lgliser Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 So I have 6 year old triplets. One boy and two girls. They were the best babies and toddlers and now they are getting hard! So hard! I knew my time was coming... ha ha! I have a few specific questions. Is it normal for sisters to cling to each other? They have always gone in spurts where two will get along really well and the third is... not really left out but just not as in sync as the other two. And it rotated who got along well. But now the girls are pretty in sync all of the time. I feel bad for Sam. But I also understand. Right now Sam is totally all boy. He is so rough and tumble. He's in karate and likes to wrestle with either me or his daddy and we do once in a while. So he has outlets to release his energy. But he still just gets really rough with the girls and they don't like it. They also just really like to play different things. Another question is - is Sam a drama king? I have been cracking down on him and his roughness. I really do understand that boys are physical. But when he hurts his sisters on purpose, he gets in trouble. Well sometimes he'll go, "I think I"m the worst boy ever. I always get in trouble... the girls never do... bla bla." Is he just being dramatic? Is he being manipulative? Or does he really feel this way? I thought I had more to say but it's so late and I feel like I'm being incoherent.... Thanks for any advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faithr Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Gosh, I have no idea when it comes to triplets! I am sure that figures into things. And then to be the one boy in a group of three. . . . I am sure there will always be a little bit of tension there. However, I too would not allow deliberate hurting. Though brothers do tend to do stuff like that, they still have to learn. If he does say things like I'm the worst brother ever, I would correct him and say no, you are not, but you shouldn't be poking, punching (or whatever it is he's doing) and then I wouldn't engage him any more on that subject. I'd be as dry and matter of fact as possible when dealing with it. Also, I'd be sure to examine what the girls are doing. Do they subtly gang up on him? Do they know how to secretly push his buttons, where you don't notice but he's been offended and then acts out? We had that kind of dynamic going on here with my youngest two who only now are outgrowing it at ages 11 and 13. Though, when they aren't sabotaging each other, they are the best of friends (sibling love is so complicated!!!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I can answer part of your question, for me. My twin girls are inseparable! The energy between boys and girls is sometimes very different, especially at that age. I think all of that is perfectly normal. I don't know if he's dramatic, but if he is, so is one of my girls. We just reassure her, once, and move on, trying not to indulge or encourage the behavior. It's a reaction to getting in trouble, then it never comes up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I know nothing about triplets, but I do know my boys wrestle all day long. Every time I turn around they are wrestling. Weekly classes or wrestling once in a while wouldn't be enough for them. When my 8yo was younger (before my 6yo was old enough to wrestle hard), I would wrestle him hard every morning. Then when he did his schoolwork, I "rewarded" him with punches, tickling, and sitting on him. Oh, my, how he laughed and had fun with schoolwork back then. I remember throwing football passes to him (yes, in the house) while going over math facts. All this to say, some boys just need to be physical. I would consider if your ds needs more body movement. Physically tired boys are usually happy boys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwg Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I know my ds5 says things like "I am the biggest looser ever" when he gets in trouble. I do not react to it, but it does bother me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Durriyyah Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 A friend of mine has twin girls, and another friend is a twin. It seems the inseparable attitude is pretty common. As for the boy, I think sometimes we underestimate how sensitive boys can be sometimes. Whenever my kids get in trouble, I try to focus on the action and not the person because I love the person, and the person has control over whether that action happens again. Maybe he's too young to really get it, but at least the message sticks in the long term, hopefully. Do you have a place where he can play rough outside, like a big trampoline or something? Maybe getting out that energy in competing with himself will help. Also, does he have any neighborhood friends he can play with too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I know how hard our first couple of years with twins were, so my hat is always off to anyone with triplets. I have two arms and two bOOks, so I never was able to envision what in the world anyone with triplets managed to do! My twin boys are pretty inseparable. I feel like their relationship is very complex and if we inserted a third into it - especially if it were a girl - the whole thing would be totally unfathomable. Does your ds have an outlet for his rough and tumbleness? If he doesn't have a good outlet for it - karate, as someone suggested, or gymnastics or something along those lines and friends or a dad or uncle or someone who plays rough and tumble with him in an appropriate way - then you'll have a lot more trouble cracking down on it. Do your kids do separate activities? Do you spend one on one time with them? Do they have any good friends outside each other to help occasionally break up their dynamics? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I can only answer for a single. he may actually feel he's just a bad boy. (especially if his sisters are shutting him out.) I know it can sometimes be so busy dealing with the roughness, you forget to praise when the're doing things right. Make sure you are pointing out to him, the things he does right WHEN he's doing them. it also needs to be done in a way that he knows what he did, and how he can repeat it. e.g. It was great when you helped set the table - NOT - you're so helpful. see the difference? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 My sons are adopted and are 6 weeks apart in age. Early in their lives we became good friends with another family who has twin girls and the kids have had lots of time to play together over the years. For a long time, they clearly all enjoyed each other and they would also often divide up into twos to play, one boy and one girl who had similar personalities and the other boy and girl who also had similar personalities. But sometimes they would reverse that also. Now the girls recently turned eight and my sons recently turned seven. The four of them will still play all together at times (hide-n-seek and other gender neutral games) but it is very clear that the two girls are much closer and play together much more, even when all four are together, than they once did. I think a lot of it comes down to they are now at an age where the girls enjoy 'girl' things more and the boys enjoy 'boy' things more which naturally results in the girls wanting to play together more (and therefore are closer) and the boys wanting to play together more. Basically, even though they are triplets, I think it is the natural thing that tends to happen around this age, where the boys enjoy doing more traditional boy things and the girls enjoy doing more traditional girl things but they still cross over here and there also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 My ds9 and dd5 go into monologues about how terrible their life is when they get into trouble. Yesterday at the dance studio I had to put dd on timeout so I put her in the changing area. You could hear her going on an on about how mean her mom is, never lets her do what she wants, always makes her go on time out, so mean, blah blah blah. It's only manipulative if you let it be. I ignore it, me and the other moms had a very hard time stifling our laughter though. That said I will not allow monologues that involve muttering threats of violence(ds9 like to say "I'm going to kill him/her" when he is getting going in his rant and I will not allow that, he works himself up to actually getting violent with them. And I do not allow monologues that rant the whole time that they are stupid/bad etc. Those ones we discuss after the allotted time, of A) you know that is not true, it was the action of xyz that was bad, not you and B) whining otherwise will not get you sympathy it will get you grounded. As for the girls in sync and boy odd man out. When there is a group of 3 someone is always bound to be left out. That is true of any grouping of 3 with kids, regardless if it is triplets or just friends on the block. Someone is always left out. Given that he is the only boy it automatically becomes him. My suggestions, get him into something physical several times a week, indoor soccer, rock climbing(my kids started at 6 when we lived near a rock gym), martial arts...just something to channel that. And arrange for more playdates with friends so he has a buddy to play with and wrestle with and not feel left out all the time Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freckles Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 I am a twin. My brother and I wrestled and play fought all the time. He had his own friends and I had mine. It sounds like your situation is very normal. I think the little guy needs an outlet for his "boyness" and and maybe some more playdates with friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 Your boy sounds pretty normal to me! My boy has the bad luck to live in a house with two girls who don't think it is fun to wrestle on hard floor boards too. Last week he was wrestling with the sheets and this week he has been wrestling on the kitchen floor with dd's new rag doll who is about the same height as him. They must be pretty evenly matched because the doll had him pinned at one stage. :D I think your boy hurting his sisters deliberately is code for "I wanna play too! But I want you to play what I want to play because your game is boring," or he wants you to play with him. They are the two reasons dd beats up on ds here, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted December 9, 2012 Share Posted December 9, 2012 So I have 6 year old triplets. One boy and two girls. They were the best babies and toddlers and now they are getting hard! So hard! I knew my time was coming... ha ha! I have a few specific questions. Is it normal for sisters to cling to each other? They have always gone in spurts where two will get along really well and the third is... not really left out but just not as in sync as the other two. And it rotated who got along well. But now the girls are pretty in sync all of the time. I feel bad for Sam. But I also understand. Right now Sam is totally all boy. He is so rough and tumble. He's in karate and likes to wrestle with either me or his daddy and we do once in a while. So he has outlets to release his energy. But he still just gets really rough with the girls and they don't like it. They also just really like to play different things. Another question is - is Sam a drama king? I have been cracking down on him and his roughness. I really do understand that boys are physical. But when he hurts his sisters on purpose, he gets in trouble. Well sometimes he'll go, "I think I"m the worst boy ever. I always get in trouble... the girls never do... bla bla." Is he just being dramatic? Is he being manipulative? Or does he really feel this way? I thought I had more to say but it's so late and I feel like I'm being incoherent.... Thanks for any advice! Weeeeel..... As the mother to a drama king...he is 12 now..I can say he probably really feels it. I try to help him in handling those emotions appropriately. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 . But I also understand. Right now Sam is totally all boy. He is so rough and tumble. He's in karate and likes to wrestle with either me or his daddy and we do once in a while. So he has outlets to release his energy. But he still just gets really rough with the girls and they don't like it. They also just really like to play different things. Another question is - is Sam a drama king? I have been cracking down on him and his roughness. I really do understand that boys are physical. But when he hurts his sisters on purpose, he gets in trouble. Well sometimes he'll go, "I think I"m the worst boy ever. I always get in trouble... the girls never do... bla bla." Is he just being dramatic? Is he being manipulative? Or does he really feel this way? I thought I had more to say but it's so late and I feel like I'm being incoherent.... Thanks for any advice! A karate class and wrestling with parents "once in a while" is quite a low amount of "roughness" for a boy. Mine were likely to do that kind of thing several times a day. It's just the way they interacted. I would be getting lots of boy play dates arranged! And get dh to wrestle with him nightly. I think you should listen to what he is saying, not as a "drama king" thing but taking it literally from his point of view. If he is getting in trouble for doing what are essentially normal boy things (even though it's appropriate to keep him from getting too rough with his sisters), he may well be feeling like there is something wrong with him and that there is disparity in how he is treated compared to his sisters. That doesn't mean that you're being unfair, but that that may be the way it feels to him. Another angle to consider: Is he really, truly too rough with his sisters? Could they learn to toughen up (appropriately)? Any chance that they are being drama queens about him being too rough? Girls are notorious for pairing off and having a third person out. As far as roughness with girls: I grew up in a neighborhood in which I was the only girl for a few years. I wrestled and did all the boy stuff. I liked playing dolls, and "house" and all those "girly" things, but I could hold my own in wrestling and games of "army" etc. I'm saying this to bring up the possibility that there could be an unconscious tilt toward favoring a more girl-oriented environment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lgliser Posted December 10, 2012 Author Share Posted December 10, 2012 Wow, some great advice and very wise words! Sam does karate 3 nights a week and it does include sparring, which he loves. He could for sure use some more boy play dates. Sadly there are no close by neighbor kids but he does have one bestie in particular that will wrestle with him. It's just when it's during the school year, it's hard to arrange play dates. Some friends' schools don't get out till 4:30!! But I suppose a nightly wrestling match with DH would be a great idea. Sam would LOVE it. The girls - yes they could certainly toughen up some! I was a girl who liked to wrestle when I was younger so I know girls can be tough! But I know sometimes Sam truly does hurt them. He is a solid boy of muscle and while most of the time it's not like he's TRYING to hurt them, he just does. He is so strong. I do try to notice and praise when I see my kids doing something good, but it is extra hard when they're going through a particularly rough phase. And they sure are right now. I really appreciate the feedback and advice! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 10, 2012 Share Posted December 10, 2012 Sam does karate 3 nights a week and it does include sparring, which he loves. He could for sure use some more boy play dates. Sadly there are no close by neighbor kids but he does have one bestie in particular that will wrestle with him. It's just when it's during the school year, it's hard to arrange play dates. Some friends' schools don't get out till 4:30!! But I suppose a nightly wrestling match with DH would be a great idea. Sam would LOVE it. A nightly wrestling match is a good start. How else can you get his body moving so he can get his boyishness out during the daytime? How often does he get outside? What does he do out there? What about throwing balls with him in the house, dancing to loud music, challenging him to race up and down the stairs, having him lift heavy things, exercising with the Wii....anything that will move and challenge his body. My boys' bodies are on the move all.day.long. They need it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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