what to do

[mountains27]

So I've been homeschooling my two kids for 2 years now. They are 9 and 8. Every single time we sit down to do school work they complain. We don't do much, we are boardline unschooling at this point. they each do math for about 20-30 minutes with me, never independently because they wont do it if im not sitting there with them. They also each do WWE and my youngest does ETC and my oldest does cursive with HWT. Both also have the CTGE books but hate those books so much they shriek and hide when I bring them out! Collectively they probably do about an hour of work each on the days we do school work. There are days we take off because I work full time, mostly nights and weekends, but sometimes my work schedule makes it so they spend the day with my mom so I can work during daytime hours.

I have told them over and over that homeschooling cannot work if they dont stop complaining and put forth some effort. I sacrifice a lot to do this, I'm working fulltime and all my extra time goes into giving them this. It is beyond frustrating to hear them whine everyday and half ass their way through a lesson and obtain nothing from it.

My son was just tested because I thought his extreme resistance to anything school work related might be a learning disability. Nope, nothing was found. He scored well below his grade level but the results came back with no signs of a learning disability. So he's behind his peers, so what I'm not too worried about grade level, isnt that the beauty of HSing? kids get to learn at their pace, right? BUT what if they dont even want to learn? what if they pitch a fit every time you declare it "school time" and ask them to sit for 30 minutes and learn how to add!

 

Ugh, sorry this is all over the place but im at my wits end. I'm so ready to send them packing to the nearest elementary school some days but I SO want to give them this that it's mostly an empty threat :/ They both love homeschooling, and why wouldnt they, they get to play all day minus an hour when they whine their way though a few math problems and a little writing!

Do I need to try all new curriculum? Do I need to send them back to school? I'm so willing to be their teacher but how can I do it when they make it impossible! Any advice or experience is appreciated :)

[Jean in Newcastle]

Homeschooling (or any schooling for that matter) does not require kids to sit down without complaint.  Many kids will complain no matter what program you use, or where they go to school.  I'm not making light of the situation, but many of us simply ignore the complaints and soldier on providing the education they need.

 

We can help you decide if perhaps new curricula might be in order if you tell us what you are using. 

[mountains27]

Oh I know. I did my fair share of complaining when I was in school myself! :) I just know that they wouldn't be so hard on someone else trying to get them to do work and that's where I get doubting whether or not I should continue trying to be their teacher and get frustrated.

 

I think mostly I need a better LA approach. I like WWE but feel like they both need more then just that. They both have climbing to good english but are both really not huge fans of that and put up a big fuss when they have to do a page in those books. I'd like something to go along with WWE that covers everything else kids need in LA and is easy to implement.

[KrissiK]

My kids complain. Or they used to until they realized it did no good. Though they still complain some. Some kids enjoy academics, others do not. Mine don't. But the law says they must be educated, so educated they will be. ( at least that's what I tell the kids). Don't cater to them, don't change curriculum, just say, "this is what you are going to do. If it is not done correctly and in a reasonable amount of time with cooperation, you will not get ......(whatever it is they want - tv time, video game,etc), I am here to help you, but I will not do yur work for you! Now get to it, buster!" I mean, finally, homeschool is not like you see in the covers of the curriculum catalogs. Some moms bend over backwards to make school fun and all that, but their kids don't care because they just don't like school. They'd rather be playing. That's my kids. I gave up the rosie, sweet cuddling on the couch homeschool dream years ago. My kids don't hate school, I don't make it miserable, but we just get it done. They know what is expected, they do their work and then go on to other things they'd rather do.

[Southern Ivy]

My students moan and groan every time I make them put away iPads to do actual work. So, chances are your kids would moan and groan in school, too! :D 

Not really helpful, but I think it's just par for the course sometimes. 

[HomeAgain]

They complain, but it is less so when we have a good routine going.  We start out with no electronics between 8 and 3. Already, the main preferred activity is off the table, so I'm not going to hear as much resistance as if it were on.  Second, we do the same subjects, every day.  Third, I give warnings and alternate sitting and activity.  If we sit for 15 minutes, we go do an activity.  If I require concentration for 10 active minutes, we rest the brain after.  I keep lessons short, but have the option to come back to it (and at 8 & 9yo, that would be a definite).  Last, character training is part of our homeschool.  The enjoyment of the lesson is not up to me - just like my job is to put food in front of a kid, his job to eat it, my job is to present lessons, his job to learn them.  I can make creative, interesting lessons, but some may just be boring, and that is where character training comes in - to work through diligently regardless of how they feel, and look for something that is interesting to them.  It is not my job to listen to noisy complaints. My job to teach how to complain effectively and when to stop venting when it's out of their power.

[FloridaLisa]

I wouldn't let me kids do it. But we just had a talk about complaining when I asked 2 of my boys to do an extra chore. If it's tolerated, they'll probably keep doing it. So... first thing I always do is check my own attitude. 9 times out of 10, I've let complaining {or whatever attitude I'm seeing reflected in my kids} creep out of my own mouth. Ouch. Heart check. 

 

Second, next time it happens, stop everything and make a short statement. "Hey guys, no bellyaching, we do school. This is what we do and no complaints. Let's try it again." And then, give the "time to start math" announcement and let them respond well. As an aside, I noticed some parents ask questions rather than announce "Who's ready to do math?" or "Are you ready to start school now?"  I noticed in our co-op that it just sets off a knee-jerk reaction of Nooooooo from the kids. Whether they really mean it or not.

 

Finally, if you've modeled and talked about good attitudes and responses and walked through it and they're still doing it after a few days, then a consequence. And you don't need to give a fair warning for it really.

 

But this is how we do it because I could absolutely not homeschool my kids or parent them well if I was battling consistent complaining. And I don't think it helps them mature and approach life's responsibilities well -- or authority for that matter. 

[HomeAgain]

I totally second FloridaLisa!  Sometimes, it's all my tone.

"Ready to start school?" is interpreted as an option.  If I force it after asking a question, I will get resistance.

 

"It's time to do math.  Grab your book, pencil, and blocks.  I'll set the timer for 20 minutes." - total boss here.  I'm not going to negotiate.

My youngest likes having a written schedule.  I'll do that for him on a white board so he can check things off and doesn't feel taken unawares.  It also gives him a little flexibility where we can barter - which subject next, where to do them, small choices within a subject like picking a reading book.  Things like that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

RE. Language arts.  What exactly do you want to cover?  At 8 and 9 years old we read books, did a bit of oral grammar, read and recited poetry, did narrations and illustrated them.  I didn't use a formal curriculum so I'm probably not the best resource. Oh, I did use a spelling book.   Hopefully others will have better suggestions for you. 

 

edited to fix spelling errors.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Jean in Newcastle

[73349]

Maybe you would like to get A Complaint-Free World and try a family experiment?

 

My DS does a little complaining... but he knows that school attendance for ages 7-16 is the law, hsing is the option that gives him the most free time, and mom is not averse to closing a book and telling him we can do it on Saturday instead if we need to.

[basketcase]

A few things we've done over the years that have helped with attitudes about school:

 

One-on-one discussions about what is bothering them. I use my best listening tools, especially reflecting what they're saying and asking, "Is there more?" The subject my kid is complaining about is never the only problem he/she has. Often there are concerns that have nothing to do with school. Sometimes hearing the concerns is enough to make them feel valued. Sometimes I make changes based on the discussion.

 

Rewards - make a big deal about the rewards when the kids do all their work or finish a chapter or have good attitudes. Whatever we're working on at the moment, I set up a reward system for it.

 

Consequences - when they won't do their schoolwork happily at our house, they pull weeds. And then they still have to do their schoolwork. Free play is not an option for a kid who hasn't put in enough effort on school for the day. I'm not unreasonable, but the kids do best when I make exceptions very rarely. Take back the power in your relationship with your kids.

 

Doing something for school that I really love. The kids know when I'm excited about something, so reading aloud a book I love or playing an educational game or learning improv on the piano, these are things that make homeschool the place to be at our house.

 

Sometimes a family meeting is in order. Do some role-playing, make some school rules together, give the kids some ownership over the school. I totally agree with previous comments about letting the kids make small choices like what order the subjects will be in, but not sounding like you're asking them if they want to do school. In your case, telling them ahead of time what the week is going to look like, which days they'll be schooling and what they're expected to complete - that alone might help a lot.

[Tsuga]

I hate whining and I'm terrible at stopping it so I don't homeschool (among other reasons).

 

At my daughter's school, they earn extra recess, pizza parties, etc. by transitioning quietly. They have to do it as a team. It has taken them four months to earn a party as they can have points removed.

 

But I have seen the class--it works really well, runs very smoothly, compared to what I'm used to seeing in some classes.

 

The teacher works her butt off on that point system. It won't work for everyone, just a thought.

[SanDiegoMom]

That was my school last year (my twins' third grade) -- and we didn't have a good routine or predictable rhythm, and every time they complained I reconsidered or changed something or tried to see if something would work better. And then I realized that if things weren't predictable, they were justifiably upset (we weren't going to do school today! Or, today was supposed to be a half day!) and they knew if they complained they might get out of work they didn't want to do.  This year we have a routine that almost never changes, predictable work that they enjoy for the most part (and if it is hard or boring they know there is something fun or enjoyable coming) and complaining during the day gets them nothing. If they want to change something, we address on the weekend so I know its not them trying to get out of it that day. 

 

And today I have them a spiral notebook with the whole days plan written in and they check it off as they go.  I had it written on the whiteboard, but they feel more in control with a notebook.  Who knows how long it will last, but so far its a hit. 

[mountains27]

Thanks for the replies. Very helpful stuff here. It's hard for our family to have a routine so I am guessing that is where most of the trouble lies. My work schedule doesn't get handed to me until usually late Wednesday and it contains the hours I'll be working for the coming week starting that Friday. It's always different, some weeks I work every single day others I will work only one shift! It is somewhat predictable in that it is usually nights but this means my kids are off to my parents for the night and then I go pick them up in the morning and they have to transition from chilling at mimi's house to coming home to cram in some school time before going back to mimi's for another night. It's hard and I don't blame them for getting a little out of whack at times. I wish it could be different but it is what it is right now.

I'm going to at least try and give them a little more of a heads up on how the coming day is going to play out. A lot of times I just get busy trying to figure it out myself and end up just giving them 10 minutes to get in the car and then no real warning about whats happening next in our day. Some days I don't even have time to get in any lessons and don't even tell them we aren't going to be doing school this day. Then the next day I all of a sudden will tell them it's school time. Yeah, I can see how this would be confusing and met with resistance :/