long term effects of drug exposure - foster/adoption question

[Lucy]

I need to hear some stories from some of you foster or adoptive parents out there. 

 

We are in process of fostering a beautiful boy, 6mo.  He was exposed to Meth and maybe alcohol (maybe more, we don't know and can't look at his file till we begin the adoption process.)  He was full term, he's calm, sleeps well, eats well, hitting his milestones, 95th in height and weight.  Big boy!  And his smile - Oh my, he is sweet! 

 

So, here is my question:  when you look up drug exposure, it tells you all about the struggles a baby can have when they are little - low birth weight, delayed, eating issues, etc.  And then it throws in aggression, learning, and emotional issues down the road.  If he is doing really well right now, does that mean he'll have a lesser chance of issues down the road?  Or is there no connection between the physical and the emotional consequences of drug use?

 

I have four dds, one beginning high school, one with special needs.  I don't want to take on too much, but this baby has appeared in our path and we really really like him!  One more kid sounds wonderful.  :)  How have things turned out long term for those of you who have raised drug-affected kids?  Advice and wisdom needed.

[KrissiK]

That's a tough question. We've adopted 5 kids from the foster care system, all drug exposed. They were all age 2 an under when we got them. If there are issues, they are all mild. My kids are basically normal kids. Yes, they do things that irritate the heck out of me, yes, my second son has trouble with math, but... are those things normal (lots of kids have trouble with math) and what things are just personality (my daughter is a drama queen) and what things are "emotional problems"? All I have to offer is anecdotal evidence, but in my experience, what happened to my children in utero didn't make a huge difference. We have a good family. Yeah, they fight all the time, but talking to a friend of mine with 5 kids (all her own bio), they fight all the time, too.

[Alisa in Florida]

I would do some reading on the effects of fetal alcohol exposure. With my ds, I think this has been more of a factor than the drug exposure - he was exposed to both. He was delayed from the start, though and has had behavioral issues all along, but the teenage years have been more challenging than I was prepared for. The foster care system really downplayed the potential effects, and even though I did my own research & thought I was going into this with my eyes open, well they weren't open wide enough. I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again, but I have had my doubts.

[KrissiK]

I would agree that alcohol has a stronger effect. As well as other types of drugs. Meth is the drug of choice in this area and in our experience has not had profound effects. I need to re-iterate that this has been our experience, but we have had our boys for 10 years now, so if something was going to show up, I would have expected it by now. Plus, you never know what exactly a birth-mom has done. Really. The only real proof you have is what they have told the social worker they did.

[NoseInABook]

I agree, read up on FAS so you have some clue of what might happen later on in childhood. But honestly, there is no possible way to know if your foster son is one who has issues from the alcohol and drug exposure or if he's going to have a relatively normal childhood despite it. You'll have to decide if it's worth it to you to take the risk of there being issues or if you're not. Don't you wish there was some magic way to figure out how everything will play out in foster care and in the future? I know I do! 

[katilac]

There's no way to know for sure, but these links might help: 

 

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/brain/fas.html

 

http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/fetal-alcohol-syndrome/basics/symptoms/con-20021015

 

http://www.patient.co.uk/health/fetal-alcohol-syndrome

 

FAS doesn't seem likely, if he is at the top of the growth charts. 

 

 

[Tap]

A couple issues that we didn't see when dd7 was a baby that are quite likely related to her drug/alcohol exposure are her poor executive functioning skills and especially her low impulse control.  These two things together make her school day very difficult.

[Excelsior! Academy]

My nieces and nephews were exposed to meth and alcohol.  Two of them seem to be affected much more than the others.  Yes, it does present challenges.  One of the children has empathy and impulse issues.  He does make improvements, however they are not always lasting.  The other child is still young (5), but she seems to struggle academically.  Only time will tell. 

 

We have a friend that adopted a sibling group that had drug exposure, she told us that some issues don't always show up until school age.  We have noticed that to be true with one of ours.   

[Ottakee]

Can I say IT DEPENDS.  I know that isn't helpful but so much depends on when the mom drank, how much she drank, how often she drank, etc.  Drug exposure usually is less severe.

 

My oldest has fetal alcohol but it was clear he struggled...failure to thrive as an infant, the facial features, etc.  He is a breeze behaviorally but does have the learning delays.  His one brother is a typical kid all around as are 2 sisters while another 2 sisters have some mild impairments.

[Lucy]

OP here.  Thank you, everyone.  Your stories really do help me sort this all out in my mind. Thank you for the links.  KrissiK, I looked on your blog, and your quote from CS Lewis is one I said to my husband just last night!  Thanks again ladies.

[Rose in BC]

Both my boys were born at a normal birthweight, appeared "normal"...challenges mostly became evident as they got older. We have had significant challenges with both. I'd say be prepared for full blown FASD issues....that may not happen but it helps you understand if/when issues arise. We lived in ignorance for a long time. That didn't help our boys and it didn't help us.

Having said that we love our boys. The experience, although not for the faint hearted, has made us much more empathetic, less judgmental. But we've cried many tears.

[Dory]

Two of my cousins and three of my cousins kids are FASD. It varies from child to child obviously, but out of all those kids, only one has turned out alright thus far. The lack of self control, the inability to see the end results of their actions, and the instantaneous addiction to alcohol when a friend gave them a drink, has ruined their lives. They grew up in solid homes.

My dh's cousin adopted a baby who had been exposed to crack. She was so sad when she was little. Vibrating, tense, crying all the time, and sleeping horribly. But now, as an 12yo, she is fine. She has ADHD, but it is managed really well. Great kid.

 

Alcohol exposure and drug exposure are not the same. I would consider a baby that had been exposed to drugs, I would be a little more nervous of a baby that had been exposed to alcohol.

[KrissiK]

Alcohol exposure and drug exposure are not the same. I would consider a baby that had been exposed to drugs, I would be a little more nervous of a baby that had been exposed to alcohol.

This is what we said when we were filling out the paperwork to adopt. Although, to be honest, all of our birthmom's admitted to some alcohol use during pregnancy. Who knows how much, but it doesn't seem to have been a problem.

One thing, too, if you are able to meet the birth parents try to do so. Sometimes I wonder with my oldest if it's the drugs or he's just high strung and extremely obnoxious by personality. And then I remember those few times I met his birth mom and he's just like her. Meeting biological parents can go a long way in figuring out why your kid is like he is.

[Jennifer132]

My dd was exposed to crack cocaine, tobacco and alcohol. She is only 2.5, so my experience is limited to that age group. I will say from my research that they are finding that tobacco and alcohol have a much greater affect on these kids than drugs, and tht LEGAL drugs such as pain killers are much worse for children than some illegal drugs. The crack baby symptoms that were popularized in the media years ago just aren't coming to fruition. I want to say many of these kids grow up just fine. My dd wasn't exposed to meth, so I can't speak to that particular drug.

That being said, you might see if you can get your foster son into a reasearch study for drug exposed children. They can follow his development and provide advice and insight. My dd goes to the research clinic twice a year. They tested her for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and helped us get orthotics for her difficulties walking. She gets a full work up each time.

All that being said, my dd had problems from the start. She met all her milestones late and the quality of movement when she did meet them was poor. We are now pursuing testing for Cerebral Palsy, which is more likely in drug exposed children of low birth weight and who were premature and whose mothers had poor nutrition and didn't receive prenatal care (all of which apply to her). Over all though, she has done very well. To look at her, you would never know about her past.