Prolonged adolescence and suburbia

[CAJinBE]

My dd18 is growing into a very mature young lady but there are still some things that make me shake my head, like leaving the house without a key. I've always been around to open the door I guess. On the other hand she could take the Thalys to London and navigate the tube and trains to get to a summer camp last year successfully, albeit a bit nervously. I'm glad she is going away to university next year because she will have to be completely responsible for her own schedule, keys, having money on hand, etc. every day. Sometimes I think I had it really together from 16 years of age because I could drive to work, school, and friends houses, but my life was much simpler. I only needed one ID, some dollars, house key, and car key. There was no cell phone, multiple IDs, multiple currencies, foreign languages, navigating the university app process ( I just applied to state school), sports practice, youth group, etc. 

I'm spending some time in the Netherlands right now for AP testing and I see what appears to be a very happy and independent youth culture here. People of all ages are zipping around on bikes, smiling and laughing together. Of course, this is just casual observation but I'm a bit jealous.

[Pawz4me]

3 hours ago, CAJinBE said:

 

I'm spending some time in the Netherlands right now for AP testing and I see what appears to be a very happy and independent youth culture here. People of all ages are zipping around on bikes, smiling and laughing together. Of course, this is just casual observation but I'm a bit jealous.

I believe in the Netherlands it's legal for kids to be much more grown up at a younger age than it is here in the U.S. One prime example is the drinking age. Beer and wine are legal at 16; hard liquor at 18. I don't think those are unreasonable, even though I have been a lifelong non-drinker by choice. I suspect many (most?) here in the U.S. would be aghast at the idea of a lowered legal drinking age.

Shoot, here at our local (very large) mall no one under 18 is allowed in after 5:00 on Friday or Saturday evening w/o a parent or guardian who is at least 21. You have to be at least 18 to go to the mall alone. SMH.

[Rosie_0801]

On 5/11/2018 at 9:26 PM, happysmileylady said:

BUT, even though the school is walkable, kids are incredibly restricted because the administration doesn’t want the kids walking across the parking lot without a parent.  Since they have to cross the lot to get to the building, parents have to walk them.  And most drive them. 

Why can't you have crossing supervisors?

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

I believe in the Netherlands it's legal for kids to be much more grown up at a younger age than it is here in the U.S. One prime example is the drinking age. Beer and wine are legal at 16; hard liquor at 18. I don't think those are unreasonable, even though I have been a lifelong non-drinker by choice. I suspect many (most?) here in the U.S. would be aghast at the idea of a lowered legal drinking age.

Shoot, here at our local (very large) mall no one under 18 is allowed in after 5:00 on Friday or Saturday evening w/o a parent or guardian who is at least 21. You have to be at least 18 to go to the mall alone. SMH.

 

Re: drinking age - I would not be upset about a lowered drinking age with supervision! I live in one of the US states in which it is illegal for me to give my kid a drink at home while I'm sitting there with them. Technically illegal for them to take a sip of beer or wine to taste it.  And then people wonder why kids go nuts and get drunk on their 21st birthday.  We make alcohol such a forbidden fruit here. 

Re: the mall. where I live there are a lot of fights in malls in the evening hours. Like, huge brawls, not just one or two kids having it out.  Most likely the no-one-under-18 rule is to try to prevent that, so not just for the kids' safety as for others.  I'm not saying I think it's a great idea, just that I understand why some malls might have that rule.  

[Pawz4me]

18 minutes ago, marbel said:

 

Re: the mall. where I live there are a lot of fights in malls in the evening hours. Like, huge brawls, not just one or two kids having it out.  Most likely the no-one-under-18 rule is to try to prevent that, so not just for the kids' safety as for others.  I'm not saying I think it's a great idea, just that I understand why some malls might have that rule.  

Oh absolutely that's it. There have been incidents. But I still think it's a very bad and probably discriminatory rule, and that there should be better solutions.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

Oh absolutely that's it. There have been incidents. But I still think it's a very bad and probably discriminatory rule, and that there should be better solutions.

Right.  Like round them (fighters) all up, every time and fine them and impose a year long ban on the trouble makers. But I suppose there is always a lot of dispute about who started what and maybe bullied innocent kids would take an undeserved punishment in those cases.  

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, marbel said:

 

Re: drinking age - I would not be upset about a lowered drinking age with supervision! I live in one of the US states in which it is illegal for me to give my kid a drink at home while I'm sitting there with them. Technically illegal for them to take a sip of beer or wine to taste it.  And then people wonder why kids go nuts and get drunk on their 21st birthday.  We make alcohol such a forbidden fruit here. 

Re: the mall. where I live there are a lot of fights in malls in the evening hours. Like, huge brawls, not just one or two kids having it out.  Most likely the no-one-under-18 rule is to try to prevent that, so not just for the kids' safety as for others.  I'm not saying I think it's a great idea, just that I understand why some malls might have that rule.  

 

Yeah, in AR it is illegal for me to give my kid a sip of wine.  In OK it is not.  Such weird arbitrary rules.  

My son values his driving privilege a great deal....he wouldn't even take a bite of some whip cream I made with brandy for fear he would want to drive later that evening....

[marbel]

1 hour ago, Pawz4me said:

Oh absolutely that's it. There have been incidents. But I still think it's a very bad and probably discriminatory rule, and that there should be better solutions.

 

I'm not arguing with you, but I wonder how it can be discriminatory for minors to be banned from a place without a parent/guardian?   

I don't think it's a great rule either. I would trust my kids to go to the mall and not get into fights willingly. But, I also didn't encourage them to be at the mall at those times because one can end up in a fight unwillingly , and I didn't go myself unless I really had to. (I hate going to the mall anyway.)  I never saw any big fights but we had a few uncomfortable moments, just from large groups of teens seemingly trying to intimidate people (but possibly just being self-centered teens unaware of the needs and comfort of others).  

[Splash1]

We live on ten acres at the very edge of town so closest anything is 4.6 miles away.  That means school and grocery store.  Everything else is further.  I do a lot of driving, I've basically lived and done school in my car for the past ten years.  Sometimes I hate all the driving but I like the driving more than I'd like living more conveniently.  Driving is a life skill we teach and the kids don't really have a choice.  We also have them get their own cars and take over a lot of their own driving by the time they are 16-17yrs old.  I wish there was a more viable option of public transportation available but before they can drive my kids that are more independent and want to do things I'm unwilling to drive them to often rode their bikes, as much as ten to fifteen miles.  It's just about choices.  I will say other kids and adults are amazed that my kids rode their bikes everywhere.