beaners Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Adoption is something my husband and I have been talking about for a long time. I'm very curious what people who are adopting internationally do about caring for the children they already have while they are traveling. Some of these programs require one parent to be out of the country for 2 months, even if the other can return after a few weeks. Do parents bring their other children with them? Do they leave them with family for that time? Is there an option I'm not thinking of? My children are very young, so I don't think this is something we're planning on doing right away. I can't see being away from them for so long though. How do people make this work? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Many people bring the kids with them. Others leave the kids with one parent or close family member while the other travels, but if it's a long stay, the other parent / child might visit in the interim. ... Myself, I adopted both of my kids at the same time, so I didn't have that concern. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 Thanks, that's what I was thinking. We've also talked about adding more than one child at a time. I don't know how chaotic that would be in our house, compared to one or both parents being gone for so long. My husband is also almost ten years older than I am, which reduces our window of time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dana Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 My friends adopted and took their 4 yo with them. I think they were in China for two weeks, but I may not be remembering correctly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 We're saving up to (hopefully) bring our two boys with us for the couple of weeks we expect to be in China, with another adult or two to be with them when we have to do adoption stuff. We want them there because they can carry some amazing memories of their sister's big day for her. If they were younger or China required a long in-country visit, we would leave them home for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 We left our two with good friends for a week while we were in Ethiopia for a week to get the other two. So hard to leave them, but at least it was only a week!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom@shiloh Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 We've adopted from China five times and each time I went alone and my dh stayed home with the other kids. We didn't really have anyone available who could have taken care of all of our other children for two weeks while we both went -- we already had five kids at home. It also cut down on the expenses. The money we saved by me traveling alone probably funded another adoption. Of course, it would have been preferable to travel together and fantastic to travel as an entire family, but it wasn't practical. We wouldn't have chosen a country where we both needed to be gone for an extended amount of time. And, I'll throw in a vent here. We had friends who took their entire family along. I think that's wonderful if you can afford it. However, they had a fund raiser to help meet their expenses. I'm sorry. If you want to spend an extra $15,000 so that your whole family can experience this together, fine. Just don't ask other people to fund it for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 When we adopted from Korea the agency actually flew the baby to us. We did not have to travel. The first time we held him was in Detroit Metro Airport. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 I also did not consider adopting in a country that required a long in-country wait. I could not take that much time off work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 My sister is in the process of adopting her fourth child from India. The first time, her husband couldn't get enough time off of work, so she went with her best friend. The second time, she and another of my sisters went, and her husband stayed home with her son. The third time, she stayed home with the first two, and her husband went. This time, they are planning to both go together, and my nephew has requested that I come and stay with them while his parents are gone so that he can play with my boys! :laugh: But, the time in India is only about 10 days, and both parents don't have to be there. Adoption from India is difficult, except that my sister has adopted all kids with very specific medical needs, so their process goes more quickly. Even then, it has averaged a year from time of making the decision to adopt to actually bringing their child home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 And, I'll throw in a vent here. We had friends who took their entire family along. I think that's wonderful if you can afford it. However, they had a fund raiser to help meet their expenses. I'm sorry. If you want to spend an extra $15,000 so that your whole family can experience this together, fine. Just don't ask other people to fund it for you. Oh I so agree!!!! I wonder if we know each other? I've had this same vent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zimom Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 One of our many factors was 'reasonable' travel time. We left our son, then six at home for the first trip with a friend. It would not have been worth the expense, and no, he would not have retained any true memories to make it worthwhile, not to mention the extra stress on us and our travel mates. Trip two, he was 13, and although older daughter was 7, she was more mature and we were taking her back to her birth country, her orphanage, so we felt it was worth it. In the end, she did need to go, although the trip was much more meaningful to the 13 year old. I just think 6-7 is too young to warrant the expense, etc., based on our experience. Use that time to bond with your new child. Of course, both trips were about two weeks, totally funded by us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted May 20, 2013 Author Share Posted May 20, 2013 Thank you so much for all your stories everyone. We have four children right now, and the added expenses for all of them and another adult to accompany us for the longer trips would be prohibitive. Even just me being away from home for so long would be difficult because we'd need someone to come and watch the kids while my husband would be at work. (Plus two months is a long time to be away from home!) We don't have a particular country or program in mind at this point, but travel is one of the things that will probably narrow that down for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 My friend who adopted from Russia made 2 trips per child. First time, with her oldest child, they both went for both trips. The first stay was I think about 5 days. Second stay was more like 10 days a few month later. Second adoption, they already had 2 kids at home. So first trip mom went with sister, second trip, sister stayed with the 2 kids stateside while mom and dad went to get baby. Both adoptions were Russian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Our entire family pitched in to watch my sister's children while they were away finalizing their adoptions. It was a long process; 6+ weeks from beginning to end, although he was able to come home early, and she got a week long break in the middle. It was very hard on the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 One of our criteria was that we would not have to be gone long (more than 2 weeks). We adopted from Guatemala, which closed soon after we brought our son home. I'm not sure if it has reopened. Our first visit was 5 days and the next was 7 days. My parents came to stay with our kids the first time and my sister in law the second. The first was in January after we received our referral and the next in October to bring our son home. Another advantage to Central America-travel time! It was a direct flight of only 3 hours from Houston to Guatemala. Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Jennifer, I wonder if we were in Guat at the same time. :) The short travel was definitely a plus. The Korea program sounded great too - foster care and you don't have to travel - but they didn't allow single parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 We adopted from S. Korea when our older two were 7 and 9 so we had the option of not traveling to Korea at all. It was reason #10 to adopt from there. She was escorted from Seoul to LAX by a social worker from the Korean adoption agency. She flew from LAX to PHX with a social worker from our American adoption agency. We picked her up at the PHX airport and drove the 30 minutes back to our house. Not having the physical, mental and emotional drain from international travel has a huge advantage when dealing with early transition issues with our family. S. Korea adoptions are finalized in the state the child lives in with his/her adoptive family 9-11 months after the child is placed with the adoptive family. During that time the American adoption agency technically has custody, but he adoptive parents are given an affidavit granting them legal power to make all decisions for the child until finalization. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Jennifer, I wonder if we were in Guat at the same time. :) The short travel was definitely a plus. The Korea program sounded great too - foster care and you don't have to travel - but they didn't allow single parents. Our son was born in September of 06. We didn't get our referral until Jan of 07, when he was 4 months old. Another family had received the referral, visited him and then didn't complete the adoption. We brought him home in October of 07, when he was thirteen months. We went thru All God's Children, International. Who, by the way, never made us feel like we needed to adopt to save his soul. :) Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Jennifer, I wonder if we were in Guat at the same time. :) The short travel was definitely a plus. The Korea program sounded great too - foster care and you don't have to travel - but they didn't allow single parents. Our son was born in September of 06. We didn't get our referral until Jan of 07, when he was 4 months old. Another family had received the referral, visited him and then didn't complete the adoption. We brought him home in October of 07, when he was thirteen months. We went thru All God's Children, International. Who, by the way, never made us feel like we needed to adopt to save his soul. :) Jennifer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 And, I feel compelled to add for those who may think our baby was stolen from his birth mother, our agency required dna testing at least twice during the process...so that there wasn't a chance that the women signing the adoption release form wasn't the birth mother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted May 20, 2013 Share Posted May 20, 2013 Our son was born in September of 06. We didn't get our referral until Jan of 07, when he was 4 months old. Another family had received the referral, visited him and then didn't complete the adoption. We brought him home in October of 07, when he was thirteen months. We went thru All God's Children, International. Who, by the way, never made us feel like we needed to adopt to save his soul. :) Jennifer My referrals also came in January 07 and I took the girls home in October 07. Different agency, though. Our visa day was October 10. :) ... My eldest was 3.5mos at referral, while my youngest was 2.5wks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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