ivyplus2 Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I have 4 children and I am homeschooling 3. My oldest son, who is 10, is absolutely IMPOSSIBLE. He so defiant. He has seen two psychologist for the past couple of years to try and help me parent him and to help him become obedient. Nothing changes. I am seriously considering sending him to school, not for ed purposes, but I seriously need a break from him! It doesn't help we are military and have no family even close to help. Every group we have tried to become apart of doesn't work out because of his behavior and attitude, which only puts my other children at a disadvantage.Anyone else ever been in this boat? Is there a point when you just let them go to school and hope for the best? Or any sage advice from moms who have been there? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 :grouphug: Do you have support from your MFLC? I would probably take a year off and send him to school, to reevaluate later. One thing I've found helpful is to re-frame the negative to a positive. He's not disobedient.....he's a leader. ;) A leader who needs cultivating and training, but in 8 years will have to stand on his own. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertflower Posted January 9, 2016 Share Posted January 9, 2016 I have not btdt, I wanted to share that I just saw Susan's talk on youtube (I forgot which one). She admitted that not homeschooling one of her child may have been better all around. Sometimes home education is not the best for everyone all 12 years. If you do send him to ps, perhaps give him some notice and make sure that he knows you are doing this out of love. I suppose explain the situation to him and make sure he doesn't view it as punishment. No harm in having a trial run like HomeAgain suggested. Good luck and I hope it all works out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Yep. I would let it go. You have the other kids to think about it. I am assuming you don't simply hate your local schools. I hate our middle school. But I know nothing about yours, of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Would he be in a special ed class for the emotionally disturbed? Does he have a diagnosis? Once you send him to school, you open up a whole can of worms in terms of IEPs and parent-teacher conferences, etc. Your schedule will no longer be your own. I am not saying that it might not be a good idea for him to go, but you have to know that the problems don't go away. You do get a break while he's at school but then all the other issues get squeezed into when he's home and can become more complicated. We sent our youngest son who has issues to school for 9th grade, and while it did give me a break in a way, it didn't solve a thing. He came home the next year when I realized we just have to face things head on. But this just my experience, of course. It could be great for you. Just putting my little 2 cents of our particular experience in. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 I just want to recommend that you cross post this to the Learning Challenges board. You will likely get some good feedback from families that have BTDT. In the mean time :grouphug: . 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 My oldest is difficult. Not to the degree you described yours, but I found it was detrimental to myself and the other kids to homeschool him. So, he's in school and it was a great solution. One thing we with difficult children need to remember is that we do have other children to care for and love and life cannot revolve around the one, no matter now much attention he demands. Our homeschool goes so much more smoothly and pleasantly and we actually have times of laughter and fun now that DS is not around. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivyplus2 Posted January 10, 2016 Author Share Posted January 10, 2016 One of the reasons we decided to homeschool him was because our crumby school system here. And I really do not want to do the whole IEP thing, which I fear we might have to...that's what makes this so hard to choose. And I'd like him to have a Christian education. Maybe I will just keep at it for the rest of this school year and see if we get orders to move somewhere else to a better school district. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted January 10, 2016 Share Posted January 10, 2016 Since you are Christian, have you seen resources from the national center for biblical parenting? I really like them. They don't focus on punishment so much, but on practical ways to parent the heart of your child. Just google that name. I know you tried psychologists before but maybe this will be just the ticket. The other idea I am just throwing out is project based homeschooling. It might be a better way to homeschool a strong willed child. Check out the book by that name. Just a couple of ideas I am tossing at you! Hang in there! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 One of the reasons we decided to homeschool him was because our crumby school system here. And I really do not want to do the whole IEP thing, which I fear we might have to...that's what makes this so hard to choose. And I'd like him to have a Christian education. Maybe I will just keep at it for the rest of this school year and see if we get orders to move somewhere else to a better school district. You could try school. Some kids are very different at school, but since he isn't very different at coop, I suspect that won't be him. From your descriptions, he is either going to get an IEP with a behavior plan or be constantly in trouble or even suspended. If he is burning you out and hurting the education of your other kids, I would say try school. If it is a disaster, bring him back home. If it helps, keep him there. It is a hard call, but if what you are doing isn't working, it probably is time to try changing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LLMom Posted January 11, 2016 Share Posted January 11, 2016 I did this for my 14 year old. I wish I had done it for my now 22 year old. I stuck with it the whole way through, and it was so hard on myself, my relationship with him, my marriage, and my other dc. I thought it was my only option. I know longer believe that. School can be a better option for some children. I would much rather deal with the school and all of the hoops than hurt our relationship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 I did that too, and initially it was good for her and gave us all a much-needed break. Our relationships and the atmosphere in our home had deteriorated and we all really needed to step back. Tough to say about dealing with an 8 year old. Middle school was very different than elementary school. I will tell you very honestly the problems did not go away, and came back with self-destructive vengeance. I should have had more comprehensive evaluations earlier on so that I could have addressed the real problems, not just what I thought they were. But there was as stretch of years when she was not agreeable to testing. My advice would be to go forward with the school for the best of all of you, but also go forward with thorough testing with a neuropsychologist, not just counselling or an eval with a psychologist. My dd is home again after almost five years and she is doing well because we have finally been able to take the steps to figure out her difficulties and deal with them appropriately. She may go back to school in the future if that's her choice. But for now she's much more pleasant to deal with at home, though still needs a lot of support to get work done, follow through on chores, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 One of the reasons we decided to homeschool him was because our crumby school system here. And I really do not want to do the whole IEP thing, which I fear we might have to...that's what makes this so hard to choose. And I'd like him to have a Christian education. Maybe I will just keep at it for the rest of this school year and see if we get orders to move somewhere else to a better school district. You don't want to do the "IEP thing" because ??? I've done it with my ds, and I learned a ton through the process. I think you really have to admit your preconceptions and what's going on if you want help. I'm a christian from a background that STAUNCHLY says ADHD does not exist. Like to the point of absurdity and being willing to tell parents of kids with spectrum that their kids just need more "biblical discipline" blah blah. I think it's really hard to get help if you hold help at arm's length or say yes I'll admit this but not that. Not every dc with SN qualifies for an IEP, and not every behavioral problem is due to SN/disability. My dad was in the navy, almost always gone while we were growing up, and my brother launched into a dreadful life of rebellion and much worse. He's now on the right track and doing GREAT, but there were a lot of lost years there, and it had NOTHING to do with SN. All the psychologists in the world would have been lost on him, because he was bitter and hurt and needed spiritual healing. But my ds, to contrast, has a litany of SN. He has a sinful soul and makes some really bad choices too. The SN make him much *harder* to teach, both spiritually/emotionally and academically. He has an IEP because it helps him qualify for a state disability scholarship. That's sort of a funny idea too. If you are legal residents (paying taxes) to a state that happens to have disability scholarships (some do, not many), then you could go through the IEP process to qualify for that. What you might do is go through the IEP process and see what they would do for him. Some kids respond very well to the *structure* of school. It wouldn't solve everything. To solve problems, you have to identify what they are and get connected with the best options for them. Like if you're coming from my background (where the church says ADHD does not exist), then part of that means shedding that and using the best tools. I VERY FIRMLY believe all truth is God's truth. I have no fear to find truth ANYWHERE, because all truth is God's truth. If you want to come to LC and talk about what they're saying is going on, you can. People would be happy to help you. There are people there dealing with some pretty hair-raising challenging behaviors. You wouldn't be the only one. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivyplus2 Posted January 12, 2016 Author Share Posted January 12, 2016 (edited) I did it. I put him in the charter school today. On one hand I feel relief and on the other failure. I realized the material they are covering in his 5th grade class will be a review of what he learned in 4th grade at home. I'm not sure if he will get bored or find it fun to be easy. I told him there is only 4 months in this semester and then we will see where to go after that. This particular school is 7:30- 4 everyday. I think it will be a wake up call for him to not have much freedom anymore. Thank all of you for your input!! It really means a lot. Edited January 12, 2016 by ivyplus2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterPan Posted January 12, 2016 Share Posted January 12, 2016 That's good! You made a choice, a sane choice, and you can be at peace with it. How does the charter school handle IEPs? You already suspect things, but do you have any evals or diagnoses yet? You could go ahead and make a written request. I hope it works out well for him! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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