New here- just starting out "re-homeschooling"

[pathgirl]

I'm new here, so please feel free to move this if it fits better in a different board. I'm thinking of re-homeschooling my 14 year old and would appreciate any advice you can offer.

 

Briefly, we homeschooled DS from K-5th grade using a classical curriculum.  He was diagnosed with ADD around that time (had been exhibiting symptoms for much longer). He had always been a difficult to homeschool kid because of the ADD but we were able to work around it using shorter lessons, lots of hands-on activities, and other modifications. Due to health issues with some of my other kids, plus an unexpected twin pregnancy, we elected to enroll him in our local Catholic school for 6th-8th grade.  Academically he did great (all A's), primarily because the material was so easy. The school did not expect very much of the children and it was easy for him to do well on tests and papers without any studying and very little homework.  He loved getting to see and hang out with his friends all day but admitted that he was not challenged.  I tried to push him to do more (expecting more out of his writing assignments, for example, than his literature teacher did) but was met with resistance: "If Mrs. X thinks this is an A paper, why are you pushing me so hard??" The friends he made at school are nice kids but very into activities that aren't really a strong part of our family value system- lots of video gaming, strong emphasis on sports, and not a lot of parental supervision.

 

Now he is a month and a half into his freshman year at the parochial high school and it is killing him.  The amount of homework, on top of tennis practice (every night, 2 hours/night), leaves him going to bed at 11 at the earliest.  He is stressed and miserable and doesn't have time to do the things he loves to do (woodworking hobby, playing piano). He is getting mostly low Bs and one C in his classes.  He doesn't know how to study for tests, thinks he understands things that he doesn't, and ignores things that are difficult until the last minute. His friends seem to have a much easier time with their classes- at least they spend less time on homework- and are constantly bugging him to go out when he can't because of the amount of homework he has to do in the evenings. All of his ADD struggles, which were easy to mask at his easy middle school, are now flaring full force. His writing skills are, indeed, below average compared to what is expected of him in his composition course. I have been helping him organize his schedule and keep on top of his homework the last few weeks and this has helped- but now I feel like I am spending so much time with him in the evenings, and it is so stressful for our whole family, that I might as WELL be homeschooling him!

 

DH and I approached the idea of "re-homeschooling" him and he wasn't very interested, primariliy because it would mean not seeing his friends very often and not playing tennis with the team (the one thing he really does like about school). We are considering doing it anyway, as I don't think he's learning much in this environment and I hate seeing him so miserable and tired.  Without his buy-in, though, I don't know if it's worth it. Have any of you been in this situation of re-homeschooling or of pulling your kid OUT of school mid-year against his or her will? Am I foolish to even think about doing so?

 

[FWIW, the school he's attending is a good one academically (college prep, high test scores) but has little in the way of support services for "alternative learners". Our public school is inner city, riddled with discipline and behavior issues, and is not an option (unless we were to move to a different district).]

[AK_Mom4]

You mentioned he was diagnosed with ADD - is he on any meds?  If so, maybe he is due for an adjustment.  High school is when my ADD kid had to really work to keep the focus where it needed to be.  You mentioned he is having trouble keeping on top of the schedule and his homework and that really rings a bell.  My kid ended up self-medicating with caffiene - probably not optimal now that I look back on it, we probably should have considered meds back then. 

 

I don't think I could have homeschooled my high schoolers against their will.  The workload for high school is higher and I don't think mine could have been able to keep up if they didn't put their own effort into it.  Maybe discuss part-time enrollment with the school so he could keep playing?

 

 

[freesia]

You mentioned he was diagnosed with ADD - is he on any meds?  If so, maybe he is due for an adjustment.  High school is when my ADD kid had to really work to keep the focus where it needed to be.  You mentioned he is having trouble keeping on top of the schedule and his homework and that really rings a bell.  My kid ended up self-medicating with caffiene - probably not optimal now that I look back on it, we probably should have considered meds back then. 

 

I don't think I could have homeschooled my high schoolers against their will.  The workload for high school is higher and I don't think mine could have been able to keep up if they didn't put their own effort into it.  Maybe discuss part-time enrollment with the school so he could keep playing?

I agree. It may be time to consider meds if he's not or accept that there may be limitations to what he can accomplish in a given time frame if you choose not to.

 

It can be challenging enough homeschooling a teen who wants to homeschool. After a bout of complaints last week I looked at my teen and asked if he wanted to go to school (I didn't mean as punishment--I was sincerely interested if he thought things would be better there) He looked shocked and said, "No! Why?"

 

All that to say that I would find it even more difficult to handle it if he didn't want to homeschool. He wishes the school work would go away, but he does do it diligently and relatively thoroughly at an honors level. I can't imagine that happening without a lot of coercion or some kind of contract if he was unwilling.

[pathgirl]

Yes, I should have mentioned: he is on meds and has been for awhile.  He recently (2-3 months ago) had his dosage upped, which has helped a little bit, at least with his concentration during school.  It starts to taper off by the time he gets home, though, and I haven't seen any difference in his behavior there. You're right, though, maybe it's time for a re-evaluation.

 

I also should note that he's not actively fighting the idea of homeschooling again- he would prefer not to if it's up to him and he's not asking to homeschool, but he doesn't really have a strong opinion about it either (except for the tennis, and he might be able to play with the team anyway- certainly he could play with a local club).  I'm afraid the not-fighting is more of a manifestation of his generalized apathy towards anything school-related (home or otherwise).

[freesia]

Yes, I should have mentioned: he is on meds and has been for awhile.  He recently (2-3 months ago) had his dosage upped, which has helped a little bit, at least with his concentration during school.  It starts to taper off by the time he gets home, though, and I haven't seen any difference in his behavior there. You're right, though, maybe it's time for a re-evaluation.

 

I also should note that he's not actively fighting the idea of homeschooling again- he would prefer not to if it's up to him and he's not asking to homeschool, but he doesn't really have a strong opinion about it either (except for the tennis, and he might be able to play with the team anyway- certainly he could play with a local club).  I'm afraid the not-fighting is more of a manifestation of his generalized apathy towards anything school-related (home or otherwise).

Lots of us out here with apathetic, go for the minimum if possible/allowed/can get away with it 13 and 14 year old boys!

 

See if he can stay on the team. He might be more willing if he knows he can go to what he really wants to go to school for. It does sound like home would be a better place for him. However, know that you are going to have to be really involved to keep him on track and producing until he takes ownership somehow. (And evaluate how willing he is to obey you about home matters--does he do his chores even when he complains about it. Does he follow through--generally--with what you and his Dad have asked? You don't have to answer those questions here, but if he doesn't you will have to work on that first rather than just throwing homeschool into the general mix).

[pathgirl]

Bumping this up now in the hopes of some more advice!

DS pulled up his grades to mostly B's and a few A's!  However, the amount of work that required (while I am super proud of him for doing it) worries me.  He has 7 classes (school only allows 1 study hall per year), homework in every class almost every night, at least 5 hours of homework most nights.  He gets 6-7 hours of sleep/night, which is not enough for him- makes him cranky and makes it harder for him to do the schoolwork. Sometimes I send him to bed at 1:00 even though he hasn't finished hw just because it is so late- but then he's marked down for late work. He has no time for any other extracurricular, and I can't imagine that changing.  He still has almost no time for his instrument or hobbies. 

 

I delight in breaks because I see him coming out of that shell who sits at a desk all evening- I see him joke with the family, play with his brothers, do mundane things like run errands with dad and talk about life.  Then I realize just how rare it is that we get to do those kinds of things together. I feel like we're on this crazy train and can't get off. He's more open to homeschooling now, having come to hate the amount of work he has now.  Although he would not rebel about it- he's pretty compliant and a good kid- his preference is to stay.  This preference is based on:

  1. Friends (the ones mentioned above).  He pretty much only sees them at school, almost never on evenings and weekends.  They make school fun and entertaining though.

  2. He likes the actual classes: interesting discussions and debates

  3. His worry about social isolation homeschooling.  We have a lot of co ops in the area which I would explore, and would involve him in whatever outside-of-the-home activity he was interested in, but he's skeptical.

 

Any further thoughts?  Thank you so much from this newbie.

 

[Kiara.I]

It's a parochial school--will it allow him to take one or two classes only per semester and do the rest at home?  That would lessen the homework, allow him to see his friends, and maybe get an "interesting" class with debates and discussions...  The scheduling for that might be a nightmare, though, depending on how they rotate the classes.

 

It sounds like he's really buckled down and is working HARD--so if he's willing to stay that committed, he should be able to do really, really well at home!

[AimeeM]

Barring serious issues (drugs, other illicit activity, medical issues, or serious learning differences) I would not homeschool a high schooler against their will. 

Don't get me wrong - I do not believe they are mature enough to decide their education without guidance, but it would be miserable to have a high schooler home who didn't want to be there.

With that said, it sounds like he's carrying an awful large load... but, really, B's and C's at the beginning of high school really isn't terrible. It's pretty common around here, which is why the public high schools here have recently started something called a "Freshman Academy", which houses freshmen separate from the rest of the high schoolers, and offers much more support to the students. It's a huge transition.

[AimeeM]

It's a parochial school--will it allow him to take one or two classes only per semester and do the rest at home?  That would lessen the homework, allow him to see his friends, and maybe get an "interesting" class with debates and discussions...  The scheduling for that might be a nightmare, though, depending on how they rotate the classes.

 

It sounds like he's really buckled down and is working HARD--so if he's willing to stay that committed, he should be able to do really, really well at home!

Not the OP, but none of the local parochial schools here (and we have about 6) allow dual enrollment, unfortunately. 

[pathgirl]

Yeah, unfortunately parochial schools here don't offer dual enrollment either.  Darn.  And, to clarify, it wouldn't be so much homeschooling against his will- it's more like he dislikes both options (school and homeschool) but dislikes school less. I don't believe he would fight homeschooling or be belligerent about it. Clearly I am trying to talk myself into something here.... :laugh:

 

The grades themselves aren't so much the issue- it's the amount of time it sucks out of his day. There's no way it can be healthy for a 14 yo to stay up until 11 or midnight doing homework every night!

[JumpyTheFrog]

That seems like a ridiculous amount of homework. How efficient is he at using his time? I'd work at finding ways to use his time better. If he gets home from school by 3, he shouldn't need until 11pm to finish his work.

[kbutton]

Yeah, unfortunately parochial schools here don't offer dual enrollment either.  Darn.  And, to clarify, it wouldn't be so much homeschooling against his will- it's more like he dislikes both options (school and homeschool) but dislikes school less. I don't believe he would fight homeschooling or be belligerent about it. Clearly I am trying to talk myself into something here.... :laugh:

 

The grades themselves aren't so much the issue- it's the amount of time it sucks out of his day. There's no way it can be healthy for a 14 yo to stay up until 11 or midnight doing homework every night!

 

Do you know if the other kids are taking this much time to do work?

 

Everyone has a limit; for some people, they cannot fight the time limit. Seven classes sounds crazy, and quite frankly, wasteful of his time. But, I am not the kind of person that has ever put up with busywork, including when I was a student. 

 

If he needs better time management skills, that is one thing; if he'd still be pulling late nighters a lot even with good study skills and time management, then it's only going to get worse as high school drags on.

[Mom22ns]

I think it is terrific he has worked so hard and brought his grades up. My fear for him is that each year of high school will bring increasing demands and he is already stretched to his limit. I think you should explore with him the possibilities of homeschooling. Look into the coops together. Explore online classes. Many online classes really build some good community. Jump over to the high school board to read more about the options for online classes.

 

Most likely, after just one more year, he could begin dual enrollment at a local college or community college if you have one. That would give him opportunities to get out, but you could start with just one class a semester.

 

I would say that if he had a lighter school load he would have some time for some pursuits besides school that could include social opportunities. 

 

My ds is ASD. We have btdt with overload. He is a compliant kid and did his best and kept it up as long as he could and it broke him eventually. Help vision cast for him and find a better way.

[Guest]

How about using a distance school where he can do the work at his pace? We are liking American School so far but there are many, many options. Show him a few and let him have input into which he likes.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

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[foxbridgeacademy]

I'd gather all the info on the local Co-op's and sport/hobby classes groups to show him.  Have him pick the ones he's interested in then take a day or two off from school and check them out (if the school doesn't like it tell them tough, shouldn't give so much homework) .  Show him what the curriculum possibilities are (pick 2-3 options for each subject) then have him pick the one he likes best.  Lay out a schedule with him that requires no more then a given time each day (decide/agree) and promise that if he works diligently (with in reason) during those hours you won't expect any more from him.  Then give him a week or two to think it over (don't take a yes or no yet ) give him time to consider if the social interaction at school out weighs the extra curricular activities plus free time at home.  Also look into online in person type classes where he can have interaction with teachers and other students.   After two weeks discuss it again to see where you both stand.

[pathgirl]

Well, the last couple of nights were actually better than usual- go figure.  He was done by about 10, and that was with some piano practicing to boot.  Still no "free time", but better. He's not terribly efficient with his time- he's very slow to transition from one subject to another so homwork in multiple subjects each night is a real challenge.  Other kids, from what I can tell, frequently stay up very late to do homework (midnight is not uncommon, later if there is a test or exam).  The difference I think is taht many of them are also participating in extracurriculars or sports that he can't handle on top of his schoolwork. We've done some work with time management and study skills, and it's helped, but I think he will always be a kid who works more slowly at things. I could pull him out of one of his honors courses but that kills me because it's not the subject matter that's the problem- he gets it, he likes studying it- there's just so MUCH of it.

 

I like the idea of making this more of a discussion- plan now is for DH and I to put together a proposal of sorts, with suggestions of the classes he'd take and in-person courses he could choose from, along with time for extracurriculars.  I like the idea of a time limit- we do this a lot with my younger daughter who HATES studying math but can handle it if she knows we'll only be tackling it for 15 minutes. I keep telling myself that a lot of the time pressure we feel now is artificial and based entirely on the school schedule: if he's slow at something (assuming he's trying), it doesn't really matter if he gets through the material in a year or a year and a half, right? Right?!

[Heathermomster]

My DS is a gifted dyslexic/dysgraphic/dyscalculia and inattentive ADHD child who attended a private Christian school for years.  I pulled him from school with an A average at the end of 6th grade.  

 

You and your DS have my sympathies.  We afterschooled for years and DS never had many extracurricular activities.  Private schools are not legally required to accommodate, and DS begged to be at the school with his friends.  I convinced him to come home for 7th grade.  In 7th grade, he began learning to do all the things that the school wasn't pushing.  He learned to outline using mindmaps and write narrations and read mythology and perform handson science.  DS now takes three rigorous courses at our homeschool cover and loves it.  As a 9th grader, I feel like we are actively working on time management skills in a safe environment.   DS maintains the same core friendships from school and has made new friends.  

 

If I were you, I would go to the school and ask for accommodations.  He sounds like he needs a reduced homework load and extra time on tests.  They will likely say "no" but ask anyways.  

 

Start exploring accommodations and time management strategies at home.  I suggest you check out an Echo Livescribe Pen.  DS started using one in January, and it has been fabulous.  Explore mindmapping for notetaking.   Teach him to type if he doesn't do so already.   Explore immersion reading and VoiceDream for the iPad.  If he can learn using audio books, see if he can increase the speech speed  to over 200WPM to get through mandatory reading assignments.  If your DS insists upon being at the school, he needs to embrace technologies that will help him.

 

Maybe allow him to complete the school year while exploring outside school options for next year.  My DS wasn't initially pleased with being home, and then his attitude began to change.  DS started to learn things that he had previously struggled with.  Developing new friendships and pursuing subjects in a way that he enjoyed has helped DS tremendously.

 

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

 

[pathgirl]

My DS wasn't initially pleased with being home, and then his attitude began to change.  DS started to learn things that he had previously struggled with.  Developing new friendships and pursuing subjects in a way that he enjoyed has helped DS tremendously.

 

Good luck whatever you decide!

 

Would you mind elaborating on how that transition was for you? I know your DS was younger than mine but that's my biggest concern right now- his response. Is there anything you did that made it easier for him? Anything you'd do differently? It's funny, in a way, because I wouldn't say he has any really tight friends at school.  They are fun acquaintances that he goofs off with in school and he likes the energy of being with them but they almost never spend time together outside of school.  Unfortunately one of his two good friends moved two hours away and his other is attending a different high school.

 

We've inquired about accomodations and they are open to extended testing time, which has helped the grades, but not to less homework. Even the extended testing time is kind of a pain because it just means that his testing extends into another class period- so he misses part of that class.  Arrgh.

[RoundAbout]

Seven classes is a lot! When I was in HIgh school we had 6 periods and only math and English needed to be taken every year. Science, History, and Foreign language were taken only for 2-3 years depending on the student. Teachers have a tendency to forget that homework is cumulative and that they are getting assigned work for every class.

 

Do they offer different levels for different subjects? If so I would try to choose lighter courses in his weak areas while sticking with stronger courses in his strengths. If there is only one study hall allowed per year are there other classes like PE, art, home ec, shop, etc. that would be light on homework or at least provide a mental break from the more challenging academic work?

[Heathermomster]

Would you mind elaborating on how that transition was for you? I know your DS was younger than mine but that's my biggest concern right now- his response. Is there anything you did that made it easier for him? Anything you'd do differently? It's funny, in a way, because I wouldn't say he has any really tight friends at school.  They are fun acquaintances that he goofs off with in school and he likes the energy of being with them but they almost never spend time together outside of school.  Unfortunately one of his two good friends moved two hours away and his other is attending a different high school.

 

We've inquired about accomodations and they are open to extended testing time, which has helped the grades, but not to less homework. Even the extended testing time is kind of a pain because it just means that his testing extends into another class period- so he misses part of that class.  Arrgh.

Initially, DS wanted to come home, but then reality set in.  He had known the same kids for years.  My greatest concern for DS was burn out. He is extremely bright and sweet.  No child needs to be studying that much, and I was reteaching every night.  A couple of teachers simply weren't that good to begin with.  I felt like I was paying the school to perform a great disservice to my child, and that doesn't make sense.  I also have to think long term about where DS needs to be if he expects to attend a 4 year university.  I was very honest with DS about how his learning was not being appropriately addressed.  

 

Once home, we allowed him to start texting his friends and to play online gaming.  That was new.  He attended his buddies sporting events and met one or two kids in particular for lunch or overnights.  The biggest study change was no school past 3pm.  I just stopped that.  I also selected homeschool curriculum that was more to his liking.  He loves history WTM style.  I reduced the time spent on grammar.  I gave him goals to look forward to.  I hired a very experienced writing tutor that worked with three other boys my son's age.  The boys became friends, and DS started to enjoy school more.  He schools until about 4pm now.

 

 I basically give DS time to pursue things he wants to pursue.  DS likes 3D CAD type programs and texturizing objects in Adobe.  Over Christmas, we allowed him to order parts to build his own computer from the case and CPU up.  DH and I actively try to help DS meet his social needs.  Taking a combo of at home and outside classes seems to work for us.  I guess you could say that we are trying to promote a healthy balance.

[JumpyTheFrog]

He's not terribly efficient with his time- he's very slow to transition from one subject to another so homwork in multiple subjects each night is a real challenge.

 

So does he work slowly while he's on a subject? Or is he mostly wasting time between subjects? In either case, it sounds like there are some skills that need to be developed. Maybe you can observe more and report back so people can help devise a "treatment plan."

[pathgirl]

My greatest concern for DS was burn out. He is extremely bright and sweet.  No child needs to be studying that much, and I was reteaching every night.  A couple of teachers simply weren't that good to begin with.  I felt like I was paying the school to perform a great disservice to my child, and that doesn't make sense.  I also have to think long term about where DS needs to be if he expects to attend a 4 year university.  I was very honest with DS about how his learning was not being appropriately addressed.  

 

Once home, we allowed him to start texting his friends and to play online gaming.  That was new.  He attended his buddies sporting events and met one or two kids in particular for lunch or overnights.  The biggest study change was no school past 3pm.  I just stopped that.  I also selected homeschool curriculum that was more to his liking.  He loves history WTM style.  I reduced the time spent on grammar.  I gave him goals to look forward to.  I hired a very experienced writing tutor that worked with three other boys my son's age.  The boys became friends, and DS started to enjoy school more.  He schools until about 4pm now.

 

 I basically give DS time to pursue things he wants to pursue.  DS likes 3D CAD type programs and texturizing objects in Adobe.  Over Christmas, we allowed him to order parts to build his own computer from the case and CPU up.  DH and I actively try to help DS meet his social needs.  Taking a combo of at home and outside classes seems to work for us.  I guess you could say that we are trying to promote a healthy balance.

 

I feel the same way- No child needs to be studying that much, and I am reteaching at least one subject (math) in the evenings. He needs more balance in his life.  For him, the price of staying on top of his schoolwork and maintaining reasonable grades is loss of extracurricular and free time activities that he enjoys.  It's not worth it in my mind.

 

We have not allowed smart phones until now, but I am thinking we may relax that if we bring him home so that he has some continued contact with the school friends.  I'm guessing DS is right, though- contact with them will likely stop over time. What I don't get- maybe this is a girl/boy difference?- is that he rarely (and I mean once or twice a year, max) does anything outside of school with those friends.  There aren't parties he goes to or hang-outs at friends' houses.  His interaction with them is almost soley at school, which is why it seems so scary for him to leave that environment.  On the other hand, I think- if that is his only interaction with them, they aren't really that great friends, are they? They're more like work acquaintances that you have fun with when you're together but that's about it. His "best friends", honestly, are his younger brothers and a great kid he met at camp a couple of years ago.  That boy is long distance, unfortunately, but they text quite a bit and manage to get together for an overnight every couple of months.

 

Now that your DS is 9th grade, do you still have the "no school after 3/4 pm" rule?  How does that work out? What kinds of goals did you offer him to work towards? I like the idea, a lot, but my DS is also a super night owl who does much of his best work after 8 pm. I'd like to use the flexibility of homeschooling to allow him to sleep longer in the mornings and work later, but I also dread the idea of his schoolwork draaaaging out to take up the whole day again.  Thank you so much for your thoughts- it's so helpful to hear from someone else who has been in a similar situation!

[Heathermomster]

I feel the same way- No child needs to be studying that much, and I am reteaching at least one subject (math) in the evenings. He needs more balance in his life.  For him, the price of staying on top of his schoolwork and maintaining reasonable grades is loss of extracurricular and free time activities that he enjoys.  It's not worth it in my mind.

 

We have not allowed smart phones until now, but I am thinking we may relax that if we bring him home so that he has some continued contact with the school friends.  I'm guessing DS is right, though- contact with them will likely stop over time. What I don't get- maybe this is a girl/boy difference?- is that he rarely (and I mean once or twice a year, max) does anything outside of school with those friends.  There aren't parties he goes to or hang-outs at friends' houses.  His interaction with them is almost soley at school, which is why it seems so scary for him to leave that environment.  On the other hand, I think- if that is his only interaction with them, they aren't really that great friends, are they? They're more like work acquaintances that you have fun with when you're together but that's about it. His "best friends", honestly, are his younger brothers and a great kid he met at camp a couple of years ago.  That boy is long distance, unfortunately, but they text quite a bit and manage to get together for an overnight every couple of months.

 

Now that your DS is 9th grade, do you still have the "no school after 3/4 pm" rule?  How does that work out? What kinds of goals did you offer him to work towards? I like the idea, a lot, but my DS is also a super night owl who does much of his best work after 8 pm. I'd like to use the flexibility of homeschooling to allow him to sleep longer in the mornings and work later, but I also dread the idea of his schoolwork draaaaging out to take up the whole day again.  Thank you so much for your thoughts- it's so helpful to hear from someone else who has been in a similar situation!

DS schools to about 4pm.  It can vary but not often.  DS likes to stay up late as well, so we discussed allowing him to sleep later and school later.  Son won't do that because he wants a stop time.  That is his decision, so he doesn't balk when we send him to bed.  Now, DS works independently in the morning, and then we sit down together after lunch and knock out subjects that require Mom.  Once household chores are completed, DS is free to pursue his interests.  

 

Rewards...If I get attitude or an unhappy spirit, DS loses his phone and Internet privileges.  I want DS to be intrinsically motivated.  DS tells me when he wants to visit with friends or go somewhere.  When reasonable, I try to meet his needs but make my requirements and his responsibilities clear.  I cannot reward DS if he does not complete his work well.  Sometimes we just stop everything and pick up coffee or tacos.  I have been known to go off alone with him, or DH will take him somewhere with friends.  DH will take the boys to visit a trade show, the gun range, a local veterans museum, and get milkshakes.  DS needs time away from his sister and me.  

 

Friends..DS attends classes at our local homeschool cover on Friday, and he is active with our Church youth program.  Teenage boys are strange birds  There is one boy that is son's age, and they hang out maybe 2-3 times per year.  He attends another Church and lives 30 minutes away.  The two played AirSoft together a couple of weeks back and when I asked DS what they talked about, he told me they never spoke of anything noteworthy.  The boy's mom told me he had a great time.  Maybe at this age, teenage boys just want acceptance from their peers and to hang out.  DS doesn't like feeling left out.  

 

Dragging work...Oh Dear...DS struggles with initiation but is showing improvement.  9th grade has been the year where we have locked down on day planning.  DS and I meet in the morning and discuss homework and assignments.  He writes everything down in his planner, and we review time management strategies.  Sometimes DS uses a timer and stops after a predetermined time.  I remind him to use his accommodations.  I try to select appropriate materials that suit his learning style and I monitor.  Our afternoon time is for the subjects that he struggles with completing.  When son was younger, I tomato staked him.  I sat beside him all day as he completed his work.  Now, you could say that I tomato stake son's afternoon subjects.

[pathgirl]

Thanks for your response! Sorry I haven't gotten back sooner- I've been traveling and my internet is spotty.

 

Ah, yes, the intrinsic motivation!  Still struggling with that one here. I just want him to grab SOMETHING by the horns and run with it.  Have a passion or a plan or a goal.

 

We found a great local homeschool partnership that offers good classes twice a week in all of his core courses.  He could take almost all of his work there, with more time flexibility and yet consistent exposure to other students (a few of whom he already knows and gets along with).  He could participate in a hobby group he's been wanting to join but hasn't had the time. With this knowledge- that it would be more like part-time schooling than homeschooling- he was accepting of the decision to pull out of the parochial school for next year.  Not excited, but accepting.  This week, though, enrollment forms are due for his current school and he's backpedaling.  The teachers are reminding kids to turn in their forms, and students are talking about what classes they'll take next year and he's feeling left out. I think I second-guess myself too much when it comes to making decisions in general, and this is a magnified example! He's shy and can be quite insecure and really looks to his friends for guidance about what's acceptable (not great since the school friends are in the "I don't care about school" camp). I don't think we're going to back down about pulling out of the school, but his reticence is making me rethink.

[MarkT]

Thanks for your response! Sorry I haven't gotten back sooner- I've been traveling and my internet is spotty.

 

Ah, yes, the intrinsic motivation!  Still struggling with that one here. I just want him to grab SOMETHING by the horns and run with it.  Have a passion or a plan or a goal.

 

We found a great local homeschool partnership that offers good classes twice a week in all of his core courses.  He could take almost all of his work there, with more time flexibility and yet consistent exposure to other students (a few of whom he already knows and gets along with).  He could participate in a hobby group he's been wanting to join but hasn't had the time. With this knowledge- that it would be more like part-time schooling than homeschooling- he was accepting of the decision to pull out of the parochial school for next year.  Not excited, but accepting.  This week, though, enrollment forms are due for his current school and he's backpedaling.  The teachers are reminding kids to turn in their forms, and students are talking about what classes they'll take next year and he's feeling left out. I think I second-guess myself too much when it comes to making decisions in general, and this is a magnified example! He's shy and can be quite insecure and really looks to his friends for guidance about what's acceptable (not great since the school friends are in the "I don't care about school" camp). I don't think we're going to back down about pulling out of the school, but his reticence is making me rethink.

Be concerned that the co-op will not cut it academically.  My DS 14 is also extremely reluctant to do non-school assigned work.  He went to a fairly challenging charter school for 7-8th but that school ended at 8th grade. We are in a different charter school now (with a good statistical reputation) but it is much less demanding due to his lazy teachers and some courses that are easier in general. Maybe at his current school he could swap one hard course for an easier elective next year. Five hours a night is too much but my DS is doing 1/2-1 hr per night now and that is too little. So don't rush away. 

[pathgirl]

Be concerned that the co-op will not cut it academically.  My DS 14 is also extremely reluctant to do non-school assigned work.  He went to a fairly challenging charter school for 7-8th but that school ended at 8th grade. We are in a different charter school now (with a good statistical reputation) but it is much less demanding due to his lazy teachers and some courses that are easier in general. Maybe at his current school he could swap one hard course for an easier elective next year. Five hours a night is too much but my DS is doing 1/2-1 hr per night now and that is too little. So don't rush away. 

Thanks for your thoughts.  I know what you mean about the co-ops: we've been involved in several in the past that are fluffy to say the least.  This one is not really a co-op and is known to be rigorous, which I believe: it is a part of an existing, accredited classical school and classes will be taught by teachers at the school who have been teaching the material for many years. Many students have graduated from the school (both full-time and part-time) and gone on to do well in well-respected colleges. It's not really the academic aspect that concerns me, oddly enough (usually that is my beef!). I think the coursework would be on par with or surpass what is being taught at the parochial school.  (Because of district boundary lines, we would be in a higher tuition "tier" and would not be able to afford to send him to this school full-time.)

 

You're right that we could probably switch out an easier elective for one of the harder courses: switching from honors chemistry this year, for example, to "regular" physics next year.  That would pretty much put him out of the running to do an AP course in that area later, but would probably help somewhat.  The bigger thing is that with my ADD son I'm afraid volume is still an issue.  He would still be required to take 7 courses one semester (could take 6 the other, with one study hall).  It is not so much the content of the material that is taking so long: he doesn't have difficulty with comprehension, for the most part.  It's the volume of handouts, papers, number of problems, frequency of tests, etc. that bowls him over.  I don't know if non-honors courses would be any different in terms of volume: some, in fact, have more "busywork" (make and turn in flashcards, review sheets, etc.) because it is assumed those kids need more hand-holding.

 

I'm trying to be well-balanced and not push this thing through because *I* want to do it.  Yet, when he himself acknowledges that he prefers the part-time/homeschooling option academically and lifestyle-wise, but overall it's seeing his friends every day in class trumps that, it's hard to reconcile.  Especially keeping in mind that these are the friends who tell him honors classes are for losers and brag about the 2+ hours of videogames they play every night (no, most of them are not doing well in school).

[MarkT]

 

 

I'm trying to be well-balanced and not push this thing through because *I* want to do it.  Yet, when he himself acknowledges that he prefers the part-time/homeschooling option academically and lifestyle-wise, but overall it's seeing his friends every day in class trumps that, it's hard to reconcile.  Especially keeping in mind that these are the friends who tell him honors classes are for losers and brag about the 2+ hours of videogames they play every night (no, most of them are not doing well in school).

This is good life lesson to explain that these other kids will probably be flipping burgers in the future. Maybe he needs a few new friends in the new school.