ksr5377 Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 How's it work for you? What are some pros and cons? We've been planning on moving within the next year. Now really 6-9 months. We've been driving all over the city to get a good idea of where to look. And yesterday DH throws out the idea of wanting to move back to his hometown again. We talked about it awhile ago, but then for various reasons ruled it out. I'm not against the idea entirely, but I do have concerns. Mainly, that we would be moving right next door to his dad and step-mom. At the moment I have a great relationship with them, and I want to keep that. DH would be farming with his dad as well and eventually taking that over. DH is an only child, so there isn't anyone else to chime in with opinions, but I'm sure the two of them will be enough. Financially (provided DH found a job with similar pay, which seems highly possible) this would be a brilliant thing to do. We would basically be gifted a home that's in very good condition and the size we would want. The COL there is lower. I think it would be wonderful for my kids to grow up with space and land. We're urban now, and there are great things about that, but we can't afford to live in the fantastic neighborhoods where you can walk everywhere. Not unless we're willing to downsize substantially, and we're not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Girls' Mom Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 If you get along well with his family, it could be great. There are definitely perks to being so close to family. We moved back home 3 years ago. His parents live within walking distance, his uncle next door, his cousin on the other side, and cousins all up and down our road. You can't spit around here without hitting family. Dh helps his dad with his property and has our garden over there, so he sees them every day. He loves it, even though family drama drives us batty. I really like being so close to my nieces and nephew (who live right next door to the in-laws). They are my girls' best friends. I don't love being here so much, but it is because I don't like everyone being all up in our business. I have a frustrating relationship or two within the family as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 As a kid we lived next door to my maternal grandmother. It was fantastic for me. I went over there every day, learned how to cook and bake and we read stories. It really depends on boundaries and the relationship. Will people respect your bubble? Will they be there but not constantly be at your door step? Would they, in turn, be okay with grandkids popping back and forth between home and Granny's house? As a kid, I considered both properties "mine." My grandmother was always delighted - or at least she seemed to be :) when I bounced through the door. It made it easier for my mother to check on Grandma during winter months when she could not go out because of ice and risk of falling; as she got older, Mom went over there every evening after getting home from work to check in and chat a little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
I talk to the trees Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 If you get along very, very well, it might work. But I have discovered in the past two years of being "back home" that my relationship with my inlaws was much better when we lived 12 hours away. I'll stop there, because if I continued, I would probably be typing all night. Ymmv, of course. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 The great thing about living in town with your parents is that you never have to spend vacations visiting. Unless they're sick and need overnight care, you never have to sleep in their home at all or have them in yours. I have both my mother and mother-in-law within a mile or two of me. I think it works great. They have good boundaries and good filters. When I have needed to give them more assistance, I could do so without disrupting my entire life. And my husband sees his mother very regularly. I think it will allow them to live on their own far longer than they could have if we weren't so near, and it also allows us to feel a lot less stress about all the "what ifs." So for us it has worked very well, but I don't see them every day and they don't live next-door to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amira Posted August 23, 2015 Share Posted August 23, 2015 We lived 1/2 block from my MIL her husband for about a year at one point and in their basement for a few months when we first got married. It worked really well for us, but I never, ever would care to live so close to my FIL and his wife. Living near my MIL only made our good relationship better, but living near my step MIL wouldn't fix anything. So from my very limited experience, I think that if you already have a good relationship with your MIL, then it could work out really well. I think it's important to communicate about expectations and boundaries, on both sides. Since your dh is an only child and will likely need to care for his parents when they get older, it would much easier to do so if you live next door. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denise in IN Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 It really depends on boundaries and the relationship. Will people respect your bubble? Will they be there but not constantly be at your door step? Would they, in turn, be okay with grandkids popping back and forth between home and Granny's house? As a kid, I considered both properties "mine." My grandmother was always delighted - or at least she seemed to be :) when I bounced through the door. It made it easier for my mother to check on Grandma during winter months when she could not go out because of ice and risk of falling; as she got older, Mom went over there every evening after getting home from work to check in and chat a little. We live next door to my in-laws, and I'll just agree with what Liz said here. We love living by them, and our kids love it too. But my in-laws are very laid back, not overbearing, have good boundaries. Easy people to live next to. We lived about a half mile away for 10 years before we built this house, so we were pretty confident it would be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 We lived *with* my parents for a few years. We get along great. My husband adores them. In fact, he just got back from a business trip and drove the hour to stay with them a couple days. They'll be moving in with us hopefully soon. Everyone is just waiting for them. My uncle's death last year and my dad's pancreatic cancer this year have held them up. If the chemo does what the doctors hope, he'll be having surgery to remove the tumor next month and hopefully will be moving here by December or January. We are really looking forward to all being back under the same roof again. We actually bought our house with that intention. (No working together - my dad's retired now, but my husband and father do very different things anyway.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 We live within 15 minutes of all my siblings and my parents. (Dh's family is another state) We get along wekl (mostly) and enjoy getting together often. But we (mostly) respect each other's boundaries so there haven't been any major issues. A few years ago DH started working for my BIl (my sis's dh) and it's been great. I don't think it's always a good idea to work with family, but DH and BIL get along really well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ksr5377 Posted August 24, 2015 Author Share Posted August 24, 2015 These comments are making me feel hopeful about this possibility. DH's dad and step-mom are wonderful with boundaries. When they visit us (we're currently 2 hours away) if I tell them I just need them to get out my kitchen to get dinner ready, they get out. I feel like they sometimes bend over backwards to make me feel comfortable. His mom will be more of an issue, and she will only be 10 minutes away, but that's better than right across the backyard. Also, DH has already stated that if it comes to it, he will deal with his mom. Knowing him, I know he will do this. Caring for them when they are older is also a major concern of mine. They're all in their early 60's and in good health, but I know that won't last forever. DH always talked about how it's only 2 hours to get to them, but that's more and more difficult as kids get older and we have more activities and responsibilities. I know in 10 years it will be much more difficult to drop everything and leave town for a week (or more). The move will increase the drive to my family from 2.5 hours to 3 hours, but then we'll only have to travel to see ONE family instead of both. As it is, we're out of town at least one weekend a month, if not more. Also, I have 4 siblings, so caring for my parents is somewhat less of a concern. I wouldn't want to move even further away, but an extra half hour isn't the end of the world. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ottakee Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 We lived with our my in laws for the first year of marriage----basement apartment in their house. It actually went very well. Then we bought our own house----1 1/2 miles away. Then we had to move again when they put a highway through that house and now we are 1 3/4 miles away. My mom lives 7-8 miles away which in the country is not far at all. With good boundaries I think it could be a very positive thing, esp. to help the kids with their relationship with the grand parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UncleEJ Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 We live in a mobile home on my dads property while we are building a house on the next lot over. It has been so great! My dad and step-mom are wonderful and DH and my dad get along well. The collaborate on projects and work in the same industry (though not for the same company) so they have that in common. For us, it has been great, we call it our compound. My step-sister jokes about wanting to build a house on the compound, also! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 24, 2015 Share Posted August 24, 2015 For us, it was fantastic...until it wasn't anymore. That said, I would take a finanical homerun and go with that. I wouldn't turn down a financial home run because things *could* turn rocky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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