ThisIsTheDay Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 My best friend from high school and I have kept up our friendship, mostly online, for the past 30 years. We live on opposite coasts and haven't seen each other in person in a long time. Her brother died last weekend in a horrible and tragic accident. I already feel so helpless being far away. I can't comfort her from this far away. While she called me briefly to let me know, our other brief exchanges this week have been via text. We don't talk on the phone often; maybe I should call her, but I worry that I'll be interrupting something since I know this has been a very hard week for her. (Another recent death in the family, and her brother was unmarried, so she and her parents are handling all arrangements.) I want to send flowers. Or do I want to send a plant? Should I send it to the memorial service, which won't be held until next week? Do I send something to her home? Is there something else I can send? All suggestions are welcomed. I'm pretty socially inept, and I really don't know what is "normal" or "right" here. Thank you. I'm really struggling here, on a couple of levels. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsheresomewhere Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 If you were me, I would send a lovely card to her now. Then in a few weeks send her some flowers to remind her that you still thinking of her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Call. If she is busy, she'll either not answer or let you know she's busy, but even if she doesn't want to talk or doesn't have time to talk, it will be meaningful that you called. After that, my personal preference would be to send something (plant, flowers or fruit or chocolate or whatever you think might put a bright spot in her day with a card) to her at home, and a card with a small donation to the family via the church. When you talk to her you might get an idea about what/where to send. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 All of those things are *right*. I agree that sometimes sending something in a few weeks is really nice. In the beginning there is so much attention and then, bam, nothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I think flowers and plants are often creators of problems. Someone has to get them home and take care of them. Find the online obituary. Often there will be an 'in lieu of flowers' contribution suggestion. Otherwise I would send a note right away and send her a food delivery in a few weeks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZooRho Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I agree you can send a donation to the charity they choose. I did buy a plant for my dad's funeral so that we would have something to remember /have after. But we also had quite a few plants that others had given. I lived too far away to take any other plants home, and that was a little bit sad for me. But do send a card/ call. I actually still have voice mail messages from friends when they called about my dad's passing in 2012. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I second the donation. When it's through the funeral home, the family sees who made donations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VeteranMom Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Have you seen an obituary? Sometimes, families will ask for donations to charities instead of flowers. I agree with sending her a card now and then, I'd watch for the obit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThisIsTheDay Posted January 30, 2014 Author Share Posted January 30, 2014 Thank you all. Ranch Girl, after I saw your post, I called. (Well, I texted first to see if it was a good time to call.) :blushing: No donation mentioned in the obit, but I asked and got a suggestion. Thank you for the comments to wait a few weeks too. I'll do a donation now and send flowers later. Really, thank you again for some direction. Now I won't be second guessing myself, and I feel a little better that I have a plan. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 You are a good friend. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momto10blessings Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 I received a sympathy card from my high school friend 2 days after my dad died and about a week later, after the funeral and out of town guests left I received one of those edible fruit bouquets from her. I thought that was awesome and it really put me in a better mood that day. I had a harder time after the funeral though. I had a chance to stop being tough for my kids and mom and siblings and it all really sank in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Just wanted to say I'm so sorry you have to do this--and you are being a good friend, as Starr said. When my brother died, the woman I thought was my "best" friend (we had been childhood besties and stayed in touch via phone) was paralyzed by not knowing what to do. She didn't even call or send a card, and it really hurt. I think it's wonderful that you asked here, and that you followed up. Many hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SweetMissMagnolia Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 you could always text her and say something like is it convenient for me to call you now? or text me when it's convenient for me to call you...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MysteryJen Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 You are being a good friend. I loved the plants we received when my fil and dad passed. They are alive and well and I think of them when I see them. A nice plant in a few weeks might be lovely for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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