s/o Home Management: Chores for kids

[FO4UR]

Reading the thread on home management...my approach to surviving the housecleaning while homeschooling is to delegate.  There is no realistic way that *I* can do it all.  I have to have help.  They need to learn how to take care of themselves and a home.  Chores = win-win.

 

That said, we are not doing well with chores right now.  Grumbling, complaining, out-right tantrums, doing things too-little/too-late prevails.  I'm spending more energy enforcing the chores than I would just doing it all myself. :glare:  At the present, the big three kids each have a room where they are my helper.  (They are 12, 10, 9.)

 

1 unloads dishwasher, sweeps kitchen, runs a rag-mop over the floor 2-3x per week

 

2 bathroom: toilet/tub/floor alternate days, and then wiping off the vanity is daily.  We only have one bathroom.

 

3 vacuum living room, and that involves picking up before vacuuming...it is a bigger job than it sounds b/c we have a toddler.

 

 

 

I am open to radically changing things if it means we can run the house like a well-oiled machine.  (Explaining to the kids that if everyone just takes 30min to work daily, the house will never be a big job doesn't motivate them.)

 

If you implement chores, how do you do it?

 

[HomeAgain]

We have a simple chart that progresses from 'care of self' to 'care of others', but Educents has a flip chart that is swaying me that direction.  Each chore has a breakdown of the steps needed to complete it and a dry erase pen.

[HeWillSoar]

My kids rotate weekly between dishes, sweeping and trash duty.  For their bathroom, I made a chart and each Saturday they rotate monthly between toilet/trash, tub/floor and sink/towels.  It is a perpetual chart--no need to check off or ever make a new one.  They should be cleaning their rooms on Saturday too but we need to get more strict.  When we slack, so do they. 

[Miss Tick]

I made a rotating list of chores in excel so there is some variety in chores over a six week rotation. The part that is pertinent to you, though, is really that before screen-time, they come tell me what they have done (school, chores, piano) and their plan for any outstanding responsibilities. Also, I have very little patience for complaints. First I get on my soap box about how I don't want to do chores either, then I talk about how little time the chores should take, then I have them help me think of ideas to avoid my having to hear whining in the future. These ideas usually include appealing options like doing different work for a while so I have time to do their chore or they can preemptively do a week's worth of chores on the weekend, or some such. Essentially, if you want a change quit whining and present me with a plan. Ooh, just the thought of whining on a Monday morning, grrrrr.

[bolt.]

I do "chore time" and just assign the things that need to be done in a generally efficient and fair way. We all work (either together or apart) during chore time. There is almost always something with the dishwasher, but other things vary.

 

Chore times are in addition to general care for themselves, rooms, and belongings.

[Mimm]

My kids are supposed to clean the kitchen after dinner. On weekends they are supposed to pitch in with family clean up time which takes 30 minutes to an hour depending on how well we did it last weekend. At least it should. Sometimes they just sit around and don't work.

 

They don't do the kitchen very often. I'm tired of fighting about it. Tired of nagging, begging them to do the ONE chore around here they're supposed to do. So I tell them once, then I do it. When my husband notices me working on it, he comes and helps. He used to gripe at them to do it, but he's sick of it all as well. My oldest is so oblivious and self centered (she's both, I don't equate the two) that she'll come in and chat with me while I'm scrubbing pots she's supposed to be cleaning and not even notice that I'm doing it. Then later she'll find something done in a different way than she likes it done, and come complain to me about it. :huh: Yes, I've told her that's completely unacceptable. Several times. :glare:

 

So yeah, I do it myself. In the end, it's less griping and it gets done better. But I resent that I can't ask for help from them. My life revolves around them, I do everything for them. I model selflessness, and seem to have given them the impression that they deserve to not have to do anything, even though I've emphasized chores from a very young age. My daughter just the other day asked me when the baby would be doing chores. She's 2, and I said, "Well, we have her throw things in the trash for us, and when we pick up her blocks, we have her help us with them. So training begins very early." But somehow it didn't take, did it?

 

Sorry for the self pitying rant. In an effort not to gripe at my kids all the time, I hold it in and then spew the frustration all over unsuspecting people that aren't my kids. ;)

[FO4UR]

 

 

Sorry for the self pitying rant. In an effort not to gripe at my kids all the time, I hold it in and then spew the frustration all over unsuspecting people that aren't my kids. ;)

 

:grouphug:   Why do you think I started the thread...I can relate.

 

 

Time for us to mean business.

 

It teaches the wrong idea to do everything for them without requiring them to pitch in.  Every able-bodied person should do their part to run the community parts of the home.  I will not let my kids be *that* person...that person who leaves behind messes, refuses to do their part in a group, does the least required at a job, etc...  (My dh was raised to believe that the wife/mother is supposed to do it ALL...I was not raised that way.  So, for me I'm battling more than just selfish or lazy kids.  I'm fighting to raise them against a tide, to teach them better.  And, I do not have the back-up of dh on this.)

 

I can make the charts.  Really, I keep my kids on one "zone" for 2-3 months at a time so there is no question of what they are supposed to do.  I make it as easy as possible to complete the task (keeping clorox wipes handy and stuff like that).  The issue is motivation.  THEY don't care if our house is a huge mess.  

 

 

Aside from withholding electronics, any ideas?  (We do that too, but it usually results in the sloppiest job ever for the sake of getting it done fast.)

[JustEm]

The biggest thing that has helped me is simply setting a 15 minute timer twice a day, before breakfast and sometime between lunch and dinner. We all work together to get the downstairs cleaned up. It takes about 3 minutes for 4 of usnto pick up toys and put them in their place, if they belong upstairs we put it in a bin to go upstairs. Then the 2 older kids dust and wipe down everything while the toddler vacuums. I'm usually organizing the mess on tabletops at this point so the kids can dust those areas quickly. All that takes up the rest of the 15 minutes usually. By the end the downstairs is done.

 

The next 15 minutes is devoted to the 3 bathrooms we have or the computer room which houses our homeschooling supplies. I scrub the toilet as kids clean the sinks. Then someone sweeps and empties the wastebaskets.

 

Throughout the rest of the day the kids are learning to pick up after themselves when they are done with something because I remind them often. If it doesn't get done when I remind them I tell them to stop whatever they are doing and go put x away now. Over the last few months they have gotten much better. This has made cleaning up in 15 minutes possible. In the beginning 15 minutes would barely get the floor picked up. But now there is less stuff on the ground so it takes less time. My kids are 7,5, almost 3, and 10 months BTW.

 

They are also responsible for cleaning their room that the 3 oldest share once a week. We are still working on getting them to do this regularly on their own.

[Hypatia.]

We have a simple chart that progresses from 'care of self' to 'care of others', but Educents has a flip chart that is swaying me that direction.  Each chore has a breakdown of the steps needed to complete it and a dry erase pen.

 

Do you have a link to this? I would like to take a look at it.

[HS Mom in NC]

We do chores after school.  I tell my child to do chores and if the child doesn't start doing the chore, then the child loses screen time for the day or another consequence of the sort. Repeated refusals result in losing more privileges (free time, free reading, playdates, playing on their own, listening to music, etc.) and get loaded with more more chores. I never had a kid need to be sent to sit on their bed doing nothing for as long as it took to get them willing to just go get the stinking chore done already, but I would be willing to give that a try.  If the child doesn't do the chore properly (we teach chores here in the preschool and K years) then the child redoes the chore until it's right.  If it takes 7 repetitions, so be it. I've never had a kid need to do it more than twice.  The follow through is more important than the chore itself, so I'm willing to go there.

 I'm not deterred by my child being angry or sad that they have to do chores. Their tears don't make me want to give up.  Neither do nasty comments or pouting from them. Quite the contrary.  At that point I'm willing to do nothing else other than what it takes to get them to do it. They have to do chores because they live here and they're perfectly capable of it.  They have to do chores because that's real life in the real world and I'm preparing and normalizing reality for them, not a fantasy world. I'm pretty rigid about it.  Once the kids know mom isn't going to follow through and force the issue, few if any chores will get done. 

When my kids are young (2-5ish) we play the clean up game and I point out what they need to pick up and where it needs to go. If they refuse to pick it up then I take their hand in mine and force their hand to pick it up and force them to walk over to where it goes and force their hand to put it away.  I have never had to do that more than 2 or 3 times with each kid the first 2 or 3 times they refused.  They get angry and cry and insist they do it themselves. Problem solved.

Chores are not optional.  School is not optional.  Going to the dentist is not optional.  Going to the doctor is not optional.  Brushing teeth is not optional.  Wearing clothes is not optional.  Bathing is not optional. If they won't do it on their own, then I make them do it.

[Joyofsixreboot]

We have pretty set moments in the routine that chores are accomplished. It took awhile but is worth it to keep reminding them. Pet chores are taken care of am., Cleaning chores are right before lunch (can't eat until we are done) and arguing results in privilege loss in that the time you wanted to read/game/be with friends will now be spent doing what you should have done to begin with. Timers can be fun for this making it a 'contest'. I also throw out silly aphorisms like "If there's time to lean, there's time to clean."  "Know your role and shut your hole."  "This is your future McDonald's district manager speaking..." using a loud speaker voice. It can be silly as long as stuff gets done.

Edited December 14, 2015 by joyofsix

[frogger]

It would take some adaptation for this to work for your listed chores but one chore we split due to its unceasing nature is dishes. It's after breakfast, after lunch, after baking, after dinner so one child does after each meal. If you don't get it done you get the next meal added on top. My daughter had to do a tremendous amount of dishes for awhile but she figured it out.

 

Whining, complaining, etc. automatically earns you another chore. There is always more to do. Once they learn the chores keep adding up and up before free time they learn to just do it. Sometimes they have relapses but it does seem to provide good incentive.

 

I also like to show grace once in awhile. A child is snifflie or whatever and up doing dishes and I will offer to do it. Of course, this is after they have it drilled into them that this is their job so then they are grateful.

[frogger]

Oh and we often have extra paid work on top of regular chores. It gives them a chance to earn a little if they choose. They are not allowed to request a paying job unless they have finished or will finish first their family responsibility chore. My children don't get allowances so they often really want these extra jobs.

[Perogi]

My kids are similar in age to your big 3 and I have a chart that lists the 2 chores they are expected to do every day Mon - Fri. Things like sweep the kitchen, take out the trash, vacuum the family room, tidy bedroom, wipe down appliances, bathroom sinks and mirrors. Every day everyone has 2 chores to do and we do them directly after lunch. I think it helps that's it's at a set time of day and everyone is doing chores at the same time. I sometimes need to remind someone to do their chore without complaining but once we got the routine established that doesn't happen nearly as much.

[lea_lpz]

I do "chore time" and just assign the things that need to be done in a generally efficient and fair way. We all work (either together or apart) during chore time. There is almost always something with the dishwasher, but other things vary.

 

Chore times are in addition to general care for themselves, rooms, and belongings.

We do this. If they don't complete the chore properly they do it again until it's done right. If I need to have them do it "again" another time, they start losing privileges. I look at as defiance / disobedience. I explain that we all live here and all have to work together to keep our home tidy, not just mom.

[abba12]

Oh and we often have extra paid work on top of regular chores. It gives them a chance to earn a little if they choose. They are not allowed to request a paying job unless they have finished or will finish first their family responsibility chore. My children don't get allowances so they often really want these extra jobs.

 

We do this, My mum used to give us pocket money for chores which only worked until my sister decided the financial reward was worth less to her than the effort of doing the chores and just decided nope, don't feel like doing them today. So, not having them tied to any sort of privilege helped with that!

 

 

My kids are younger than yours, but I think the key is consistency. In our house, chores usually come before something else. Morning chores happen while I prepare breakfast, Day chores happen either while i prepare lunch or before outside time, evening chores happen while I prepare dinner. The children know whatever happens after the chore will not happen until it is complete. Yes, it means they've delayed their breakfast by an hour occasionally, or missed out on going outside altogether once or twice. But now it is well established, more often they try to race me and each other to get things done before the meal is ready or before i put baby to bed, etc.  

 

We separate it so much to help with attention span, one chore three times a day is better for some kids than three chores all at once, especially when it becomes a part of the routine and is no longer a chore so much as just 'the next thing' in their day. The dishwasher gets unpacked and bedrooms are cleaned while I make breakfast, it's routine just like getting dressed or doing teeth.

 

Also, don't let them think that if they complain enough you'll just do it. I can honestly say I have never just done a chore for a complaining child. At times I have lessened the chore and helped because a. they needed encouragement or b. we were in a hurry, but tantruming has never gotten them out of doing it. I think that's helped us. 

Edited December 15, 2015 by abba12

[rebcoola]

Our kids have one list/chart for the day it is put in order of all the school & chores they have to do before screen time the list changes as needed.

 It includes typically  One of each of these clean their room or playroom,  Clean bathroom or Art station,  Fold & put away a basket of laundry or Dishes,  and Finally tidy living room or dining room.  If their is any whining or complaining they are given an extra chore.

[kroe1]

No chores at our house. Last kiddo is the busiest one of all even though DH and I both work full time. but, I ask for help a lot at whatever I am doing. We work on the task together. This method has worked with me and busy kiddos for 35 years now.

 

We also have in laws who live with us. My DFIL took it upon himself to take over watering all the plants (a daily 30 minute chore), and loading the dishwasher during the afternoons. He also keeps his bathroom and bedroom clean. This helps a ton.