Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Wow! That is a foreign concept to me. In my experience, the couple determines the number of guests and each side gets to invite half. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeannie in NJ Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 when dh's cousin got married, it was the 2nd marriage for both of them , they were around 50 years old and had known each other since high school. They had the mayor come to their house to perform the ceremony. THe only guests were dh and I, the groom's sister and her dh , the groom's cousin and 3 close friends of both of them so 8 guests in all. It was Valentine's Day so everyone wore either red or black. We all went to a restuarant afterwards and the next day the newly wedded couple went to Vegas for their honeymoon. We had a nice time at the wedding and it was exactly how the bride and groom wanted it . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Martha has the idea. This particular couple came from two towns about 45 min apart. So two congregations. My childhood friend has a very large extended family that normally would have been invited along with both congregations. Basically 'everyone'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 My first marriage had the invitation in the newspaper! We mailed invitations to about 100 people besides that. But we just had cake and punch which was more common 30 years ago. My second wedding almost three years ago we only invited our children and parents. We ruffled many many feathers by doing that even though we had a big reception 3 weeks later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 With second marriages, older couples, etc. potluck receptions seem to be more and more common. I have yet to be invited to one (I haven't had friends/family members in the demographic, yet), but I have heard about them. What would be odd is if they had some sort of super-formal wedding with a potluck reception. But I'm guessing it's going to be a casual outdoors-in-the-park type of wedding, smallish guest list, DJ or just cousin Freddy with his ipod in the background... really low key. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 What would be odd is if they had some sort of super-formal wedding with a potluck reception. How do you define formal? Or super formal? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 My wedding was hard on my family bc they don't do formal anything. Everyone just shows up with beer and calls it good. :) My wedding was hard on my in laws bc they always do formal AND invite everyone to get the most gifts possible. (I specificly remember asking if x or y or whoever could be eliminated bc I doubted they would make it anyways and being told that they might not come but they'd probably send a gift if they got an invite. Which was really not how I was thinking of things.) I sent 150 invites to a black tie late afternoon saturday wedding with a note that a nursery would NOT be available for children. We didn't divide the 150 in half. I think my family only used about 12 invites for immediate family and I told my mil to use the rest on whoever she wanted. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 People were expected to pin money onto the bride and groom to dance with them. They pinned money to the bridal couple?!?! Now THAT is tacky!! Everyone knows the maid of honor is supposed to collect money for the groom and the best man for the bride. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How do you define formal? Or super formal? My wedding was black tie and we only had bridal cake and a grooms cake and punch. And an aunt made the grooms cake bc dh is diabetic so that's the cake we actually shared bites of instead of the wedding cake. *shrug* I suppose a potluck could be done with a formal wedding. I've certainly seen plenty of buffet styled receptions at formal weddings. Seems ridiculous to me to claim whether the buffet is acceptable or not depends on who cooked it and brought it. Expensive caterer, okay. Family and friends, not okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How do you define formal? Or super formal? Anything that 3/4 of the members here call "typical." ;) Seriously, if it was exclusive (no kids), no extraneous guests, everyone in tuxes, evening, a large number of attendants... the works. But it doesn't seem to be that way. It sounds more like just a joyous day for people who are old enough to be pragmatic and want to share the day with friends and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Wow! That is a foreign concept to me. In my experience, the couple determines the number of guests and each side gets to invite half. As soon as I get Chris Hemsworth to propose, I'll invite "everybody". Can I mark you down as confirmed or no? :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 So given some of these comments, I have to wonder how many missed out on the chase-the-new-couple-through-town parade? That is, where the wedding party loads up in the back of someone's pickup, or at least, the bride, groom and both primary attendants in someone's convertible, and drive all over town with the rest of the guests and attendants chasing them, honking their horns and flashing their lights. How can one truly be married if the entire community hasn't glanced out their collective windows and made the mental note "Ah Leon's oldest girl just got married. Some boy from the Sandhills, from what I hear..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 As soon as I get Chris Hemsworth to propose, I'll invite "everybody". Can I mark you down as confirmed or no? :laugh: Yes, of course. Should I expect a formal invitation or an email? Lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How do you define formal? Or super formal? Black (or white, depending on time of day) tie is formal, suit is semi formal, pants and a jacket is casual. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How about jeans and cowboy hats? (new jeans, and freshly steamed and brushed hats, of course) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How about jeans and cowboy hats? (new jeans, and freshly steamed and brushed hats, of course) Ive heard in some areas of the country jeans and cowboy hats double as black tie. But one must be wearing the hat and appropriate boots. Otherwise it is simply an uber casual affair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 How do you define formal? Or super formal? by what the dress code is. morning suit is formal for daytime. evening wear varies: black-tie is technically "semi-formal" - it seems the only time you see white tie (formal) worn properly is on orchestra conductors. (and occasionally pianists giving evening concerts) suits used to be considered 'casual', but are fine to wear to black-tie events if you don't own one. what drives me batty are wing collar shirts with black-tie. or a black tie with tails. it's like mixing metaphors. pick one and stick with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erin Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Nope. In cowboy country this is how it works: New black jeans, tux jacket, good hat--Formal New jeans, vest, good hat--semi-formal Clean jeans, vest (or not), clean hat--casual less than that--hillbilly Full tux-- for the non-cattle producer types... (or the poor guy who is marrying some city girl whose mama has read one too many Bride magazines) And the bride's dress is whatever she wants to wear and has nothing whatsoever to do with any of the above. ;) Guests will also dress in any manner they wish that might or might not coordinate with the actual dictates of the bridal party. Ie, everything from full suits to jeans and t-shirts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarbecueMom Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Nope. In cowboy country this is how it works: New black jeans, tux jacket, good hat--Formal New jeans, vest, good hat--semi-formal Clean jeans, vest (or not), clean hat--casual less than that--hillbilly Full tux--Farmers and other non-cowboy types. ;) I have an awesome picture from my friend's wedding. It was an outdoor tent reception outside an old country schoolhouse. While they "auctioned" the bride for a dance in lieu of the dollar dance, all the groomsmen were lined up in front of our table. Skinny farm boys in new, tight Wranglers (or whatever farm jeans they were), cowboy hats... and a Skoal can outline in each of their back right pockets. I had to get a butt photo, because they all matched, and it was just too funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecclecticmum Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 So given some of these comments, I have to wonder how many missed out on the chase-the-new-couple-through-town parade? That is, where the wedding party loads up in the back of someone's pickup, or at least, the bride, groom and both primary attendants in someone's convertible, and drive all over town with the rest of the guests and attendants chasing them, honking their horns and flashing their lights. How can one truly be married if the entire community hasn't glanced out their collective windows and made the mental note "Ah Leon's oldest girl just got married. Some boy from the Sandhills, from what I hear..." Can I just say that sounds like fun? Weird, but fun......which means I *really* like it, lol. For some reason, I now have a Topsy-Turvy idea in my head....I want to see a marriage that takes place uber-formally, then, at the reception, has pin-the-tail on the donkey, and pass-the-parcel, and maybe a clown. I think a reception like that would be worth it, if only to take photos of the guests faces as they enter :laugh: :lol: :leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LivingHope Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 While Aunt Myrtle's green jello may not sound appealing, remaining debt-free post wedding really should be the new normal...all the rage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted May 14, 2013 Share Posted May 14, 2013 Yes, the purpose of etiquette is to know how to behave in a given situation or to know what behavior is expected of others. It keeps the social friction down and makes everyone comfortable. Otherwise, societal behavior becomes a big free-for-all and people don't know what to do anymore. And it doesn't just apply to formal situations. It applies to everyday situations. How many of us expect our children to say "thank you" for a gift or a compliment? Writing thank you notes? That is etiquette. There is no reason to expect anything less when it comes to big situations such as birthday parties or weddings. Really? I'm sorry but this kind of comment just makes me ROFL. This probably is coming across as mean but I'm laughing in good humour, not rude. I just don't get this concept, though. I mean do people really not know what to do when invited to a potluck wedding? Is it really so confusing? Why must we have so many etiquette rules about minutia. How about we scrap all the etiquette rules & just say: Be kind, be gracious, be respectful, assume the best about people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisbeth Posted May 15, 2013 Share Posted May 15, 2013 Potluck? I thought you had to feed people to compensate them for giving up their weekend to come and look at you. Win!!Exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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