dirty ethel rackham Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Dd is in a project based learning class run by two friends of mine. Their semester project is to create either a documentary or a website on a project of their choosing that fits the theme of the year. Dd chose a subject that intrigued her last year, but we didn't have time to explore things in depth. As she did her research, she had trouble fitting her project to the theme and had to change her thesis statement 3 time. So, that put her behind. Every time I asked her how things were going, she kept saying behind, but ok. Well, the project was due 15 minutes ago (as in, we are supposed to be at one of their houses with the project completed to show to the other group members for critique.) She is just putting the audio tracks with the images right now. This is where she was supposed to be last weekend (which is what I told her then.) I am about to explode. She was warned several times that the video editing could take as longer than writing the script. How do you start putting your video together only an hour before go time? AAACCCKKKK! I am trying to be available to be helpful, but not lecture. I want to give her a 40 minute lecture on procrastination and focus. I want to rant and rave. But, I have to remain calm so she does not dissolve into tears so she can get this done. My hands are shaking as I work on self-control here. I hope she learns from this. But, my experience with my other kids (and myself) tells me that this will not be the last time she gets herself into a bind. But .... AAACCCCKKK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Argh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Better to learn these lessons now than in college. Good on you for giving her the space. Also, :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Happy Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Good job on remaining calm! After all this is done--say in a day or two, sit down with a cup of tea and have an 'after action' meeting. I call them autopsies... Ask her to list what she would do differently next time. There are no wrong answers here! Just let her sift through and think. Have her make notes and file them where she can refer to them again when another project is assigned. I find this is very helpful with adults in organizations where we have big projects or events. At the very least, it's something I find useful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Good job on remaining calm! After all this is done--say in a day or two, sit down with a cup of tea and have an 'after action' meeting. I call them autopsies... Ask her to list what she would do differently next time. There are no wrong answers here! Just let her sift through and think. Have her make notes and file them where she can refer to them again when another project is assigned. I find this is very helpful with adults in organizations where we have big projects or events. At the very least, it's something I find useful. Thanks for the suggestion. What a great idea!! Now that I have a plan on how to deal with this, I think I will go do a slew of housework to keep me distracted from my own anxiety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 What about just going presenting what (little?) she has and then discussing what the grade would be in different situations, along with how embarrassing it is too not have completed the work. Then she can finish in her own time without affecting the entire group? Plus that way you don'thave to carry all that frustration, you can unload it as disappointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I do believe copious amounts of chocolate can help prevent heads from exploding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 What about just going presenting what (little?) she has and then discussing what the grade would be in different situations, along with how embarrassing it is too not have completed the work. Then she can finish in her own time without affecting the entire group? Plus that way you don'thave to carry all that frustration, you can unload it as disappointment. They started without her after I texted them about the situation. She really didn't have anything to present. She is still putting together the audio track with some visuals. She was still picking out visuals this morning. I do believe copious amounts of chocolate can help prevent heads from exploding. I usually save that for after 12pm. But, it is afternoon somewhere!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I feel your pain. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kim in Appalachia Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 :grouphug: I get it. This semester, with my 11th grader, has been all about me not yelling at her. I keep telling myself not to say the words that are in my head. My poor dh gets an ear full at night. It's hard, but it is better to not say what you are thinking in the heat of the moment. I love the idea of waiting a few days and having an after action meeting. I know with my dd, we are going to have a meeting before the next semester starts. I fine a large glass of wine helps.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Tick Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 They started without her after I texted them about the situation. She really didn't have anything to present. She is still putting together the audio track with some visuals. She was still picking out visuals this morning. I usually save that for after 12pm. But, it is afternoon somewhere!! Oh. Well, then put on a good, tight hat, because I think you have to take the "head explosion" possibility seriously. It is a bear to clean up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I hear you! I have a 14 year old that often operates this way. I keep chanting in my head "natural consequences ... natural consequences ...". Chocolate and a glass of wine can help! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 I nearly killed my then 17yo ds when he refused to allow me to plan parts of his Eagle Court of Honor, and refused to plan them himself. He had a whole booklet how to do it and would not follow the steps. I was really upset by the whole thing, and it's still not funny. Teenage brains are a real tough thing to understand. I feel your pain, I really do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 this is where mom needs to calm down, and let her suffer the consequences of her inaction. do. not. take. it. personally. this isn't your failure - you warned her, she didn't listen. let her deal with the consequences. and if that means you leave the house this minute to get where you're supposed to be and her project isn't finished - well, that's her problem too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hornblower Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Process, not product. Just keep repeating it to yourself. It's the process that's the lesson, not the product.And failures can be amazing lessons. & feel free to discard this because maybe it's just me but if my kid was taking a class run by my peers/friends/fellow hs moms I'd have a much harder time focusing on process not product & letting failure happen (&it's hard enough even with classes with stranger/outside people). My ego would be stomping mad about this making all of us look bad & so I'd have had to have a long stern talk with myself about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Process, not product. Just keep repeating it to yourself. It's the process that's the lesson, not the product. And failures can be amazing lessons. & feel free to discard this because maybe it's just me but if my kid was taking a class run by my peers/friends/fellow hs moms I'd have a much harder time focusing on process not product & letting failure happen (&it's hard enough even with classes with stranger/outside people). My ego would be stomping mad about this making all of us look bad & so I'd have had to have a long stern talk with myself about this. I think you hit the nail on the head right there. :cursing: UPDATE: Well, we were an hour late. They started reviewing project without us as I told them. They were understanding and just went with the flow. Dd's narrative (on which she worked the hardest) was very good. The images and video quality were very rough and it showed. They had everyone review the project - leaders, peers, parents and they used mock judging sheets from the National History Day. The reviews were good, better than I thought she deserved and these are from kids who have been to Nationals. But, she learned a ton in the process. She plans to go back over break and do the fine tuning, using everyone's comments to make a better product. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Oh, and I ate all of their dark chocolate covered JoJos while I was there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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