IsabelC Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 We live on the outskirts of a small country town and have pretty free-range kids. Although I don't think free-range is really a good word, because it sort of sounds like you just leave the kids to their own devices. Whereas in reality, free-range parents spend a lot of time and effort determining what freedom/responsibilities kids are ready for, and preparing them for these. For example, when they started walking 2km to school without adult supervision, the youngest was only 4 years old, so we were hardly going to put her outside the door and say "off you go"! Instead we spent weeks teaching all the kids about topics like how to cross the road safely, what to do if a stranger approaches you, how to get help if you feel unsafe, and so on. We explained that the little one needed to hold hands with her siblings to cross the street because even if she followed the rules, the way the development of speed/depth perception works would mean that her eyes and brain couldn't judge when it was best to cross. We hammered into them that they had to walk together. And that together meant close enough to reach out and touch each other, not straggling out along the road so they appeared to be alone. We role played. We practiced the walk together. (And don't tell them, but I may just have observed them with binoculars the first time they went off alone :D ) We've only had trouble once. That was when Mr. 11 got an electric scooter for his birthday and wanted to go ride it straight away. We let him go to a quiet cul-de-sac where we thought he could safely ride up and down without being in the way, but one of the residents called the police. Because our son is a tall kid and was wearing a hooded top, the resident thought he looked like a criminal and must have been responsible for a recent spate of house burglaries. The cops picked ds up and asked him where he went to school (it was about 8am so maybe suspicious that he wasn't getting ready for school). Ds said he was home schooled. The cops drove him and the scooter back to our house and asked whether this was true. In the end the police officer was kind of apologetic and promised to speak to the complainant again, presumably about how you can't report somebody for existing in the street while wearing a hoodie. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 We live on the outskirts of a small country town and have pretty free-range kids. Although I don't think free-range is really a good word, because it sort of sounds like you just leave the kids to their own devices. Whereas in reality, free-range parents spend a lot of time and effort determining what freedom/responsibilities kids are ready for, and preparing them for these. For example, when they started walking 2km to school without adult supervision, the youngest was only 4 years old, so we were hardly going to put her outside the door and say "off you go"! Instead we spent weeks teaching all the kids about topics like how to cross the road safely, what to do if a stranger approaches you, how to get help if you feel unsafe, and so on. We explained that the little one needed to hold hands with her siblings to cross the street because even if she followed the rules, the way the development of speed/depth perception works would mean that her eyes and brain couldn't judge when it was best to cross. We hammered into them that they had to walk together. And that together meant close enough to reach out and touch each other, not straggling out along the road so they appeared to be alone. We role played. We practiced the walk together. (And don't tell them, but I may just have observed them with binoculars the first time they went off alone :D ) We've only had trouble once. That was when Mr. 11 got an electric scooter for his birthday and wanted to go ride it straight away. We let him go to a quiet cul-de-sac where we thought he could safely ride up and down without being in the way, but one of the residents called the police. Because our son is a tall kid and was wearing a hooded top, the resident thought he looked like a criminal and must have been responsible for a recent spate of house burglaries. The cops picked ds up and asked him where he went to school (it was about 8am so maybe suspicious that he wasn't getting ready for school). Ds said he was home schooled. The cops drove him and the scooter back to our house and asked whether this was true. In the end the police officer was kind of apologetic and promised to speak to the complainant again, presumably about how you can't report somebody for existing in the street while wearing a hoodie. In other words, the officer handled it appropriately. Refreshing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted March 3, 2015 Share Posted March 3, 2015 Some people are just nuts, and I've gotten a little paranoid over the years if you want to know the truth. Yup. I often don't allow something because I can't be 100% sure. At that rate they might not be allowed until they are 40. Being unsure is kinda part of the mom job description. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sun Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I'm curious about this. In my head, I am a free range parent lol. In reality, I'm not sure what free range parenting would look like in a situation like ours - like, it's easy for me to say 'free range' if someone talks about walking to school, etc - but for people like us who homeschool in a rural town, what does free range parenting look like?... So anyway, I'm just curious. Trying to get some ideas on giving my kids more freedom in areas that I can, and find opportunities for them to stretch their individuality more, especially as they are getting older and into pre teen years. Do you actually live in town or just near it? If you're in the town, then could your 11 y.o. run to the store for you? Could the older two go to the library together? Could they all go to the park? If your area norms are such that three--or even the two older--kids at the park alone would cause alarm and calls to the police, could you do something else in the park while they play (like hit tennis balls, jog circles around the perimeter, etc.)? If you fly somewhere, let your kids be in charge of getting your family through the airport, while you follow their directions on where to go. I think looking at what the normal range of behaviors in your area is can help you figure out ways to encourage independence. It's a gradual process of teaching and allowing more freedom as responsibility and comfort are developed. We live in a major city, and DS started taking the city bus occasionally when he was 11. A couple of years before that, we started letting him walk to the closest grocery store (about a mile away) with his same-age friend. (I still love the convenience of asking them to get me a missing dinner ingredient, so I don't have to go!) When he was younger, free-range looked more like me browsing in the adult section while he hung out in the kids' section at the library, him running into the library on his own to return a book while I sat in the car outside, or him going inside the grocery store on his own to buy one specific item while I sat in the car outside. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageRebel Posted March 4, 2015 Share Posted March 4, 2015 I live in the middle of nowhere on twenty acres. There is no one around for 10 miles or more. I let the kids roam free. The rules are go together, take the dogs, if the coyotes get close leave, and be home when the sun touches the mountains west. Winter time I am a little more strict but they are less likely to roam far. I let my ten year old drive home. I have seen a 9 year old in a truck in town. I don't want her in town because people are involved. So, my roads only. The town is that small. Everyone gets their own post box because they don't won't do mail service, for anyone. There is no library, no park. They have general store, a doctor, and an ambulance (that couldn't find me when I needed them). Just a small school that is prek-12. I let her work the stove with me by her side. She is actually doing good. She helps with all aspects of dinner, and lunch. I let her work the wood stove we have here for heat. She cares for animals. She raises baby kittens. She handles her own money, and even let her shop someone independently. I go over plans with her on gardening, bartering, or going to the auction so she can understand. I could ask her this person wants me to sell him 2 quarts of goat milk for a bunny? Good idea or bad? Why? My middle is starting to learn the lessons my oldest did to get her to her independence level. That is hard to let them do things on there own. For example, if you throw things at the turkey it will hurt you. The middle is also starting to be entrusted with raising baby animals, and taking care of plants. I like to sit back and let them deal with what they can. Both of my girls kill their own spiders, because I know they can. My oldest loves to build things like tire swings and bridges (2.5ft max). I let them have hammers and nails, screws, and drills. Saws are supervised. We did have to go in for a tentnis shot, but no one has hurt themselves in the tree house. Cute baby goats are on the way here in another month. I am so rural, that even I am no good in the bigger cities. I think I would be way more freaked if I was urban. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Regarding age to stay in a hotel. Do they ask your age when you check in? What if I took out a joint credit card with my kids, and booked the room online? Couldn't they just show that credit card upon arriving and proceed to their room? I mean, assuming they don't look 12yo.... Most hotels ask for photo ID along with the credit card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted March 5, 2015 Share Posted March 5, 2015 Allowing the kids to pay for and pump gas with the credit card at the gas station. At least here in Florida, there are signs on all of the pumps announcing that it is not legal to allow anyone younger than 16 to pump gas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Wasn't there a more recent free-range thread? I saw a cell phone for kids that I might get DD in a year or two. http://www.lg.com/us/cell-phones/lg-VC100-Pink-gizmopal Seems like being able to call mommy or daddy easily when confronted by a busy-body might make it easier to free-range, and there is GPS. So, if my child was taken to a police station miles away like in Maryland I could storm down the door. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Free-range to me is more of a mindset than a physical thing. When ds grew up we lived on acreage so there was a lot of room to run, ride horses, ride bikes but I would not even call that the essence of free-range. I tried to give him a longer leash in other settings as well AFTER having discussed and reiterated various potential situations and the proper responses. Example: When he was a certain age (I think 6 or 7), I let him wander around a store where I was shopping in the toy department or whatever area he wanted to see. As he got older, he was allowed to look at the entire store but had to find me in 10-15 minutes or before I checked out depending on the amount of shopping I had to do. People in urban areas as well as rural areas can create a measure of independence appropriate for each child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 I live in the middle of nowhere on twenty acres. There is no one around for 10 miles or more. I let the kids roam free. The rules are go together, take the dogs, if the coyotes get close leave, and be home when the sun touches the mountains west. Winter time I am a little more strict but they are less likely to roam far. I let my ten year old drive home. I have seen a 9 year old in a truck in town. I don't want her in town because people are involved. So, my roads only. The town is that small. Everyone gets their own post box because they don't won't do mail service, for anyone. There is no library, no park. They have general store, a doctor, and an ambulance (that couldn't find me when I needed them). Just a small school that is prek-12. This describes almost exactly the situation where we used to live. My son learned to drive a vehicle when he was 11 - on property roads. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daria Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Ttyttrttrtttrtrfdf dryst t hut tyt fed ttyyr test retierttut tt T ttt t Teet I tttest ee 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 My kids are allowed to walk or bike around our neighbourhood. I'm looking to expand my older daughter's range this school year - she will be 11 in january - going down to the commercial area nearby and walking to her violin lesson. The former is quite close - the main issue is that the stores aren't used to having younger kids in them. The violin lesson does mean crossing a busy road but there are signals and there are also plenty of pedestrians. I am not sure though if my husband will go for it right away but I think I can convince him. The door monitor at the music center might be more of an issue - she won't let the kids walk out to see if their parents are parked past the bushes, even though they often need to as there is no room closer. I am hoping for the next year, grade 6, I can teach her to use the bus system. She can get to the library or my moms on the line that goes by our house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 We've only had trouble once. That was when Mr. 11 got an electric scooter for his birthday and wanted to go ride it straight away. We let him go to a quiet cul-de-sac where we thought he could safely ride up and down without being in the way, but one of the residents called the police. Because our son is a tall kid and was wearing a hooded top, the resident thought he looked like a criminal and must have been responsible for a recent spate of house burglaries. The cops picked ds up and asked him where he went to school (it was about 8am so maybe suspicious that he wasn't getting ready for school). Ds said he was home schooled. The cops drove him and the scooter back to our house and asked whether this was true. In the end the police officer was kind of apologetic and promised to speak to the complainant again, presumably about how you can't report somebody for existing in the street while wearing a hoodie. You've gotta watch out for those scooter gangs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 This is a slightly old thread, but since it first came, the Maryland law that got so much attention has been officially clarified. Maryland police are no longer to respond to reports of kids alone in public spaces like sidewalks and parks if that is the only risk factor being reported. In other words, kids are now free to be unsupervised outside in Maryland at any age that the parents feel is safe. 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daria Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Ttyttrttrtttrtrfdf dryst t hut tyt fed ttyyr test retierttut tt T ttt t Teet I tttest ee I think there is a gremlin using my phone when I'm not looking, but I'm glad to see that Shawthorne44 approves! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 So now I'm wondering, what happens if I send my kids on a plane at age 17 and book a room for them, on a joint credit card, at some hotel across the country. Do they have to sleep in the street because they aren't 21? The police station? The airport, waiting for a return flight? What if we're all traveling from different destinations and my plane ends up delayed until the next morning? Kids have to sleep on the airport floor because they aren't 21? This happened to me, and the only reason I was allowed to stay in the hotel that the airline had given me a voucher for was that the flight crew was checking in at the same time, and spoke up that if the hotel didn't allow me to check in, they'd be requiring a teen girl spend the night in the airport. And, in answer to your earlier question, I don't know that I've ever not had to show ID when checking into a hotel with a credit card. Maybe if you were paying cash-but my gut feeling is that a hotel that doesn't ask for ID is probably one I wouldn't want my teen staying in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted July 22, 2015 Share Posted July 22, 2015 I think there is a gremlin using my phone when I'm not looking, but I'm glad to see that Shawthorne44 approves! I've had cats most of my life but not at the moment. I was reminded of my cats (one in particular) that would get jealous of the computer and deliberately stomp across the keyboard and then plop on it in all her Maine Coon fluffiness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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