MFG Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 You are overthinking this. You quit the job. You're done. It's the mom's responsibility to get the new person up-to-speed. This isn't exactly rocket science. The girl is only a little kid. A new tutor isn't going to have a hard time figuring out where she is academically. And the personal stuff should not be discussed. I agree with this. I seriously doubt that a new caregiver will contact you at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 You are overthinking this. You quit the job. You're done. It's the mom's responsibility to get the new person up-to-speed. This isn't exactly rocket science. The girl is only a little kid. A new tutor isn't going to have a hard time figuring out where she is academically. And the personal stuff should not be discussed. Okay - so should I just write out something basic for mom? I mean, mom has no clue, really, where her dd is in most areas, so I'm not sure how she could get the new tutor up to speed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 If you want to avoid a long discussion without having your dh there, have the girl ready to go at 11, and when the mom shows up, tell her that since you don't usually have free time during the day, you're taking the rare opportunity to meet your dh for lunch, but his time is limited so you have to hurry right over there. Or you made a last minute appointment with the eye doctor for your annual checkup... or whatever. She may be intentionally doing this so she can burden you with a big story without your dh around to back you up. Don't give her that opportunity. Mom texted to say she wouldn't be here until normal time. That's fine with me - my friend and her children will be over then for a playdate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 No. Wait until you are asked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dandelion Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This leads me to my next question: If she has her new child care/tutor contact me regarding A, what information do I give? Just academics and decline to comment on everything else? Or should I be honest about the other issues? If you're contacted (which you probably won't be), focus on academics. Be very careful about how you answer anything else. If you're asked a non-academic question that you're not comfortable answering, just say "You'd have to ask <child's> mom about that." It's truthful, yet you're not putting yourself in an awkward position. Congrats on how you're handling all of this! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Okay - so should I just write out something basic for mom? I mean, mom has no clue, really, where her dd is in most areas, so I'm not sure how she could get the new tutor up to speed. What's up with you and the letters? Why does there always have to be a letter? Let it go. You got yourself up to speed. So will the new tutor. The girl is a little kid -- the new tutor will know "where she is" within the first day. We're not talking about whether she's in Trig or Calculus here, you know, :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Sounds good to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 What's up with you and the letters? Why does there always have to be a letter? Let it go. You got yourself up to speed. So will the new tutor. The girl is a little kid -- the new tutor will know "where she is" within the first day. We're not talking about whether she's in Trig or Calculus here, you know, :D Actually, she seemed totally A-OK for the first week or so with me, lol. I guess I just feel bad for the next person... I'll keep my mouth shut and hands from typing, unless I'm asked, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 Actually, she seemed totally A-OK for the first week or so with me, lol. I guess I just feel bad for the next person... I'll keep my mouth shut and hands from typing, unless I'm asked, lol. I know you mean well and that you want to be helpful, but this is of those times where you really need to walk away and not look back. I realize it's hard for you, because you seem to want everyone to like you, and for no one to be upset with you, but that's also a big part of the reason why that woman has been able to take such terrible advantage of you. She is not a nice person. She acts like a nice person. And there's a big difference there. You did the hard thing. You quit. Don't do anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I totally agree w/ Cat here, walk away, don't look back. You so remind me of a friend of mine, who got herself into a very similar predicament here while back. When you start in with someone else they just look for more ways to take advantage of you. Disengage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 I know you mean well and that you want to be helpful, but this is of those times where you really need to walk away and not look back. I realize it's hard for you, because you seem to want everyone to like you, and for no one to be upset with you, but that's also a big part of the reason why that woman has been able to take such terrible advantage of you. She is not a nice person. She acts like a nice person. And there's a big difference there. You did the hard thing. You quit. Don't do anything else. To be fair, the letter writing addiction is the fault of The Hive. I thought I would have to do everything face-to-face... now I realize how much better everything is with a letter :P (I kid, I kid) I don't care if mom likes me. I just don't want her to yell at me. Lol. I am, admittedly, worried about The Kid. I feel like she's getting the shaft in all of this. I realize that it isn't my problem, so I'm backing away, but I can't help myself - I feel for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 This leads me to my next question: If she has her new child care/tutor contact me regarding A, what information do I give? Just academics and decline to comment on everything else? Or should I be honest about the other issues? Employers giving job references have to be extremely careful about making negative comments, for fear of lawsuits. Personally, I would steer clear of any negatives. But you can always things like, 'I didn't really know her that well' or 'She seemed to care about her dd.' Damning with faint praise, kwim? If someone asks a yes/no question, such as 'Did she always pay on time?' you can just say 'no.' You can lead into that sort of thing by saying, 'Is there anything else you'd like to ask?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 Employers giving job references have to be extremely careful about making negative comments, for fear of lawsuits. Personally, I would steer clear of any negatives. But you can always things like, 'I didn't really know her that well' or 'She seemed to care about her dd.' Damning with faint praise, kwim? If someone asks a yes/no question, such as 'Did she always pay on time?' you can just say 'no.' You can lead into that sort of thing by saying, 'Is there anything else you'd like to ask?' She actually has been paying on time, so that's a plus in her corner, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 I would prepare a letter detailing the girls academic and basic emotional status. Your role is to provide standard info and observances about the girl and her aptitudes something along the lines of "CHILD is good at XYZ, but struggles with ABC, I feel that CHILD has great potential in ABC but her emotions and confidence have held her back, CHILD responds to gentle praise and firm encouragement." to be included with a list of curriculum and noteworthy test scores/results and progress information. Sounds like you've done a great job with this whole mess so far. What kind of info did you get before making the commitment that you did? I would be VERY CAREFUL about what I put in writing regarding her behavior and emotional status. I understand that may be helpful to the next person, but you don't want to open the door for any retaliation by mom, kwim? Done is done. Be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 16, 2013 Author Share Posted October 16, 2013 What kind of info did you get before making the commitment that you did? I would be VERY CAREFUL about what I put in writing regarding her behavior and emotional status. I understand that may be helpful to the next person, but you don't want to open the door for any retaliation by mom, kwim? Done is done. Be done. Only what mom told me. I thoroughly wish I had talked to her former tutor first, though. And I guess that's where this is coming from with me, lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 She actually has been paying on time, so that's a plus in her corner, lol. Oh, I must have mis-remembered. You can always say, 'She paid on time,' in a rather flat voice to convey some subtle negativity if you wish. Boy, if I heard that, and nothing else that was positive, I'd be extremely wary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 No letters. Don't get set up for slander of any kind. Just walk away. Most likely you will never be contacted. If you are contacted be very careful to answer questions over the phone and only answer Yes/No questions. So, beside going back to co-op what else are you looking forward to doing with you family and your new found freedom? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBJones Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 You are overthinking this. You quit the job. You're done. It's the mom's responsibility to get the new person up-to-speed. This isn't exactly rocket science. The girl is only a little kid. A new tutor isn't going to have a hard time figuring out where she is academically. And the personal stuff should not be discussed. I agree with Catwoman. You're DONE. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JBJones Posted October 16, 2013 Share Posted October 16, 2013 What's up with you and the letters? Why does there always have to be a letter? Let it go. You got yourself up to speed. So will the new tutor. The girl is a little kid -- the new tutor will know "where she is" within the first day. We're not talking about whether she's in Trig or Calculus here, you know, :D EXACTLY Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Chocolate Raspberry Cream Cupcake well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 All the better. I'll not offer anything. She isn't coming into the house now, it seems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Well, now you've found out what kind of person she really is, it seems so was only nice while you allowed her to use you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Since you, in your resignation letter, agreed to give the mom something, I would--but just a list of what you used as curriculum. I would not include all the things you pulled from the internet, just maybe some topics covered and the textbook-y things you did (like, "Phonics Pathways--completed to page 27" or something like that. Not a letter, not even typed if you don't want to--just a list. That way you are covered as far as what you said you'd provide, but you don't have to get into ANYTHING personal/behavioral. So, for example (not knowing anything you actually used) Resources Used Spelling--Spelling Workout Grade 1, completed Lesson 6 Phonics--Phonics Pathways, completed Lesson 9; various Grade 1 worksheets History--SOTW 1, completed Lesson 2 Math--Saxon Grade 1, completed Lesson 8; supplemented with math games on addition and measurement Science--Nature walks with notebooking; various nonfiction books on animal habitats, space, and weather You could dress it up a touch, but really, it's a minimum to let the next person know what was done, and yes, I agree they will find out where she is in skills and behavior rather quickly. I just see it as a courtesy as a tutor, and also because you said you would in writing. And, I doubt the mom is really aware of the curriculum you used, even if she bought it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I think Mom has seen what I'm using, but it's all things I own (and none of it skill level appropriate, really) - that was part of the issue. I needed, for my own sanity, some special material for language arts. I'll type up a list and keep it aside. If she asks, she asks. Since you, in your resignation letter, agreed to give the mom something, I would--but just a list of what you used as curriculum. I would not include all the things you pulled from the internet, just maybe some topics covered and the textbook-y things you did (like, "Phonics Pathways--completed to page 27" or something like that. Not a letter, not even typed if you don't want to--just a list. That way you are covered as far as what you said you'd provide, but you don't have to get into ANYTHING personal/behavioral. So, for example (not knowing anything you actually used) Resources Used Spelling--Spelling Workout Grade 1, completed Lesson 6 Phonics--Phonics Pathways, completed Lesson 9; various Grade 1 worksheets History--SOTW 1, completed Lesson 2 Math--Saxon Grade 1, completed Lesson 8; supplemented with math games on addition and measurement Science--Nature walks with notebooking; various nonfiction books on animal habitats, space, and weather You could dress it up a touch, but really, it's a minimum to let the next person know what was done, and yes, I agree they will find out where she is in skills and behavior rather quickly. I just see it as a courtesy as a tutor, and also because you said you would in writing. And, I doubt the mom is really aware of the curriculum you used, even if she bought it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AmyontheFarm Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 All the better. I'll not offer anything. She isn't coming into the house now, it seems. Please tell me that she at the very least makes sure that you are there to open the door. I wouldn't allow someone to honk and expect me to let their child leave the house without someone picking her up at the door. Or at least I would walk the child to the car. But, honestly, she needs to grow up and come to the door! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Please tell me that she at the very least makes sure that you are there to open the door. I wouldn't allow someone to honk and expect me to let their child leave the house without someone picking her up at the door. Or at least I would walk the child to the car. But, honestly, she needs to grow up and come to the door! Oh I stood outside when A left, to make sure she got in okay, but no Mom just sat in the car. She didn't honk or anything, she was there when I pulled in. I expected her to at least come in the door, because it took A a minute to come in and get her things from the day, but she didn't get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 nm :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Oh I stood outside when A left, to make sure she got in okay, but no Mom just sat in the car. She didn't honk or anything, she was there when I pulled in. I expected her to at least come in the door, because it took A a minute to come in and get her things from the day, but she didn't get out. The mom sounds like a little kid who stamps her foot and turns away. She is obviously missing an opportunity to show her dd how a gracious loser would behave. She could have said, "I'm sorry it didn't work out, but dd enjoyed having you as her tutor." For her dd's sake, I hope the mother puts some value on what you have done and on what her dd has accomplished with you. In any case, it sounds as though *you* are internalizing a lot of valuable advice and experience from the situation, so overall it might be a real plus! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 The behavior of the mother explains the behavior of the child. It is very sad . . . I am glad you have extracted yourself from this relationship. It is obviously unhealthy for you and your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Wow. That mom is a big baby. :glare: I can't say I'm surprised, though. She was only nice because it benefitted her. Now she's showing her true colors. Whatever you do, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. She's hoping you'll feel sorry for her, because it will give her a chance to try to manipulate you again. Did her check clear your bank? I wouldn't put it past her to put a stop payment on it. I'm so sorry you're stuck dealing with that idiot. My best advice for today is to ignore her rudeness and concentrate on having a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :party: :party: :party: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 Wow. That mom is a big baby. :glare: I can't say I'm surprised, though. She was only nice because it benefitted her. Now she's showing her true colors. Whatever you do, DO NOT APOLOGIZE. She's hoping you'll feel sorry for her, because it will give her a chance to try to manipulate you again. Did her check clear your bank? I wouldn't put it past her to put a stop payment on it. I'm so sorry you're stuck dealing with that idiot. My best advice for today is to ignore her rudeness and concentrate on having a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! :party: :party: :party: Check did clear the bank. I made sure to put it through yesterday, first thing. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 Check did clear the bank. I made sure to put it through yesterday, first thing. Lol. I'm not an expert, but I think that, even though a check 'clears' at your bank, it can still bounce at check writer's bank. You might want to speak with a manager of your bank to make sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 17, 2013 Author Share Posted October 17, 2013 I'm not an expert, but I think that, even though a check 'clears' at your bank, it can still bounce at check writer's bank. You might want to speak with a manager of your bank to make sure. It did cross my mind, but would she really risk not having a place for A if she did something like that? Because if her check bounced, she would be called to pick up the child immediately and she wouldn't be allowed to bring her back. I *know* that she doesn't have a back up right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted October 20, 2013 Share Posted October 20, 2013 I'm not an expert, but I think that, even though a check 'clears' at your bank, it can still bounce at check writer's bank. You might want to speak with a manager of your bank to make sure. Yeah, whenever I get a "shaky" check. I drive to the bank it's drawn on (if it's local, that is!) and cash it at the source. Years ago, even called the bank and said, I am holding a check in the amount of $xx from your account holder #xxx, could you please tell me if there's enough in the account for the check to clear. Don't suppose they do that anymore, since the debit card. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alessandra Posted October 21, 2013 Share Posted October 21, 2013 Yeah, whenever I get a "shaky" check. I drive to the bank it's drawn on (if it's local, that is!) and cash it at the source. Years ago, even called the bank and said, I am holding a check in the amount of $xx from your account holder #xxx, could you please tell me if there's enough in the account for the check to clear. Don't suppose they do that anymore, since the debit card. Good idea! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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