities. Dd has many friends, most of whom she has known for years.

 

My point is this--the group we started out with and the group we are with today are one and the same. As our kids grew and their needs changed, so did the group. Just because your group is small now doesn't mean it will be when your kids get to jr. high age. If it's working now, stick with it! I love our group and am thrilled at the way it has changed along the way.

[Ellie]

I enjoy being part of a support group, but not a co-op or any other organized classes. A monthly Moms' Night Out, a monthly park day, and a couple of field trips a month, maybe a few family-party kinds of things, are all I want. There's enough interaction between mothers and between the dc to satisfy the social cravings but not enough to interfere with the actual homeschooling.

[TravelingChris]

For us, homeschooling groups are quite important. It is usually where my kids find friends. Since we move every few years we don't have the luxury of having local friends. Occasionally they will find a friend in some other activity like church youth group or karate. However, homeschooling groups have been our best avenue for this. I find friendly interactions, if not true firends, to be absolutely essential to us. At this last location, my middle had problems making a friend. I hope this changes at our new location. However, she still really liked group activities like beach day, science fair, not back to school breakfast, and things like that.

 

I think it may not be that essential if you live in one place. Then you can make more friendships for more different avenues. We are moving and can expect to be at our new location a maximum of two years. That isn;t much time for friendships to develop. I hope to find friends for all three of us in Northern Virginia (Annandale)

[Mommyof4ks]

It depends on what you are getting from your group and why you are doing it. For us we are looking for appropriate friends for our children, and the coop we are in provides that. The kids in our neighborhood are not exactly the influences that we want on our kids at such a young age. There is plenty of time to deal with bad influences in life, but a short time to teach them how to behave properly IMO.

 

My DD also finds lots of classes that she loves such as chemistry, all about bats, and a lit. class based on the American Girl books. The teachers are wonderful and the coop is run very well with everyone participating without much complaint, so it is very nice. It helps that it is only about 10 minutes from my house too!

[hsmamainva]

Well, you can belong to a homeschool group ... or more than one! It doesn't mean that you have to be there every time they open the doors. ;)

 

I belong to two homeschool groups. One is in our area and I attend the monthly support meetings / moms night out functions, and my two boys take art classes. As for the other co-op classes, field trips, play dates, etc., we usually skip all of them.

 

The other homeschool group that I belong to meets "in the city" and has over 500 members, if I remember correctly. I do a few field trips a year with this group, often because they have really unique opportunities...field trips to places that aren't even open to the public -- if it's just a trip to the zoo, I'd rather go with just my own family, even if I will save $5.

 

The large group is also terrific now that my oldest is a senior. They have a prom and a graduation ceremony and a yearbook and all of those "senior things" and that's very nice! My dd is on the planning committee and having a ball!

 

And my oldest dd has been taking classes at the community college since she was 15. She'll have 30 college credits under her belt by the time she graduates this spring. It's been a wonderful experience for her! She has an official transcript, professor recommendations, and she's made many friends -- not to mention experience of taking college level courses and making all A's and B's. I definitely plan to do the same thing with my younger ones, when they're older.

[Peela]

Its been important for my kids, because they have been to school- they really wanted to feel that "group" thing, belonging to a group, particularly one that identifies as a homeschool group. Having other homeschooled friends has been important to them although now they have friends both homeschooled and not. They felt wierd homeschooling at first- other homeschooled kids normalised it for them, and now they are proud to tell their non homeschooled friends that they homeschool.

Just having friends has been important to both of them.

But it has been a challenge for us because we are not christians and most of the groups are run by christians and tend to presume everyone to be christians- I don't like that my kids need to watch what they say and not be able to be completely themselves- with some of them- however, mostly we have managed very well and found kindred souls amongst it all, christian and not.

We recently pulled out of a group we had been part of for 3 years because the strong, more extreme christian influence was just interfering in our experience too much. Mine particularly, since I am the one that needs to socialise with the other mums!

Your kids are still young- it will all unfold for you, you dont have to worry about it yet. I do think its important to factor socialising in though. Even though we are not supposed to admit it, it seems, socialisation can be quite an issue sometimes- finding friends for our kids- and its worth giving some attention.

[G5052]

We've belonged to a weekly academic co-op for three years now, and hope to stick with it all the way through. It's done a lot for us academically, and has kept us on track. My children love it. We also belong to a group that does primarily field trips, and that's been great. We do one "big" field trip a month.

 

I was on the board of a support group for a number of years before that, but resigned over some financial and doctrinal issues. We didn't rejoin. And frankly we've been fine without it. The evening mom's meetings were tough for me to make and they didn't organize much for the children.

[Shawneinfl]

After 10 years homeschooling, we've had experience with many different types of co-ops and support groups. They have served different purposes and some were better than others but for us it rounds out our school experience. My family needs the interaction with other families and children. The most important factor seems to be finding a like-mindedness, whether the group is large or small, Christian or secular.

[Lisa R.]

to belong to. This can be a home school group, a church, a scout troop, a sports team, etc.

 

A great home schooling support group can be a wonderful community. On these boards, some have expressed disappointment and dissatisfaction with their local group. For other of us, we have a great group.

 

I've learned that kids don't need a specific type of group as much as they need *a* group that they feel they can connect with whether they have introverted or extroverted personalities.

 

Oftentimes, when we're just beginning our home schooling journey, a home schooling support group is a good place to start. If it doesn't work, you can just move on--or start your own group.

[6packofun]

I think that some level of involvement is a good thing if the group is a good fit. And there are ALL kinds of groups out there! (Apparently...I have not found one to suit us and am way too busy to start one, but I would REALLY like to join a casual, few times monthly group.)

 

For me, my interest in a group is social. We don't have money for classes and/or sports and haven't for a while so my kids DO miss out.

 

I agree to a small degree with the groups-are-unnecessary camp, though--our kids will be fine if we can't be in a group. But if you're in a certain position where it's more difficult to get out and about with other people like I am, the need becomes more apparent. It's so different for every family because of mom's personality, kids' personalities, what groups are available, what other stuff the family is able to be involved in, etc.

 

We see our "friends" every Sunday at church and yet are never invited to much of anything beyond that. So as my kids grow older I feel the need for some kind of group has become more important. There just aren't any here. *sigh*

[Colleen in NS]

What about close friendships though? How important do you think they are, now, and as they get to be teens?

 

They are both in soccer right now, but the soccer is at a YMCA 40min away, so we don't see any of them other than Sat. during the game. At this point, it's totally fine for the most part. They have each other, and get together with others from the hs group 2-3 times per month. But no "best friends" type thing. I'm thinking that might be a good thing-especially the way little girls can be :tongue_smilie: but am I wrong?

 

I don't think you're wrong! It sounds like you are all happy with the way things are right now, so try not to worry about later on. Your kids are 6 and under, and I tend to think that it's better for growing kids to spend more time with family, anyway - these will hopefully be the lifelong relationships they will have. The way I think of it for my family is, my kids will be under my care and guidance for 20 or so years, and that is short compared to the rest of their lives. I want to focus on family relationships for this time. If there are activities you want your kids to do (like soccer, or a homeschool activity group), do it for the value the activity has to you, but don't worry about the friendship part. Just think about how to teach them to interact with people in healthy ways.

 

My kids do spend time with other kids, it's just not with the single goal of finding a best friend - it's because of our family activities (church, getting together with other families, going camping or other outings, etc.). Interactions with other people result from that, so they learn to get along with others. We were part of a casual homeschool group when they were younger, and it was great to just meet other homeschooling families and see how homeschooling worked. But I don't feel the need anymore to be a part of a group, although there is a network of homeschoolers around here who sometimes do activities and field trips....so sometimes we parttake, and sometimes we don't - just depends what it is, how much $, and how much time. Also, when ds was 3, 4, 5 years old, I felt tremendous pressure to involve him in activities. So, he was in gymnastics one time, swim lessons for a few sessions (dd, too), but I found these things were taking too much time and money from our family so we stopped. We find other family-oriented ways of fulfilling exercise needs. I figure if I can take dance classes as an adult, it's not hurting my kids to not go activity-crazy right now. I got way more out of my adult dance classes and later teen activities than I would have as a kid.

 

I'm pretty sure when my kids grow up and explore some specific interests or careers, they will develop some great friendships. Both dh and I didn't have super close friends while growing up, but we each made great friends in our early adulthood (and know how to make them now!). IMO, there is no rush to push friendships on kids and no need to worry about lack of close friends.

Edited November 26, 2008 by Colleen in NS