Help, please, with thinking this through? (older kids and ''toys'')

[go_go_gadget]

I have two parts to a question I'm wrestling with, one mostly philosophical and the other practical.

 

My husband and I consolidated quite a lot of things this past weekend and decided to take a lot of the art and craft supplies to my MIL's, because she loves that kind of thing and he and the kids are going to go have a regular craft time with her on Saturdays. Everyone's looking forward to that. But as we consolidated stuff and got the arts and crafts stuff ready to go, I started to realize how few ''toys'' my kids have. They're 10.5 and nearly 9 now, and when they were smaller, my living room looked like a Montessori classroom from kid height down, and like a grown-up place upwards. We had tons of puzzles, blocks, Lego, art supplies, train sets, science kits, games, books, dolls, etc.

 

As they've gotten older, we've put away the things they've grown out of, and I suddenly realized that they have less ''stuff'' to do than I thought they did. We still have tons of books, and even more games. We've kept basic art supplies like colored pencils, markers, art paper, origami books and papers, and my daughter's paper flower-making things. The rest of it will go to MIL's, where it'll hopefully get used a lot more than it was here. My kids also have a room at my parents' house--where they spend a night or two a week--with lots of stuff to play with.

 

That brings me to the philosophical question: they don't spend much time playing with stuff anymore, though. Is that because they're getting older and it's the natural progression of things, or is it because we don't have age-appropriate things to play with? My daughter (nine next month) just gave away her dolls to some younger friends, because she never played with them. This was entirely her idea and execution. She's played more with the Snap Circuits than anything else in the last couple of years, and my son's mainly been into collecting (rocks and gemstones, and just recently Pokemon cards), and has started some woodworking projects. But really, they spend most of their free time playing together, without much in the way of stuff. If they get a new thing, they play with the thing for a week and then it sits in a basket, rediscovered occasionally but mostly just a waste of space. We've never allowed tons of that kind of fleeting-interest stuff for that reason. I'm sure that if we did allow it we'd be swimming in it, but that each thing would still be as frequently abandoned, or perhaps even more so.

 

They get 30 minutes of internet time a day, and they often watch Minecraft (despite not having the game) or other video/card game videos on YouTube during that time. Fine. They also get 2 hours of video game time a week, also fine. They read, swim, take jujitsu and ballet class several days a week (plus rehearsals), go to playgroups, have playdates (it feels odd to keep referring to them that way with older kids, but I digress), etc. And as I said, they usually choose to entertain each other or have endless ticklefights when they have free time, anyway. Is it okay that they don't play with ''stuff'' that much? I know that for most of the course of human history, children's play would have looked exactly like this, and that the modern era of toys everywhere and ''nothing to do'' is the aberration, but it still seems sensible, when taking the road less travelled, to stop and have a think about why everyone else is going the other way.

 

So: should my kids have more stuff? And if so, what exactly? We're big on mindful consumption of a smaller quantity of exceptional things, but I'm having trouble coming up with idea for things that would be of long-term, scalable interest for kids their ages. This was easier when they were tiny and we had the Montessori and Reggio Emilia models. Tiny people could stack blocks, and the same people could build models of ancient civilizations with the same blocks a few years later, and so on. Now what? Or are we good?

[displace]

I spent a ton of time just reading at those ages and see nothing wrong with not having a lot of toys if they aren't asking. If they are technically inclined or you are I may get homeschool educational stuff (chemistry sets, etc), of if you're wanting new crafts to explore some supplies for a new craft.

 

I also spent a lot of tween years on my outside hobbies like horseback riding and also journaling.

 

If there are any skills lacking that toys could help with you may consider that. Or if you're wanting a game night some games, but apps take up little room and there's plenty of games for iPads or tablets. I wouldn't I vet unless they were interested though (knitting supplies if they want to knit for ex).

 

Eta negatives are important for clarity!

[NorthwestMom]

Stop worrying, you are fine, your kids are fine!

[fairfarmhand]

Sounds like they are fine.

 

Follow their interests. My oldest seldom played with toys even as a very small child. She was more interested in people than things.

[ErinE]

My older two were reaching the age where they didn't need a bunch of toys. Then we decided to have two more children. I have suggested experiences over toys to well-meaning relatives just so we can limit the amount of stuff in our home.

 

I think your children and you are fine.

[go_go_gadget]

Thanks, everyone. I was inclined to think everything was fine, but I suddenly worried that I was allowing my desire not to have a ton of stuff in my house cloud my thinking. Part of it might also be that we have some close family friends who do kind of the opposite (and seem happy with it, so that's all good, just not for us), and sometimes I feel draconian by comparison. Oh, well.

 

I spent a ton of time just reading at those ages and see nothing wrong with a lot of toys if they aren't asking. If they are technically inclined or you are I may get homeschool educational stuff (chemistry sets, etc), of if you're wanting new crafts to explore some supplies for a new craft.

I also spent a lot of tween years on my outside hobbies like horseback riding and also journaling.

If there are any skills lacking that toys could help with you may consider that. Or if you're wanting a game night some games, but apps take up little room and there's plenty of games for iPads or tablets. I wouldn't I vet unless they were interested though (knitting supplies if they want to knit for ex).

 

Thanks. We've had lots of science kits in the past, and we have more board games than we could play in six months of weekly game nights. I'm into fiber arts, so that kind of thing is around. They cook about half the meals (I'm in grad school, plus homeschooling, and my husband works start-up hours). They do their own laundry, and have helped build computers, etc., so they're doing well on skills.

 

Stop worrying, you are fine, your kids are fine!

 

and

 

Sounds like they are fine.

 

Follow their interests. My oldest seldom played with toys even as a very small child. She was more interested in people than things.

 

Thank you both!

 

My older two were reaching the age where they didn't need a bunch of toys. Then we decided to have two more children. I have suggested experiences over toys to well-meaning relatives just so we can limit the amount of stuff in our home.

 

Thanks. Your post reminded me that my daughter actually asked for all of us to go to Of Monsters and Men as her birthday present next month, rather than a bunch of smaller gifts. 

[Guest]

First of all, it sounds like your children are blessed with wonderful grandparents!! Second of all it sounds like you have great kids :-) I have a kid who spends 90% of his time doing "real things" like cooking, building, bird watching...and he's younger than yours. His brother is all about imaginative play with toys. Kids just have their own preferences.

[HS Mom in NC]

That would be a First World question.

[Lady Florida.]

They sound fine. All kids are different, and some continue to play longer than others. I think by that age the only toys ds was still interested in were Lego and Nerf guns. He was very much into Minecraft and Roblox at that age and starting to shed playing with things. Oh, and art stuff. Mine mostly did pencil drawings so he had decent charcoal pencils. I think you keeping the art stuff around is a good idea.

[go_go_gadget]

First of all, it sounds like your children are blessed with wonderful grandparents!! Second of all it sounds like you have great kids :-) I have a kid who spends 90% of his time doing "real things" like cooking, building, bird watching...and he's younger than yours. His brother is all about imaginative play with toys. Kids just have their own preferences.

 

Thanks! Yes, they do very well in the grandparents department.

 

That would be a First World question.

 

Yes, for I am a First World dweller. 

[SKL]

At 9, I still had dolls, but I didn't play with them much.  I helped with my baby brother, read, wrote, drew, played music, made crafts, and went outside.

 

My eldest is going on 9yo.  She has never really been big on toys.  Her favorite "toys" tend to be role playing toys, e.g., magician, Harry Potter.  Not sure she would even play with those if her younger sister wasn't into it.  She loves to do her hair and nails, play sneaky spy, play sports, earn and spend money, observe people, and spend time with animals.  She does have her special bear from babyhood that she intends to keep into adulthood.  ;)

[Miss Tick]

They sound happy, I think you are good.

 

I'm a bit envious, my dc will play imaginative games together for ages, but often while manipulating colourful, pieces of molded plastic. So we have many bins filled with legos, barbies, Polly Pockets, plastic food, Hot Wheels. Not to mention papertoys and dollhouse furnishings. Makes me twitchy at times, but presumably will pass.

[Carol in Cal.]

Your kids sound great!

Imaginative play will take them far.

 

The only red flag would be if you gradually came to have your house be the drudgery place, and G and G's house be the only fun place.  But that's not happening here, at all.

 

I would suggest starting to give them grown up things to explore with at this point, if you haven't already, rather than 'age-appropriate toys'.  For instance, technical nature gear, like binoculars, field guides, quick dry clothes, hydration packs, mountain bikes, real woodworking or woodcarving tools, molds that could be used for paper or dough, engaging but grown up cookbooks, a sewing machine, lots of colors of felt or thread or yarn or silk, etc.

[go_go_gadget]

Your kids sound great!

Imaginative play will take them far.

 

The only red flag would be if you gradually came to have your house be the drudgery place, and G and G's house be the only fun place.  But that's not happening here, at all.

 

I would suggest starting to give them grown up things to explore with at this point, if you haven't already, rather than 'age-appropriate toys'.  For instance, technical nature gear, like binoculars, field guides, quick dry clothes, hydration packs, mountain bikes, real woodworking or woodcarving tools, molds that could be used for paper or dough, engaging but grown up cookbooks, a sewing machine, lots of colors of felt or thread or yarn or silk, etc.

 

We do have most of those, but no space for a sewing machine. Both grandmothers have them, so they're still available.

 

Thanks again, everyone! It's nice to hear from people who have no vested interest in this (i.e. people who don't live in my house, or who want to buy every other thing they've ever laid eyes on for their grandchildren ;)).

[abba12]

At that age I did have one nice quality dollhouse set, like a sylvanian family set. 

I also had an electronics board (like snap circuits), a chemistry kit, a video camera which friends and I filmed stuff on, some board games, and some art stuff. Oh, and my bike and trampoline. And my own CD player. This was about the sum total of my non-screen 'toys', not because I couldn't have more (mum and dad were forever looking for Christmas gift ideas)  but because I didn't use anything else. My husband added Lego and Nerf guns to this list. 

 

I spent the rest of my time reading, doing real things like baking or sewing, craft stuff, playing outside, and just... yeah. 

[go_go_gadget]

At that age I did have one nice quality dollhouse set, like a sylvanian family set. 

I also had an electronics board (like snap circuits), a chemistry kit, a video camera which friends and I filmed stuff on, some board games, and some art stuff. Oh, and my bike and trampoline. And my own CD player. This was about the sum total of my non-screen 'toys', not because I couldn't have more (mum and dad were forever looking for Christmas gift ideas)  but because I didn't use anything else. My husband added Lego and Nerf guns to this list. 

 

I spent the rest of my time reading, doing real things like baking or sewing, craft stuff, playing outside, and just... yeah. 

 

We have or have had at one time all of those except the trampoline (we live in an apartment). So it sounds like we're good! Thanks for your response.

[Arcadia]

 (i.e. people who don't live in my house, or who want to buy every other thing they've ever laid eyes on for their grandchildren ;)).

 

My in-laws and my parents are on-board to buying only Legos as gifts.    DS10 is now rummaging through our containers (18 gallon plastic totes) of Legos to build his dream city.

 

Now my kids are down to Legos, Hexbugs and trains as their favorites. My boys did ask for the razor ripstik which would count as PE.  We have a jogging track at our condo compound which can be used for jogging/biking/scooting

 

ETA:

DS9 has join in on the Lego and is building a machine of some sort.