gardenmom5 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I would ignore the request, and if pressed I would try very hard to quote Plink. I might also mention to my parents his thoughts about the houses, so that they can set him straight if need be (if they like). Normally I wouldn't think it my place to say anything, but if you and he are the only heirs, things could get quite ugly if your parents don't make their wishes clear in advance. IN WRITING! in the form of a legal document. My mother didn't want to do it, and I had to remind her she'd be deceased and I would have to deal with the ugliness. A thoroughly written trust only cut down on the ugliness, but I still had to deal with it for three years after she died. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I get why you don't want to help. And as I previously said, you have no obligation too. Adding that the Go Fund Me is common now for non emergency things. We are still without income and job hunting. It has been repeatedly suggested to me to start a Go Fund Me page to get help. I didn't, because of the judgement that comes from doing so. Also adding, if you decide to help. Help with no strings attached. my experience in helping family and friends, and receiving help...it is easier for everyone (and less judgement/hurt) if there are no expectations. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I would not give. I might offer an appointment with a financial councillor if I had the funds. Someone neutral who could help him figure out a way forward. Relying on other people to fund you is not a financial plan (I am sympathetic to financial crisis, but needing to move is an expense which should be planned for if you're renting, not a crisis and I'd assume it reflects an overall lack of financial awareness). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 (edited) He told me at Christmas or last summer that life should be about "having fun". I am just glad his idea of fun doesn't involve drinking or drugs. I'd tell him I totally agree that life should be about having fun, and that giving my money to him isn't my idea of "fun", so, nope, sorry, he's getting nada. Edited August 1, 2016 by luuknam 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I'd tell him I totally agree that life should be about having fun, and that giving my money to him isn't my idea of "fun", so, nope, sorry, he's getting nada. :rofl: Imagine the fun texts you could send... I was going to send you $100 but then I saw these fun shoes. Aren't they the cutest? Carpe diem, right? 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hope your folks have a will that states all assets are to be divided equally among their children. None of this 'Junior needs more money than Susie so he gets the houses since Susie already has one" that just leads to more bad feeling among siblings. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 I believe in helping people but I don't see how helping them move to a high cost of living area is helping them when they already can't pay the bills. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Hope your folks have a will that states all assets are to be divided equally among their children. None of this 'Junior needs more money than Susie so he gets the houses since Susie already has one" that just leads to more bad feeling among siblings. Oh, and send him a copy of The Grasshopper and the Ant. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted August 1, 2016 Share Posted August 1, 2016 Somebody should tell him that people shouldn't bank on inheriting any houses, let alone two, especially far into the future, unless they've seen the will! Most people sell in order to pay their final expenses (or retirement home), or to bequeath money instead of real estate. I mean, some people do leave their house to their child, of course, but it's not compulsory. And someone ought to clue him in about the term "Medicaid spend down." Because if mom and dad haven't planned carefully for their elder years, there could be nothing to inherit. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 I have deleted his email. I think I am going to just ignore it. I doubt he will put in the effort to call me and ask about it. Even if he does, if we don't answer the phone when he calls or return his call, I think it is unlikely he will be persistent. This is basically what I would do given the circumstances. If you ever pick up The Dance of Anger, there's actually an example of a brother/sister relationship where the brother keeps asking for money. There are some sample responses the sister can use, most if not all ways of declining sending money to the brother. We had some "friends"? ask for money once. When we declined (dh wrote a lengthy response explaining our own financial hurdles) we were deleted as friends on FB and now have no communication with them. If we had agreed I guess we'd maybe still be "friends" but at what cost? The guy asked us for money to pay his cable bill for his online class(es). 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 At some point, he needs to realize it isn't "fun" to constantly have money worries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2016 Share Posted August 2, 2016 Hope your folks have a will that states all assets are to be divided equally among their children. None of this 'Junior needs more money than Susie so he gets the houses since Susie already has one" that just leads to more bad feeling among siblings. even with a very well written trust, with all details clear (at least to lawyers) it was to be an equitable division of her assets (after everything was paid), it was ugly as the entitled child kept threatening us - becasue . . . 'they deserved 'more''. I honestly think if he could have paid a lawyer upfront to take his case, we would have been sued. (an idiot legal aid at the navy base did sent us threatening letters on his behalf) but no lawyer will take a case if they think they won't eventually collect. (and the trust was clear). dh didn't take a fee as executor - even though he was legally entitled to one. honestly, he probably should have. though he did refuse to close out the whole estate for three years and held back a portion of their inheritance so if "entitled child" did sue us, the estate would pay the executors legal bills. he'd also previously sent links to a fundraising site for his dd's summer camp. she doesn't have special needs, and it was just a 'cool' summer camp. if you think it's so great, pay for it yourself. (between two incomes and military pension- he had to have been pulling down north of $150K per year. they couldn't live on that. - which is a point. people who lack fiscal discipline - will spend however much they have. amount really is irrelevant. OP - your brother does sound like one who it doesn't matter how much he's making - he'll spend it all and be in debt becasue that is his attitude towards money. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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