Thoughts on a "Grace Year"?

[ByGrace3]

I didn't see where the article suggests taking a full year off? I thought it just meant giving yourself grace that school year when you didn't do a full year of school. So if new baby ends up in the NICU for 3 months and school is very minimal during that time, you call it a grace year.

 

But maybe I'm inputting my own ideas into what she said. :lol:

 

 

You may be very right as to her intention. It would make much more sense-- do your best and have grace for the rest. That completely makes sense. I didn't read it that way. Perhaps I would have had she not made the comment about it's ok to not take a complete break...That was what made me think she was advocating a complete break if one thought it was needed. 

 

I don't know what her intent was. I do indeed hope that it was this interpretation, but either way, I can certainly see how it could be read the other way as well. I didn't read the comments, but perhaps she clarified further there. 

[Hunter]

no need to add personal attack.

 

I did not single out anyone or any particular posts, but I do believe that there is SOME purposeful misreading going on here. I don't know what else to think. The article does not say what some people are claiming it says, and people are pretty smart here, so I don't believe it's lack of reading comprehension and literary analysis skills.

 

I have a friend/student that purposely misreads some texts, because it's fun for her. I've learned to chill about it, and actually develop a sense of humor about it. She's not doing anything wrong. The authors are dead. She's using the texts in a way that is useful to her. It's all good. But I do every once in awhile tell her that I don't believe her, though. It's not a personal ATTACK, even when I direct it straight to her.

[mama27]

You may be very right as to her intention. It would make much more sense-- do your best and have grace for the rest. That completely makes sense. I didn't read it that way. Perhaps I would have had she not made the comment about it's ok to not take a complete break...That was what made me think she was advocating a complete break if one thought it was needed. 

 

I don't know what her intent was. I do indeed hope that it was this interpretation, but either way, I can certainly see how it could be read the other way as well. I didn't read the comments, but perhaps she clarified further there. 

 

 

Her intent is pretty clear to me. Academics may not ALWAYS be your number 1 priority and that's actually ok!

I'm an unschooler at heart and I firmly believe learning takes place ALL the time. For example my 7 yo asked what the yellow reflectors in the road are for. Did I need a curric for that? No. Was that in a lesson plan? No. My 8 yo asked my dad if he was ever in a war and had a conversation about how he got drafted but wasn't actually in any wars. Again, no lesson plans. This same 8 yo asked me the other day if a tornado could destroy a metal building. No curric, no lesson plans, no worksheets, etc.

This stuff happens with kids ALL the time, even during times of your life when everything is chaotic, beyond stressful, and youre barely hanging on by a thread.

I don't recall much about when we took 8 months off but my kids made friends that they still have even though we've moved to 2 different states since then.

Taking a year off from academics does not mean that the kids didn't learn anything for a whole year. That's not even possible to learn NOTHING for a whole year. And it's NOT illegal.

[Soror]

Well, I think as an author you have to watch your words and hers are obviously ambiguous at points. I (and others) clearly read her as advocating taking time off, from a little bit of time to a whole year, from doing some school to nothing at all. 

 

I also don't think it is unChristianlike to call someone out when you think they are doing something wrong. I know my friends expect me to be honest with them. I have had conversations about this with my friends and I did it in a gentle and loving way, trying to figure out how I could help and support them to meet their own goals and obligations as parents. I can understand that some don't believe that parents have an obligation to educate but I do as do most people I know.

[ByGrace3]

I did not single out anyone or any particular posts, but I do believe that there is SOME purposeful misreading going on here. I don't know what else to think. The article does not say what some people are claiming it says, and people are pretty smart here, so I don't believe it's lack of reading comprehension and literary analysis skills.

 

I have a friend/student that purposely misreads some texts, because it's fun for her. I've learned to chill about it, and actually develop a sense of humor about it. She's not doing anything wrong. The authors are dead. She's using the texts in a way that is useful to her. It's all good. But I do every once in awhile tell her that I don't believe her, though. It's not a personal ATTACK, even when I direct it straight to her.

 

Why does the fact that someone disagrees with your interpretation make them purposeful misreading? You think it means one thing, we take it as another. I don't really understand this...

[KathyJo]

I also don't think it is unChristianlike to call someone out when you think they are doing something wrong. I know my friends expect me to be honest with them. I have had conversations about this with my friends and I did it in a gentle and loving way, trying to figure out how I could help and support them to meet their own goals and obligations as parents. I can understand that some don't believe that parents have an obligation to educate but I do as do most people I know.

 

I also don't think it's unChristianlike to call someone out when I think they're doing wrong. In fact, that's what I was doing with my posts. Many of these posts were mean. If I followed a link back from my blog to a thread like this one, I'd be very hurt. And this thread isn't about calling her out on being wrong, because she's not a part of this thread as far as I know.

[SorrelZG]

The statement, "Your break does not necessarily need to be complete," is modified and should be interpreted by the statement, "I mean, if you are drinking wine in the afternoon and watching soap operas while your kids are watching cartoons upstairs, get some help..."

 

Another thought: a "complete break" from formal lesson plans, for whatever length of time, does not equal a complete break from parenting. I get that some parents don't foster a life of learning simply through their own living and parenting as they interact with their children but the modifying quote above eliminates, in my mind, any permissiveness for their neglect.

[Soror]

I also don't think it's unChristianlike to call someone out when I think they're doing wrong. In fact, that's what I was doing with my posts. Many of these posts were mean. If I followed a link back from my blog to a thread like this one, I'd be very hurt. And this thread isn't about calling her out on being wrong, because she's not a part of this thread as far as I know.

Please don't conflate all the posts that disagree. IMO this thread is entirely about calling her out on being wrong, when you publish your opinion on the internet some people will disagree and some will agree.  I think her post is the wrong kind of encouragement for hs'ers, obviously she thought it was helpful and evidently some will find it that way as it seems many are reading it differently. 

 

Also, afaik no one said that hs'ing should always be the #1 priority. I think most everyone agreed that there are some events that would understandably necessitate small breaks. The problem I see is when hs'ing is never or rarely the priority and is so frequently pushed to the side that adequate progress is not made year after year.

[KathyJo]

Please don't conflate all the posts that disagree.

I don't believe I've done this. I've been very specific about my disagreement with comments in this thread.

 

IMO this thread is entirely about calling her out on being wrong, when you publish your opinion on the internet some people will disagree and some will agree.  I think her post is the wrong kind of encouragement for hs'ers, obviously she thought it was helpful and evidently some will find it that way as it seems many are reading it differently.

She's been "called out" for things she didn't actually say. Many in this thread have acknowledged that their own experiences have influenced the way they read the article. This is subjective. Objective evidence shows that the idea that she's advocating, or even just approving, doing nothing for an entire year is incorrect. There is no objective evidence that supports the view of the article that says she gives the seal of approval to doing nothing for an entire year. To say otherwise defies objective reality, as I've attempted to demonstrate. 

 

A couple of you now have pointed out to me that it's okay if we have different opinions, and that people disagree, and yet these comments seem to indicate that my disagreement with your opinions is unwelcome. People in this thread posted opinions on the internet. I disagree strongly, and I'm calling y'all on it. But I feel like we're now arguing over whether the sky is blue. It doesn't stop being blue just because it's cloudy where one person happens to be. It just looks that way to the people in that place.

  

Also, afaik no one said that hs'ing should always be the #1 priority. I think most everyone agreed that there are some events that would understandably necessitate small breaks. The problem I see is when hs'ing is never or rarely the priority and is so frequently pushed to the side that adequate progress is not made year after year.

 

Subjective. As an opinion, I agree with the basic premise, that children should be progressing every year in their educations, and that something is wrong if parents TRULY do nothing and assume that their children will somehow still be educated as an adult just because they were homeschooled. As an argument against the article, though, it makes no sense because, objectively, she didn't encourage that behavior. I believe that this is what Hunter meant. The article was used as a jumping off point for a particular argument. However, the argument never matched what the article actually said. It's also possible that some were actually influenced by the original post which indicated that the article said something it didn't. 

 

I think a discussion of what a grace year can look like, should look like, how it's been helpful to various people, etc., could be a very interesting, helpful discussion for homeschoolers anywhere. But that's not what this was.

[Hunter]

 

 I think a discussion of what a grace year can look like, should look like, how it's been helpful to various people, etc., could be a very interesting, helpful discussion for homeschoolers anywhere. 

 

Is anyone interested in doing this?

 

Would it need a new thread for a fresh start?

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

When my dear dad lost his battle with cancer... December 3, 2010.  We had already dropped out of our co-op.  I was an emotional roller coaster.  We were all so close to him and he had been near death several times over several years.  Chemotherapy almost killed him once.  He had Leukemia and a common cold could have killed him.  A dear man in our Church had the same type of Leukemia and lived with it for 16 years. He went fishing and died 3 days later with Meningitis.  

 

     We have had several family deaths over the past 15 years.  This one, (my dad, kid's papa) is by far the worst for us.  I still cry sometimes, and it is ok...I don't hide under the blankets.  I may take a walk or a shower, or visit a friend.  I am human,and need support too.

 

  That was my Grace Year.  There were days I was so down that not much formal "school" was done. I did use IEW videos on loan from our Support group at home.  Also I used Saxon Dive  School House Rock videos, and Drive through History.  I also read aloud several books and we had great discussions as we laughed and cried on many levels.  

 

     I have always had "Grace" days when we would go to a local park and amazingly I met several other hs families on several of those days.  One was at the park with 10 children due to the computer being down at the office for Drivers to take the Test.  Their dd16 was going to take her test that day.  It encouraged me to not give up just seeing them and I was very isolated at the time.  I had 2 dc at the time.

 

One period of Grace we played Bible Trivia alot!!! I was on bed rest with pregnancy for about 6 weeks.  I went to my OB but was never diagnosed as Anemic... My heart hurt all during delivery and God answered my prayers for a different OB to deliver my baby!  He told me I was SEVERELY anemic and should not breastfeed.  Of course I did not obey that!   My oldest son learned to cook many meals as I instructed him.  We ate more Pizza at that time too.  

 

With so many resources such as CC memory work while playing legos or pattern blocks, Audio books, even some Nintendo games are fun and educational.  Scrabble and other Word games on the laptop.  

 

I have questioned more than one year my ability to do what is best and ps is always an option, I just have not gone that route yet.  

 

Standardized testing this year for the first time online has helped me to see that there are some gaps, and there are some awesome results too.  

It has prodded me to do my best and not give up this year.

 

I have also been encouraged by the people on this forum in re-vamping some areas of our hs to be less time consuming so I have more time with each child and get more done.

Checking off a list is not as important to me as it used to be. I want Mastery in the basics.  I want passions that are worthy to be pursued and a Love of learning without skipping, but 

getting through the tough lessons even if it is a struggle. 

 

 

 

    

 

[KathyJo]

I have also been encouraged by the people on this forum in re-vamping some areas of our hs to be less time consuming so I have more time with each child and get more done.

Checking off a list is not as important to me as it used to be. I want Mastery in the basics.  I want passions that are worthy to be pursued and a Love of learning without skipping, but 

getting through the tough lessons even if it is a struggle.  

 

Yes, this. We have simplified so much over the years that in a way, yes, we're taking a "grace life." My oldest is in the eleventh grade now, and I don't even try to do all the things with my kids that I thought I should try to do back when he was in K. I define rigorous as thorough coverage of basic skills, so I no longer feel like I need to use multiple programs for subjects in an attempt to be rigorous enough. Plodding coverage over the years is better than a pile of programs and burn-out. When I add extra, it needs to have a good reason, like a child who truly needs more.

 

I think a grace year could be a basic homeschooling reboot. Let's explore, read, cuddle, talk, and evaluate what's really important TO MY FAMILY, not to extended family, the people at church, or the ladies on the forum. Now, we never actually did this. Instead, we just started dropping things that made our days long but yielded no fruit. But I see how a grace year could have given us a place to start from scratch instead of winging it until we found our comfort zone.

[Hunter]

... we just started dropping things that made our days long but yielded no fruit.

OH, I like THIS!

[Mergath]

Yep. I had a kid in my class just recently who had been legally homeschooled in a low-regulation state. Due to the fact that she'd been caring for her father during a long illness she really hadn't done anything academic for several years (since middle school). She wanted to major in a STEM field but was struggling to pass the developmental math classes. She ended up withdrawing from my class and the last I heard she'd left the university.

 

Yeah, I do think she would have been better off if attending public school instead of basically staying at home to be an unpaid nurse's aide.

 

The worst part about this is that I could see some hsing families positively gushing about how much "real world" learning the kid was getting from the nursing.  "Oh, just think how much little Suzy is learning about math and medications and anatomy!" 

 

Yeah.  Not so much.

[Hunter]

I'd say that during my grace years we used more real books and more real things; we used less curricula. A LOT more time was spent on Bible study and literature and read alouds. We used more computer games bought from the discount bins, that worked just PERFECTLY on our outdated computers.

 

We interacted with more NEW people, and spend less time with people we already knew.

 

We spent more time cooking, and cooking was a school subject. The boys learned about yeasts and all bacteria and fungi. They learned about gluten and chemical leavening. They learned about nutrition as malnutrition became a real danger, and they had to just eat some things they didn't want to eat. They learned about food storage from stockpiling foods on sale. They learned lots about the effects of acids on canned goods, and how dehydration, freezing, acids, sugars and salts slows down bacteria. They learned to render fats. And so much more.

 

We were forced to take the pets to the vet less, and they learned some basic first aid and anatomy, and LOTS about parasites. Stress, doing more dangerous things, and putting off medical care leads to more medical problems. They learned lots about human medicine and anatomy.

 

They went for lots of walks instead of extra-curricula sports. They learned lots about nature, and met new people of all ages, and even found a gun, that turned into an interesting experience. They learned to do lots of solitary drills with balls of all types, that helped prepare them to play sports with their cousins when the chance arose. They read books and watched films for their sport of the month. PE was a formal subject and cost little more than balls and things to hit and catch the balls with.

[Hunter]

The worst part about this is that I could see some hsing families positively gushing about how much "real world" learning the kid was getting from the nursing. "Oh, just think how much little Suzy is learning about math and medications and anatomy!"

 

Yeah. Not so much.

:lol: I did that just as we were double posting. :lol:

 

I know my older son is thankful for what he learned about caring for the dying and sick. It helps him be a better manager at work, and take better care of his wife. He had to learn to be assertive with medical staff while still just a minor. and learned to deal with negligent people in power of all types. He's able to take care of his own medical needs better. He learned to be compassionate and deal with bad smells and how to protect himself against contagions. He leaned things all right.

 

It is a sad thing when a minor becomes the sole caretaker of a sick/dying person and no adults come in to help. Sometimes a sick/dying person has no one else, or doesn't know how to access finding help. Even looking back, I still don't know what I could have done to relieve my son more from the burdens he carried. Not only was he caring for me and others, but trying to work his way through college at just 17, always maxed out on # of absences allowed in classes.

 

Not ONCE has he expressed any regrets about the burdens he carried. I was the one upset, not him. And now seeing him as an adult, I don't see any long term problems, other than he just grew up way too fast and I feel that he is vulnerable to mental health issues because of way too much stress, way too young.

 

He's in the ER way too much with somatic symptoms. He still plows ahead though all the stress, until his neck locks up, or he develops some other physical symptom that stops him in his tracks until he follows doctor advice to SLOW down.

[FO4UR]

Well, I can relate to the article.

 

We moved in 2011, had a NICU baby in 2012, I nearly died on the OR table and gave birth to my 0 apgar miracle baby girl, I was cut from hip-to-hip as they pulled baby-girl from my body in a "30 second c-section"...and just when I thought I was catching my breath my dh lost his job suddenly and we were essentially homeless for a month before moving to a new home, new job in November 2013.  We've had other problems too. Big problems, but I won't get into all of it here...but problems that greatly effect the kids, problems that I am still parenting through, teaching life lessons that I wish could have waited until they were older.

 

If ever a person needed a "grace year," I did.  Let me tell you how I managed.

 

I minimized EVERYTHING!  I let go of everything that was not essential to life, except for a precious few thing that brought pure joy (co-op, trips to the park, read-alouds, legos).  I prioritized time with the kids, just being mom, over academics by letting go of my Perfect Plans and signing up for Time4Learning.  I had to swallow some pride and accept the fact that there would be some catching up to do, but I HAD to. My kids needed a mom more than they needed my Perfectly Planned Lessons.  Public school?  It was an option...an option that would have meant a whole 'nuther pot of problems.  In my motherly wisdom, they were better off at home.  They enjoyed T4L (even if it's not mom's fave) and even learned some things, they did a lot of building things and playing outside. They learned a lot of life skills, helping fix meals and learning to do some things for themselves that I had previously done for them.  The height of survival mode lasted for about 3-4 months, until my tummy healed enough that I could get around more.

 

During the moves, we learned to whittle school down to the *true* minimal, while maximizing learning and life.  I carried everything needed for 3 kids in one backpack + one Science in a Nutshell kit.  It was enough.  Each kid made some progress in math, reading, writing daily.  We enjoyed time outside, time with people, and books (and chess) on the Kindle, audiobooks in the van.  It was great gain to learn what is actually basic and what can be stripped from our day without great loss...and what can be done with less effort from mom.  Less time on redundant and ill-timed lessons = more time for real learning.  Now we are settled, and have time and space to cover whatever we want (given the baby cooperates LOL), and I find that my mindset has changed from before 2011.  We cover the minimal basics with efficiency and spend the rest of the day doing the kind of learning that I wanted to give my children when I started HSing in the first place.  They are not without their challenges, but each one of my kids are self-starters and do-ers.  I'm very proud of how they've managed tbh.

 

The Grace Year means letting go of whatever you define as Perfect, and accepting that the best you have to give your children today is enough. (This is assuming a loving and generous parent who strives to do what is best for the child.)  A crisis is not going to undo all of the good things that you've done so far, nor is it going to prevent you from doing amazing things in the future.  Sensing burnout and taking some time to refresh before everyone crashes is wise....this is what she means by "It doesn't take a crisis..."

 

 

 

If a homeschool family has established an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning; those things won't come to a complete halt if a crisis happens.  Those things will look different.  (I didn't drive any writing lessons for dd8 for many many months b/c when I came home from the NICU I saw that she had been writing writing writing the entire time.  What she wrote is completely different from anything I would have ever assigned for her.  I underestimated her.)  Let the wave of Grace wash over as you survive the crisis together, and you will all be stronger when the water stills.   That is assuming that you are establishing an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning when life is normal, whatever normal is.

 

 

[KathyJo]

We cover the minimal basics with efficiency and spend the rest of the day doing the kind of learning that I wanted to give my children when I started HSing in the first place.  They are not without their challenges, but each one of my kids are self-starters and do-ers.  I'm very proud of how they've managed tbh.

 

The Grace Year means letting go of whatever you define as Perfect, and accepting that the best you have to give your children today is enough. (This is assuming a loving and generous parent who strives to do what is best for the child.)  A crisis is not going to undo all of the good things that you've done so far, nor is it going to prevent you from doing amazing things in the future.  Sensing burnout and taking some time to refresh before everyone crashes is wise....this is what she means by "It doesn't take a crisis..."

 

If a homeschool family has established an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning; those things won't come to a complete halt if a crisis happens.  Those things will look different.  (I didn't drive any writing lessons for dd8 for many many months b/c when I came home from the NICU I saw that she had been writing writing writing the entire time.  What she wrote is completely different from anything I would have ever assigned for her.  I underestimated her.)  Let the wave of Grace wash over as you survive the crisis together, and you will all be stronger when the water stills.   That is assuming that you are establishing an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning when life is normal, whatever normal is.

 

Extremely well said.

[Hunter]

Those things will look different. (I didn't drive any writing lessons for dd8 for many many months b/c when I came home from the NICU I saw that she had been writing writing writing the entire time. What she wrote is completely different from anything I would have ever assigned for her. I underestimated her.)

I've had this type of experience many times. It's humbling and reassuring.

[mama27]

The worst part about this is that I could see some hsing families positively gushing about how much "real world" learning the kid was getting from the nursing.  "Oh, just think how much little Suzy is learning about math and medications and anatomy!" 

 

Yeah.  Not so much.

 

Actually she would have learned quite a bit from that.

My dh is an airplane mechanic. He attended school for 2 years, got his certificate, but his actual knowledge comes from fixing the planes, not from the books.

IMO, if this girl really wanted a STEM career she would do anything and everything she had to. Not using a math curric in middle school wouldn't stop her.

[mama27]

Would it need a new thread for a fresh start?

 

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

 

Yes.

[Mergath]

Actually she would have learned quite a bit from that.

My dh is an airplane mechanic. He attended school for 2 years, got his certificate, but his actual knowledge comes from fixing the planes, not from the books.

IMO, if this girl really wanted a STEM career she would do anything and everything she had to. Not using a math curric in middle school wouldn't stop her.

 

Seriously?  You can't just miss years of math and science and then expect to magically catch up in time to start doing college-level work after graduation.  Anyone who thinks a child can do that without being some kind of math/science prodigy is delusional.  And homeschooled kids shouldn't have to "do anything and everything" just to be at a basic college level when they graduate.  That's on the parents.

[KathyJo]

Seriously?  You can't just miss years of math and science and then expect to magically catch up in time to start doing college-level work after graduation.  Anyone who thinks a child can do that without being some kind of math/science prodigy is delusional.  And homeschooled kids shouldn't have to "do anything and everything" just to be at a basic college level when they graduate.  That's on the parents.

 

The girl mentioned in your previous post was leaving the university, which presumably means that she passed the entrance exams, which means that the college considered her capable of doing college level work. 

[Mergath]

The girl mentioned in your previous post was leaving the university, which presumably means that she passed the entrance exams, which means that the college considered her capable of doing college level work. 

 

Perhaps I'm remembering the wrong post, but wasn't she the one who was also failing out of the college's developmental (ie. remedial) math classes?

[KathyJo]

Perhaps I'm remembering the wrong post, but wasn't she the one who was also failing out of the college's developmental (ie. remedial) math classes?

 

Ah. I missed the remedial part. Still, I don't buy into the idea that gaps in the education equal the death of all dreams. Not saying that you said this, but this does seem to be a common attitude here. She can self study and go back. Should she have to do this? Ideally, no, but not everyone lives in an ideal world. Goodness knows, the college didn't set up that remedial class because of poorly prepared homeschoolers.

[FO4UR]

Seriously?  You can't just miss years of math and science and then expect to magically catch up in time to start doing college-level work after graduation.  Anyone who thinks a child can do that without being some kind of math/science prodigy is delusional.  And homeschooled kids shouldn't have to "do anything and everything" just to be at a basic college level when they graduate.  That's on the parents.

 

 

I agree. You can't miss years of math and science expect to magically catch up.  I suspect that either the family has not schooled much all along and dad's illness was a convenient excuse for her lack of an education.  (blech!)  Or, the girl didn't really want a STEM career. (Lots of kids change majors.)  Or, we just don't know the end of her story.  (Who knows what she's doing today?)

 

 

However, one year of being at a father's bedside in the midst of a life full of learning is not going to prevent a person from their college/career aspirations. 

 

 

If anything, this thread is a reminder that I need to be doing what I can to create an educational home atmosphere so that my dc's "normal" is full of habits that enrich their lives. Crisis' will come, and no one is strong enough to "plow through" those times without losing something.  If we spend our time creating the atmosphere, instilling good habits, then our kids will gravitate towards those good things for comfort when the crisis strikes and we won't have to "plow through," losing our relationships and our sanity.  We can let go, survive in love, and find ourselves at the other side of the crisis without losing the most important things. 

 

 

IOW - Letting go for a time in order to survive a crisis is very different than creating a crisis through educational neglect.

[kbutton]

Did I get it wrong that the mom who wrote the article is the mom of the son and daughter who are the youngest to ever sail solo (or attempt) around the world alone? I don't think she means doing nothing - as clearly their family does some unconventional stuff with big results. I think a season of unschooling might be a good thing. Isn't that what Gap Year is? A year of life before college? I'm all for consistent hard core academics, but sometimes a season of passion and freedom could be a great thing.

 

This thread got long, so someone may have already said this...

I think you are right about who she is. I heard her daughter interviewed. Whether or not we all should do things like she does is probably the real question rather than whether the advice is "good." I doubt I'll produce kids that circumnavigate the globe solo in a sailboat, so I doubt that my way of taking a grace year ought to look like her way of taking a grace year. I think that we all have areas where we think we represent "normal" baseline homeschooling and say stuff based on that. She should probably realize that her family is exceptional and qualify what she's saying. It is too easy sometimes to throw school aside. It's also too easy at times to stretch ourselves thin when a change, such as lower daily expectations for an extended period or a total but short break, could lead to greater productivity in the future.

[Denise in IN]

The Grace Year means letting go of whatever you define as Perfect, and accepting that the best you have to give your children today is enough. (This is assuming a loving and generous parent who strives to do what is best for the child.)  A crisis is not going to undo all of the good things that you've done so far, nor is it going to prevent you from doing amazing things in the future.  Sensing burnout and taking some time to refresh before everyone crashes is wise....this is what she means by "It doesn't take a crisis..."

 

If a homeschool family has established an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning; those things won't come to a complete halt if a crisis happens.  Those things will look different.  (I didn't drive any writing lessons for dd8 for many many months b/c when I came home from the NICU I saw that she had been writing writing writing the entire time.  What she wrote is completely different from anything I would have ever assigned for her.  I underestimated her.)  Let the wave of Grace wash over as you survive the crisis together, and you will all be stronger when the water stills.   That is assuming that you are establishing an atmosphere, a routine, a life of joyful living and learning when life is normal, whatever normal is.

 

These are some really wise words that I want to think about and remember!  Thanks for sharing your experiences with us.

[MinivanMom]

I really appreciate all of the personal stories that have been shared.

 

*snip*

If anything, this thread is a reminder that I need to be doing what I can to create an educational home atmosphere so that my dc's "normal" is full of habits that enrich their lives. Crisis' will come, and no one is strong enough to "plow through" those times without losing something.  If we spend our time creating the atmosphere, instilling good habits, then our kids will gravitate towards those good things for comfort when the crisis strikes and we won't have to "plow through," losing our relationships and our sanity.  We can let go, survive in love, and find ourselves at the other side of the crisis without losing the most important things. 

 

*snip*

 

This is a really beautiful way to frame it. It brought tears to my eyes and it makes me look at how well my children did during our crisis through a slightly different lens.

[marbel]

I agree. You can't miss years of math and science expect to magically catch up.  I suspect that either the family has not schooled much all along and dad's illness was a convenient excuse for her lack of an education.  (blech!)  Or, the girl didn't really want a STEM career. (Lots of kids change majors.)  Or, we just don't know the end of her story.  (Who knows what she's doing today?)

 

 

However, one year of being at a father's bedside in the midst of a life full of learning is not going to prevent a person from their college/career aspirations. 

 

 

<snip>

 

I agree with this.  I don't remember if the person who originally posted about this girl actually knows her or just knows of her and perhaps does not know the entire story.  Or, maybe that is the entire story.

 

But, I think everyone has heard of people growing up in terrible poverty, or with abusive parents, or with a debilitating illness, and misses out on school but then goes on to do remarkable things.  Maybe those are the minority or maybe they are truly extraordinary people.  But I agree that missing one year of school doesn't have to mean that someone with a real dream of a STEM career is shut out of it for life.  I think I mentioned way up in the beginning of this thread a friend who didn't do much school, and no math at all for a year due to a severe injury, and is now in medical school. I remember specifically about the math because she was encouraging me about my kids who struggle with math.  Is she a math genius?  She says not.  She was determined.   

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

Ah. I missed the remedial part. Still, I don't buy into the idea that gaps in the education equal the death of all dreams. Not saying that you said this, but this does seem to be a common attitude here. She can self study and go back. Should she have to do this? Ideally, no, but not everyone lives in an ideal world. Goodness knows, the college didn't set up that remedial class because of poorly prepared homeschoolers.

 

 

I went to PS... had not known what I wanted to to... took Psychology, World History, NON college bound English, and Advanced PE, Drivers Ed Assistant ( fun) and Consumers Math...

 

I skipped too many days to even graduate... but a teacher who must have had compassion on me allowed me to sign papers stating that I stayed in his class after school to make up the days I missed.  

 

I got out of there with a diploma even though I should not have.... I had a great GPA btw.  

 

College proved that I needed Remedial math... I loved my Prof. I ACED the Algebra class... she was the key... and possibly since I started K 2 years early, I simply was not ready for Higher order thinking in 8th grade.  I thought I was just stupid.  Then there was the wicked math teacher I had at a critical time that would not help anyone with questions... she finally was fired for being so mean to the students.  

 

I don't want our dc to have to take Remedial math, but if any do, it will not be the end of the world.  

 

Still, I am making them do some math every day, even if it is drill work on facts on Saturday... or PC games and online lessons.   We are switching curriculum in January.  I gave TT a try and it is just not working for our oldest 2.  They need me or someone else to over see their lessons and challenge them.  

[kolamum]

I can't fathom taking a whole year off once they are past say the 1st grade level, if even then. All though we took a considerable chunk of time off for an around the world move when our eldest was at that age. But I didn't see him fall behind. 

 

I agree sometimes you need a break. I tried to push through after losing a parent & found myself bawling, for what appeared to be no reason, in the middle of a lesson. We called it quits that day. We picked up again the following one. We had to take time off here & there that year because I had unexpected days I needed to regroup, but honestly I think if we had taken the whole year off we would have all ended up MORE depressed. I needed to keep busy, but with purpose, kwim?

 

Like others have mentioned I struggle with people that I see as slackers in the homeschool community. I've learned to step back & remind myself that it's not my purpose to judge them & if what they are doing works so be it. I'd think if one had one bad day right after another it might time to seek outside help for yourself & possibly consider a more "boxed curriculum" or outside school in order to regroup yourself. But then I considered both & did one. ;)