Tess in the Burbs Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 My inlaws have very little to do with us and don't know us or the kids very well. We rarely get gifts from them at holidays, but this year we did. Dh had told them gift cards only based on prior year gifts but they sent ds his birthday gift. While it's nice they actually remembered for the first time in a long time, the gift was not age appropriate. In fact, there is a cousin that lives next door to MIL that is too old for this gift....and my son is many years older so it was odd. Ds opened it and was polite...oh, this is nice. But you can see in the pictures I took he's not smiling. Every other picture he's smiling. So I can't send a picture to MIL showing excitement. He thanked her on the phone. I plan on giving the gift to a younger child or donate it. Do I let MIL know ds is 11 now and gifts should probably say 10+ on them if she's not going to ask what he wants?? Or do I just let it go and let ds learn that when gift giving you should know the person you are giving to? LOL He doesn't care about the gift. But he did comment about his grandma not even knowing how old he is or what he likes. So he's learning a lot here about people and relationships. I just can't decide if I should say anything or not. I need to go back and look at photos, but I am pretty sure they sent dd money on her birthday. I wish they would just be consistent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Let it go. If she doesn't see him that often, or give him that many gifts to begin with....I wouldn't bother. It would only cause problems for no good reason. If it were me, I'd donate the gift and give my son a gift card in its place as his gift from grandma. I'd probably also say that she hasn't had young children in a long time, so she really doesn't know how to buy age appropriate toys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Let it go. If they are not around children, they can not judge what is appropriate and what is not. Explain to your son that the grandparents mean well, but are clueless. Have him not expect anything but the thought. You could take his gift, regift or donate it, and give him money or a more appropriate gift "from Grandma". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I wouldn't say anything. However, how much communication do the inlaws get? Could you send a holiday card (even if you don't normally to other people) and include a picture of the kids with their names and ages written on the back. That way once a year they see the kids getting older. You can even send one candid shot of each kid engaged in an activity that is either age appropriate (and shows child's interest) or simply shows how physically big the child is. On the back could be "at 9 Jamie has really gotten into hockey" or something like that. However, just one pic with names and ages is enough. That way you've given them a picture reference. If you only talked to me on the phone a couple times a year, I doubt I'd remember anything. Give me a picture with ages and I might do better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted December 28, 2012 Author Share Posted December 28, 2012 Well, lately dh has talked to them and told them what they are in to. And they have 2 kids living next door near our kids ages....one a year older than my oldest and one a year younger than my youngest. I honestly wish she would just be consistent....give money or gifts but don't do it different for each one. I am going to buy the gift from ds so he has some cash to spend. I won't say anything, thanks for your advice. :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I'd let it go, too. Maybe next year remind her of his age or interests. My sil always wants money for Christmas, but it does make my parents feel like ATMs not grandparents. I know she wants it to make sure everything is "right," but sometimes relationship is important too, even if it means the wrong of something. My dad has given my oldest too young books for years, and I've always encourage the oldest to thank his grandfather.Now at 16, it has begun to pay off. My dad is a huge history buff just like my son and he's finally figured out he can give ds adult books. And guess what, he can pick them! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Let it go. Tell ds to try to feel good about the fact that she was thinking of him, that she tried. You can also say that grandma's get confused sometimes and that she's not around kids a lot so she made a mistake. Praise him for his gracious response (as I know you already have). I think the option of you buying the gift from him is the perfect solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Is it something that you can return to Walmart or Toysrus or Kohls? I've have success at both with returning without receipts as they are able to scan to see if the item was bought there. I would do this if possible, and do as others have said. Just tell him grandma was thinking of him, but hasn't been around kids much, and forgets how grwn up he is. I also like the idea of sending pics of them w/ their interests in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 I would let it go and let ds learn the importance of knowing people you are giving gifts to. My ILs give my kids gifts that are below my kids' levels, because they follow the suggested age things rather than what we tell them the kids like. We just swap with friends or donate the items. No big deal, and the kids learn valuable lessons from gift misses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted December 28, 2012 Share Posted December 28, 2012 Hubby's parents never bought birthday presents for our kids as we are okay with it. They don't celebrate Christmas. However they bought our boys tshirts when we visited them and they were much too big. I just put them aside as spare clothing. Its the effort after all. My sil always wants money for Christmas, but it does make my parents feel like ATMs not grandparents. I know she wants it to make sure everything is "right," but sometimes relationship is important too, even if it means the wrong of something. How about an Amazon wishlist or store registry? That way relatives who do not stay close by can still buy a present off the wishlist that the child would like to have. My kids get cash for birthdays from my parents because they are all the way in Asia. My kids are appreciative about it and would tell my parents how they are going to spend their birthday money. My parents are happy because shipping would cost a lot more than the present and they don't have Amazon accounts. . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candid Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 How about an Amazon wishlist or store registry? That way relatives who do not stay close by can still buy a present off the wishlist that the child would like to have. Not a bad idea, I'll mention it, but I suspect it won't go anywhere on two fronts. I think my sil's focus on "right" is a control issue, I suspect she has a hard time letting go of details. The other front is my parent's ability to Amazon. My dad did ask for an Amazon gift certificate for his birthday and I think he has finally spent it, but they are both over 80. My mom will not be able to do it. She was never interested and now has some dementia. My dad, who taught doctors for crying out loud, still doesn't know where the address line is in his web browser. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Another vote for let it go. I got a School Days book from a grandmother when I was 18 or so. The kind you start in Kindy and write your teachers name, what your favorite subject is, etc. I still laugh about that. Chalk it up to a bad gift and leave it at that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted December 29, 2012 Share Posted December 29, 2012 Another "let it go". It's an opportunity for your kids to learn to be gracious. (We have the same problem here---ds received a Thomas the Train book set, which he was interested in when he was 2-4 years old....definitely not now.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted December 30, 2012 Share Posted December 30, 2012 I would let it go. When I was a child I fully expected my grandmother to give me wacky gifts. The ones I remember the most were the supper scratchy cardigans she would knit for me in the most cacky colours you could imagine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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