How to deal with neighborhood kids?

[Just Kate]

We are moving to a new neighborhood this weekend...one that is full of kids. I really like the set-up of the neighborhood. It is small - basically one road that is a cul-de-sac and off of that road is our road, which is another cul-de-sac. We have visited the house a few times and already my kids are making friends. There is a group of boys who play basketball a lot of the time (there is a hoop in the circle of the cul-de-sac we live on). Just yesterday, dd met a several little girls and played outside with them.

 

Of course I have always wanted this for my kids. I remember my childhood of playing outside most of the time and I really think this is something that has been missing from my kids lives. However, other than one family, I don't know any of the parents or kids. I'm trying to figure out how much freedom to give my kids and what rules to set.

 

If you have a large group of neighborhood kids, what are your rules?

 

I have always said that I want to be the house where the kids play, but really the idea of having all of these kids running in and out of my house is a bit stressful! Do I say outside play only (frankly, I know that I don't want my kids in anyone else's house until I get to know the parents)?

 

This is just a new area for me and I want to go in with a plan.

 

Oh, and my kids are ds age 10 (4th grade) and dd age 6.5 (1st grade). They attend private school, so they don't know any of these kids from school.

 

Thanks!

[Joanne]

I was "the house" as my kids grew up. I am an introvert, and I did homeschool during those years. It was stressful, but it was also totally worth it. I liked being "the house" the kids came to, felt safe at, hung out. It has been beneficial as the kids moved into teenage years and adulthood. For me, it was worth investing in good self care so that I could mitigate the stressors to me.

 

I did have a general "outside play" emphasis if the weather was close to acceptable. I had certain, inexpensive, snacks that I served (water, lemondade, pretzels, apple slices, baby carrots/ranch.....). Electronics were generally "out" until the kids got into teen years (for group, neighborhood play time).

 

There were times I did limit the coming in and out - and insisted they "go outside and play" and stay there.

 

There were very few times I did not allow neighborhood play, and I did not have to limit or select which kids. I did have to do some social coaching and guidance. I did have to establish myself as a friendly, playful dictator to the kids

 

[Night Elf]

During the school year, when I was actually doing school, I made sure we were done when the neighborhood kids got home from school. That was the time they played outside until they were called in for homework and dinner. By the summer, we were unschooling anyway so my kids were available all day. So you need to think about your kids and what time they can be outside to foster relationships with the neighbors. Be aware they may not understand if your kids are doing school work while they are out of school. You may have to answer the door and tell them what time your kids can be outside to play.

[AimeeM]

As of age 9 or so, we let DD have free reign of our subdivision, with some basic safety rules - we preferred she travel the neighborhood with at least one friend, no bike riding after dark, and she had to check in occasionally (every half hour or so - whether that was calling from a friend's house, or coming by our house to check in if she was out and about. They rode bikes, walked, played on swings in neighbors' yards, played in a neighbor's backyard basketball net and treehouse/playhouse, etc. We are blessed in that we live in a very friendly neighborhood, though, and we really know most of the neighbors - even those without children (elderly, retired, or younger and childless) loved having our kids over playing in their yards.

 

I personally wouldn't mind a gaggle of kids running in and out of my house, but I know it's not for everyone.

[kewb]

When my kids were little I so wanted to be the it house.  Wasn't meant to be.  Another boy on the block was the it boy and everyone hung out at his house.  The way it worked on our block: the kids were outside.  There was really no going in and out of houses unless it was raining. Everyone congregated at it boys house (and I will admit he was very imaginative and made up the best games).  Kids came home for bathroom/snacks/meals.  They would usually bring their snack back to the other house.

[Aspasia]

I think it's very fortunate that you're moving at this time of year, when you can require your kids to keep their play outside. That will give you time to get to know the parents before winter and inside-play comes. In a culdesac environment (we live in one), getting to know your neighbors comes so naturally during nice weather when all the kids are outside.

My dd loves to play inside her friends' houses, but the answer is almost always no when the weather is nice. Her one little friend, every time she goes over there they just end up watching a movie! For a homeschooled kid who doesn't have a lot of social time with other kids, I feel like watching movies is such a wasted opportunity! I also have a rule that she has to ask before she goes into anyone's house. And when she goes to movie friend's house, I explicitly tell her, "No movies!"

Anyway, it sounds like yours is a neighborhood where the kids will naturally just run around together and hang out. If you want to be "the house", it really is all about the food. Our one neighbor (movie house) gives the kids all manner of junk food that I am just not really willing to stock at my house, so I've given up on that competition. (I give the kids fruit and popcorn and stuff like that.) They're also the house with the motorized cars for kids and lots of things that dh and I will never indulge our children with. So I guess it all depends on how far you're willing to go. We did just order an awesome swing set, which we're hoping will make the kids want to hang out here more. :)

[EmilyGF]

The kids in our neighborhood generally play outside. I'm outside a lot because of my toddler. The unspoken rule is that kids play in the street when they want to play together and in their back yard if they want to be alone. We live on a quiet cul-de-sac, so this works. In winter, they just don't play together much.

 

School goes until 3:45 here, and then they have about 1 hour of homework, so no one really plays outside before 5 pm.

 

If I notice trouble brewing, my kids they have chores they have to do - removes them from the problem quickly without me having to point fingers. I find the most trouble occurs when the kids stop running and playing and instead "hang out," so you may want to make your house the hang out house, if the kids go inside! 

 

All the parents on our street are introverts, which is why the kids don't go inside.

 

Emily

[Anne in CA]

I was "the house" for many years and I mostly handled things the same way Joanne describes, except that, according to my oldest, all her friends did not view me as a playful dictator, just a dictator, lol. Keeping kids outside when you can is important, but it is also important to be understanding when it is too hot or cold to stay outside. 

[KrissiK]

Our street has a ton of kids. It's not a feeder street, so the street is where they play mostly. I have rules, and even though my kids complain, and sometimes I wish I could be different, this is the way I am.....
1) kids play outside. Our weather is generally mild and I absolutely do not want kids running in and out of my house. I would lose my mind. Backyards are ok, and there have been as many as 15 kids in my backyard. This is why I don't let them in my house. 15 kids running in and out of my house? No way!
2) my kids don't go into anyone else's house unless specifically invited by the mom and I know the mom.
3) they don't go off our block without my permission. I just want to know where they are.

It is a real blessing that we have a mob of kids to play with on our block. I love it. The kids can spend all day outside playing. Our house, really is a little small for our family, but a big reason we don't move is because of the kids on our block.

[Lucy]

yay!  a kid neighborhood - enjoy it!

 

We just bought a Ping-Pong table and set it up in the garage.  (we'll park on the street for the summer)  All the kids play in front of our house, but not inside.  The neighborhood kids all play in our front yard, garage, on the street in front of our house.  We also invested in a basketball hoop on the street.  Best purchase ever!  On occasion they will go to the neighbor's backyard because they have a trampoline, but I know the parents well.  My kids don't go to houses I don't know the family.  And like someone else said, if there is trouble brewing, I just call my kids in to do some chores.  Now that they are older, it doesn't happen so much.  We also bought Ripstiks for all our girls and the neighbors did as well.  That really gives them all something to play together that is totally conflict free.  They even play Ripstik basketball now!  There is also an old paint can and taught them to play "kick the can" and that is what they ALL do in the evenings as it gets dark.  In the summer, someone will pull out a firepit and the whole neighborhood will roast marshmallows.  I hope you make many friends in your new home!

[Just Kate]

Thanks for all of the advice! I am really, really happy about the neighborhood. I know that ds (10) will be fine. He is a cautious kid and he will work within whatever rules I set (stay out of kids' houses, check in every xx minutes, etc.). Dd (6.5) will be a bit more difficult. Of course, she will expect the same rules as her brother, but she is much younger. She is also more impulsive and less likely to follow my rules when I'm not around. I will have to work more with her and get to know the neighborhood girls' moms as quick as possible. I met one mom yesterday and learned that we went to school together! She remembered me, but I don't remember her.

 

I think I will buy some fun snacks (suggestions?) and maybe keep healthy juice boxes and small bottles of water on hand for the kids. Our house is a split level (go upstairs or downstairs) and the downstairs is ds's room, a small family room, and a half bathroom. Maybe I can keep the kids to that part of the house. And of course when it is nice, they need to be playing outside anyway. We do have a big, fenced in yard, but there was an above ground pool that we had to remove, so it will be mid-summer before we get the grass growing.

 

I have read all of the "bad neighborhood kids" stories on here, so I am hopeful that there is no drama in our neighborhood. So far, everyone seems friendly and polite.