NorthwestMom Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Just got an email from the lawyer that there is nothing he can do for me at this point. I don't have standing. If/when I get a notice of repayment I'll hire one. Definitely keep in touch with a lawyer and follow up regularly, every time some new information comes up. The government is a hot mess about these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I don't have anything to offer beyond my absolute sympathy. And man, oh man, I am SO glad you aren't married to him any longer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Valley Girl Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 I will contact his mother AND his sister...I have her on Facebook too. Maybe one of them will be able to get him to realize this isn't a "wait and see" kind of situation. So...yeah. Gee, wonder why we aren't still married....sigh. Hopefully the fact that this mess could haunt their grandson/nephew into his adult life will spur everyone on that side to push your ex to get it together. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 You have my deepest sympathies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PinkyandtheBrains. Posted March 1, 2016 Share Posted March 1, 2016 Even though he has no money, i recommend filing for child support as a CYA move. You need to cover all your bases and get all your ducks in a row, just in case. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 1, 2016 Author Share Posted March 1, 2016 Definitely keep in touch with a lawyer and follow up regularly, every time some new information comes up. The government is a hot mess about these things. I will. But he said it would be a $1,500 retainer to just start filling out the waiver form. And that I could and probably should do it myself at the SSA office. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Well, I told DH, who handled it WAY better than I anticipated. (yay for better living through chemistry...he's been on an antidepressant for about 6 months and the change is huge....he can handle bad news now without totally going into panic.) And it turns out his cousin, who I chat with on Facebook all the time, works for the social security administration. So I'm going to contact her tomorrow and ask some questions and get more info from her. And will stay on my ex, and eventually contact his mother/sister if need be. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 (edited) Give your husband a big smooch tonight for being smart, kind, and responsible. I can see exactly why your first marriage didn't make it - being someone's wife is supposed to be different than being their guardian or mother! What an irresponsible, clueless jerk! Big hugs, I'm sorry for so much stress you and your whole family didn't need :grouphug: Edited March 2, 2016 by Arctic Mama Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Give your husband a big smooch tonight for being smart, kind, and responsible. I can see exactly why your first marriage didn't make it - being someone's wife is supposed to be different than being their guardian of mother! What an irresponsible, clueless jerk! Big hugs, I'm sorry for so much stress you and your whole family didn't need :grouphug: Thank you. It took me a long long time to get up the gumption to divorce him, but it was the best decision I ever made in my life. This is just one more example of what life was like married to him. I was working 12 hour days, commuting another hour each way, and coming home to him still laying in bed while my 5 year old had eating nothing but potato chips all day because Daddy was tired/had a headache/depressed/etc. I was working to put a roof over our heads and to pay for him to go to college, but he kept dropping out. He'd just stop going. And once he was too embarrassed/worried to tell me so he just kept leaving for class, then hanging out at the library. I found out months later. And was out ht money once again, because rather than stay on top of things and withdraw on time he'd let it linger. Same with the divorce papers, he strung it out forever not because he contested anything but because he couldn't be bothered. Same with the annulment papers. It's par for the course. I just didn't think that he'd still be messing up my life financially 10 years after divorcing him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 Thank you. It took me a long long time to get up the gumption to divorce him, but it was the best decision I ever made in my life. This is just one more example of what life was like married to him. I was working 12 hour days, commuting another hour each way, and coming home to him still laying in bed while my 5 year old had eating nothing but potato chips all day because Daddy was tired/had a headache/depressed/etc. I was working to put a roof over our heads and to pay for him to go to college, but he kept dropping out. He'd just stop going. And once he was too embarrassed/worried to tell me so he just kept leaving for class, then hanging out at the library. I found out months later. And was out ht money once again, because rather than stay on top of things and withdraw on time he'd let it linger. Same with the divorce papers, he strung it out forever not because he contested anything but because he couldn't be bothered. Same with the annulment papers. It's par for the course. I just didn't think that he'd still be messing up my life financially 10 years after divorcing him. I'd be absolutely furious. That raises my blood pressure even to read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Anne Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 He's calling them now to find out what is going on. But I'm scared. Really scared. and how do I defend myself when I don't have any of the details of my ex working, etc? I mean, I have NO information to use here. Tell them exactly that. Appeal now and get an lawyer now. Hope you find reasonable people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 Tell them exactly that. Appeal now and get an lawyer now. Hope you find reasonable people. Turns out I can't appeal, because it is based on his case, and I have no standing. I talked to a lawyer and he told me the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I hope the cousin can help you out, or give you peace of mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 2, 2016 Author Share Posted March 2, 2016 I hope the cousin can help you out, or give you peace of mind. Me too. I laid it all out for her, haven't heard back yet. I'm hoping if nothing else she can help me tell when my ex is lying about stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 3, 2016 Author Share Posted March 3, 2016 Small update: I spoke with my husband's cousin, who works at the SSA. She said no, a "note in the computer" means nothing, as I suspected. She also said that they are dong a lot of benefit reviews now because the budget for them was recently increased. The good news is that since he still isn't working he can apply for an "expedited reinstatement of benefits" and doesn't have to reapply for disability. it's much easier, and would be backdated to as soon as he stopped working. So, there should only be a few months of overpayment, if any. And that it would be taken out of my son's payment over time, a small amount at a time, but I could certainly ask for a waiver and should get it because it wasn't my fault and I wasn't aware of my ex husband's work. But no matter what she can't see a scenario where they are expecting me to pay back years of overpayments or going after our assets. What a relief! Now, she said my ex needs to go into the freaking office and handle it, and file an appeal if he thinks they are wrong about the work (but that they use tax records, so probably they are right) and/or for the reinstatement of benefits. I emailed him all this info, and as of yesterday's mail he had not gotten a letter (so he says). I'll give it a few more days, then message his mom if this isn't being handled. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 What a royal pain!! Sounds like it's not as bad as it could have been. Hope your ex follows through with what he needs to do. How frustrating that, after being divorced for so long, it can affect you so much. That's not fair. So glad dh took it well and was helpful! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Anne Posted March 3, 2016 Share Posted March 3, 2016 Turns out I can't appeal, because it is based on his case, and I have no standing. I talked to a lawyer and he told me the same thing. Wow. Hope that means you are not responsible for the amounts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted March 6, 2016 Author Share Posted March 6, 2016 Ok, another update....he got a letter in the mail and it looks like it should be 8 months of payments that will need to be paid back. That's assuming he files for the expedited reinstatement and gets it. So about 5K instead of 15K. So better, but hopefully we can get a waiver and not pay anything back at all. If we can't, it will come out of his payments over time. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted April 18, 2016 Author Share Posted April 18, 2016 so, it all worked out!!!! They docked the payment for two months, by $200, but are giving it back next month in a lump sum, and then payments are actually going up by a few bucks! 37 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clementine Posted April 18, 2016 Share Posted April 18, 2016 Whew!! Glad it all worked out!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BooksandBoys Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 That's such a relief! Congrats! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 Yay!!! So glad you have this stress off your backs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamiof5 Posted April 19, 2016 Share Posted April 19, 2016 So glad it got resolved!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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