Bug's Mom Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Let's say that you had been robbed at gunpoint while at your job. The robber was arrested the next day and went to prison. 18 years later, you comment on a friend's facebook post and realized that the guy who robbed you had just commented as well. You contact your mutual friend saying that if the robber wants to send you an apology via fb that you are open to it. He replies to the friend that he'd rather do it in person. What would you do? (more details in post #14) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Oh heck, I'd close my fb account! Certainly there's more to the story than you described above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I would wonder if the robber was stalking me or best case scenario trying connect to make amends/give an apology. So I guess I would be suspicious that the FB encounter wasn't coincidence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Sounds like a plot summary of a novel. I'd love to write it, but I wouldn't want to live it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 If you felt brave enough to invite an apology, maybe you're comfortable with meeting? I would meet at the police station or something though! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aiden Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Any evidence he's changed? If so, I'd agree to meet in a very public place (busy park, coffee shop, something like that), and bring my husband. If no evidence of change, well ... we could meet in the lobby of the police station ... But if you are uncomfortable with it and don't want to meet him again (I can see where that could be traumatic), I don't see any reason why you couldn't say that you're uncomfortable coming face to face with him again right now and would prefer that communication be over email or through letters. If I wasn't comfortable meeting him, I wouldn't want him having any access to my Facebook information. I'd lock it all down so he couldn't see so much as a picture, other than the profile and cover pics, which are public. I'm curious, is there a reason you broached the subject of an apology? I would assume that it wouldn't happen unless there already was evidence of change, and even then,I doubt I would bring it up unless he'd already indicated he was looking for a chance to apologize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Alyssa* Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Way too many details missing to make a judgment call on something like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poppy Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I honestly can't imagine telling a friend to tell someone he knows that it's ok to apologize to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajfries Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I can't imagine inviting an apology. If he wanted to make amends, he would need to take the first step. I wouldn't do anything in person. Just because I wouldn't feel the need to take time out my schedule to help him heal or whatever. I'm assuming that the robber was at least an acquaintance of some sort? Some sort of family or small town tie? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Just curious, what inspired you to want to engage with this guy? I'm sure it's all in the tone, but if you worded that proposition to your friend as you did above, it could have come across as sarcastic OR sincere. What do you know about the robber's life now? Would he desire rehabilitation and reconciliation, or revenge? I guess I'm kind of shaking my head wondering why you stirred that pot, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I can't imagine what I would do because I can't get past the part where I would have broached the subject of asking the former robber to apologize to me via Facebook. After 18 years I would have tried my best to put it out of my mind, and if I saw the guy comment on a friend's Facebook, I would probably hide the comment rather than solicit an apology from the guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bug's Mom Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 When I contacted my friend, she said that he seemed to have turned things around. That even back then, she was stunned that he had done it, as he had always struck her as a nice guy. I did not know him, but we are from a small town. As she & I were chatting, he posted something about trying to wrap his head around finding himself in a house of love after all of the bad stuff that he had done. (this was before she contacted him) When she contacted him, he said that he couldn't talk at the moment, as he was on a field trip. They got on the phone about an hour later. That's when she told him what was going on and that I was open to an apology. (he had no way to know my name or find me) He said that he felt that he didn't owe many people apologies, but that I was definitely on the list, but that he wanted to do it right and in person. Also, before I contacted my friend, I clicked on the guy's name and was able to see some photos and could see that he appeared to have a young family now. I didn't see anything on his page that worried me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bug's Mom Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Eff that! Sorry to be blunt but the guy served his time. If he wanted to apologize in that time he could have written a letter. Eighteen years in prison is intense. I would ask how the friend knows that person...id block the robber and possibly block the friend depending on their answer. If you go looking for trouble you will find it. And I can't envision how so passive aggressively "accepting an apology" is anything other than looking for trouble. He was in prison for 5 years. This happened 18 years ago. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Your post makes it seem like you are asking for advice, but looking at your blog, you've already handled this. Glad it worked out; had it been me, no, I probably would not have. What a bizarre scenario! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bug's Mom Posted June 20, 2014 Author Share Posted June 20, 2014 Your post makes it seem like you are asking for advice, but looking at your blog, you've already handled this. Glad it worked out; had it been me, no, I probably would not have. What a bizarre scenario! Ha! I forgot that I had my blog linked on here. Yes, I was curious to what people thought of the situation first, the I was going to share what happened. It was the most incredible day. I still can't quite wrap my head around it. He was willing to have me hit him and scream at him if that's what I needed to do. I didn't. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Ha! I forgot that I had my blog linked on here. Yes, I was curious to what people thought of the situation first, the I was going to share what happened. It was the most incredible day. I still can't quite wrap my head around it. He was willing to have me hit him and scream at him if that's what I needed to do. I didn't. ;) Oh, sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlmiraGulch Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 What an incredible testament to the power of forgiveness! I love that you were so willing, that he seems to have truly changed his life, and you seem to feel that the outcome of your meeting is positive. Good for you! Your actions speak volumes about the content of your character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 Let's say that you had been robbed at gunpoint while at your job. The robber was arrested the next day and went to prison. 18 years later, you comment on a friend's facebook post and realized that the guy who robbed you had just commented as well. You contact your mutual friend saying that if the robber wants to send you an apology via fb that you are open to it. He replies to the friend that he'd rather do it in person. What would you do? (more details in post #14) I'm not sure, as I wouldn't have sent a message to the mutual friend to begin with. I don't think it would have even occurred to me to make that request. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 If it was 18 years ago I would move on, I wouldn't want to meet that person or have them contacting me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 20, 2014 Share Posted June 20, 2014 I think you gave that guy a gift. I'm glad he turned his life around, but to give him the chance to apologize is huge. I think she did, too. But I wouldn't have done it. I'm not a particularly trusting person and I would have questioned his motives. Obviously, I would have been wrong in this case, but I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with the guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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