How is the new school year going so far?

[Storygirl]

Every so often, I find it's helpful to just hear how everyone is doing. And it can be helpful for me to share the struggles and the accomplishments. So now that the school year is underway, how are things?

[Lecka]

My 9th grader — he is happy and says everything is good.  He is not particularly communicative about school.  He is excited about his shop class.  Our concerns before school started have turned out fine.... he rides the bus and has study hall with older kids, but it’s no big deal.  He didn’t get his lunch period with his friends he wanted, but he has kids to sit with at lunch.

My 5th grade girl — she has a friend in her class and likes her teacher.  We reviewed multiplication and she is solid through x10.  But they go through x12.  So — she’s working on x12.  So far we have daily issues over her wanting to wear clothing that is not appropriate.  She wants to wear a thin sundress that is not warm enough.  Things like that.  She says she is changing and then just puts on a jacket like I won’t notice.  

My 5th grade boy — off to a good start.  He’s getting up early in the morning and we’re able to do a decent amount of math in the morning (I watch him play video games in-between, which he likes a lot).  We’ve been having 30+ minutes of story time in the evening and I think I could get that to an hour on some nights.  Edit:  I need to talk to his teacher soon.  I need to find out what level she has him in for reading and math, if he talks to anyone, etc.  

School just started last week, here.  

Edit:  our big change is — nobody has any evening or after-school activities, except me — I have choir one evening.  We hope my older son will join some kind of after-school activity, there are two clubs he might join, but they haven’t started yet.  

The little kids are gone 8:30 to 4:30 as it is!  I could pick them up an hour earlier, but they both say they like riding the bus home.  

Edited September 11, 2019 by Lecka

[Storygirl]

We've had a rocky start as a family, with some real struggles, and some very positive things.

DD17 is a senior this year at a private Christian school. She has no learning issues and gets excellent grades, but she has to work hard for them. The big goal this year is figuring out a plan for college. We are taking her on her first college visit next Monday, to the school where her cousins attend. It's been hard to get her motivated to take initiative on the college search process, and I'm hoping the college visit will help get her thinking.

DS15 is in his freshman year at public high school with an IEP. From the parental point of view, the beginning of the year has been really rough --  think I will probably make a separate post just about the struggles we are facing with him. But he says he is enjoying high school so far. Music is important to him, and it's his area of talent, so the most positive part so far is his participation in marching band. He gets to play his bass guitar as his instrument!! He also plays drums, but as a freshman, he was initially being assigned some boring percussion parts. Last year's bass guitarist is not playing this year, so DS asked the band director if he could do that instead. During the games, he stands in a front section that does not march, which is ideal for him, because his visual spatial disability would likely make marching hard. This week will be the third football game, so he is starting to feel comfortable with the new routines.

DS14 is in 8th grade at the public school. He has a 504 and has, in the past, become frozen with anxiety, which caused issues with some learning. But this year is going really great for him. He was recommended by his English teacher last year to move up to advanced language arts this year, and he accepted the challenge and is doing well. He personally requested to jump up a level in math, so that he could take algebra this year. The teacher had not recommended it, so we had to make an appeal over the summer, and DS had to take a placement test. He scored well above the minimum threshold for starting algebra, so they agreed to bump him up. He's getting A's so far and says he loves being challenged in math. He's also taking Spanish 1. So he should get two high school credits for his classes this year. He's on the cross country team for the first time and was voted as a team captain by the coaches, because they think he is a great role model. Things have not always been smooth sailing with DS14 in the past, and we had some intense struggles when we were homeschooling in elementary school, so it's been a true pleasure to see him  start to overcome some things and blossom.

DD14 switched from a private dyslexia school to the public school (with an IEP) this fall. She cried on the first day, due to missing her friends, but on the second day, she met the people that would become her crew, and she has been happy ever since. She is an extreme extrovert, so her social circle has a big effect on her well-being. She's already had two sleepovers at a new friend's house. She is adjusting to the change from classes at her old school that were automatically set up to support students with learning challenges. We're finding that we are having to do some coaching to get her to use her self-advocacy skills. Overall, things are going well so far, though. She's prone to anxiety but has been happy. I know that we will have some bumps with academics, as we figure out what support she needs in this new environment, but so far, so good.

[Storygirl]

We have some parent-teacher conferences at the high school tonight do discuss DS15. We just had a big group conference with most of his teachers during the second week of school (at our request, so that we could share with his new teachers what we know about his learning issues); even so, we are finding that we still have important things to talk about.

Honestly, things have been rather discouraging. DS15 does not have much homework, but when he does, he is resisting our oversight and help, even though he needs it to succeed. He's had numerous late assignments already. He won't let us help him study for tests, and then he's been flunking them. Several of his classes allow retakes; however, if his teachers are not reteaching the material to make sure that he knows it, and as long as he refuses our help at home, I'm not sure how just retaking a test will help him raise his grade or learn the material. His science and social studies classes are set up for a more independent learning style, where the students are given stations to work through or things to research on their own, and DS does not learn well this way; he needs direct instruction and repetitive practice of the concepts, and he needs to memorize vocabulary. We will be discussing tonight with his teachers how DS is going to get the needed support to learn in classes that have a teaching style that does not match his learning style. It's very tricky, but since he has an IEP, we are hoping that we can iron things out better.

DS also has a less than favorable group of friends. They don't hang out outside of school hours, so far, so I am thankful for that, at least, because it limits the time he is spending under their influence. But he is absorbing unfortunate ideas from them about school work -- that poor grades are to be bragged about and don't matter, and that dropping out in 11th grade is a great idea -- and about social thinking. There is a lot I could say about the unsavory thinking that he is sharing with us at home, but I'll just say that it is concerning us, and we are having a hard time counterbalancing those things at home. We are in the process of getting him a counselor to help work through things like this, but it's been a long wait so far. DS is attracted to people who are rebellious, though he tends to observe bad behavior admiringly (even when he knows it is wrong) without participating fully. However, he is already crossing the line in minor ways at school this year by hanging out in the halls with friends resulting in tardiness to class and participating in some minor lunchroom misbehavior. We are worried he is on a slippery slope.

We've also received some discouraging feedback about his progress in reading comprehension. Not unexpected news, but still discouraging.

So it has not all been rosy so far. Although it's not fun to share some of these things, I do think that when people are transparent about struggles, it can help others not to feel that they are alone. And I think that if our experiences help others in some way, it can give the struggles some greater meaning for me, personally. I can have a tendency to isolate myself and deal with things alone, and I do think that community can help.

 

[PeterPan]

We went camping for several days and are slowly ramping up our social lives. Somewhere in there we're also squeezing in some academics.

So maybe it's going great? LOL He's complying better and more connected, which was the point. Our behaviorist liked the camping because it was empowering and connected for him. We have our academic goals, but we have these personal goals, sigh. 

The language stuff I'm pretty discouraged on. I think I've put my brain in a mindset of impossibility, which isn't getting me there. So I guess we'll get everything else going and see what happens, baby steps. We're even going to try a nerf war, which really has the potential to go south, and he has a new friend.

[Heathermomster]

DS is living the dream on campus.  He’s taking 12 semester hours, serving on SGA, and acting as the IFC rep.  In his spare time he’s playing flag football and softball.  He loves all of his classes and is using a new SmartPen called a NEO N2 because his Mac laptop software is no longer supported by Livescribe, the makers of his Echo SmartPen.  So far, the N2 seems to be working.  Three of the four classes seem to involve a ton of essay and large papers.  Reading assignments have increased, so he’s incorporating more audio books.  DS worked over the summer and met with the CBT 3 times.  

DD started playing violin in a higher level orchestra.  Her hand continues to hurt whenever she handwrites, so I’m allowing her to type some of her work.  I guess we need to start saving for a NP evaluation.  We ditched her HOE timeline on day 3 of school and replaced it with an iPad timeline app.  We started Apples and Pears for spelling last year and are currently on level D.  A&P Spelling is awesome and made a huge difference with DD.  Otherwise, she reads very well.  

I noted something immediately different this year.  DD is easier to teach than DS, but I don’t know whether that was due to DS, DD, or me.  There are certain curriculums that simply don’t bother me anymore.  It does help that DD will basically read any book I hand her.  She knocked out the child version of the Epic of Gilgamesh where DS hated it.  It occurred to me as well that after this year, I will have taught grades pre-k through grade 12, and that fact feels crazy.

Edited September 11, 2019 by Heathermomster

[PeterPan]

33 minutes ago, Heathermomster said:

Her hand continues to hurt whenever she handwrites, so I’m allowing her to type some of her work.

OT/PT?

33 minutes ago, Heathermomster said:

I guess we need to start saving for a NP evaluation.

That or a cruise, lol. What are you hoping to find beyond the writing issues? Is it possible there's some praxis, like with your ds? I mean technically hand hurting when she writes is something else (vision, core, reflexes, grip, etc.).

[PeterPan]

35 minutes ago, Heathermomster said:

DS is living the dream on campus.

I love this!!!

My dd is plugging it out. She's up to a whopping 5 classes this semester (14 or 15 credits, not sure), and is inching *so close* to being ready to graduate! With the 5 classes this term she has 8 more and an internship. It's THAT CLOSE!!! 

[Heathermomster]

5 hours ago, PeterPan said:

OT/PT?

That or a cruise, lol. What are you hoping to find beyond the writing issues? Is it possible there's some praxis, like with your ds? I mean technically hand hurting when she writes is something else (vision, core, reflexes, grip, etc.).

She has worked with OT/PT for 8 weeks.

DD is low tone and abdominal surgery has had an affect. The ILLs are loaded with motor issues, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s got something clinical.  She’s borderline whatever the case.  I’m going to scream if her ped suggests squeezing theraputty one more time.

Edited September 11, 2019 by Heathermomster

[Heathermomster]

1 hour ago, PeterPan said:

I love this!!!

My dd is plugging it out. She's up to a whopping 5 classes this semester (14 or 15 credits, not sure), and is inching *so close* to being ready to graduate! With the 5 classes this term she has 8 more and an internship. It's THAT CLOSE!!! 

He dropped a class and will take it during the interim semester.  He has to take 27 hours and maintain a 3.25 gpa for scholarship.  He’s well above the gpa min but keeping up 27 hours will be a challenge. The writing for the classes seems intimidating to me.  I have no clue how he will do, but he’s loving the subjects so far.  Off hand, he’s taking early US History, OT, Ancient Lit, and Art appreciation.  The irony is that for the lit class, he read the big boy version of Gilgamesh.  He loves the prof and has requested I make her a scarf.

[Pen]

6 hours ago, Storygirl said:

We have some parent-teacher conferences at the high school tonight do discuss DS15. We just had a big group conference with most of his teachers during the second week of school (at our request, so that we could share with his new teachers what we know about his learning issues); even so, we are finding that we still have important things to talk about.

 

That’s a good step to take.   I just wrote an email to a new teacher for Ds to try for some proactive problem solving.  

Quote

Honestly, things have been rather discouraging. DS15 does not have much homework, but when he does, he is resisting our oversight and help, even though he needs it to succeed. He's had numerous late assignments already. He won't let us help him study for tests, and then he's been flunking them.

 

I haven’t had exactly this situation, but similar.  In fact a major reason Ds is learning driving at age 17 is that at 15 that’s how he acted with regard to Learner Permit test.  Wouldn’t accept help, failed first attempt, got discouraged.  

When I tried to work through manual with him he would  start reciting the alphabet out loud to shut me out.  I concluded that he lacked maturity to drive.    Summer he was 16 I gave up after the alphabet reciting type stuff and felt sad, but pretty much accepting that he wasn’t going to be a driver.  

I decided to try once more this last summer and found a significantly changed (more open to suggestions and help) boy at 17. 

But he’s still pretty closed off as regards school/study issues.  For him it’s mostly ok and he’s had above a 3.0 average. But he failed a (required) class last year due to blowing it off, basically.  Thinking he’d be able to pull off a good grade in a high point value final project—but he didn’t.  

So he has to make it up now.  

Which might be a better way to learn not to do that than if he’d squeaked by as he usually does.

Anyway, I can offer my availability to help. But I cannot do more than that. 

 

Quote

Several of his classes allow retakes; however, if his teachers are not reteaching the material to make sure that he knows it, and as long as he refuses our help at home, I'm not sure how just retaking a test will help him raise his grade or learn the material.

 

A Study hall maybe with someone not you to help? 

Actually, in 9th grade Ds had one, and got an F in study hall with very frustrated comments from his SPED study hall teacher.  OTOH he did get As and Bs in everything else, so it might have helped. 

Now we try for at least one PE each year so he can excercise and move as that seems more important than Study Hall.

Ds also apparently does push ups (or at least has done in prior years) on the floor during class. 

Quote

His science and social studies classes are set up for a more independent learning style, where the students are given stations to work through or things to research on their own, and DS does not learn well this way; he needs direct instruction and repetitive practice of the concepts, and he needs to memorize vocabulary. We will be discussing tonight with his teachers how DS is going to get the needed support to learn in classes that have a teaching style that does not match his learning style. It's very tricky, but since he has an IEP, we are hoping that we can iron things out better.

 

Really difficult.  And pretty much impossible to deal with a teen who refuses help.

I have in mind option of Job Corps or the National Guard high schools for kids who aren’t making it in regular school. 

Helps me to cope, knowing there are some other options.

Quote

DS also has a less than favorable group of friends. They don't hang out outside of school hours, so far, so I am thankful for that, at least, because it limits the time he is spending under their influence. But he is absorbing unfortunate ideas from them about school work -- that poor grades are to be bragged about and don't matter, and that dropping out in 11th grade is a great idea -- and about social thinking. There is a lot I could say about the unsavory thinking that he is sharing with us at home, but I'll just say that it is concerning us, and we are having a hard time counterbalancing those things at home. We are in the process of getting him a counselor to help work through things like this, but it's been a long wait so far. DS is attracted to people who are rebellious, though he tends to observe bad behavior admiringly (even when he knows it is wrong) without participating fully. However, he is already crossing the line in minor ways at school this year by hanging out in the halls with friends resulting in tardiness to class and participating in some minor lunchroom misbehavior. We are worried he is on a slippery slope.

 

Also obviously a really big problem, and one I’ve also had some share of.  

Are things like pot, vaping, porn also problems?  Watch out for them.  It can easily be shared at school without hanging out beyond school hours.  And can become a viscous cycle as well as slippery slope.  

I hope you will have found an excellent therapist.  

We found a bad one, right around that same age/stage, alas, which made things worse.  

Quote

We've also received some discouraging feedback about his progress in reading comprehension. Not unexpected news, but still discouraging.

So it has not all been rosy so far. Although it's not fun to share some of these things, I do think that when people are transparent about struggles, it can help others not to feel that they are alone. And I think that if our experiences help others in some way, it can give the struggles some greater meaning for me, personally. I can have a tendency to isolate myself and deal with things alone, and I do think that community can help.

 

 

 

I agree!!!

 

So far this year for us, the main problem is a huge change in school staff, particularly the loss of Ds ‘s favorite teacher.    (Also my favorite for him.) and loss of the former SPED director who even though he didn’t have an IEP was keeping a bit of an eye on him .    As well as the staff change, over the summer it got things like bulletproof glass and automatic locking doors for safety in active shooter situations, but making it feel much more institutional physically as well as emotionally.    At lunch they are restricted to two small areas [cafeteria/gym (but not allowed in weight room or wall climbing area] and small outside courtyard) with no room to really move and get a break from desk work.   (And not sure if he’s getting away with the in class push ups with the changes that happened).

 It’s rather sad as there’s a huge area of wonderful fields for various sports, a small pond (where it is true a student once drowned causing liability fears), FFA gardens, etc., but they aren’t allowed out unless a teacher or coach takes them. 

It went from being a small rural school where “everyone knows everyone” to feeling like a regular impersonal urban school, but just physically tiny and with few students and classes and surrounded by cattle... not that they can look out at the cattle now that exterior walls are windowless. 

 

Edited September 11, 2019 by Pen

[Pen]

Adding— some kids talk a “non study” talk while they’re actually doing it themselves. It’s “cool” and also can cut down on some competition— but it’s a pretense for many.

Only some of us, even if that’s true, have kids who believe the non study talk and take it to heart. 

There are also the actual non study kids, the actual juvenile delinquents too at our school (sent to our rural school by a judge in some cases from our state’s big city, to get them away from their bad influences—  but probably tend to have more influence on our kids for the bad than our kids have on them for the good). 

Anyway,  I learned that at ds’s school several alleged “non study” kids study a lot and have close to straight As.  One even was into arranging study groups, but Ds nonetheless believed that soandso just does well because very smart and would not believe that soandso actually spends lots of time on studying.  And figuring out how to do it effectively. 

[Lecka]

There is a vape shop about a 5-minute walk from the high school here.  I hate that so much.  

I have slightly bad news today... my son came home today and said he’s not doing as well as he wants in his shop class, and he is one of only 3 freshman in his class, with the rest juniors.  He showed me a thick packet about wall frames that is way over my head.  

We will hope for the best.  

[Jentrovert]

We started LiPS and Barton, and while it went well from the beginning, this week it feels like I'm really in the swing of it. Dd7 finished Barton 1, about to start 2. Ds6 is going much more slowly, which is fine. I do already see some improvement in his ability to distinguish sounds. Doing LiPS concurrently, and they are both having some fun exploring how sounds are made. I'm doing everything separately, but today ds caught up to her with LiPS, so I believe we'll do some games together next week.

Have been noticing more social thinking deficits with dd, and she is becoming more difficult to manage (mostly regarding very rigid thinking). However, since my husband understands her thinking (we are sure he is undxd ASD) he has had some very helpful suggestions. We have a psych eval scheduled for her in Nov.

Overall I feel positive and hopeful, with small pockets of overwhelm now and then.

[Terabith]

So far, so good.  Anna's in tenth grade.  She loves her musical theater and art classes and just joined forensics.  She's taking precalc and AP Human Geography, Pre-AP Chemistry, Spanish 3, and Pre-AP English.  I really liked her teachers at back to school night.

Cat is taking algebra, which I'm holding my breath on, but so far she's doing okay.  She's working as a library aid and absolutely LOVING it, and is apparently really, really good at it.  She volunteered to get out of study hall.  It's alleviated a lot of my worries about her ability to be employed, honestly.  And I think library would be an excellent career fit for her.  She loves her civics teacher.  She thinks her English teacher is boring.  It's honors English and this is the year they focus on the state writing test, so I'm a bit concerned about that.  She doesn't like Earth Science because it's heavily into group work, which she abhors.  She's singing in the choir at school, going to tutoring at the autism school (switched over to math now that she's finished Wilson), taking art lessons, and playing lots and lots of Dungeons and Dragons.  She knows the names of kids at school, which is huge.  She's not socializing outside of school, except with kids from D&D, but it doesn't appear that any of them really do that here, either.  

[Storygirl]

17 hours ago, Pen said:

 

 

A Study hall maybe with someone not you to help? 

Actually, in 9th grade Ds had one, and got an F in study hall with very frustrated comments from his SPED study hall teacher.  OTOH he did get As and Bs in everything else, so it might have helped. 

Now we try for at least one PE each year so he can excercise and move as that seems more important than Study Hall.

Ds also apparently does push ups (or at least has done in prior years) on the floor during class. 

 

 

Are things like pot, vaping, porn also problems?  Watch out for them.  It can easily be shared at school without hanging out beyond school hours.  And can become a viscous cycle as well as slippery slope.  

I hope you will have found an excellent therapist.  

We found a bad one, right around that same age/stage, alas, which made things worse.  

 

So far this year for us, the main problem is a huge change in school staff, particularly the loss of Ds ‘s favorite teacher.    (Also my favorite for him.) and loss of the former SPED director who even though he didn’t have an IEP was keeping a bit of an eye on him .    As well as the staff change, over the summer it got things like bulletproof glass and automatic locking doors for safety in active shooter situations, but making it feel much more institutional physically as well as emotionally.    At lunch they are restricted to two small areas [cafeteria/gym (but not allowed in weight room or wall climbing area] and small outside courtyard) with no room to really move and get a break from desk work.   (And not sure if he’s getting away with the in class push ups with the changes that happened).

 It’s rather sad as there’s a huge area of wonderful fields for various sports, a small pond (where it is true a student once drowned causing liability fears), FFA gardens, etc., but they aren’t allowed out unless a teacher or coach takes them. 

It went from being a small rural school where “everyone knows everyone” to feeling like a regular impersonal urban school, but just physically tiny and with few students and classes and surrounded by cattle... not that they can look out at the cattle now that exterior walls are windowless. 

 

I snipped some things out of the post, so that I could leave just the comments I am responding to.

DS15 does have a study hall called "academic assist," where the teacher actually can monitor what the kids are doing, prompt them to work on certain things, and help with projects. We met his academic assist teacher, and she emphasized that she is there to help, if the teachers keep her informed about what DS needs to be working on. She said that he was not using the time well at the beginning of the year, but now that she knows more about what he should be doing (his intervention case manager created an electronic planner for him that she can also see) she has been working with him. We've also emailed her a few times to make sure she is aware when assignments are showing up as not turned in. I think this is very helpful, but DS hates that we are communicating with her and accused us of causing him stress, since she is now overseeing what he is doing more closely. So it's helpful, but there is blow back.

I think PE would be a good option for DS. Technically he is exempt, because marching band and sports fulfill the requirement, but he can take it anyway. With band and academic assist in his schedule, he doesn't have room for other electives this year.

Vaping and so on is a concern. DS's lack of impulse control and propensity for risk taking have always made us worry about this. He has numerous friends who vape and says he has been offered a hit and refused. Did he really refuse? I hope so, but I can't know. I think he has absorbed enough of our family's messages about the dangers of smoking and drugs that crossing the line feels uncomfortable to him, even when he sees his friends doing it. I don't have illusions that that will remain the case always, though, and I do worry that he will submit to peer pressure eventually. DS has never hung out with friends outside of school hours, and although that is too bad in many ways, it does limit the influence that they can have to the school hours.

It's harder to control what he has access to on the computer now that he has a school-issued Chromebook. We monitor its use at home, but he can look things up at will when he is at school. Of course, they have filters, which helps. But there are definitely risks for him in that area. He does share with us some of the unfortunate things that his friends say and do -- I think he shares more than a typical teen would, because he doesn't always filter his communication for his audience. So that gives me a glimpse, but I know I don't get the full picture. He is definitely not hanging out with a wholesome group of peers.

That's so discouraging about the changes in culture at your son's high school. There are so many things as parents that we can't really do anything about, even when we recognize that they are not the best situations.

I imagine that there are some moms who read posts like mine and think, "Why don't they homeschool?" And we have in the past, and we just can't now, so we have to work with how things are at the school.

 

Edited September 12, 2019 by Storygirl

[Heathermomster]

8 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I snipped some things out of the post, so that I could leave just the comments I am responding to.

DS15 does have a study hall called "academic assist," where the teacher actually can monitor what the kids are doing, prompt them to work on certain things, and help with projects. We met his academic assist teacher, and she emphasized that she is there to help, if the teachers keep her informed about what DS needs to be working on. She said that he was not using the time well at the beginning of the year, but now that she knows more about what he should be doing (his intervention case manager created an electronic planner for him that she can also see) she has been working with him. We've also emailed her a few times to make sure she is aware when assignments are showing up as not turned in. I think this is very helpful, but DS hates that we are communicating with her and accused us of causing him stress, since she is now overseeing what he is doing more closely. So it's helpful, but there is blow back.

I think PE would be a good option for DS. Technically he is exempt, because marching band and sports fulfill the requirement, but he can take it anyway. With band and academic assist in his schedule, he doesn't have room for other electives this year.

Vaping and so on is a concern. DS's lack of impulse control and propensity for risk taking have always made us worry about this. He has numerous friends who vape and says he has been offered a hit and refused. Did he really refuse? I hope so, but I can't know. I think he has absorbed enough of our family's messages about the dangers of smoking and drugs that crossing the line feels uncomfortable to him, even when he sees his friends doing it. I don't have illusions that that will remain the case always, though, and I do worry that he will submit to peer pressure eventually. DS has never hung out with friends outside of school hours, and although that is too bad in many ways, it does limit the influence that they can have to the school hours.

It's harder to control what he has access to on the computer now that he has a school-issued Chromebook. We monitor its use at home, but he can look things up at will when he is at school. Of course, they have filters, which helps. But there are definitely risks for him in that area. He does share with us some of the unfortunate things that his friends say and do -- I think he shares more than a typical teen would, because he doesn't always filter his communication for his audience. So that gives me a glimpse, but I know I don't get the full picture. He is definitely not hanging out with a wholesome group of peers.

 

What is he diagnosed with?  For some reason I thought his diagnosis had changed?

[Storygirl]

Our parent-teacher conferences went well. The teachers acknowledged that they understand and see the issues with test-taking and the difficulty with getting him to learn the material when the class structure is not geared toward his learning style. We talked about how he won't let us help him at home, so that they are aware. They said he is behaving fine in class and is just quiet. They said that they could see in class the things that we are concerned about. Which was refreshing, because so often in the past, we have had teachers say, "oh, I don't see that in my class; he is doing fine." For example, last year I mentioned that he has a tendency during group projects to just observe what others are doing and will copy down what others say onto his papers, instead of actually contributing, and his science teacher last year said that no, she was not seeing that happening. When I brought this up last night, the sciences teachers said, yes, they are noticing that themselves. Last year, his math teacher actually said in the IEP meeting that DS was doing so well that he would not have guessed that he had an IEP; this year, the math teachers are seeing his need for extra support.

So I feel that the teachers are supportive and really wanting help. We talked about testing, and retaking tests, and the trouble with classes that have independent projects when the student needs direct and explicit instruction instead.....And we were happy with the teachers' responses to our concerns. I'm not expecting things not to be bumpy, but it helps to know that the teachers are wanting to help him succeed and are not just expecting him to muddle through.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Storygirl

[Storygirl]

33 minutes ago, Heathermomster said:

What is he diagnosed with?  For some reason I thought his diagnosis had changed?

Yes, he finally got an ASD diagnosis this summer. It was NVLD before. He still has the NVLD profile, of course. The new diagnosis didn't change his IEP, because it didn't affect his needed accommodations and goals at school (he already had an extensive and thorough IEP). He does have a long list of things to work on that are listed in his new psych paperwork, but much of that was either already addressed in his IEP or are things we will get help for privately. We've had good communication with the school about the new diagnosis, and it has been helpful for me to be able to frame my conversations by talking about autism.

He also has ADHD, Tourettes, anxiety, dysraphia, and LDs in math and reading comprehension. He works with an SLP at school on pragmatics, but she doesn't have time to address all of the social thinking issues, so we've been working on lining up a counselor familiar with teens who have HFA (long waiting list). Our school special education coordinator also got us connected to county and state disability services, which is opening up a lot of doors. We're still learning how to navigate all of that, but we've had some good things happen with job training through the state, so far.

We are in a better place for helping him now than we were 18 months ago. And a lot of that is due to the school system. We moved here deliberately to place him in this school, and I think it was a really good choice, despite the challenges.

And what's interesting, as I type all of that out, is to know that he mostly passes as a quiet neurotypical kid. People who work with him intensely and who know how to identify what they are seeing, can recognize the issues (sometimes). But many people who know him in real life would be surprised that he has that alphabet soup list of issues.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Storygirl

[Heathermomster]

5 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Yes, he finally got an ASD diagnosis this summer. It was NVLD before. He still has the NVLD profile, of course. The new diagnosis didn't change his IEP, because it didn't affect his needed accommodations and goals at school (he already had an extensive and thorough IEP). He does have a long list of things to work on that are listed in his new psych paperwork, but much of that was either already addressed in his IEP or are things we will get help for privately. We've had good communication with the school about the new diagnosis, and it has been helpful for me to be able to frame my conversations by talking about autism.

He also has ADHD, Tourettes, anxiety, dysraphia, and LDs in math and reading comprehension. He works with an SLP at school on pragmatics, but she doesn't have time to address all of the social thinking issues, so we've been working on lining up a counselor familiar with teens who have HFA (long waiting list). Our school special education coordinator also got us connected to county and state disability services, which is opening up a lot of doors. We're still learning how to navigate all of that, but we've had some good things happen with job training through the state, so far.

We are in a better place for helping him now than we were 18 months ago. And a lot of that is due to the school system. We moved here deliberately to place him in this school, and I think it was a really good choice, despite the challenges.

That is what I thought.  How long are you going to have to wait for the counselor?  Did they give you any indication?

You are doing a great job.  

Edited September 12, 2019 by Heathermomster

[Storygirl]

9 minutes ago, Heathermomster said:

That is what I thought.  How long are you going to have to wait for the counselor?  Did they give you any indication?

You are doing a great job.  

Thanks!! The counseling place called last week to say that they had finally assigned DS to a counselor. But it turns out that there were no appointment slots after 2 pm with that person. We had told them that we are not willing to pull him out of school regularly, so that was frustrating. Now we are waiting again for a different match.

We chose this place, because they understand autism and have multiple services to hook into. But for that reason, it seems that they are popular, and it's hard to get in. I may need to look into other options. We first contacted them in July, and time is passing....

[Pen]

56 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

I snipped some things out of the post, so that I could leave just the comments I am responding to.

DS15 does have a study hall called "academic assist," where the teacher actually can monitor what the kids are doing, prompt them to work on certain things, and help with projects. We met his academic assist teacher, and she emphasized that she is there to help, if the teachers keep her informed about what DS needs to be working on. She said that he was not using the time well at the beginning of the year, but now that she knows more about what he should be doing (his intervention case manager created an electronic planner for him that she can also see) she has been working with him. We've also emailed her a few times to make sure she is aware when assignments are showing up as not turned in. I think this is very helpful, but DS hates that we are communicating with her and accused us of causing him stress, since she is now overseeing what he is doing more closely. So it's helpful, but there is blow back.

 

Having brought the issue to the attention of the academic assist teacher perhaps you could now let both that teacher and your Ds know that you are leaving it to them to figure things out? 

Quote

I think PE would be a good option for DS.

 

Could he be on one of those IEP students can take 5 years to do high school plans? Giving him room for PE during his day?  If he fails classes he’ll be on a 5 or more year plan with credit recovery needed anyway. 

Quote

Technically he is exempt, because marching band and sports fulfill the requirement, but he can take it anyway. With band and academic assist in his schedule, he doesn't have room for other electives this year.

 

 

Quote

Vaping and so on is a concern. DS's lack of impulse control and propensity for risk taking have always made us worry about this. He has numerous friends who vape and says he has been offered a hit and refused. Did he really refuse?

 

In other words they are actively vaping while at school during school hours? Where? Sounds like that is something the school needs to deal with perhaps?

Even if he refused, he’s probably getting a good bit of it secondhand if his friends are doing it around him.   It may be affecting his brain and attitudes.  Perhaps should be raised with therapist. 

Quote

I hope so, but I can't know. I think he has absorbed enough of our family's messages about the dangers of smoking and drugs that crossing the line feels uncomfortable to him, even when he sees his friends doing it. I don't have illusions that that will remain the case always, though, and I do worry that he will submit to peer pressure eventually. DS has never hung out with friends outside of school hours, and although that is too bad in many ways, it does limit the influence that they can have to the school hours.

 

In this case that does sound fortunate. 

Quote

I imagine that there are some moms who read posts like mine and think, "Why don't they homeschool?" And we have in the past, and we just can't now, so we have to work with how things are at the school.

 

 

IMO It really is not possible to effectively homeschool 15 yo boys who are uncooperative.  

And boys at 15 can be very uncooperative even if nt.  Adding on some challenges makes it even harder. 

 

I think that to some degree it can help to entirely let go of the academic teacher role and focus on the parent child relationship.

For example, having called his teachers attention to the problems, consider possibly letting your 15yo know now that you took care of that as part of your parenting and IEP obligations, but that from now till first report card you will respect his wishes for the duration of the semester to step back and let him show you that he’s stepping up to take care of his schoolwork himself.  That you’ll help him if he asks for your help.  Otherwise you’ll respect his ability to handle things himself. However that you will also need to step in again to talk with teachers if he has D or F grades at first report card. 

That anyway tended to be the least bad approach with my own 15yo boy.  

Commiserating with him after the fact of getting an F seemed to be more appreciated than trying to help stop that from happening 

I think because sense of autonomy is so extremely important to boys of that age.

?????

[Pen]

8 minutes ago, Storygirl said:

Thanks!! The counseling place called last week to say that they had finally assigned DS to a counselor. But it turns out that there were no appointment slots after 2 pm with that person. We had told them that we are not willing to pull him out of school regularly, so that was frustrating. Now we are waiting again for a different match.

We chose this place, because they understand autism and have multiple services to hook into. But for that reason, it seems that they are popular, and it's hard to get in. I may need to look into other options. We first contacted them in July, and time is passing....

 

Could you take a before 2pm slot to get started, and stay on waiting list for a better time?

my comments in reply above were written before I saw the ASD diagnosis.  What I wrote had helped with my Ds May not apply at all for ASD

[Storygirl]

The vaping was in the bathroom. DS said that one person also did it surreptitiously in the back of the classroom one day when the teacher's back was turned. I don't know if DS interpreted what was going on correctly; I think it's more likely a student might *pretend* to vape in class. But some kids are real risk takers, so who knows. There are kids who carry vape pens with them in their backpacks, and my kids know about it but haven't seen them in use. So I don't know if it s more an afterschool problem, or if a great number of kids are doing it in the building. It's probably both.

The school knows vaping is an issue, but they can't station teachers in the bathrooms, for obvious creepy reasons, as well as not having the staff to do so. I am glad I am not working in school administration, because it's a tricky problem I wouldn't know how to solve. As a parent, I'm stuck in a weird place, where I could call the school and say, "DS saw another boy vaping in the bathroom, but I don't know that kid's name, because DS won't tell me, and DS won't talk to you about it, either, but I just wanted you to know," and that might make me feel better for taking some kind of action, but it really wouldn't help anything actually.

Edited September 12, 2019 by Storygirl

[Storygirl]

Now that we have some (hopefully) better things in place to help DS in his academic assist class, I do agree that we as parents should let things unfold in whatever way that happens. Hopefully the teachers will step up support. If that proves to be not enough, the IEP team should then add more support into his IEP, based on what we see working. But they do have to see what works and what doesn't, so it may be rocky for a bit.

Matching DS to the right counselor is tricky and important. If he doesn't connect with them, he won't benefit from any therapy efforts. So we don't want to start with someone, knowing that it would be temporary. Otherwise, taking the available opening for a short time would be more of an option.

[Storygirl]

On a more lighthearted note --

My other son has decided that he wants to wear crazy socks every day. Which, of course, are visible to all, since it is still shorts-season here. He's been doing it since the first day of school, and is now called Captain Socks by some of the others on the cross country team.

And DD17 is up for a promotion at work (Chick-fil-A). Even though she had to reduce her hours when school started, her work ethic is appreciated. And she and another senior are leading a girls' Bible study once a week during lunch at her (Christian) school. And DD was asked to prepare and present her testimony at her school's upcoming high school retreat. She needed these positive affirmations this fall, because she has been down about some personal stuff, so I'm happy for her.

[Lecka]

I would not be surprised about vaping in class just because -- it is addictive.  

At a certain point, people don't do it to be cool or show they are a risk-taker, they are just addicted and might also want to be in class to learn.    

 

[Lecka]

1 minute ago, Storygirl said:

And she and another senior are leading a girls' Bible study once a week during lunch at her (Christian) school. And DD was asked to prepare and present her testimony at her school's upcoming high school retreat. She needed these positive affirmations this fall, because she has been down about some personal stuff, so I'm happy for her.

 

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  This is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Terabith]

My kids say kids are vaping all the time at school, even in class.  When I was student teaching, student teachers who worked in middle or high schools were confiscating dozens of vapes every single day from kids doing them in their classes.  

[kbutton]

We are having the best start we've had in years after a really difficult and angst-y year last year.

My older son is doing well with his interventions, and it's generalizing to real life and new subjects. He took some career assessments (aptitude and interest) at the local career center (vocational school) where he'd like to go part time for automotive stuff while he wraps up homeschool for high school. We get the results next week, but in the meantime, the testing person told us that he broke a record for one of the hands-on assembly tasks. He's also taking accordion lessons and seems to be taking to it like a duck to water (he already plays piano and trombone). She thinks maybe this is going to be the instrument he's the most natural playing and might be able to play by ear and improvise with it (not something he got from me, lol!) besides knowing regular methods.

My younger son has been paying attention to details, taking responsibility, and generally stepping up big time. He was a hot mess last year. We still expect regular derailments due to fatigue and headaches (part and parcel of his connective tissue disorder), but I am amazed at how well things are going so far. He might take clarinet later this year since his teeth are finally coming in. He developed extra teeth between his baby teeth and permanent teeth, which stalled a lot of things, including braces. After a year and half, he finally has front teeth (in 6th grade 🤣🤣🤣). Almost all of his baby teeth are gone, so he'll be ready for orthodontia in a few months! He's been waiting TWO YEARS to try clarinet. It's not a first instrument for him either, but I think the breathing/blowing might be a challenge (speech issues).

I am pleased with our curriculum choices, even when we have to tweak them. 

 

 

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

It's not a first instrument for him either, but I think the breathing/blowing might be a challenge (speech issues).

Did you talk with your SLP? Honestly, I would STRONGLY consider steering him to another instrument. Or at least, I can tell you what happened with us. Ds was swimming daily or many days a week, and the way he was taking his breaths messed up the motor planning for his speech. He STILL has uncorrected, funky side effects from it. That's why it's apraxia, lol. Some of the damage could not be corrected.

So you might consider not letting him do it. Accordian is awesome. Anything else. Violin. Lap harp. Dulcimer. Drums. Something. Not with his mouth.

Or maybe nothing will happen, but it really could.

[Pen]

1 hour ago, kbutton said:

We are having the best start we've had in years after a really difficult and angst-y year last year.

My older son is doing well with his interventions, and it's generalizing to real life and new subjects. He took some career assessments (aptitude and interest) at the local career center (vocational school) where he'd like to go part time for automotive stuff while he wraps up homeschool for high school. We get the results next week, but in the meantime, the testing person told us that he broke a record for one of the hands-on assembly tasks. He's also taking accordion lessons and seems to be taking to it like a duck to water (he already plays piano and trombone). She thinks maybe this is going to be the instrument he's the most natural playing and might be able to play by ear and improvise with it (not something he got from me, lol!) besides knowing regular methods.

My younger son has been paying attention to details, taking responsibility, and generally stepping up big time. He was a hot mess last year. We still expect regular derailments due to fatigue and headaches (part and parcel of his connective tissue disorder), but I am amazed at how well things are going so far. He might take clarinet later this year since his teeth are finally coming in. He developed extra teeth between his baby teeth and permanent teeth,

 

Say, what?  He got 3 sets of teeth? 

 

[In the Bight]

We're only in Week 2 and this year already feels like a lot. Lots of struggles, lots of positives. Lots of tears, lots of support. Just a lot. 

Starting with the easy stuff - Our youngest, Dd4, started kindergarten and is loving it! Her best friend is in her class, so all is right in their world. 😊💓 

Ds12 and Dd11 are both in middle school this year and off to a good start. They're strong students who enjoy learning, give a good effort, and listen to their teachers, so I'm sure things will continue to go well in the classroom. Ds has been recruited for the math team, Dd plays saxophone in the band, and they'll each play several sports. Socially, it's middle school and I'm worried. Ds says there haven't been any issues this year, but he was "outed" by a classmate in May and bullied online by a small group of kids from his school, so we're obviously still very concerned about similar issues coming up. The school handled the situation well and the principal, guidance counsellor, and PE teacher all let me know last week that they're continuing to keep an eye on Ds and the other kids involved. The school admins have also scheduled LGBTQ+ professional development and will be starting a GSA in the next couple weeks. Dd plans to join, but Ds says he isn't interested. 

Ds7 is having the hardest time. The beginning of every school year is hard for him because he struggles with separation anxiety and finds change overwhelming, but this year is on a whole other level. He doesn't have any trouble getting ready in the morning or saying bye to one parent at home, but starts crying as soon as he gets to school and refuses to let that parent leave. I tried last week without any success, so they suggested Dh bring him this week and still haven't been able to get him into his classroom at all in the mornings. Ds comes home for lunch and has been able to go to back to school and into his classroom each afternoon after being upset for just a few minutes. He's still too anxious to fully participate, but he loves his teacher and is excited to tell me about his afternoon when I pick him up. I spoke with the school psychologist today, and based on his suggestion we're having my brother-in-law bring him to school to see if that makes things easier for Ds. We have a meeting scheduled for tomorrow afternoon to follow up and discuss next steps, which might include starting Ds later in the day and working backward. The psych also let us know that Ds has been approved for a psychoeducational assessment, to go ahead whenever Ds is ready. 

Ds9, our only homeschooled child, spent last week camping with relatives and we started our first full, official homeschool year on Monday! I posted about him in the spring and will likely be back very soon to ask for more homeschooling advice, so I'll keep it brief here. He had an SLP assessment last month and has a psych assessment with an ASD specialist next month, so I'm not going to make any huge changes or major demands on him until then. This week I've mostly focused on getting us back into a solid school routine, which is slow going for a kid who barely sat down all summer. Math is definitely our highlight - I'd planned to spend the first few weeks reviewing, but Ds remembered everything except rounding and was eager to move on with new material, so that's what we're doing!  

[kbutton]

12 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Did you talk with your SLP? Honestly, I would STRONGLY consider steering him to another instrument. Or at least, I can tell you what happened with us. Ds was swimming daily or many days a week, and the way he was taking his breaths messed up the motor planning for his speech. He STILL has uncorrected, funky side effects from it. That's why it's apraxia, lol. Some of the damage could not be corrected.

So you might consider not letting him do it. Accordian is awesome. Anything else. Violin. Lap harp. Dulcimer. Drums. Something. Not with his mouth.

Or maybe nothing will happen, but it really could.

He played the recorder in a general music class with no ill effects, so we'll watch. I am more worried about fatigue with his mouth--right now he basically code switches between good speech and mush mouth due to fatigue from his connective tissue disorder. He turns it on and off, though his l's and r's could be better. 

He wants to take accordion too, but we don't have one small enough. 

11 hours ago, Pen said:

 

Say, what?  He got 3 sets of teeth? 

 

Not a full set, but yes! They are called supernumerary teeth. They are a lot more common than I knew. He had to have them surgically removed because they were impacted. They were in there like lego pieces, one set on top of the other. They developed between orthodontic consults--one visit we were poised to see his adult teeth start moving down (a bit late, but normal for our family), and they told us to come back when his two front teeth came out on top. Two years later...no top teeth were coming out, so we went back a bit concerned, and the extra teeth showed up faintly on x-ray. After they were removed, the adult teeth were reluctant to come down, but they are finally coming in now. 

[PeterPan]

On September 13, 2019 at 9:29 AM, kbutton said:

I am more worried about fatigue with his mouth

Bingo. And with my ds, the swimming was a different movement so it distorted production. Sounds like you're on it. 

Are you still getting PROMPT or did that end?

[kbutton]

5 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

Bingo. And with my ds, the swimming was a different movement so it distorted production. Sounds like you're on it. 

Are you still getting PROMPT or did that end?

No more PROMPT. It's too far to drive when we know that he'll always be crunchy due to his CTD, given that the office practices were rather draconian, and given that we'd be switching to a new and totally unknown practitioner. However, if we feel like he's slipping back too far, we will try to schedule some sessions as a refresher--the owner knows that part, and she said that we could probably work that kind of thing in. He understands the why's and how's of the method, which is awesome. We notice that when he's not tired, and especially when he's with people who are new to him, he speaks much better. He doesn't like it when we say so, but it's totally true. So we know he can use it when he needs it. He can also use his speech therapy when he sings, which is great! Choir alone might keep it fresh for him, lol. He will rejoin choir in the spring (too much driving to do full year).

[kbutton]

I am glad he's able to engage with you! That was a huge concern. I am so sorry about the illnesses and hospital stays. 

[Storygirl]

CuriousMom, I'm so sorry to hear about the hospital visits. It's really positive that he is managing the stress better, though. And I'm glad he likes Life of Fred!! I would feel very leery of choir, as well, although I know the opportunity to participate also has positive aspects.

[PeterPan]

4 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

He’s come a long way in his ability to do things like engage with us, tell us what he needs  and stay connected under stress so hopefully everything will carry over.

This is huge!!! How awesome!!! 

[PeterPan]

I think bugs are hitting early this year.