Enjoyinglife365 Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Any ideas how to help guide college freshman who doesn't want help? My son's classes are very demanding and time consuming. The other night he was up until 5:00am getting his class work done. I found a class on coursera.org about learning how to learn more efficiently and because I suggested it, he adamantly refused. This attitude is new to me. He wants to figure it out on his own. Any ideas how I can guide him without being noticed? (He is living at home.) A little more background. He is a kinesthetic learner. Smart, so he has had little practice struggling through classes. Big time procrastinator because he is smart and was able to get away with it for so long. Biggest challenge for him right now is calculus -- test problems much more difficult than homework problems. Not enough time to get all the calculus and physics homework problems done in these back to back classes. His leisure time is too long considering his class demands. Refuses to remove the distractions, ie music on, and sits in busy part of house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 1, 2015 Share Posted February 1, 2015 Does the college offer learning assistance? Many schools run learning centers, help sessions, etc - may be called different names. I would try to insist that he schedule a regular time to go there and complete his homework there - not at home. I do not find music per se a problem and would not immediately blame distractions. Ultimately, he might have to experience failure first before making changes. I see this frequently with bright students who are not used to having to work hard. ETA: It makes sens that the coursera course suggestion was not received well - because that is an extra time commitment right now (even if it pays off in the long term). You might want to stress the point of time savings when he attends homework help centers etc on campus. Making clear that it will enable them t get the homework done in less time than if they were working through it on their own is a big selling point in getting students in the door... (there are other, more important benefits, like group work and assistance, but those are not as obvious to somebody who is looking for instant gratification) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Ultimately, he might have to experience failure first before making changes. I see this frequently with bright students who are not used to having to work hard. I agree with this, and saying this as gently as possible...I would just get out of the way and be quiet. I know it's hard. If you are paying for his schooling and have a standard that he must meet (certain grade-point, etc.) in order for you to continue to be willing to pay for his schooling then that absolutely must be communicated, but in a matter-of-fact way. I'd give a semester grace period (that's how most academic scholarships operate, I believe, and really, if you are paying for his education that IS a scholarship), but tell him what you expect and then get out of the way (that wasn't said very gently, was it!). It sounds like he is well-aware that he is having issues. His reaction seems to indicate that he is stressed. Your "help," is not being well-received anyway, so I would drop it. Express your expectations as dispassionately as possible and see where he winds up at the end of the semester. Don't ask about grades, etc. Listen if he wants to talk, of course, but your advice (which I am certain is spot on) is falling on deaf ears. If he doesn't want your advice, your offering it will only tick him off. Now, if his staying up until 5:00 in the morning is having ill-effects on the rest of the family because he is keeping them awake or whatever, that is a different issue which should be approached, IME, in a different way. If he is constantly being unpleasant, again that is another issue. Should be approached in a "common courtesy among the family is expected," kind of way. The consequences of his choices shouldn't be foisted upon the family. At some point, children want total ownership of their academics. I think this can be a particularly difficult transition for both the parents and children who have come out of home schools. Parent has been instrinsically involved, kid is used to relying on parent, etc. You are viewing what you are doing as helpful; he is viewing what you are doing as telling him what to do. Just my take, but advice is always worth what you pay for it! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 You might try offering help instead of seeming to suggest it. Like, "I might have some ideas to help you with efficiency, if you want to talk about it." Or, "Would you like me to help you brainstorm about this?" But generally at this point it's mostly on him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara H Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 One thing I think that's hard about this is that you have to see it. If he was away at college you'd never know if he was studying in a distracted environment or he was procrastinating and pulling all nighters. I bet MOST parents would be upset if they knew the hours and conditions under which their kids study. I'm not even sure I want my mom to know the late hours I work as an adult sometimes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 I pulled actual all nighters a few times for senior project classes, but if he is doing it as a freshman, he is not engaging with the material right and it will bite him if he keeps this up. Also, as you probably know, the reason they have so much free time at the college level is because no one is holding their hands or spoonfeeding them. The material is presented very densely, and they have to study on their own a lot more. That means that in addition to doing the homework they have to organize the material in their brains, and think through how to apply it--how to play with the information--in a test environment IN ADVANCE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catherine Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 Calculus and physics are really time-consuming courses. I would see it as him learning what is required to do everything that needs to be done. He is not failing! That is a good thing! He just needs to plan his time better. Gently I am saying to you...let him figure it out, IF he is doing OK academically, which I assume he is from your post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 2, 2015 Share Posted February 2, 2015 If they haven't been responsible for scheduling their own time in high school, there's no reason to assume that upon beginning college they'll know how to do that. IMO there's nothing wrong with giving them some guidance, whether welcomed or not, on how they can manage their time better. Heigh Ho and her husband took that approach and I'm sure it will make a difference. Procrastination does not combine well with calculus and physics. If he won't be open to your suggestions, then maybe you can require that he go to some student support services (tutoring?) and at least come up with a workable schedule for completing his assigned work. He may need to hear it from someone else. I think it's pretty common to listen to music while doing math and physics. Just want to add that getting into a calculus study group might be very helpful for him for test prep. Also, ideally he should work on the calculus homework problems as soon after the class as possible, and if he's needing help, then doing his work where help/tutoring is available. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 The class sounds interesting so I googled it. Is this it? https://www.coursera.org/course/learning When my kids don't want my advice and are struggling/muddling through/working things out in a non-Mom way :D, I try to provide ancillary support. Like, make their favorite meals, run errands for them (I'll say, I'm drivng past the _______, want me to _____ for you?), give them little treats or gifts I know they like. ETC I try to lessen the other burdens so they can put most of their energy into whatever they are working through. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bootsie Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 While it may be uncomfortable for you to watch, his desire to "figure it out himself" is a great skill to develop. Is he concerned that he stayed up to 5:00am studying? If not, he does not see that it is a problem to be solved. I would second what others have said--staying up to 5:00am due to procrastination is not unusual for college students. Even for college seniors. DH has a group of college seniors who had a large project for a competition due at noon yesterday. He knows that they stayed up all Thursday night (and turned it in at 11:59am) although they have known about the project since October. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomatHWTK Posted February 7, 2015 Share Posted February 7, 2015 I did 7 years of school post high school procrastinating, learning in a room with radio and sometimes TV on and pulling all nighters. I still thrive in high pressure situations. If he doesn't, he'll figure it out soon enough. Otherwise, I wouldn't assume that the methods he's using are detrimental. It may just be the way he works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enjoyinglife365 Posted February 13, 2015 Author Share Posted February 13, 2015 The class sounds interesting so I googled it. Is this it? https://www.coursera.org/course/learning :grouphug: I want to thank everyone. You all have given wonderful advise, and I am trying all of it, including acceptance. :) Yes, that is the link to the learning how to learn course. (Sorry for the delay; when I first read your post, I read it as a statement not a question. ) I went through the course on my own and am dropping hints here and there for my son. Don't know if it is working, but if he also hears the same from other sources it might. He has discovered informal groups hanging out at the tutor center which is helping, and he admitted that he has taken my advise to seek out the smarter students. He still has the all night cram once a week, but he has a routine / rhythmn to it. I also ask him his plans for the coming days, which is getting him to think about his study schedule without my asking directly. I am still hoping that he will learn to shift his work to earlier in the week and eventually phase out or at least reduce the all nighter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted February 13, 2015 Share Posted February 13, 2015 I'm pretty hands on with my dd but she's asked for that. That said, I think I would be hands on with anyone who was struggling around me. I think the Coursera course would be something to take in the summer, in prep for next term. I'd also consider getting Cal Newport's books on How To Win at College & How To Be a Straight A Student as well as his Study Hacks blog I think it's reasonable to gently & supportively ask the student to consider making certain changes & to assist in setting up schedules & etc. It's a transitional time. I think the trick is in offering help without making the young person feel like they're a failure for not figuring this out on their own. That's where the drop in tutor centers etc are helpful, to see their peers wrestling with similar issues... Music & being out in busy places is not necessarily an issue - many people find that if they isolate themselves they get less done. If you think he needs extra help with online distractions, consider offering to shut down wifi in the house for several hours a day or use the computer based blocks which lock out certain time leeching sites. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted February 14, 2015 Share Posted February 14, 2015 I have friends who were in the situation that the husband went back to school as an adult. It was through this same situation they found he was dyslexic. 1. Slow reading 2. Hard time truly absorbing what you're reading so you have to re-read for comprehension (It's because the brain is bogged down de-coding so comprehension drops.) I have no idea if this is your case or not, but I'll put it out there. There could be audio versions of texts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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