SKL Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I wonder if the person paying the household bills is being honest with the other spouse about the money situation. Possibly the wife is spending her earnings as "fun money" or "gift money" without realizing the money is needed to pay the rent. And if the original arrangement was that brother's earnings cover the rent and SIL's earnings are for other stuff, what's going on with the brother's spending ... it might be more than meets the eye. In any case, it seems they need to sit down together, possibly with someone more experienced in money matters, and make a new plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 spending can be an addiction - it can give someone that same adrenalin rush as other addictions. and like other addictions, you get lies, manipulation, compulsions, guilt-trips towards people who won't enable the addiction, etc. my mother was completely clueless in how to handle money. when figuring out how much she needed in a month - she didn't include how much utilities were, insurance, etc. only the "fun stuff" was even thought about. dh took over her finances at one point (she was on the verge of losing her condo) - and put her on a weekly cash allowance. (monthly didn't work.) when the money was gone - she had to wait until the next week. it still took him months (and his background IS finance.) to get a complete lock on her cash flow situation. 'cause when he'd ask her about things - she would leave a lot of stuff out thinking it was irrelevant, (however - since mom was just completely clueless, putting her on a cash allowance for "fun stuff" took a great deal of stress off of her, and she was much happier. and all her bills were getting paid.) he saved her condo, and she was able to stay in it, until she physically couldn't. Mil is a spendthrift/addict. keeping her out of stores does wonders for keeping her spending down. (she doesn't know about QVC. she's not online.) she's slowing down due to age - but she when she couldn't get herself to a store, she'd demand of whomever she was with to take her to one. as long as she had checks in her checkbook - she'd write checks. and when dh was doing her finances, and took the checkbook away - she'd go open credit card accounts. one month - he learned about one when a bill from a dept store arrived for 150% of her monthly income. if she goes into a store - the addiction takes over and she is completely irrational. so - there are two types here clueless - and spendthrift/addiction I also think of both member's of a couple's income as belonging to the couple, in a common "pot". it should be for family expenses. each person can then have their "fun money" to do with as they please. it shouldn't be one person's income is entirely "fun money" while the other person pays all the bills out of their income. I can't see how that would build a marriage as a partnership. she may also be spending more than her income. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 If it were me, I would send them $100, tell them that that is all I can manage right now, and also say that they can pay me back when they get back on their feet. In my head I would not expect to be repaid, but if I were, I would consider doing this again sometime. This is a different kind of crisis from a sudden health problem or natural disaster. This is a crisis of character and responsible planning. It's not noble, and it's something that they really need to get a handle on or they will never grow up. Giving them all the money they need (or even loaning it to them) is going to prevent them from learning what they need to know to be mature adults in this situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I don't think you should ever loan money to family. If you felt led to give money and don't care that they might spend it unwisely then give. But sounds like it wouldn't go to good use. And perhaps he's manipulating you to get the money since he lacks details.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 I'm w/everyone else. Don't do it. Your emergency fund is for your emergencies, not for folks who've planned poorly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomtoCandJ Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 Don't do it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 16, 2014 Share Posted December 16, 2014 To be honest I feel like I am more worried about this situation than they are and I live across the country! I also feel guilty for even thinking these things and not being able to freely give my brother the full amount without any judgment on their spending habits. I've noticed in my own life that if I am more worried about something than say, one of my kids is ( the need for studying for an exam, for e.g.) that it a good cue that I need to step back. This also goes hand-in-hand with anxiety ( but he doesn't know how much he should be worried!) and with guilt. But it means it's time for them to deal with the knd of consequences they need to learn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 I am agreeing with everyone else. Do not give them any money. seems like the faster they hit rock bottom the more chance that they will pull their life together. They will not earn to live within their means until they are forced to. giving them money will just confirm in their minds that others will bail them out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Soooooooo.... what did you decide to do? We need an update! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted December 17, 2014 Share Posted December 17, 2014 Soooooooo.... what did you decide to do? We need an update! :) :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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