How to ?: Donations in lieu of flowers

[RootAnn]

My ex-SIL's father died. I'm heading to the "friends gathering" tonight. I'm a grown woman, but I admit that my mother always dealt with funeral donations growing up & still does when it is someone we all know. When it is one of my friends's relatives, I've gotten out of the donation thing because I just send flowers. But, I want to learn this. Thus, my question.

 

For those of you who give a donation to the group the family requests in lieu of flowers, do you include cash in the memorial card? A check written to the family or written to the specific group they are requesting, or do you track down the info on the group & send it separately?

 

(I think my mom has always written a check to the group itself & included it in the card, but I'm not sure.)

[TrulySusan]

We donate directly to the organization. Even online, there is usually a way to indicate it is a memorial.

 

Eta: The group will also send notice to the family that a donation was made (usually names not tied to specific $ amounts).

Edited March 17, 2017 by TrulySusan

[Tenaj]

When I did this, I wrote the check directly to the organization and mailed it to the organization. In this case it was a large national organization. The family must of received a report if who donated in the name if the deceased because I received a thank-you card from them.

 

I've been on the other side of this as treasurer of our small church. Usually the check is made out to the church and then we mail the tax statement back to the giver. I've never made the connection of letting the family know who made donations. I will have to consider this for next time.

[unsinkable]

I write a check to the family and say something like, "please use for expenses or donate in

'John's name' at your discretion."

 

This way, if some unexpected expense comes up, they have it and they know it's OK to use if needed.

Edited March 17, 2017 by unsinkable

[happi duck]

Around here envelopes addressed to the charity are provided so I have always assumed that one sends the check directly.

 

When my sister lost her husband unexpectedly people gave cash in cards to help her out with expenses. So I think cash would be assumed to be for the family.

[gardenmom5]

My ex-SIL's father died. I'm heading to the "friends gathering" tonight. I'm a grown woman, but I admit that my mother always dealt with funeral donations growing up & still does when it is someone we all know. When it is one of my friends's relatives, I've gotten out of the donation thing because I just send flowers. But, I want to learn this. Thus, my question.

 

For those of you who give a donation to the group the family requests in lieu of flowers, do you include cash in the memorial card? A check written to the family or written to the specific group they are requesting, or do you track down the info on the group & send it separately?

 

(I think my mom has always written a check to the group itself & included it in the card, but I'm not sure.)

 

donation is directly to the organization - and there is usually a card commemorating it.

I strongly urge - either give to the organization the family asks, flowers, or nothing.  don't' give to your own pet organization.  (I know you're not planning on it, but people do. it doesn't make the family "feel good".  in fact, I was pretty darn pissed at the message of "your loss is an excuse to give to my pet organization.")

[SebastianCat]

Both of DH's parents have passed away within the past 2 years.   We requested donations to the Alzheimer's Association in lieu of flowers for both of their funerals.   We received several statements from the Alz. Assoc. indicating that gifts had been given in honor of his mom or in honor of his dad, by specific individuals, with no amounts listed.   

 

I've never heard of putting a check or cash in a sympathy card.   I wonder if that's a regional thing, or if that would be appropriate based on the family's need?   

 

A friend of our family passed away very suddenly last year.   He was 41 years old, married, father of 6 kids, and they homeschool their children.   The family set up a Go Fund Me account for the children's education, and they received an overwhelming response from the community and their church family.   I could see where cash or a check made out directly to his wife would be appropriate in that situation, where it probably wouldn't have been appropriate, or really needed, in the case of my ILs.   

[Bootsie]

 

I strongly urge - either give to the organization the family asks, flowers, or nothing.  don't' give to your own pet organization. 

When my dad died and when my in-laws died, some people gave to organizations that were not the one or two we specified, but that did not bother me.  In fact, it often pointed to some special bond those individuals had with my father.  Sometimes it was a way in which I learned more about how my dad had significantly touched other people's lives.  (Perhaps I would have felt differently if any of the organizations seemed totally opposed to my father's ideals and values.)

[poppy]

Both of DH's parents have passed away within the past 2 years. We requested donations to the Alzheimer's Association in lieu of flowers for both of their funerals. We received several statements from the Alz. Assoc. indicating that gifts had been given in honor of his mom or in honor of his dad, by specific individuals, with no amounts listed.

 

I've never heard of putting a check or cash in a sympathy card. I wonder if that's a regional thing, or if that would be appropriate based on the family's need?

 

A friend of our family passed away very suddenly last year. He was 41 years old, married, father of 6 kids, and they homeschool their children. The family set up a Go Fund Me account for the children's education, and they received an overwhelming response from the community and their church family. I could see where cash or a check made out directly to his wife would be appropriate in that situation, where it probably wouldn't have been appropriate, or really needed, in the case of my ILs.

My mom got some restaurant gift cards. That was nice.

[gardenmom5]

When my dad died and when my in-laws died, some people gave to organizations that were not the one or two we specified, but that did not bother me.  In fact, it often pointed to some special bond those individuals had with my father.  Sometimes it was a way in which I learned more about how my dad had significantly touched other people's lives.  (Perhaps I would have felt differently if any of the organizations seemed totally opposed to my father's ideals and values.)

 

different circumstance - as i said - it was this person's PET ORGANIZATION and had nothing whatever to do with my father.

 

if it had been someone donating to some mutual organization between them (that wasn't the one my mother specified), that wouldn't' have bothered me.

[Farrar]

Directly to the organization requested. Or if there is no organization and you choose one, still directly. I've never given to an organization and not had them have a way to do it in someone's honor. They will notify the family if you put in their information. However, you could also note it in the card. Totally different situation, but when I gave in honor of my sister's wedding instead of giving a gift, I just printed the little thing from the organization and taped it in the card.

[RootAnn]

Thanks everyone.

Heading out now. I appreciate the assistance - both for now & in the future.