Advice/coping tips needed for handling college stress with ADHD!

[southcarolinamom]

Please advise! My dd will be starting as a freshman in college in the fall. She was diagnosed with depression/ADHD about 1 1/2 years ago, and is on Prozac and Ritalin. These manage her fairly well, but now that my daughter has picked a school to attend several hours away from us, I won't be close by to "keep an eye on her" as I'm used to.

 

Can you moms with college kids give me some tips to pass on to her? Like how to handle distractions in a dorm room, focus, stay organized, properly de-stress, etc.

 

Thank you so much.

[Barbara H]

A few ideas:

1. I would make a point of checking out campus resources together including tutoring, counseling and the disabilities office if she's seeking accommodations. You could look at the website together but even better visit each of these offices.The biggest challenge I see with students in college is not lack of services - many schools have pretty great services. It is a lack of willingness on the part of the student to seek out services in a timely manner (in other words they wait until they are way too far behind). It is vitally important that students are able to self advocate and ask for help.

 

2. If the school offers a study skills course or transition course strongly encourage her to take it.

 

3. Set up expectations and routine for the frequency with which she needs to communicate with you. Some kids tend to go into hiding when things are going well and if you have a regular routine set up you'll have a better idea if she's in trouble.

 

4. If she's got significant problems with organization and you have the resources to hire a private ADHD, executive function type coach, I would seriously consider it. Having a local person she meets with once a week and is accountable to may help her set up routines that will help her be successful throughout college.

 

Here's an article from my site about college adjustment with ADHD that might also be helpful.

[Beth in OH]

If your dd is particularly headstrong ("I can do this on my own, Mom!"), connect her to a local counselor. Encourage her to go to the counselor whenever she feels she needs to, and on her own terms. She need not tell you about it. This is a great time to empower your dd to handle her own medical issues, and a counselor may be more believable about the self-care aspects than a mom :glare: .

[Running the race]

 

 

4. If she's got significant problems with organization and you have the resources to hire a private ADHD, executive function type coach, I would seriously consider it. Having a local person she meets with once a week and is accountable to may help her set up routines that will help her be successful throughout college.

 

Here's an article from my site about college adjustment with ADHD that might also be helpful.

 

 

Not the OP, but love the ideas. How do you find a private coach?

[Starr]

I would follow Barbara's lead and visit all the offices with her. If she's been there and introduced herself it will be easier to go back.

 

If it were me I would insist on her (although I would start with a better approach) signing all the paperwork so I could talk with any and everyone. I would only use the right if needed. One example I have is a student who ended up at our house needing a mental health professional. The ER did not help her and she wasn't following through at school. We were able to finally get her to call her mother who arrived later that day to take her to her psychiatrist at home. She was not able to really communicate well so we spoke with her mom. One of her professors said they could never have spoken with her mom.

 

If she hasn't managed a college class on her own yet I would strongly encourage her to make use of services available - from the beginning. And any free tutoring as well as going to professors office hours.

 

Hang on mom, you'll make it. Well, we'll hang in there together anyway.

[regentrude]

I do not have kids in college, but I teach at one.

Make sure she contacts the office for students with disabilities right away and gets accommodation for distraction free testing and maybe extra time. She will need a formal diagnosis; the office can tell you exactly what the requirements are. Professors are required to provide these accommodations for the students, but this only works if the student goes through the office and gets the formal letter - just talking to the professor will not be sufficient. The nature of the condition is not disclosed to the instructors, but some students find it helpful to volunteer more information to their instructors. I am glad when a student gives me some information, because that may help me understand the student better.

Also, she should be aware that the school will have a counseling center for students (which is not necessarily the same office as the disabilities one). They can help students with adjustment to college, with academic things, and also with episodes of depression. If she feels the need to talk to somebody, there will be people there for her

 

ETA: It is very important that she is proactive and avails herself of opportunities for learning assistance that are offered (tutoring, help sessions, etc) as soon as she notices that she is having trouble in her course work. When students wait for weeks with seeking help, there is often not much that can be rescued, wheres a prompt intervention could have helped the student to be successful.

[Barbara H]

Not the OP, but love the ideas. How do you find a private coach?

 

 

Great question. Executive function (ADHD and Asperger's) coaches are a fairly new thing so a good certification system is just emerging. My suggestion is to start first with the college disability office and see if they have anyone they can recommend. If you don't have success there looking at this site may help. http://www.adhdcoaches.org/looking-for-coach/ Also, if you are familiar with a good private high school the area you may also see if their guidance counselor has recommendations.

 

Of course good personality fit is crucial because it is really important that your student buy-in and commit to really giving a try. Coaching is something you are paying for out of pocket and it can be expensive.... but so is failing out of classes or losing a scholarship! I've seen students really make significant improvements with coaching, so it is something I think is worth considering if your child is open to it.

[Barbara H]

One more thing I wanted to mention about the transition study skills courses that some schools offer. Many of these courses include having the class visit the various school resources (writing lab, tutoring center, library, counseling center, etc.) Starr is right - for a lot of students it is going there the first time. If they've been there once they can go back again, but it is that they don't get that it is NORMAL for students to seek out these services. Anything that you can do that reinforces the expectation that she regularly gets supportive services is a good idea.

[southcarolinamom]

I do not have kids in college, but I teach at one.

Make sure she contacts the office for students with disabilities right away and gets accommodation for distraction free testing and maybe extra time. She will need a formal diagnosis; the office can tell you exactly what the requirements are. Professors are required to provide these accommodations for the students, but this only works if the student goes through the office and gets the formal letter - just talking to the professor will not be sufficient. The nature of the condition is not disclosed to the instructors, but some students find it helpful to volunteer more information to their instructors. I am glad when a student gives me some information, because that may help me understand the student better.

Also, she should be aware that the school will have a counseling center for students (which is not necessarily the same office as the disabilities one). They can help students with adjustment to college, with academic things, and also with episodes of depression. If she feels the need to talk to somebody, there will be people there for her

 

ETA: It is very important that she is proactive and avails herself of opportunities for learning assistance that are offered (tutoring, help sessions, etc) as soon as she notices that she is having trouble in her course work. When students wait for weeks with seeking help, there is often not much that can be rescued, wheres a prompt intervention could have helped the student to be successful.

 

 

I'm in the process of getting a letter of ADHD diagnosis from her physician, to turn in to the Office of Disabilty Services. Hopefully it will allow her to have extra testing time. She may also be able to opt out of math classes (really, really poor scores on standardized testing) and take alternative courses. I will update everyone when I hear about the decision from the school's committee!

[Yolanda in Mass]

I'm not sure a letter from a physician will be enough. For many schools, a formal diagnosis includes a neuropsychological evaluation done by a qualified doctor so make sure you check with your school's disablities office. Scheduling a neuropysch may take a while. Just a heads up, it can be costly. Hop onto the Special Needs forum to learn more about what this is.

 

My son was diagnosed at 20, just as he started school a couple of hours away from home. He never finished the semester, and at the advice of his fabulous doctor was able to do a medical withdrawal. We were totally ignorant of the magnitude of his deficiencies and the help he needed due to his ADD. He simply lacked the executive function skills needed to succeed in college and was thoroughly overwhelmed. His giftednes was not enough to overcome this. He had been living at home prior to this and attending community college with a 4.0 GPA.

 

You've already received good suggestions. I would strongly suggest you meet with someone in the disablities office and make it clear to your daughter that it is imperative that she have weekly meetings with a counselor there for accountability. The quality of disablities offices varies widely, so hopefully your daughter's school has a good one. Another possiblity is an ADD coach. Many can do the coaching via Skype so location is not an issue. Again, you need a skilled professional to help your daughter stay on track. ADD is not a simple distractibilty issue, ADDers lack those organizing and prioritizing skills that most kids have by the time they're 13-14 (again, executive function skills).

 

Lastly, since your daughter is on Prozac she is also experiencing some depression (not unusual as this often accompanies ADD as a secondary conditon). I imagine she is seeing a therapist? She will want to continue with this therapy especially at school. As regentrude just mentioned, the school's counseling center (usually part of the health center not the disablities office) can be invaluable in this area.

 

College is a huge step for most young people, but it does present additional challenges for students with ADD and other disabilities.

 

Yolanda

[TravelingChris]

My dd is severely ADHD. Since mnay colleges required the neuropsych evaluation, we did that in her senior year. That gave specific recommendations for accommodations along with the diagnoses, SHe met with the disability office and got the letters. One thing that really helped her was to have a single room. She just could not handle sharing a room. THe school she decided on, University of ALabama, had honors dorms where each kid got a single bedroom but shared common areas. THat is what she had. We bought her a big calendar and told her to use her Android a lot for reminders. She did great- better than a 4.0 first semester. She is not in college right now, medical withdrawal, but that is due to her incredibly frequent seizures, including many most days both while awake and asleep. We do have an appointment with an Epilepsy specialist this Friday where we hope to get some answers and some treatment for her.

[Catherine]

I would set up a system for making sure she does not run out of meds. For us, that meant getting a 90 day supply (mail order allows this in our state) of his ADD meds and walking him through the process of setting up a campus-based practitioner who will continue to prescribe and monitor his medication. I don't know about your DD, but my DS has an ambivalent relationship with his medication and would very much like to be off it. When we've experimented with this in the past, it did not go well. He does remember that, but he still would much prefer to not take them. He still isn't fully convinced that he can't "smart" his way out of it. LOL.

 

My friend's DD, a very bright girl at a good school, just dropped out in the middle of her sophomore year, when she basically stopped her meds for anxiety, stopped seeing her practitioner, and spiraled into total agoraphobia and OCD in about 2 months. Some kids really need their medication and don't necessarily manage it very well alone.

[southcarolinamom]

I would set up a system for making sure she does not run out of meds. For us, that meant getting a 90 day supply (mail order allows this in our state) of his ADD meds and walking him through the process of setting up a campus-based practitioner who will continue to prescribe and monitor his medication. I don't know about your DD, but my DS has an ambivalent relationship with his medication and would very much like to be off it. When we've experimented with this in the past, it did not go well. He does remember that, but he still would much prefer to not take them. He still isn't fully convinced that he can't "smart" his way out of it. LOL.

 

My friend's DD, a very bright girl at a good school, just dropped out in the middle of her sophomore year, when she basically stopped her meds for anxiety, stopped seeing her practitioner, and spiraled into total agoraphobia and OCD in about 2 months. Some kids really need their medication and don't necessarily manage it very well alone.

 

 

My dd uses Ritalin ... she recognizes in herself that she does much better in school (focusing/not getting distracted) when she is on her medication. She also is a better driver and more focused at her job when she remembers to take her Ritalin. However, she does choose to not take it on Saturdays or days when she is just "vegging out". We do use a 90 day supply for her, however, local drugstores seem to have a constant shortage of this medication!

[Nan in Mass]

I don't have experience with this, but some of my general advice to my sons might be helpful:

 

Sit in the front.

Introduce yourself to your professor and TAs the first day.

Find a study group.

Do your online homework LAST.

Check your email and facebook AFTER you do your online assignments.

Link things together, like patting your pocket for keys and phone every time you walk out your door and checking for emails from your professors before every meal.

Schedules are your friends. Pick a stable time to do things like laundry and studying.

Finish all your work before you go back to your room.

Find a remote carrol in the library or a remote empty classroom to study in, someplace where nobody can find you.

At the beginning of the semester, go find all your professors' offices and figure out when their office hours are (posted on door).

At the beginning of school, go find all the tutoring centers, the infirmary, and the counseling center, go in, and look around. Sign up with a counselor so you have somebody to go to if you feel awful. It is too hard to figure that out when you are mega unhappy or panicked.

Sign the papers so the school can contact us. Sign the papers so the counselor can contact us.

Call home every Sunday.

Make sure you understand the add/drop periods.

Make sure you read your syllabuses, enter any dates on the calendar, and file the syllabuses where you can find them at the beginning of every class.

Write yourself out a schedule that has times and places and prof names of all your classes. Make lots of copies. (We tell ours to do this because my husband and I are still having nightmares about forgetting where or when a class is. Ug.)

Whiteboards are wonderful - big and lap-sized.

Calendars that are whiteboards aren't a good idea because they need to be protected from roommates' friends' stupid idea of a joke.

Get a big desk calendar and use it for big projects, papers, and tests and holidays.

Get a pocket calendar and use it for daily assignments. Write even the routine stuff in it.

Keep a box under your desk for loose papers. That way, you may not have taken the time to file something but at least you can still find it.

Try always to put stuff in the same place, like when you go to sleep, plug your phone in to charge.

 

 

And another thought:

At my big public university, you could get a study room in the library with a door that locked. You could leave your materials there. It was deep within the library and very free of distractions. If that is an option, it might be helpful.

 

Nan

 

PS - I just wanted to second the people who said beware the idea of not taking one's medicine. There is a lot of peer pressure to go "free range" and not let doctors and parents mess with your brain. And we know a few stories of young adults who feel fine while taking their medication and as a result, decide they are "fixed", stop taking it, and then spiral down fast and have to be picked up and put back together by their families. When you do that in college, it costs a fortune. When you do that out of college, you lose jobs. No experience with this so I don't have any suggestions to avoid it, just know it is a major problem when it happens.

[Yolanda in Mass]

We do use a 90 day supply for her, however, local drugstores seem to have a constant shortage of this medication!

 

Wow! A 90 day supply of a controlled substance through the mail, no less?! Gosh, here in Mass no provider can give you a script for more than 30 days, it cannot be called in to a pharmacy, you must bring in a script, and you have to show your driver's license dropping off and picking up (information is recorded). In short, you feel like a criminal getting meds that are controlled substances. Just saying.

 

Yolanda

[MomatHWTK]

Be aware that Prozac is one that tends to lose its effectiveness. If she takes a significant turn on the depression front, she may need to swtich medications. (Lexapro according to my doc does not have this problem and is generic now.) Make sure she is calling in her refills in advance on the Ritalin- she should be able to do this over the phone via an automated process. That way the pharmacy has time to order the medications. Maybe she could put the date she needs to call on the calendar?

 

Back in the day when I was in college- I made a grid schedule with every day written in column and then the hours or blocks of time in rows. I color coded each class and at the bottom had a seperate section for assignments due. I carried it in my backpack with me everywhere and often re-wrote or tweaked the schedule so that I kept on track and it became more familiar to me.

 

Roomates and dormatories can be a nightmare. She might consider seeking out a few quite places on or off campus where she feels comfortable and doing her studying there.

[Nan in Mass]

Don't forget to remind her that she needs to keep an eye on her meds or they might "disappear".

 

And the colour coding reminded me - You can cover your textbooks with bookcovers that match the colour of the folder and notebook for each class. That way, it is hard to grab the wrong notebook or book by mistake.

 

You can do things like put the door key on a string so you can hang it around your neck and drop it down your shirt. Hard to leave behind that way. (I do this lol.) Put your phone in your shoe at night. In other words, work out ways that make it impossible to forget things.

 

Mine like quad paper for math. (Not sure if that would help your daughter or not.)

 

A pencil case for calculator and pencil, etc., helped my middle one.

 

A timer might help. It doesn't have to be a kitchen one. There should be one on the phone. When it goes off, you have to go back to studying. Or you have to study until it goes off.

 

Nan

[TravelingChris]

Yes, to what Nan said about disappearing medications. DD not only locked her bedroom but put the bottle of medicine in her safe which she locked. Too many tales of ADHD medications being stolen at colleges made her do this.

[AngieW in Texas]

You need to get her set up with a counselor and a psychiatrist where her school is. You need to have a plan in place for how she can get her prescriptions refilled and for how she can get to her counselor and pyschiatrist. While most universities do have counselors and a psychiatrist on campus, the availability is very limited. At UTD, you could only see an on-campus counselor 12x/year.

 

Getting her Concerta has been a major issue for my dd. In Texas, you have to have a paper prescription that you hand-carry to the pharmacy every month. My dd has had to make sure to see her psychiatrist every month for a new paper prescription because when she tried having the psychiatrist give her post-dated prescriptions, the pharmacy wouldn't take them.

[southcarolinamom]

UPDATE TIME! Wowzers, ladies, I can't believe how long it took to get an approval for her ADHD / "extra testing time accommodations" at college, but she officially received the letter yesterday. Lots of hugging and smiling going on at our house! It took 3 separate letters from her treating psychiatrist, each successive letter needed to be more detailed than the previous one, but it finally worked. I've never fought so hard for so long, or done so much paperwork as I have with this issue.

 

We are now working on getting her a "math alternatives course", as she has struggled with math her entire childhood, and her math placement exam for college was a score of 30.5%. She needs an assessment and testing by a psychologist, then a lengthy report to demonstrate aptitude deficiencies, etc.

 

I am so grateful to each of you who have sent me suggestions on how to handle her ADHD while away at school. Thank you! :hat:

[Kareni]

UPDATE TIME! Wowzers, ladies, I can't believe how long it took to get an approval for her ADHD / "extra testing time accommodations" at college, but she officially received the letter yesterday. Lots of hugging and smiling going on at our house!

 

What happy news! I'm glad that all of your hard work has paid off.

 

Regards,

Kareni

[Joan in GE]

My son says that regular and strenuous exercise is extremely important.....