How much socialization does your extroverted child need?

[fairy4tmama]

Just trying to get a feel for how much and what kinds of sociaization other peoples tweens are getting?
THANKS

[regentrude]

I have an introverted DS and an extroverted DD.

As a tween/young teen, DS was fine seeing other kids once a week or every other week at homeschool playgroup; he refused to participate in any other group activities or clubs. DD OTOH needed to be around people most days of the week; she was in choir, homeschool group, volunteered, and spent 20+ hours per week hanging out at the barn where she rides.

 

Answers will vary extremely, based on the kids' personalities.

[Prairie~Phlox]

Co-op 2x/mo during school year, 4-h 1x/mo & youth group/church 2x/week are all we do.

[My3girls]

My Tween has 4-H 1x/mo, Girl Scouts 2x/mo, and track/crosscountry 2-3x/week except June, July, and December.  This is not enough for her so I am constantly trying to find something else and inviting friends over.

[MinivanMom]

My tween sees her ballet friends 2x per week; I drop her off early so they have time to hang out before class. She sees her church friends for Sunday school 1x per week and for activities 2x per month. She gets together with individual friends (either coming to our house, going to their house, or going roller skating together) about 2-4x per month. She is very happy with this level of activity.

[I.Dup.]

My tween would spend all day everyday with friends if she could, but I do not equal her wants with her needs. She sees friends a couple times a week, and that is a very healthy amount for all of us.

[madteaparty]

Quite a bit. I'm running self ragged with Lego league, field trips, coops, what have you, and it is not enough. ( Example: taking him and his BFF to Washington DC this week). He is going to brick and mortar school for high school and socialization and its effects are the main reason.

[MrsH]

My dd11 is also if the "the more the better" variety. She does soccer 3x/week, church 2x/week, co-op weekly. Girl scouts is twice a month, and she does a science class every other week.

Lately I've talked a lot with her about the importance of taking time to do solitary things, of filling her own time but not with people, etc. She sort of gets it but it takes a lot of insistence on my part. If it were up to her, she'd be with friends 24/7!

[Vida Winter]

My kids see their friends at church and usually 2x per week for activities - 4H meetings and other things. It works out to about every other day, which is *plenty* for me and not quite enough for them, but that's life.

[Wilma]

Are you talking about socialization as learning to be social and fit into society?

Or do you mean socializing, as in enjoying the company of others?

Those words are vastly different, IMO. I have social needs, but I do not need socialization.

[Wabi Sabi]

We generally will stay home for 3-4 days straight, followed by 3-4 days of back to back classes, playdates, park days, lessons, sleepovers, field trips, etc. Rinse, repeat.

It works well for us- a burst of busy days in the community filled with friends and activities, then quiet days to recharge and study at home.

[fairy4tmama]

Are you talking about socialization as learning to be social and fit into society?

Or do you mean socializing, as in enjoying the company of others?

Those words are vastly different, IMO. I have social needs, but I do not need socialization.

agreed but in this case I mean the enjoying being in the company of others.

[foxbridgeacademy]

DS prefers to "hang out" with adults or his sister.  I've tried to interest him in activities with other kids, but they are too immature for him. So he does very little outside the house.

  DD on the other hand prefers to spend all her free time with friends or her brother (her dad and I will do, in a pinch).  She's had it rough since our last move and will be giving P.S. another try for purely social reasons.  Before we moved she did something with friends every day.

 

I would say (although they would disagree) that DS and DD are best friends and get most of their "friend" needs filled.

[HS Mom in NC]

She's 8 and has no siblings near her age.

 

Typical week includes:

 

Art Class 11-2  2nd, 4th and 5th Tuesdays

Play with neighbor kids 3-4 times a week

Tae Kwon Do 3 times a week (kids her age but only 5-10 minutes on either side of class for chatting with her classmates)

Church on Sundays 2-3 times per month (about 30-40 minutes on either side of services to play with friends)

PE 10:30-11:30 then play and have lunch with PE kids after class until 12:30

[Guest CandieM]

My 7 year old has no siblings so at home its just us and her. 

She does dance 2x a week but it only allows for a few minutes of playing with friends. Girl Scouts about 2x a month, an outing such as roller skating or birthday party about once a month and some sort of homeschool class at a park or zoo once a month. This is not ear enough for her and she constantly begs to go play with the neighbor kids or go to public school so were working on more for her. 

 

[NotSoObvious]

A lot. She's 11 and extremely social. In a typical week we do ice skating, archery, one or two homeschool group activities and one or two playdates. On the weekends we are out and about, usually both days. In other words, I'm lucky if we have one, maybe two days at home during the 7 day week. And when we are home, she spends 1-2 hours outside with the neighborhood kids or Skypes with her friends. 

 

If she doesn't have all that, she wants to talk to me. Constantly. All day. ;)

One thing I realized (maybe too late), is that you can run yourself ragged driving to one activity after another, but that doesn't necessarily mean there's a lot of socializing going on.  Activities like swim team or ballet or other sports may not offer any time for chatting during the activity itself.  Other things, like scouts or 4H, though, can be very social. When possible, setting up car pools has been great, even if the activities aren't too far away, as it offers more time for talking with like-minded peers both before and afterwards.

[Sarah CB]

I think this depends on how extroverted the child is.  My last child would love to be out with friends every day.  He is involved in Taekwon-do, Sunday School, co-op, and music, but he needs more than the structured activities allow.  His best friend lives up the street and they'll play three or four times a week when both boys are in town.  They aren't particularly happy with short playtimes, either.  They like to play for hours and hours.  Last ds has lots of other friends as well.  He is a true extrovert in that I think being on his own actually drains him.  Plus, he talks non-stop.  So I get tired if I'm his only companion for too long.  

 

My other boys are happy doing something with friends once a week or so. 

[Rebel Yell]

There aren't enough days in the week for SweetChild to fit in everything she'd like to do. :svengo:

But she does her activities based on what she enjoys- the fact that other people are there is an added bonus. Her absolute most favorite is her show choir- 3.5 hour rehearsals, SHOWS ALL DANG DECEMBER AND SUMMER! PEOPLE!  HERDS OF PEOPLE! :huh:

Also, she chose to do a foreign langauge she didn't want to do so she could take it at a co-op class, rather than her first-choice language at home alone with a computer and headphones.

 

Diamond also chose her activities based on what she enjoys doing- the fact that other human beings were there was something to put up with. :nopity:

 

BabyBaby also does what she does- other people there are both a bonus and a necessary evil.  But her activities span a wider age range...  7yrs- 60+yrs at Karate, 7th-12th grade at robotics, age 10-18 at volleyball. Only her clog dancing group is just girls within 1 year of her age. :coolgleamA:

[dm379]

Dd is extremely social.  We had lucked out and there were four girls her age on the street that were all homeschooled too.  When school was done they would all go play outside and play until dark.  That was every day and she was happy with that.   Now that they have all moved it is much harder.  We do co-op but not every week.  She does fencing and horseback riding but both of those are solitary.  Usually there's a sleepover every weekend.  I let her talk on the phone all she wants after her friends get home from school and that has been a huge help.

[...................]

My dd needs time to chat, time to talk about a few subjects, and time with someone after school.  She has learned how to entertain herself a lot better but doesn't really feel "filled up" unless she has some fun time with a family member each afternoon.

 

As far as playdates, we have found that two per week is fairly sufficient, in addition to swim team (not very social so far) and church on Sundays.

 

So, if you are making a goal perhaps to spend 45 minutes of time having fun some time after your school day, as well as 1 schedule play date per week and one social activity (such as a fun interactive Park Day or Sports Day or other not very serious social event.)

 

PS My dd is extremely extroverted.  She definitely thrives with joy when she has people time every single day.  But it is also important for her to learn to entertain herself a little without becoming listless and depressed.  I believe that she is really finding a wonderful balance!  But I know I have to work hard to get her friends over here and/or us out of the house.