Moxie Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 My neighbor has a 13yo daughter who is my daughter's BFF. Since we are neighbors, BFF is here a lot so I know her well. I have talked to her dad several times but just neighbor talk. Dad has a long-term, off and on girlfriend. No one likes the girlfriend. Girlfriend wants a bigger house (than 5000 sq ft!) so she is pushing Dad to move. I do not want them to move; the girls are so close and BFF is a very sweet girl. BFF was complaining to me that girlfriend goes through her drawers. I told her to tell her dad. She said that her mother also told her to tell her dad but she wasn't going to. Should I mention it to dad? I want to because girlfriend is really crossing a line but also because I want her gone so they don't move (terrible, I know). Probably not, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I doubt the dad would kick the girlfriend out for that. It is more likely that the dad would get annoyed at his daughter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I doubt the dad would kick the girlfriend out for that. It is more likely that the dad would get annoyed at his daughter. That's the thing, I really think this would bother him. He is a really good dad and pretty protective of his kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 If the mom is aware of it, I think it is her place to inform the dad. If you were the only adult in the know, I'd say yes, 13 is still a child and needs an adult to step in in this situation. But if her mom knows, I think it's covered. I think the mom needs to tell the dad if the girl doesn't have the courage to do it. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Why was the girlfriend going through the drawers? How does BFF know? What was the context? Was she putting away some laundry and moving stuff around (on the innocent side)? Or looking for secret diaries (on the intrusive side)? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Stay out. She can decide if she wants to tell the dad. She has a parent who supports her doing so. That same parents can tell herself if she is concerned. You have no need to get involved. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I would stay out of it. As you said, the mom knows. It's her place to say something if the daughter does not. Telling him could have consequences you won't be happy with. What if he gets angry and forbids his daughter from seeing yours, whether they move or not? I would encourage the daughter to tell him, and be a good listening ear for her, while maintaining appropriate boundaries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 The most I would do is tell the girl she needs to tell her mom that she needs help telling the dad. You going to the dad could easily come off as meddling and hasten the move to get away from "those" neighbors. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I would not get involved. This is not a case of protecting the girl from abuse or neglect. You have no proof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I know I can't say anything. It just makes me so mad that this sweet girl feels like she has no privacy in her own home from a woman she doesn't care for, kwim? It is one thing for a parent to search drawers if they suspect an issue. It is a whole other thing for a woman who dates your dad to snoop through your stuff. Grrrr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Stepmom/girlfriend going through her drawers is annoying and invasive, but not abusive. I'd stay out of it, while gently encouraging BFF to confide in both of her parents, and of course, keeping my ears and eyes open for anything that is clearly abusive or dangerous, in which case, I'd contact either parent, whomever you feel more comfortable with. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I know I can't say anything. It just makes me so mad that this sweet girl feels like she has no privacy in her own home from a woman she doesn't care for, kwim? It is one thing for a parent to search drawers if they suspect an issue. It is a whole other thing for a woman who dates your dad to snoop through your stuff. Grrrr. Does the girlfriend live with the dad? What an awkward situation. I would try to encourage the girl to ask her mom to talk to her dad about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 From the outside, it's hard to know just what's happening. My first thought was that girlfriend was being motherly and straightening up some messy areas. Maybe she even thought it would be appreciated. Second thought was that maybe girlfriend suspected 13yo of stealing or some other sneaky behavior. Or maybe she was just looking for something when the kid wasn't around to help find it. I can't imagine too many other reasons why a grown woman would want to go through a 13yo's drawers. To me, this is like a wife having a fit about the toilet seat being up. The drawers probably aren't the real issue. The girl is probably struggling to accept her father's relationship, and her reasons may be rational or emotional or both. I don't think it's ever easy to be in that position, no matter how nice the parent's love interest is. Maybe the dad could use some advice on how to make this easier for his daughter. Unfortunately, I'm not sure the next-door neighbor is the person to give such advice. It would depend on how close you are. However, perhaps you could talk to the girl about getting deeper to the root of her feelings - what is she really worried about, is it rational, and is there anything she can do about it from her side? Is there a good fiction book that would help her think this through? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I'll be the dissenter. If I were friendly with the dad, I'd say something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Tough spot, but mom knows already, do you communicate with her? I'd probably stay out of it, but if I had to butt in, I'd offer to help her talk to her dad. You might even try helping the girl with pre-conversation practice; it might help her figure out what if anything to discuss with him. If she is going to talk to him, she needs to figure out what is bothering her and what she would like and needs done about it. ymmv Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I am going to stay out of it. Her mom knows and encouraged her to talk to dad. I'll leave it up to her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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