bethben Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 It looks like my special needs son will be home full time. His school program is failing him big time and he is no longer safe there. I am drowning in stress due to multiple needs. Imagine having full time toddler needs but knowing that your toddler will never get older so you will always have a toddler. Now imagine you're also in your mid 40s and your toddler is your size. I need to rethink my life. I know that school won't get done by noon. My kids wouldn't always be done, but my time with them usually was. Im thinking about going back to Sonlight because my special son enjoys being read to, but I am liking the dialectic questions my 12 year old is doing with TOG (which requires discussion time from me). I also need to rethink groceries. We are constantly running out and I do not have time to go grocery shopping. I am having trouble just cooking. I am wiped out by that time. I can have the grocery store bring groceries out to my car after I shop online, but that still doesn't work through my energy level by the time I need to make food. Money is a little bit of an issue, but energy levels and time are a bigger issue now. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 Have you exhausted all avenues working through the school system to accommodate him? It sounds like they are failing in their legal responsibility. If they cannot accomodate him in the setting he is in they can change the setting--private placement, or maybe sending an aid to your home to work with him? 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 So many hugs to you. I would definitely look at what Maize mentioned above. Public school paying for private placement or homebound. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 During a particularly difficult time last year, I used the local grocery's online order/drive in pickup service. It was a lifesaver. I know that's a small part of your overall challenges, but maybe it would work to remove a bit of the burden. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 ((hugs)) I have a 15yo with intellectual disabilities. First, what does your DC do on his own. Will he watch TV. If so, let him watch hours of TV now while you get into a new routine and don't feel guilty. Food/grocery. Menu plan and use your slow cooker all the time. Supplement that by doing freezer meals that you cook in bulk every 2-3 months. This is a routine that takes a bit of time to organize, but then works great. I usually had menus 3 months out. Get on local support group lists for parents with special needs DC. The local Listserv can be a great support to you to tell you what services and activities are available. Apply for money for a personal care assistant. This could come through Medicaid waivers or other sources. Hook up with local social services to find out what you need to do to get help. Local parents you meet through support groups can help you with this. A personal care assistant can take care of your DC either at home or by taking him to activities while you are doing stuff for other family members. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 This might be one time to suggest a public charter school if your state has them and can individualize for the academic level of your special needs child. That would get him some of the public school services, but would keep him out of harms way of other students (if that is the issue). I have heard of some online charter schools providing some in home support for students with extreme special needs, but I don't know what criteria they use. Amazon Pantry and other mail order grocery services might help you, but products on Amazon are more expensive than most store brands that I would buy. Convience foods, paper plates, sandwiches for lunches, stuff that your kids can fix on their own. Could you assign the 15 yr nod and the 12 yr old each two,days per week that they have to plan and cook dinnner. Although my DD is older than that, I have just started having her take care of dinner two days per week. She does it all including running to,the store to get any missing items. We eat whatever she makes- no questions and no complaints. I wish I had thought of this a long time ago. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 When time is tight, I order groceries from Fresh Direct. They tend be price with the grocery stores here. Look around for the bed coupon with them. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom of 2 boys Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I have a 2 and a 5 year old, both with autism, home with me right now. I make a menu and use it to limit grocery shopping to one trip per week. My husband preps meats for me on the weekend (I would still probably do it myself on the weekend if he didn't.) and separates them out into individual plastic bags for each meal for the whole week. He will usually prep veggies when need be as well. This helps tremendously when I'm running out of time and energy in the evening, all I really have to do is dump the food in a pan and cook it. We also do sandwiches once per week and a rotisserie chicken on grocery shopping day because they're easy. Pulled chicken/beef is a good crockpot meal because there is no prep. Just dump the meat in and dump some BBQ sauce on it when it's cooked. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to handle both prepping and cooking on weeknights right now. I can hardly manage to dump and fry a bag of chicken chunks. Oh, also, we've been doing frozen rice/veggies and tater tots for easy sides. Sometimes I'll fancy it up and bake some actual potatoes lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amo_mea_filiis. Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 This might be one time to suggest a public charter school if your state has them and can individualize for the academic level of your special needs child. That would get him some of the public school services, but would keep him out of harms way of other students (if that is the issue). I have heard of some online charter schools providing some in home support for students with extreme special needs, but I don't know what criteria they use.. My son has 20 hours a week (available, staffing issue) in home instructional aide through our cyber school. We had an evaluation (functional behavior assessment) done by a behavior analyst who recommended the hours. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 You're telling us to imagine but unless we have been there we really *can't*. Even with my toddlers and older kids I have no idea how hard that must be for you, both mentally and physically. You have all the hugs and sympathy and I hope you can find a workable balance that helps him and doesn't cause difficulty for you and the other kids. You've got a full plate mama :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 My son is 17 almost 18. I could sue for failure to provide IEP services (it's a legally binding contract with the school district). The teacher who recently quit because she just couldn't take the lack of support would agree with me. She has a student who can be very aggressive when agitated. The whole class of 5 moved to a safe room one time when she had an episode and another time she hit another student. The teacher asked for an aid just for her. The school refused. Their refusal has made it so the whole class suffers with achieving individual goals. He has 4 months left of that school and by the time anything is resolved, he'll be done. He is uneducable--it's not a pessimistic thought just a reality. Some kids are just like that. I have video of him doing similar activities now as when he was 18 months old. He does have services but they too are changing in 3 months so I don't want to go through the effort to get something that will change right away. I will try to figure out more crock pot type meals and freezer meals. I told DH that getting take out will happen once a week instead of once a month. I did talk with an advocate and came up with a plan that DH feels like is the only way that makes sense. I will for the first time with my children be officially homeschooling all of them. It's amazing how the school system can so totally fail to the point of neglect a whole classroom of vulnerable children. I think I'll get a plan together where my other kids will spend time with my oldest much like others do with their toddlers. I've told them they can read with him or play with him. It will be a positive experience for them. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 I have no advice and can only imagine how hard it is :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (edited) I haven't done anything near as hard as you are managing already, so I know that it will be a stretch for you to do even more. One of my coping strategies (with many fewer demands) is an intentional 'tea break' where I time a dose of caffeine, hydration and blood sugar boost (not sugary) to see me from pre-supper until after supper. For me this is 3:45: often tea with cheese or nuts, but sometimes it's water, a caffeine tablet, and anything handy to eat. Either way, it's fairly critical to my strategy for a successful day. (And I'm not ashamed to use tablets did caffeine if I want to.) Edited January 24, 2017 by bolt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 OP where are you? In the US he's supposed to have public school until age 22. I know you don't want him where he is now. Do you know what the next step was supposed to be. Was he to go to a new placement at the end of this school year? Did your IEP include discussion of post school placements at age 22. Do you know how to stay connected to take advantage of those placements. Such opportunities will vary widely by state. I know some people are urging taking steps towards due process for special education. That can a time consuming, emotionally draining process (and often expensive). You will have to decide what you can handle. I started down that road several years ago and had to abandoned it after running out of money. At that point I did get my ds in a new placement. Having siblings take turns readng or playing games with ds sounds like a great plan. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaBearTeacher Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 (Hugs))) I homeschool my 2 special needs boys and now they are both the same size as me but need everything done for them. They have to be watched all the time because otherwise they will do mischief or eat non edibles. They cannot even sit and watch a movie by themselves. For us, the academics go well, it's just the constant supervision that is hard. What has helped me is to be as organized as possible. What has helped with energy levels has been eating healthy at regular intervals, some caffeine or sugar, and sometimes, visualizing doing things in my head before I actually do them. Or, talking about it out loud. I also take time every night to rest i.e. go online and watch videos or come to this board. PM me if you want to. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bethben Posted January 24, 2017 Author Share Posted January 24, 2017 OP where are you? In the US he's supposed to have public school until age 22. I know you don't want him where he is now. Do you know what the next step was supposed to be. Was he to go to a new placement at the end of this school year? Did your IEP include discussion of post school placements at age 22. Do you know how to stay connected to take advantage of those placements. Such opportunities will vary widely by state. I know some people are urging taking steps towards due process for special education. That can a time consuming, emotionally draining process (and often expensive). You will have to decide what you can handle. I started down that road several years ago and had to abandoned it after running out of money. At that point I did get my ds in a new placement. Having siblings take turns readng or playing games with ds sounds like a great plan. Yes, I know he can have services until 21. Apparently, as long as i don't issue a diploma, I can have him attend transition services next fall. So far, the one we did see that was "highly" recommended was basically adult day care where we figured he would spend most of his day in a corner being his usual content self because he didn't make much racket and they didn't really have the space needed to care for so many adults. Parents of toddlers would have been horrified if they had the number of toddlers in that space much less adults with wheelchairs and walkers. So, I'm still looking for some place that he would enjoy and we could trust. Trust is huge with me. The school has broken the trust BIG time and I am not going to try to fight them at this point. I know what constitutes a good special ed program. He had it in the previous state we lived in. Transition services from 18-21 left much to be desired there, but we were in a small town and I didn't expect much different. Transition services at some places I plan to visit sound much better and it makes me wonder why they don't provide similar in the public school system. Next step is to figure out how to set up transition services for fall and get him out of a bad situation without having to fight them again. I have found an advocate so that's good. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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