Etiquette Curriculum/Books--Worth it??

[cintinative]

Have you used one of these? I was at a curriculum review today and someone was using the lessons from the Etiquette Factory. It had never occurred to me this was something you buy a curriculum for or even a book.  Have you used something kid friendly? Was it worth it?  

 

I have two boys who could use some help with some of these things (like looking people in the eye when  you talk to them, etc.) but the Etiquette Factory stuff is expensive. Are there some books I can get from the library??  TIA.

[Ellie]

People have been teaching their children to have good manners long before anyone ever thought of making it a "curriculum." :-) IMHO, it's better to buy a good book for yourself (I'm partial to Judith Martin's "Miss Manners" books). You already know how you want your children to behave; there's no reason to think that the Etiquette Factory, or any other school-type stuff, will be better than what you can do. :-)

[zenjenn]

Things like eye-contact, speaking clearly, etc, take practice. This is where certain things like science fairs or FIRST LEGO League or Destination Imagination are awesome experiences for kids. Kids these days are rarely naturally in social situations where their speech, mannerisms, and behavior is being judged by adults - even if they ARE in school. Coaching about eye contact, speaking clearly, answering questions coherently, etc, held a lot more weight when it was in preparation for a judged event.

[sagira]

I'm interested in having ds10 take an etiquette class when he's 11 or 12. I'm going to sign him up for a class in the city (an hour or so away), possibly in the summer. I think it's important for my kids to learn how to behave properly at table, with people, in situations, etc. He's not catching too many from home, especially with DH around lol And it's nice that they get to hear it from someone other than me! Otherwise it's that.. Oh, it's mom again thinking that's important.. Where they see someone else agrees with me it carries more weight. 

[SilverMoon]

No. I never felt the need for one. Homeschooling makes it much easier to catch and nip bad habits/manners as we go about our daily life, and scouting has taught them more about eye contact, appearances, and such than I think a momma could possibly do on her own. From selling popcorn door to door to asking your scoutmaster for a conference so you can move up a rank.

 

Mostly I treat them the way I expect them to treat others. I never had to teach them to say please, thank you, sir, ma'am, open doors, and such. Those things were as natural to them as getting dressed each day because it was all they'd ever known.

[EndOfOrdinary]

My son took formal ballroom dance lessons from the ages of five to seven. They covered formal etiquette really well.

[73349]

I used the Etiquette for Beginners video with DS and he liked it and responded to it well. There was something about having it in an entertaining format, not meant as correction when he made a mistake but for a general audience, that he really liked. It was worthwhile and I plan to get the intermediate one in the future. I see that the price has gone up quite a bit since I bought it--maybe you could find one used.

 

There are books that might be at your library, too--How to Behave and Why was one we read.

 

 

Mostly I treat them the way I expect them to treat others. I never had to teach them to say please, thank you, sir, ma'am, open doors, and such. Those things were as natural to them as getting dressed each day because it was all they'd ever known.

 

Mine has needed explicit instruction in all of that, including getting dressed. He does not usually do things just because other people do them, or say them because other people say them, nor refrain from saying and doing things that we do not say and do. Working on self-regulation (including sleep) and thoughtfulness has been the hardest part of parenting him.

[Chrysalis Academy]

I can't imagine buying a curriculum for this, but we got several books by Aliki from used books stores, and both of my kids have learned a lot from them.  Titles like Communication, Manners, stuff like that.  They're great.  Morgan was reading one to me last night.

 

[cbollin]

I have special needs children in my family.   We have to teach those skills directly.   Sadly, they are not "caught" and it is not an easy thing to teach to my children.   We need simple to understand books that give demonostrations how to do it.  I need those extras to help me teach the skills.

 

No. you don't "have" to buy curriculum or books for it.. but I'm thankful for my autism child that we have the options with books and video practice to help.  I'm guessing most people who have normal children who can participate in group activities get to learn all of that without this stuff.  

 

ymmv

[Gil]

I don't know anything about curriculum per se, but we definitely benefit from explicit instruction and I was actually browsing for books on manners recently. We spend a lot of time with just our selves and have unconventional practices. I'm taking a professional development course in school and there is a ton of stuff I didn't know. Its been quite eye-opening for me.

 

In our everyday life there is never really an occasion to hold the door for a women, set the table, etc, but I'd like to open them up to more experiences and I've decided that we are tackling proper manners. I know that we are going to learn to tie a tie also, because I didn't learn until recently.

[Tranquility7]

We don't have a curriculum, but we do have a few books on manners that we keep near the dinner table.  We read through a little bit here and there as a family and talk about it at the table.  We like books that have a variety of topics - thank you notes, holding doors, responding to compliments, etc. - and just pick one to read about when it is relevant to something happening in real life. 

 

DH and I also try to anticipate situations the kids will be in, talk with them beforehand about how they might respond, and then sometimes role play (we should do more of that - it is SO helpful!).  For instance, if we are about to go to someone's house for a visit, we role play them arriving and what they might say and how they might respond to what is said to them (such as if the host offers to take their coat, or if the host *doesn't* offer to take their coat, what they should do with it).  This is also a great time to remind and practice eye contact, speaking clearly, greeting adults (not just the kids), etc.  We also role play things like going to the dentist - what to expect, how to express themselves if they become afraid, etc.  Familiarity seems to make the manners flow much more easily, as opposed to the deer in the headlights look that often happens otherwise!

 

For table manners in particular, I keep a list of manners we are working on posted near the table so we can help remind each other.  Unfortunately, ALL of us need improvement, not just the kiddos!!  And the example of the parents is SO important... in our experience, whichever parent is modeling the poor manners will almost always be the one copied (since they are doing things the "easy" way).  So, both parents really have to be on board to make improvements. 

[sagira]

I wouldn't say my kids are special needs, and some things they do catch, but they can't catch something they hardly see modeled - more advanced etiquette, for example. Table manners. We all eat buffet style for example, everybody gets their own food and brings it to the table - or couch. No setting the table (this way we have less to clean up, less mess, less work). No napkins except the occasional paper towel when we need it. I'm working on the kids sitting the whole time at table during lunchtime since DH taught them all to sit on the couch in front of the TV and eat dinner (because that's the way he did it in his family). I have to teach them things directly in many areas. Exhausting, but necessary. I'm excited to have them attend a class by an etiquette expert who can teach them more advanced manners that we can all - at least the kids and I lol- rehearse at home during lunchtime. DH doesn't like eating at the dinner table. His idea of relaxing is in front of the TV with his dinner. We do have meals more at table recently, which I like.

[alisha]

I recently found a great book on Amazon called "50 things every Young Gentleman should know" and plan to use this as a read aloud or reference book this coming year (2nd grade). (you can "look inside" for samples).

[Lori D.]

Well, DSs and I went through Manners Matter aloud together when they were somewhere around grades 4-6. We just read a few pages a day together and discussed. It was great! We ALL learned stuff -- who to tip and how much, for example was very eye-opening to me, having been raised in a family that did not tip. I think DSs received the info well, as they could see *I* was learning right along with them. :)

 

Here's the table of contents so you have an idea of what topics are covered:

- introductions & greetings

- presenting yourself

- table manners & dinner parties

- restaurant manners

- gender appropriate relations

- appropriate conversations

- telephone manners and other wonders

- family manners for kids of all ages

- people manners and sportsmanship

- guest manners and gratitude

- community manners

- travel manners

- tips and gratuities

- the business community: manners at work

[Teneo]

Manners From The Heart is a newer k-4/5th curriculum. It focuses on character training with manners as an application. Since it isn't expensive I am going to try it.

Books...I've always enjoyed the manners books by Emilie Barnes for children. Aliki and Goops are other good ones.

[Coco_Clark]

I think unless you have a special circumstance (I can totally see the use in explicit from-the-book-teaching with autism) or you do not expect or practice good manners at home, a curriculum would be unnecessary.  

 

I realize that we all have personal standards of what is considered good mannered at home and what is considered good mannered in public and they are not always the same.  But it seems to my if you just consistently practice the behavior you expect at home while you are at home, and consistently practice the behavior you expect while out in public while you are out in public that would be enough.  Honestly, I'm not even sure that a curriculum would be any help at all if you don't practice it.  Etiquette seem more reliant on habits than understanding ykwim?  But perhaps I am missing something.

 

My children are very young, but they know that at home we always eat sitting at a table.  They know how to set a table.  They know to say excuse me if they want to interrupt a conversation, or to ask to be excused if they want to leave a family meal.  My 6 yr old can politely answer a phone or the door.  Out in public they know to address adults by sir or ma'm unless they are familiar with said adult, to shake hands and introduce themselves.  They know to put a napkin in their lab when eating in a restaurant (we don't expect this at home).  They know to open doors for others.  Obviously they don't remember 100% of the time, but they understand these conventions and use them at least 80% of the time.  

[Coco_Clark]

Adding, thinking about it I can see needing explicit teaching if you have a DH that is not quite on board, or if you are a very laid back family.  My husband was raised very Conservative in this department.  He still always opens the car door for me, even though its a little impractical what with getting children in car seats.  It took a very long time to un-train him from standing up when I left a table.  

 

Perhaps going to eat out at a "fancy" restaurant, one on one, would be a good place for learning manners?  A different environment can inspire much. It would be fun either way.  

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I came across several situations in my teens where I needed formal manners. Thankfully I had gleaned most of the necessary information on my own.

 

My boys are not picking it up so we will go through it all specifically.

[PIE!]

Is it necessary? No. Is it fun? Yes. I bought Etiquitte Factory a few years ago at a convention. IIRC it was a lot cheaper then. My kids love it. It doesn't solve all our etiquitte problems, but was a good place to start. They ask to watch the DVD all the time. I'd like to get this sometime too, just for fun.

[Norah]

I saw a coupon for the etiquette factory on homeschool buyers co-op and I'm really considering it. I'm not worried about table manners, but the mention of awareness of how your words and actions impact others is something we could stand to work on. I could easily have my son read a book, but right now he's a lot more engaged in computer based lessons for topics he wouldn't otherwise like. While I can't get him to sit down and talk or read about art, he loved doing creativity express online. So this might be a good option for us. 

 

Would you mind posting a link to the review you were reading? I'd also be interested in comments from anyone who's actually used the etiquette factory lessons before.

[cintinative]

Norah, actually it was not a written review. I was at a meeting of local homeschoolers to discuss curriculum and another mom had brought it because she and her family love it so much. She mentioned the kids love the videos and the placemats.  I know she has a 2nd and 4th grader. She works for the homeschool buyer's co-op so I am guessing she bought it through there.  I'm sorry I can't be of more help.

[cintinative]

This has been so helpful. Thank you very much.

[IsabelC]

Definitely needs as much explicit teaching as possible for kids on the spectrum.

 

For kids not on the spectrum, it depends a lot on what exactly you'd like them to learn.

 

The more formal, old-fashioned or unusual, the less likely it is that they will pick it up during every day life. With my kids, we focus on the very basic stuff that essentially revolves around being kind and considerate. If you are thinking of others and not wanting to upset them, then you will easily learn not to barge through the door in front of grandma, or take all the potatoes before sis can get some. We're not into stuff like how to escort a lady in to dinner or which side the food should be served from, but if we were I'd certainly use some sort of structured practice and consult appropriate references.