Sometimes I hate living in a wealthy area (kid sports vent)

[bzymom]

MysteryJen, I have no doubt what I see is more a reflection of my particular area.  But I also think there are levels of this in many towns.

[NorthwestMom]

Demonizing the choices of other parents is boring and goes nowhere. The real issue is the lack of opportunity at the rec level. We need expand the rec level and stop complaining about how other people choose to spend their time and energy.

[Donna]

How would a six or eight year old even know that such things exist?!

 

Welcome to the reality of parenting a self-motivated, passionate child.

 

My oldest at that age found out about club teams and wanted to join one. He studied work out regimens and watched videos of matches to study technique and moves he then tried out in practice.

 

My dd did similar things with her music. For example, at 6yo she researched her favorite fiddler, found he was teaching at a camp 9 hours away then wrote her own letter for a scholarship at that camp (which she also found out about and then received). I didn't even know those types of camps existed at the time. 

[katilac]

I tried to multi-quote this and another previous post about baseball but I can't get multi-quote to work.

 

Anyway, one of my sons always wanted to play baseball but I was unwilling to dedicate the amount of time needed at the expense of the rest of the family. He also didn't want to give up other activities that potentially would have conflicted with practice.

So...we started our own pick-up baseball group. I reserved a nearby field for free, emailed a bunch of fellow homeschoolers, and managed to get 10-12 other boys who want to do the same thing - just play some baseball. We met one afternoon each week for a couple hours with one of the dad overseeing the games and they just played. Each family provided their own batting helmets, gloves, and people brought a variety of bats. One family owned some bases. Little siblings ran around on the playground nearby and moms chatted. It was wonderful.

 

Awesome. Sometimes we have to create what we want!

[Χά�ων]

Welcome to the reality of parenting a self-motivated, passionate child.

 

My oldest at that age found out about club teams and wanted to join one. He studied work out regimens and watched videos of matches to study technique and moves he then tried out in practice.

 

My dd did similar things with her music. For example, at 6yo she researched her favorite fiddler, found he was teaching at a camp 9 hours away then wrote her own letter for a scholarship at that camp (which she also found out about and then received). I didn't even know those types of camps existed at the time.

Do you find it fascinating to watch your children dedicate so much time and energy into something they love? I do, with all odds against my son he still pushes on not letting anything stop him. I love watching it and am so proud of his dedication.

[shawthorne44]

Speaking of sports to an outrageous degree.  We had to scramble this weekend to find DD's birth certificate to sign her up for swim classes.  Why? I wanted to know.  It is so that parents don't lie about their kid's age.  Why would they do that?  So, they don't say that their kid is younger than they are to give them an advantage on teams.  I shouldn't have been shocked, but I was.  

[Donna]

Do you find it fascinating to watch your children dedicate so much time and energy into something they love? I do, with all odds against my son he still pushes on not letting anything stop him. I love watching it and am so proud of his dedication.

 

I would have found it difficult to believe if I had not experienced it first hand.

It is fascinating how some kids find their "thing" at a young age and are willing to work so hard on it. 

[Ripley]

Around here, parents who are "serious" about their kids' sports hire personal trainers... for their 4th and 5th graders (on up). The kids play their specific sport year round, go to expensive camps, etc. Of course I think everyone should be allowed to live by their own priorities (time, money, etc) and I understand people with money (and often not many children) wanting to help their little athletes be all they can be. But sometimes it really stinks for those of us who can just afford "regular" participation (including registration fee, fees for mandatory indoor practices before the official season begins, gear, etc).

 

My kid didn't make a team we really thought he'd make. The kids who made it are the kids with personal trainers. It just... stinks. I'm sad and frustrated. :(

 

How disappointing for you guys :( it's hard enough to not make a team, but even harder when you felt you had a fighting chance; I'm sorry.

 

I was a competitive athlete (who took private lessons from elementary through college) from a large, one-income family of other competitive athletes and musicians who lived in an extremely high COL area. We all went to college on scholarships, both academic and athletic/music so from the perspective of parent financial "investment" it paid off.  But these are different times. I never intended to be an elite athlete, but I was a competitive one and needed that higher level of play/training to develop (both athletically and personally).  The skills I took from those years absolutely have carried over into today, both athletically and personally. ;)

 

I live in an affluent area, and am familiar with the game you're up against. I grew up in an area where the local government had a recreation department that truly offered recreational activities - at minimum or no cost.  We had city rec centers, staff at the parks playing with the kids and checking out equipment (balls, rackets), and a great structure in place. EVERYONE hung out at the rec center. For, like, FREE

 

Ain't so here. I joined the rec board to try to re-create that, but you know what? Failed. People wanted rec level sports but they weren't willing to put their money where their mouths were. And it may have been little Sally changed her mind about tennis, or Billy Bob's dad decided he didn't want to spend every Saturday morning at the fields - valid reasons, btw - but I tried for three years, unsuccessfully, to build a rec sports program. My academic background includes recreational programming, marketing, and non-profits and this is the same job I did, successfully, in my 20s for a number of cities.

 

Too many people are just willing to pay to play, or to tell their kids forget about it.  It frustrates me, exactly for the situation that happened with your OP.  I refer people now to the YMCA two towns over. It's low-key, fun, and short enough "seasons" that a kid can try a variety of sports - at any age. 

 

Is there a YMCA near you, by any chance?

[Ripley]

Also, FWIW - sometimes it's a chicken/egg thing.

 

My son takes private lessons because he needs that extra level of competition. Working out with someone to hone his craft is absolutely something I'm willing to support - be it music, languages, cooking, or sports. It's just that I support it with my heart and gasoline, not my checkbook LOL.

 

He's always known that it does come at a cost because there ain't no money tree in the backyard (I check every day) -- which means he's offering up some of sacrifices of his own. The deal I made him was he had to pay for his own club fees. And he hustled to earn those.  In 4th/5th grade he hustled and earned the $2000 he needed to play at the competitive level. He's shown that same hustle on the field, and has earned scholarships every year since. If someone had told me to earn that (even now), I'd shrug and say, "Meh. No longer interested." :lol:

 

He's not going to ever be a pro or Olympic athlete, and I will not allow him to accept a sports scholarship of any amount so it has zero to do with that. But that hustle, drive, practice, delayed gratification, teamwork, working out frustration/unfairness, learning to cooperate, etc. have all been worth the investment of private lessons. (I say that, but his private coach sees a passion in my son that he loves the snot out of, so he only charges my son 1/8 his going rate - enough to buy a biggie meal on the drive home from practice, but it's enough for my son to take training seriously.)

 

His private lessons include smarter mechanics, which have protected from zealous coaches who were more concerned with the win than my son's long-term physical health - in terms of knowledge, empowerment, and physical usage.  We run into some elitist, delusional parents who swear they're raising the next Tiger Woods.  They annoy me. Can you imagine putting up with them every week? Maybe better if you find a team that fits your personality better. Says the voice of BTDT. :glare:

 

Also, I don't know what this is supposed to be: :zombiechase:

 

[LucyStoner]

I work (very PT) in large part to be able to pay for sports and hobbies and music lessons (each child takes two instruments). We get by but my husband is a FT student and works PT in a modestly paying job. We are not affluent. We make it happen because that is what we value. My brother and his husband have 2 kids in expensive soccer. That is what they value. They are, similarly, not affluent. But they are a white collar family living in a blue collar neighborhood because it means their housing is cheaper and they do public schools. My brother sells on eBay to make the ends meet. We both drive old cars, take camping vacations, and I shop minimally while he's a big bargain hunter.

 

What bothers me about the camps and such is the focus on young athletes training for 1 and only one sport from a very young age. Over training increases injuries. It used to be the best high school athletes played 2 or more sports. Now, more than 1 is less and less common. Not just because of money but because of time. When I say it bothers me, it means I've noted the shift. Not that I am losing sleep over it.

[Χά�ων]

What bothers me about the camps and such is the focus on young athletes training for 1 and only one sport from a very young age. Over training increases injuries. It used to be the best high school athletes played 2 or more sports. Now, more than 1 is less and less common. Not just because of money but because of time. When I say it bothers me, it means I've noted the shift. Not that I am losing sleep over it.

Over the last 4 years I have noticed a shift towards pushing parents to put their child in another sport in the primary sports season and to take time off. Not always an option in every sport, but it is getting to be more and more common. I keep sticking my son in other sports that are cheaper in the hope that he will find something cheaper he loves even more than his current sport. No such luck. He likes the other things, but not as much as his primary sport.

 

Re over training and injury. That is why my son has private coaches and why I do not even pretend to coach from the sidelines. He has a notebook of skills that he works from and I may sit and read off the next one while he practices or video him if he asks to see his form. But I do not give him feedback or lead his practice in anyway. My job as a parent is to ensure he gets balanced meals, plenty of sleep and to drive him to practice in time to get ready and not be rushed.

 

In my very limited exposure to youth sports the kids I see with the most injuries have parent run practices in addition to private lessons that far exceed the daily max suggestions and push the child too hard. In my son's sport every parent is given a handbook of information that clearly outlines the roles of athlete, parent and coach. I am sure there are coaches who are not as educated on injury and overuse prevention, but it falls on the parent to ensure the coach they hire is aware. Same with his personal trainer. The personal trainer has different workouts planned out to make sure different muscle groups are used and not over worked.

 

The coaches know how to avoid over use injuries and do not overwork him in any one area. If he does a longer lesson or a lesson the next day the coach work on something else. My son currently works with two different coaches each week. The first thing the coach asks my son is , "What did you work on with X?" and then they work on something else.

[skimomma]

I just had to pay for a handful of private lessons for my dd so that she could try a new recreational team sport.  At the ripe old age of 11, she is considered too old to join a team as a beginner.  Thus the lessons.  Luckily I found someone who charged a very reasonable price and was willing to show me how to help my dd on our own once our lesson budget was depleted.  After the lessons and working with me for several months, she is now considered "skilled enough" to be on the "recreational" team.  I had the time and the little bit of cash to make it happen but I am not happy that this was the only way for her to try out a new sport.

 

Her first practice is on Monday and I am very on edge hoping it goes well and that she will be welcomed.  After being shunned in recreational soccer for having the audacity to try joining as a beginner at age 7, I am afraid another experience like this will kill any desire she has to try new things.

 

 

[MinivanMom]

This thread is so sad. I'm very grateful to live in an area with robust recreational options for virtually every sport imaginable, even exotic sports like cricket. Most of the sports have rec options through age 17, though some (like football) top out at 14 with the assumption that you'll transition to a high school team.

 

We have had such positive experiences with rec sports, even when our kids were "late" beginners. Actually, our worst experiences with rec sports have been with the under-6 crowd. We have seen some crazy parents and coaches in "Preschool" soccer and t-ball. The older our kids get, the more those intense families get filtered out to the travel/club scene leaving a very pleasant and supportive group of parents and coaches behind.

[mathmarm]

It doesn't seem like the problem is that some families can and do pay for extra lessons or training.

It seems that your problem is that there aren't more options available to you at the recreational level, so the question becomes "How can I find or create a more relaxed and truly recreational sports experience for my kids?"

 

OP, is there any way that you, your husband, or an uncle/aunt/grandparent could get a rec team or "pick up game" sports club started in your area/neighborhood? Maybe arrange to be at the park with a ball at a regular time each week and advertise to get more families to join you? Facebook, Craigslist, library billboards, community centers and places of worship are all places that you could expect to find families and kids in your kids age range.

 

Unless your son is the only one who did not make the team--there are more kids who wanted to play the sport and more families that were willing to carve out that time slot each week. Plus this is summer so there are dozens of kids who have extra time on their hands and a couple of dozen parents who would love for their kids to have something to do.