YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) I homeschooled my oldest until 9th grade. He wanted to go to high school and we found what we thought was the right fit. Ninth grade went rather well. He made friends, did reasonably well in school, and obeyed the rules. This year, the 10th grade, we have had nothing but trouble. He refuses to get up on time, mouths off to instructors, ignores rules, sleeps in class, doesn't do assignments, and fails tests. His behavior at home is no better, dare I say even worse! I've (his father, his grandparents, the teachers and admin at the school) been telling him that high school is for real. He has wanted to be a veterinarian forever, but with his grades there is no way that could happen. He has applied for summer vet programs this year. I have told him that he is wasting his grandmother's money (she is paying the 16K yearly tuition) and that he should come back home to mature and finish up high school. I have zero desire to do any of the teaching; I figure while we sort of get along, being directly responsible for teaching him will be a miserable failure (besides I have three other kids at home that need to keep learning). Last night, he said he would think about it since it looks like he will be getting a suspension for rule breaking by next week. :unsure: I am looking at online high school programs that are college prep, but unless something radically changes, I don't see him going back to a Classical (rigorous) program. so the WTMA is out. Any suggestions for good ones with a level of accountability and good interfacing/teaching? I'm not looking for a "just read the textbook, spit out the answer back at the teacher" kind of program. He'd be starting in February so I'm not even sure what to do with the first semester at his school especially since his grades seem to be mostly Cs and Ds. I guess he would have to start all over again? That might not be the worst thing to happen to him. He will also have to get a job and take care of home responsibilities. I hope this will make a difference because if it doesn't I think I might fall apart. Edited February 2, 2017 by YaelAldrich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Have you looked into what caused the shift (drugs, friend influence)? I ask because you might need to spend the rest of this school year getting his attitude under adjustment and then have him retake 10th grade completely next year. (Trying to be honest but gentle and failing miserably at the latter.) 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Have you looked into what caused the shift (drugs, friend influence)? I ask because you might need to spend the rest of this school year getting his attitude under adjustment and then have him retake 10th grade completely next year. (Trying to be honest but gentle and failing miserably at the latter.) Oh, we have tried and tried to figure out what is going on with the abrupt shift in behavior. We thought it might be because there was a boy in the school who bullied him and others, but he left several months ago. His friends are generally good kids. He's been in therapy for couple of months with no apparent changes. We think he might be depressed and he has an appointment with a psychiatric nurse to discuss his situation next week. I'm open to that situation. I just wish I knew what was going on with him. You were being gentle. Don't worry about my feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Is this the child with mono and attends a high stress, long days high school? If so, that could that be fueling the depression and behaviors. Edited February 2, 2017 by itsheresomewhere 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Is this the child with mono and attends a high stress, long days high school? If so, that could that be fueling the depression. Yes, he had mono and he does attend a high stress, long day high school. He's been cleared of mono. Any Jewish high school is going to be a long day due to the dual (Jewish/secular) curriculum and/or intense Jewish studies. He succeeded last year and we cannot figure out happened this fall. This behavior occurred long before mono showed up. It could be fueling the depression, I admit. Which is one of the reasons to bring him home. Edited February 2, 2017 by YaelAldrich Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Yes, he had mono and he does attend a high stress, long day high school. He's been cleared of mono. Any Jewish high school is going to be a long day due to the dual (Jewish/secular) curriculum and/or intense Jewish studies. He succeeded last year and we cannot figure out happened this fall. This behavior occurred long before mono showed up. It could be fueling the depression, I admit. Which is one of the reasons to bring him home. I know you said get a job in your first post but what about putting that on hold until at least summer. Maybe take this time while you figure out what is going on to rebuild. Is there a program that might interest him for volunteering? Maybe a local shelter? I don't know if this would fit while you figure out the best course but acellus does have secular high school courses. It is not too expensive. Some I am very close with, had the same issues with her child. They did a year at home along with therapy. It did help so much. The child was a good kid but the anxiety and depression just wrecked havoc with her workload. It is a tough road and I wish you luck. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 (edited) Could it be that in the fall, he was already starting to feel the symptoms of mono coming on, which can include difficulty concentrating and whatnot? That caused him to not to do well in school, which would be depressing and additionally stressful, on top of the normal stress of the school. And I'm surprised he's so much better already after his mono. Maybe he's still got some lingering effects, which again are affecting his abilities to do well in an-already stressful situation. That would be angering and depressing. Edited February 2, 2017 by perkybunch 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 What does he say when you ask him what's going on with his behavior? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted February 2, 2017 Share Posted February 2, 2017 Could it be that in the fall, he was already starting to feel the symptoms of mono coming on, which can include difficulty concentrating and whatnot? That caused him to not to do well in school, which would be depressing and additionally stressful, on top of the normal stress of the school. And I'm surprised he's so much better already after his mono. Maybe he's still got some lingering effects, which again are affecting his abilities to do well in an-already stressful situation. That would be angering and depressing. I am thinking that too. Medically, he could be cleared of mono but could still be dealing with the lingering affects. It really does take a toll on the body. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 I know you said get a job in your first post but what about putting that on hold until at least summer. Maybe take this time while you figure out what is going on to rebuild. Is there a program that might interest him for volunteering? Maybe a local shelter? I don't know if this would fit while you figure out the best course but acellus does have secular high school courses. It is not too expensive. Some I am very close with, had the same issues with her child. They did a year at home along with therapy. It did help so much. The child was a good kid but the anxiety and depression just wrecked havoc with her workload. It is a tough road and I wish you luck. A job or volunteering, I don't really care which. He needs to stay busy and accountable to someone/something else besides his parents. It would be awesome if he could find something animal or small kid centered as he has talents with both groups. I am happy to support him in finding something appropriate. I didn't know about Acellus. I also remembered our own state has Connections Academy. We can afford to pay for school, but free may not be so bad either. If anyone has any knowledge about them, I would appreciate it. I am amenable to taking a year off if that's what he needs. All I want is for my son to be a mentsch (human being). Anything else will be gravy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 Could it be that in the fall, he was already starting to feel the symptoms of mono coming on, which can include difficulty concentrating and whatnot? That caused him to not to do well in school, which would be depressing and additionally stressful, on top of the normal stress of the school. And I'm surprised he's so much better already after his mono. Maybe he's still got some lingering effects, which again are affecting his abilities to do well in an-already stressful situation. That would be angering and depressing. I am thinking that too. Medically, he could be cleared of mono but could still be dealing with the lingering affects. It really does take a toll on the body. Anything is possible, but the school year began in August and he was clearly diagnosed at the end of December. That's a very long incubation period. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 2, 2017 Author Share Posted February 2, 2017 What does he say when you ask him what's going on with his behavior? Stare at us or grunt, "Nothing." Or the best one, "Who cares?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Stare at us or grunt, "Nothing." Or the best one, "Who cares?" :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yvonne Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (edited) Stare at us or grunt, "Nothing." Or the best one, "Who cares?" :grouphug: :grouphug: You mentioned that he had friends in 9th grade. Does he still have those friends? New ones? Any friend? A friend was in a similar situation. Drastic difference in her sweet dd between 9th and 10th grade....behavior, attitude, grades. Turned out not to be drugs, but some sort of friend/social issue. 9th grade was great; 10th grade was unbearable. She became clinically depressed. Fortunately, her parents pulled her out mid-year and got her counseling & medication for the depression. She switched to another school the following fall and things went smoothly after that. She's very happy an doing very well in her second year of college. If it isn't drugs causing the drastic change in your son, I'd look at his friends. Are they pulling him down? Does he have any this year? Can you do anything to encourage/foster/nurture any good friendships he might have or any potential friendships? If you can't really do much on the social/friend front (it might be too touchy for him), can you help him look for/find some "real" work/volunteer opportunity? Something that really does matter/is significant. Work with kids and/or animals is a great idea! If he wants to be a vet, can he volunteer at a vet's office in some capacity? If he likes working with children, is there a local public school he could volunteer at? One can derive a true sense of self-worth by doing things that help others. When you have a true sense of self-worth, you see the petty social issues at school in a much different light. This may be totally off, colored by what I saw of my friend's dd's experience. I wish you the best. These sorts of things make a mom's heart ache. :grouphug: :grouphug: Edited February 3, 2017 by yvonne 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 :grouphug: :grouphug: You mentioned that he had friends in 9th grade. Does he still have those friends? New ones? Any friend? A friend was in a similar situation. Drastic difference in her sweet dd between 9th and 10th grade....behavior, attitude, grades. Turned out not to be drugs, but some sort of friend/social issue. 9th grade was great; 10th grade was unbearable. She became clinically depressed. Fortunately, her parents pulled her out mid-year and got her counseling & medication for the depression. She switched to another school the following fall and things went smoothly after that. She's very happy an doing very well in her second year of college. If it isn't drugs causing the drastic change in your son, I'd look at his friends. Are they pulling him down? Does he have any this year? Can you do anything to encourage/foster/nurture any good friendships he might have or any potential friendships? If you can't really do much on the social/friend front (it might be too touchy for him), can you help him look for/find some "real" work/volunteer opportunity? Something that really does matter/is significant. Work with kids and/or animals is a great idea! If he wants to be a vet, can he volunteer at a vet's office in some capacity? If he likes working with children, is there a local public school he could volunteer at? One can derive a true sense of self-worth by doing things that help others. When you have a true sense of self-worth, you see the petty social issues at school in a much different light. This may be totally off, colored by what I saw of my friend's dd's experience. I wish you the best. These sorts of things make a mom's heart ache. :grouphug: :grouphug: He has friends; the same ones from his ninth grade year and some of the new ninth graders too. They ask him to go out, sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. He did more of that last year. He really needs something new. His school asked him to take a break from school until he gets to both his therapist (Monday) and the new psych nurse (Tuesday). They have had to tighten up the lateness policy (he was one of the worst ones) and they don't want the negative peer pressure while they get the other kids back in line. So I'm sending he and his brother to the airport (by public transport) to pick up a friend tomorrow. That will take a couple of hours and get them doing something different. My second son's bar mitzvah is this weekend and there is the additional stress of relatives coming, several public meals and lots of people around, my sister's recent passing, and this. I am cooked well-done at this point. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RootAnn Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 my sister's recent passing, and this. I am cooked well-done at this point. :grouphug: So sorry to hear. My sympathies on your loss. I was wondering if this was the kid with mono as I followed that thread. There has to be a reason for the sudden change from last year to this year. Just bringing him home isn't going to fix things & will end up giving you a bigger headache if you are trying to enforce your household rules and have him do schoolwork. He's currently accountable to an outside person (his school) and isn't following through. You'll be wasting money on online classes the rest of this school year (probably) if you sign him up now. No matter what, it is going to be a long hill to climb. I'm so sorry. :sad: Parenting definitely isn't for wimps. I hope his two appointments next week are helpful. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 (((((Hugs))))) praying you are able to get to the root of the issue. Do take time to take care of yourself. You have a lot on your plate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Library Momma Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Most of the students I know that are interested in a veterinary career attend one of our state's agri-science high schools. Is that an option for your son? There is a hands on aspect that might make the experience more interesting and best of all it's free. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted February 3, 2017 Author Share Posted February 3, 2017 Most of the students I know that are interested in a veterinary career attend one of our state's agri-science high schools. Is that an option for your son? There is a hands on aspect that might make the experience more interesting and best of all it's free. That's an interesting idea, but we city-dwellers. :) Public school is not an option on the table right now anyways. Thank you for the great idea! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathy_overman Posted February 3, 2017 Share Posted February 3, 2017 Hugs to you. My son has been having friend issues and it SO dragging him down. I want to help him find something that builds him up. We all need a part of our life in which we feel competent and which feeds our self-esteem. Can you help him - sometimes this looks like forcing - to do something you believe will make him feel good about himself? For example - Last night my son got in the car crying over his friends being mean to him - he did not want to go to his Civil Air Patrol meeting. He wanted to go home and feel sorry for himself. I said no, he had to go to the meeting, and guess what, a change of scenery, the interaction - it all helped him see beyond the friend issue ( he is still bothered by the 'issue'). We all need to be reminded that the world is bigger than it often feels. Back to your original question ... I would sign him up for an online school like Connections. We tried several of the online charter schools in PA and they were all very different. I would look into what online programs your state offers. They can be joined through the year. We found all the ones we tried to be relatively easy, focused on box checking - just a get it done curriculum. This may be a good break for him for the rest of the year. Know you are not alone - raising teens is an adventure into the unknown - well at least for some teens. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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