What should I tell people about daughter's absence?

[Elisabet1]

I am not worried about my image at all. I am worried about people's mythological beliefs about mental health issues and her not being able to rebuild her life eventually if I say too much.

 

These are the calls...

a girl from church called to invite her to the movies with her family. Then today, she left a message that daughter was not at church and she is worried. They are going caroling tonight and want to know if daughter can join.

 

Daughter had said she would volunteer at this Christmas event at a place she has worked in the past, and volunteered in the past. She was a no show.

 

She was supposed to perform at a music Christmas concert, she was a no show. 

 

 

I am not so worried about the two work places. If I ignore their calls, I assume they won't call again. But this sweet girl from the church, what do I say?

 

Oh yeah, and let's not forget the doozy. They had to give away her housing at the university on Friday. And in the mail on Saturday, we got notice she earned an additional scholarship that was significant enough that it brought down our cost to the EFC. Starting with the spring term in January. Should I call the school and ask if they can hold it until the fall? She is supposed to return the paperwork asap, signed. But she is not here. What do I say is her reason?

 

If I call the girl back from church, what do I tell her? The pastor knows what is going on, but what about the girl from church who was just a friend?

 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Friend - you can just say that "she's staying with family right now".  

 

 

[Annie G]

You can be open with the college, and ask for a possible postponement until next fall. She's dealing with mental health issues and the school has seen this before.  Better to tell them up front than to let them think she's not interested.  It's true- dd is struggling but might be well enough to attend in the fall. 

For the friend, I would be more guarded. She's having a difficult time, and you think she will call when she's feeling better.  That you will pass along her well wishes to dd. 

 

 

[Guest]

Friend - you can just say that "she's staying with family right now".

I recommend this. You don't want to give out info as to everything that is going on. I would assure the friend that you'll pass along that she called.

[bettyandbob]

The pp's have given good options

 

1. Staying with family

2. Ask about deferment options based on mental health status

 

 

[Dory]

If it were me, I'd hope that those fielding questions for me would stick to, "she's with family right now." with other friends church folks, and with professional situations such as the school, be relatively open that I was struggling at that time but should be fine for the fall, and see if they can hold the scholarship for me.

 

I've been on the receiving end of people close by having been given too much information and it hasn't been fun. I've also been in situations where professionally things would've gone better if people had been given more info.

[elegantlion]

Agree with everyone. While you are in the midst of this crisis is not the time to tell everyone all about it. I believe in "circling the wagons" so to speak and only discuss the issue with trusted individuals. You do not have to disclose everything (or anything at all) to everyone who asks. It is not being dishonest, It is being judicious about the information.  :grouphug:

[idnib]

I would be upfront with the school and ask for their help keeping her options open. Explain the situation and ask, "What do you suggest?"

 

She has an illness and hopefully they would treat her as they would any students who had a medical situation. It seems they want her to be there.

 

 

[idnib]

Just to emphasize my point:

 

You should first ask them for a suggestion before making one yourself. They have been through this before and you haven't. if it's not what you want to hear you can deal with that later, but try to get them to suggest something first and put the ball in their court.

[gardenmom5]

for those who call/ask about her - she's with family, not available, and you'll pass on their message.  not even her friends (let alone acquaintances from church) need to know she's having mental health challenges right now.  if she wants her closest friends to know/visit her, she'll let you know and you can tell them in utmost confidence.

 

as for the scholarship - do file for a deferment with the school.  you don't know what she'll be up to a year from now.

[Joules]

For friend and others, definitely visiting family.

 

If you are nervous about revealing issues to the college administration, call the counseling center there. They may let you talk to a counselor who could explain your options. They would have a great deal of experience in this.

[Mama Geek]

No additional advice just more  :grouphug: .