Balancing kids with special ed. needs vs. rest of family

[amyable]

I'm posting this here instead of the special needs board, because in my mind it's more a mothering/parenting issue than a special needs issue, YKWIM?

 

My oldest really struggles in "school" and we are about to have her tested for dyslexia. She is also an anxious/argumentative type and honestly, between the academic stuff and the emotional, she is a huge drain on my mothering resources. For example, today she just couldn't switch gears to write a fiction paragraph when the entire week I had been asking her to write things that were true, we spent the better part of two hours alternately trying to explain it to her and getting her to just calm down and do it. This happens in some way or another many times a a week.

 

I also have four other children. The oldest two of these are good academically and pretty normal emotionally. Then there is my three year old. I thought my current 10yo was bad as a toddler/preschooler but this child takes the cake. Highly spirited and pretty belligerent. She wants what she wants when she wants it, and makes everyone within earshot tense and miserable with her constant whining/tantrumming, despite all sorts of work on my part. The baby (13 months) is good but is needy as most babies are, and maybe moreso.

 

I told you all that to ask you this: How in the world does one balance the special needs of so many needy kids? I know there must be at least a handful of you in similar circumstances: large-ish families containing kids who struggle... how do you divide yourself? I think I'm struggling particularly because she's my oldest - I have no basis for comparison in both mothering and schooling - and she tends to lead her younger siblings astray. :lol: :banghead: There are no older kids to help with the littles.

 

I'll stop here before it's a complete novel. I would love to hear your stories, even if it's just a hug and a "no advice, I'm there too". :D 'Cause right now, I'm feeling like a huge ol' failure. :001_unsure:

[hsmamainva]

:grouphug:

 

I completely understand! My 14yo and 6yo are on the autism spectrum and my 14yo has learning challenges as well (dyslexia being the most troublesome).

 

One of the ways that I try to keep it manageable is by having my 17yo and 9yo's working as independently as possible. I also try to use a curriculum which is literature-based and activity-based and can be used for a wide spectrum of abilities and interests. Therefore, I'm able to teach more than one child at the same time.

 

A schedule helps also, especially since my autism spectrum children thrive on structure and routine.

[Tracey in TX]

Gosh, I could've posted this today. Wondering how to school all five when one child is upsetting the entire apple cart. Three have ADHD and one is dyslexic, but there is one kiddo (9y/o) who isn't happy unless she's made everyone else miserable. Can't sit still, doesn't want to be quiet. I want to sit here and cry.

Took the off today and made it a "behavior day", where our focus is readjusting specific behavior issues. We will decide if we make up entire day or work really hard to finish all today's work.

I'm so frustrated right now that I threatened to expel DDs from homeschool to return to ps. :banghead::banghead: AAAHHH!

Sorry I can't give any suggestions, but wanted to commiserate with you.

[chiguirre]

I send the child with the most demanding special needs to school. That may not be an option for you, but it is my solution. My oldest requires constant awareness on my part and lots of refereeing aggression towards his siblings. If he were here all day, everyday I wouldn't get school done with the others and I'd be a nervous wreck.

 

OTOH, as your littles get older, they will be more manageable. Keep reminding yourself of that and it may help you get through your days now.

[tibbyl]

I'll be watching answers here since I have same issue. But I think I did not do very good job of balancing. Fortunately, the other kids were self-starters and independent learners.

[bumbledeb]

I had a very similar problem when my eldest son was alive. He had Down Syndrome, and, while very lovable could be incredibly disruptive.

 

For years, I had him and a baby/toddler to deal with while trying to do school with one or two or three others. It was extremely difficult to say the very least.

 

My 'solutions' were many and varied over the years. That is to say there was no one solution that was completely satisfactory, educationally speaking.

 

One thing I'm very glad about is that, although the academic side of the education during those years may have been less thorough than I would have preferred, the family life, love and happiness were best served by having a relaxed attitude, doing what we could, when we could, and putting the emphasis on caring for everyone's emotional needs. Even if all we did for many days and weeks was look after the home and read aloud together. We would discuss many things while caring for the mundane tasks around the house - history, grammar, maths, spelling and just about everything else under the sun.

 

Things were not smooth-running most days and there were times I was close to despair but, you know, at the end of the day despite things being much easier now, we'd all still rather have him back.

[Plucky]

Part of what you're dealing with is young kids on top of special needs. That is extra challenging. Last year our entire family was colored by my one son's needs. It was hard on all of us. We did a lot of talking. A lot.

 

I had ds evaluated and the treatment has really helped. I also tried to switch to curriculae I was happy with but that weren't overly mom-intensive. I love mom-intensive programs, but they just weren't going to work for us. Even with more independent work, I am right there going over things and having discussion. If I have a crisis then I have things for more independent work. It is quite the juggling act and all I can say is take breaks and take care of you. Talk to a friend, see a counselor that supports homeschooling. Having a bigger family than normal and any with special issues is definitely a challenge and the problems may intensify at different times. Be good to yourself and don't expect perfection.

Edited November 5, 2008 by True Blue

[Natalieclare]

I will come back and post more later, but for now lots of:

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm there with you!

[CalicoKat]

having this problem today -- posted on the special needs board. I'm depressed and utterly ready to run away from this parenting adventure today, so I knit.

[8filltheheart]

I send the child with the most demanding special needs to school. That may not be an option for you, but it is my solution. My oldest requires constant awareness on my part and lots of refereeing aggression towards his siblings. If he were here all day, everyday I wouldn't get school done with the others and I'd be a nervous wreck.

 

 

 

That is my solution as well. Our 16 yos is mentally ill and/or Asperger's with aggression. (We are in the process of evaluative testing to determine the Asperger's portion)

 

His attending school has been one of the best decisions we have made. My younger children really need the daily break from his presence. It has helped them cope better with the stress that he creates in their lives.

 

He loves school. He loves the positive reinforcement from the teachers.

 

School has been a win-win situation for us.

[newlifemom]

I don't know either. :grouphug: My biggest problem is that we(read I) treat sn child different than others and they know it! I don't want to coddle or handle with kid gloves yet if I don't then meltdowns ensue and education does not. So, I too am looking for ideas. PS isn't a good idea for him b/c he is borderline and would get very little extra assistance. I have already been told by professionals that hsing is really the best way to go for him. But, boy oh boy I would like to hand him a crayon and not worry if isn't his favorite shade of yellow. KWIM?