Homeschooling high school in emergency mode

[elegantlion]

We have about 11 weeks of school scheduled for this year. Due to some events, we are in emergency mode. I've outlined what subjects I think are important to finish the year, we'd already planned to continue a few into the summer. I will looking for work (probably retail, so different hours), and ds is on board with schooling at whatever time necessary.

 

However, I'm not sure what to require for output. He's a quirky learner and is still developing good writing skills. We have generally done a lot of interaction with subjects. If this were not high school, we'd take a few weeks off and regroup. We're not far enough ahead to do that. Should I just let him read and discuss everything but math and science?

 

I also want to balance his emotional needs. He will be spending time alone as I work (read between the lines for that reason), and he's okay with that, and I want to make sure I'm guarding his emotional health. He's not a big fan of school in general, high school is better, but I know if I push too much he'll shut down. I know this will challenge him and I know he'll surprise me, I just don't want to overwhelm him academically while we're processing the change. I'm also not sure how my emotional stability will be. I don't want to become a taskmaster, so there may be times I need to back off and let him be.

 

And if you could keep my family in your thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

As the mother of teen sons who do well as long as everything is stable, predictable, and normal, I can imagine what you are going through although I don't know the particulars. If stability is threatened or everything's changing, you are wise not to expect school to proceed perfectly through the transition.Your relationship with your son is the #1 thing; getting through this crisis together without heaping burdens on each other. (((P)))

 

I say YES on reading and discussing being enough for everything but math and science, at least until you adjust to your new normal. Keep the input coming but back off on output expectations--let him deal with whatever's happening without too much requirement for school performance. But do keep him reading, and do commit to discussing what he's learning. Math and science should be pretty much as normal, because boys can do those subjects without investing as much emotion or "self" as they have to for WTM-ish history, lit, gov't, etc. In other words, math is math and can be a stable thing in a time of upheaval (speaking from experience on that one).

 

Put a time frame on the transition so he knows there will be a return to writing about school. But when you do return, to avoid that 'taskmaster' feel maybe give him lots of latitude about how to present his work? Powerpoint, essay, graphic novel, blog...and then work back up from there to polish and improve before really knuckling down on college-prep writing.

 

Is there any way to bring in a third person for connection and accountability while you're finding your own feet? Grandma nearby or to Skype with, or friends who homeschool?

[regentrude]

One of the beautiful things about homeschooling is that you can adapt schooling to the family needs. Even in high school.

 

However, I'm not sure what to require for output. He's a quirky learner and is still developing good writing skills. We have generally done a lot of interaction with subjects. If this were not high school, we'd take a few weeks off and regroup. We're not far enough ahead to do that. Should I just let him read and discuss everything but math and science?

 

That sounds perfectly fine to me.

If you are concerned about his writing skills, maybe he could choose a topic for an occasional paper on a subject that interests him? I believe in quality over quantity and prefer one well written paper over a multitude of smaller exercises.

There are other ways to demonstrate mastery; my kids have liked preparing oral presentations with visuals on their history topics. And you will still be able to interact; if not during "school hours", then maybe while driving on the weekend.

 

But honestly, if you feel the whole family needs to regroup, you CAN do that in high school, too. No need to fit the "school year" into the August-end-of-May time frame. You could do "school light" and work over the summer, or you can start the next school year in October instead of August. If taking a break would be easier for all of you, do that - and simply give your son a reading list so he has something to do.

 

I also want to balance his emotional needs. He will be spending time alone as I work (read between the lines for that reason), and he's okay with that, and I want to make sure I'm guarding his emotional health. He's not a big fan of school in general, high school is better, but I know if I push too much he'll shut down. I know this will challenge him and I know he'll surprise me, I just don't want to overwhelm him academically while we're processing the change. I'm also not sure how my emotional stability will be. I don't want to become a taskmaster, so there may be times I need to back off and let him be.

 

Does he crave interaction, or does he like being on his own? Could the increased independence be made appealing to him? My teens absolutely love being on their own and taking care of themselves. If they need to step in to help out with tasks they are very happy to do so, if they feel that their contribution really makes a difference. So, your son may surprise you by taking more charge of his education, or by helping out more at home if he feels that he is really filling a NEED (and not just "doing chores")

 

I would also solicit his input on how he thinks he could work best independently. My son is much more motivated if he can choose his curriculum. Keep an open mind; work that has been done with a textbook while working closely together might be changed to working through a free online course independently, things like that. Whatever it takes to get the subject done - even if it does not follow your original plan.

 

And if you could keep my family in your thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

ABSOLUTELY!!! you and yours are in my thoughts, and I hope out everything works out OK.

[elegantlion]

Thank you, both.

[Nscribe]

:grouphug:

[Barbara H]

Sending good thoughts your way. It sounds like you've done some really good thinking about this situation. Great idea to try to just get done what is absolutely necessary and to let some stuff go.

 

To think about it positively, often there are good growth opportunities in challenging situations. You may both find out he has capabilities you didn't know about. One thing that might be helpful is to try to carve out some little period of time every day to do something you enjoy together, even if it is just something simple like fifteen minutes of an ongoing Scrabble game or shooting baskets or whatever. Keeping some positive time where you are not the task master and you are not talking about school - can go a a long way in keeping a positive relationship going.

[SailorMom]

Nothing to add except :grouphug: and to say it sounds like you're doing a wonderful job.

[mumto2]

:grouphug: No real advice other than to be kind to yourself during this stressful time.

[quark]

Just wanted to add the hugs! Wishing you the best of luck, good health and hopefully, happy moments too through this hard time.

[FloridaLisa]

When we hit our unexpected life-shift last year, I was pretty hands-off with schooling the olders. I was still in the house, but my workload increased dramatically due to shouldering all of the family, household, estate, and a very part-time job. I put what time/energy I had into math and Bible with everyone, and schoolwork with the youngers who needed elbow-to-elbow teaching. I was very surprised how well my four olders did with my decreased involvement and supervision. I think because we had been homeschooling for so many years, we had an established rhythm. That rhythm held even though I was less involved. I specifically chose curriculum and classes that allowed them to school more independently. And I cut out anything that was not core. Before June 17, I had planned to do formal logic. After June 17, I chucked logic without a moment's guilt.

 

So, you are wise to pare down to the core. Keep anything that brings light to your ds' eyes and keep those subjects that are critical. Release conceived notions of what *the best and most rigorous* should look like. That may come back to you. But in this season, there will be many lessons that will shape you and ds. Let those lessons take root and allow both of you the space to process them. There may be more movie nights and thrown together dinners and less cleaned bathrooms and dusted dressers. And that's perfectly okay. That will free you up to invest where you need to: time with your son when you're home, time for your work, time for those academics you want/need to be involved with.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Lisa

[Nan in Mass]

Lots of hugs. Sending stabilizing thoughts your way.

 

I'd definately put the emphasis on math and science. I think it is fine to do reading and discussing for the others, but I think I would try to do it with the addition of doing some sort of simple record-keeping bit of writing for each thing (or chapter) read. Pick something really simple, like writing one paragraph giving reasons he liked or did not like a book, or a one paragraph summary, or one illustration, or a one paragraph summary of the author's life, or a list of one sentence summaries of each chapter (Pooh style - In which ...). If it is a history textbook, I'd look to see if there are any "to think about" questions, have him read them first (before reading the chapter) and think about the answers so you have something to discuss, then after you've discussed, write a paragraph about one of them. Tell him the idea is just to produce some sort of written proof that he actually read it and that it shouldn't take more than half an hour to accomplish. The reason I think this is a good idea is that discussions when you are tired or distracted are HARD. This takes the pressure off of you. If for some reason you haven't gotten around to doing the discussion, at least something got done. Remember that simply having him tell you what happened in the chapter will be good writing practice. It would almost be an advantage not to have had time to read it yourself. : ) Tell him to remember that he has to include who, what, where, when, why, and how. You can write them on a sticky and put it on the dashboard if you have to. (I"ve done that. Sigh.) You can work on writing orally by having him read short folk tales and have him retell them to you, or read science articles and summarize them for you. Both of those are good practice for writing. You can listen to the news while you are making supper or driving and have him make a good argument for or against something and help him to present it orally to you and call it "writing". You can print out a list of common mistakes when making an argument and have him find them while he's listening to the news. He can read articles aloud to you and do the same thing. All of that is good practice for writing. You can work on writing all in one whack, skipping history and literature while you do it. The very thought that this is what you are going to do for two weeks in June might make both of you more relaxed the rest of the time. (I did a two-week session with mine using Schaffer materials. It turned out to be a very useful thing and "fixed" a lot of my son's writing problems. You might not like that method or might have different problems, but the two week idea might still work. When they were younger, I did the same thing using Powerful Paragraphs. We read the example and wrote a paragraph organized the same way as the example.) You can comfort yourself that your son will develop good study skills having to work on his own. My experience with boys shows that it is better for them to have a schedule and a check-list at first. Something like "Do math from 8:00 to 9:30. Read the lesson. Write out each example problem. Do each odd problem, checking the answer after each to make sure you have it right before you do the next one. Show all the steps for each problem, like the example problems." That way, there are fewer arguments because I am forced to decide exactly what I want and they can't fool themselves about it or be left try guessing. Just a few ideas...

 

Best of luck

Nan

[caroljenn]

When we hit our unexpected life-shift, I was pretty hands-off most of last year. I was still in the house, but my workload increased dramatically due to shouldering all of the family, household, estate, and a very part-time job. I what time/energy I had into math, Bible and schoolwork with the youngers who needed elbow-to-elbow teaching. I was very surprised how well my four olders did with me decreased involvement and supervision. I think because we had been homeschooling for so many years, we had an established rhythm. That rhythm held even though I was less involved. I specifically chose curriculum and classes that allowed them to school more independently. And I cut out anything was not core. Before June 17, I had planned to do formal logic. After June 17, I chucked logic without a moment's guilt.

 

So, you are wise to pare down to the core. Keep anything that brings light to your ds' eyes and keep those subjects that are critical. Release conceived notions of what *the best and most rigorous* should look like. That may come back to you. But in this season, there will be many lessons that will shape you and ds. Let those lessons take root and allow both of you the space to process them. There may be more movie nights and thrown together dinners and less cleaned bathrooms and dusted dressers. And that's perfectly okay. That will free you up to invest where you need to: time with your son when you're home, time for your work, time for those academics you want/need to be involved with.

 

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Lisa

 

 

I agree. I have had to pull dd out of school with no notice twice in the last three years. I finally just figured we were better off homeschooling. We do not have the same issues that you are going through, but with dd's Chronic Fatigue, we have had to, at times, pare down to core as well. We school year round to finish what we need to finish, and to be able to take as many (lots) breaks as necessary to keep dd's health managed. It is great to be homeschooling and in charge of your own schedule and the requirements on dc's time.

 

The bottom line is that none of this is the end of the world. Your son's health, your relationship, all of that is much more important than whether or not he gets in to XYZ college. If he has to start at community college, but your relationship is intact and strong, than so be it. First things first. Don't stress yourself out with high expectations that are difficult to meet.

 

I will be praying for you and your family.

[swimmermom3]

There are many good suggestions here and I like Nan's practical idea of having your ds write a little something every day to show that he is doing the work/reading. I think too, the idea of doing a little bit each day, even if it is only 15 minutes where you are not the task master, will go a long way in preserving sanity and good humor.

 

Keep simple routines for school, the house, and meals and you will relieve some of the stress. I have faith that both of you will find new strengths and new skills that will deepen the richness of your lives in the years to come. Perhaps you have a budding culinary genius under your roof?

 

A couple of years ago, a good friend happened to call right as I was sitting sobbing on top of a locked safe in my closet that contained all the pills and razor blades in the house. I had just spoken with the counselor about the admitting process because it looked like that is where we were headed. My friend told me to wash my face, drink some water, eat an apple, and pick up the kitchen. I was kind of irked as I believed that to be the darkest moment of my life and she was telling me to wash my face? Her response was something to the effect that she had told me to be kind to myself, not indulgent. Indulgences leave you feeling weaker; self-kindness should leave you feeling a bit stronger, a bit steadier, and a bit more hopeful. I had to promise to do a handful of really small things, almost silly things like making the bed, for an entire week. It was weird, but those little actions provided me with a feeling of greater stability in what was otherwise a truly crazy world.

 

So my friend, ease back on the school, wash your face, take your vitamins, and know that we are here for you. :grouphug:

[Kfamily]

You've been given such wonderful advice already. I'm not sure that I can do better....

 

Please feel guilt-free to take the time you and your family need to get through this difficult time. These last two years have been the single worst for our family yet. I know how hard it is to try and be the best teacher to our children that we want to be and then balance this with more energy than we'd like just to survive each day. It's hard, but hold tight to your loved ones and keep pushing through each day.

 

You and your family are always in my thoughts

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[elegantlion]

thank you all. i will be reading again and commenting. Today I rearranged some furniture in between dealing with the chaos. Ds did math and spent several hours working on building something on the computer. tomorrow has a difficult to-do list and I have more furniture to rearrange.

[Nan in Mass]

Hugs, Lisa.

 

Math is good. If he can do math amidst rearranged furniture, he'll doing well. As long as he keeps doing math and doesn't get into trouble, all is not lost. At least, that is what I think.

 

Nan

[swimmermom3]

Rearranging furniture is good too. The Japanese have a custom, if I remember this right, of leaving a bit of empty space on shelves for all of the good things to come. I think you can apply the same principle to furniture.

[texasmama]

My homeschooled kids are not teens, but I had to abruptly go to work full-time in 2011. I worked full time for 9 months, kept homeschooling, and we managed. (I'm part-time now.) My kids did take an emotional toll, but I think that is largely because they were elementary age when I started work. What I learned during the process (and what they learned) is that they were capable of more independence that any of us would have thought. While not ideal, everyone worked together, and we made the situation work for the time it was needed. Hugs to you. I think you will find that your son is a young man who will rise to the occasion. In your shoes, I would stress the most important subjects (math and language arts here) and let the rest slide a bit.

[Dana]

No suggestions, but I wanted to say I'm thinking of you & your family.

 

Lots of :grouphug:

[TravelingChris]

Praying for your family.

[elegantlion]

Thank you all for your thoughts.

[Wildcat]

You've been given such wonderful advice already. I'm not sure that I can do better....

 

Please feel guilt-free to take the time you and your family need to get through this difficult time. These last two years have been the single worst for our family yet. I know how hard it is to try and be the best teacher to our children that we want to be and then balance this with more energy than we'd like just to survive each day. It's hard, but hold tight to your loved ones and keep pushing through each day.

 

You and your family are always in my thoughts

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

 

 

:iagree: :iagree: I have nothing to add, as there has been so much great advice. So, I'll settle for giving you some :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: .