trulycrabby Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 My sister is 57, has crippling osteoarthritis, and mental health issues. She lives with my parents. Regarding the arthritis, her shoulders, ankles, and knees are so badly degenerated that they are beyond surgical reparation/replacement. She is also morbidly obese; about 5'2 and 350+ pounds. Her pain doctor prescribes morphine sulfate, lortab , and sometimes tramadol for her pain; she has been taking these narcotics for years and has a genuine need for pain relief, but the paradox is she also has an addictive personality and often takes more than she needs. She is psychologically and physically addicted to the meds. The last week or so, she has been taking so much medication that she is out of it, and has trouble staying awake. She fell today and was unable to get herself up off the floor. Paramedics came to the house, and it took three strong men to get her off the floor, but she refused to go to the hospital. I went over there this afternoon, and she had fallen again, wet herself because she was unable to get to the toilet, and was struggling to get into a chair. I tried to help her, and it took 90 minutes to get her off the floor, and frankly I think I burst my ovarian cyst trying to get her off the floor. Anyhow, I finally got her to agree to go to the ER, so the paramedics came back and took her away. Hopefully, the hospital can dry her out and get her lucid and able to function again. Okay, here's my problem and question: I don't think she is capable of caring for herself, and my parents will try to take care of her, but it is extremely stressful for them. I would like to see if there are any long term care facilities, but while she has health insurance, she does not have any personal funds to pay for such care. She has applied for Social Security/disability, but of course the approval process can take years. If she gets admitted to the hospital, will they have a social worker who can help me find out about long-term care facilities? If not a hospital social worker, who else could help me find out about our options, or if there is anything even available? Thanks for reading this, it has been a stressful day, and I am a little lost right now. I am also kind of angry, because it is just so unfair for her to put our parents through this stress and heartache. They are healthy and active, but neither are spring chickens, and frankly they shouldn't have to shoulder such a burden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OneStepAtATime Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I don't have answers but I do have hugs. I am so sorry! I would also say, yes please see if the hospital has anyone that can advise you and seek a way for maybe care within the home if assisted living isn't possible. We had a sort of similar issue that ended tragically. My grandmother was a wonderful woman, but after several microstrokes she no longer had the faculties to take care of herself without assistance. My grandfather insisted he could take care of her. She really needed additional care than my grandfather could provide but he refused and insisted he could take care of her. However, he was not in the best of health either. She and my grandfather had gone to stay at her sister's for a couple of weeks to visit. My grandmother needed to take a bath so her sister offered to help her. She was a big boned woman and my grandmother was very petite. She thought she could handle it. Only she slipped getting my grandmother out of the tub, hit her head and ended up with serious brain damage. My great aunt had been a fully functional adult with a job and within minutes she was so damaged that after weeks of hospitalization she ended up in a nursing home, permanently bedridden. I don't share this to worry you. Only to say that I understand your concern. You have every right to be worried. I wish you and your family all the best and hope a better path turns up. Best wishes... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 There are residential programs for pain management that work to wean people down off what has become an inappropriate amount of medication. These should be covered by insurance. A *good* pain management doctor is essential, not someone who just keeps writing scrips. The hospital social worker may be helpful. BUT, you're not a spouse or her next-of-kin (assuming hospital considers her incompetent, which it doesn't sound like she is...). Do you have medical PoA? Helping someone against her will is hard. Your parents have to be on board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Assuming you are in the US, our system is so broken when it comes to getting care for people who need it but can't recognize that need. I'm sorry you are going through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 It sounds like you/your family need help navigating the Social Security disability process. It really shouldn't take "years" - unless the case is being denied approval, and the person continues to seek it. Does her doctor think her disability is sufficient to be approved? Do you know where they are in the application process and whether they have submitted all the records they need to? Do you know why it has been held up? I think if you could get that nailed down, then it would help others pieces fall into place. I have had just "ok" experience seeking help from social workers at the hospital with long term problems. Generally, they come with a list of facilities and help to try to get placement, but our need for placement was very apparent - yours may be more difficult. I would certainly pursue that while your sister is hospitalized, but I also think your parents need some real help with the legal, financial, and physical aspects of the demands this is making on them. Are they willing to do that? Can they afford to see an attorney who specialized in elder care type issues? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 The hospital's social workers should be able to help you begin this process.. and they may even help you find the appropriate facility. It may even be she can have at-home nurse/assistant. It just depends on the hospital and where you live. In our area, I've found that usually the sw are quite helpful. Hugs to you...it's very hard to get adults like your sister to recognize the help they truly need. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lavender's green Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 :grouphug: This sounds so stressful and I don't have any immediate advice. However, it may be time to consider your own position for the future. Your parents are not going to be able to take care of her forever. Who takes care of her then? Who comes up with the funds? Offers a ride to appointments? Organizes the finances? Shows up when she's fallen and can't get up? Provides housing? A shoulder to cry on? What can you (and your family, which comes first) handle? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 No, we don't have medical PoA. My parents are on board to some extent, but they will take her back into their house because they know no one else will help her. We have taken her meds and if she returns to my parents house, my mother will dole them out. Zoobie, she has been to all the reputable pain management docs in the area, and has basically gotten herself kicked out of all of them. One step, I will read your post to my mom. She pretty much doesn't even try to help her physically, as she is 5'1 and about 100 lbs, but she needs to know the risks of having my sister in her home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 What a mess. I'm sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted March 21, 2014 Share Posted March 21, 2014 I'm so sorry Crabby. I wish I could offer a way to help. I know two relatively young people on disability and, honestly, from what you describe, your sister seems much more disabled then them. For one of them, I believe it's the painkillers she's on that are the most disabling. I have often wished for an intervention for her, that someone would step in for her to get the help she needs to manage the medication better because I think that could improve her quality of life. I'm glad your sister has you and your mom and dad who care enough about her to try to help her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trulycrabby Posted March 21, 2014 Author Share Posted March 21, 2014 It sounds like you/your family need help navigating the Social Security disability process. It really shouldn't take "years" - unless the case is being denied approval, and the person continues to seek it. Does her doctor think her disability is sufficient to be approved? Do you know where they are in the application process and whether they have submitted all the records they need to? Do you know why it has been held up? I think if you could get that nailed down, then it would help others pieces fall into place. I have had just "ok" experience seeking help from social workers at the hospital with long term problems. Generally, they come with a list of facilities and help to try to get placement, but our need for placement was very apparent - yours may be more difficult. I would certainly pursue that while your sister is hospitalized, but I also think your parents need some real help with the legal, financial, and physical aspects of the demands this is making on them. Are they willing to do that? Can they afford to see an attorney who specialized in elder care type issues? I don't know where she is in the application process. She has had several doctors tell her she absolutely needs to be on disability, but she was working from home until a few months ago and did not want to give up the income. Yes they can afford to see an attorney who specializes in elder care issues, and they are willing to pursue it. Thanks for the suggestion, I will pursue it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Wow, I'm really sorry. Social Security disability shouldn't take years, however. It took my husband just three months. Have you or she called Social Security? I hope she can get help soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Does she own anything? If not, she should qualify for Medicaid. I think you also have to recognize the codependency probaby going on with your parents and her, and to try to avoid creating a similar dynamic with her/them. You might consider reading the book "Boundaries." As for help from the social workers, if you don't get answers, keep asking. The doctors in town know she's an addict, and she needs to be in a addiction treatment center. I am sorry. It's really tough dealing with these situations, and when family members are in genuine pain, that isn't going away, that needs treatment, and are also probably understandably depressed about the situation too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MooCow Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Just wanted you to know I'm praying for you all. :hug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted March 22, 2014 Share Posted March 22, 2014 Is there any chance that she could live at home with help, including a walker / wheelchair, modified bathroom facilities, and a visiting nurse service that could come once or twice a day? That might be more affordable and more comfortable than residential care. My friend's parents were both in declining health a few years ago. Her dad was mostly bedridden and it was too much for her mom to handle all the care. They found an unemployed nurse who lived nearby and could come multiple times per day to help him use the bathroom / change his bedding / bathe him as needed. Good luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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