mama2cntrykids Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 This is all such new territory for me, I could really use some guidance. My step-son is 18 and a senior in high school. His girlfriend is 18.5 and graduated last year. They've been on/off for almost 2 yrs. She's here a lot. If he's not in school or working and she's not working, she's usually here. Is this normal? I mean, it seems like she has no interests outside of him (?). I'm not sure what to think. They don't get in trouble or anything here, so far they listen to the "rules" (basically can't be in his room with the door shut). I'm not sure where this is going...I mean, he's going into the Army next summer (already signed up). It just seems like they're setting themselves up for some heart ache when he does leave, as he's not coming back here. Do I just let this play out and land where it may? I'd love some BTDT wisdom here! Thanks :)! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyofsixreboot Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 From what I've seen from my kids and their friends this is not unusual behavior. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 There's really nothing for you to do. They're respectful of the rules, so....I'm not sure where you're going with this. Maybe they'll get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briansmama Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I don't think you have a choice other than to let it play out- they are both technically adults, and this is how they are learning about future relationships. They could very well be setting themselves up for heartbreak when your son leaves, but then he will likely learn a lot from that experience, however painful it might be. It's nice to hear a mom with a son taking about this- I hear so much about dating issues from parents of girls. I'm not looking forward to this stage with my boys at all! I remember how painful, yet wonderful, dating and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
briansmama Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I don't think you have a choice other than to let it play out- they are both technically adults, and this is how they are learning about future relationships. They could very well be setting themselves up for heartbreak when your son leaves, but then he will likely learn a lot from that experience, however painful it might be. It's nice to hear a mom with a son taking about this- I hear so much about dating issues from parents of girls. I'm not looking forward to this stage with my boys at all! I remember how painful, yet wonderful, dating and boyfriend/girlfriend relationships can be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Walking-Iris Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 I hardly left my boyfriends side when I was 18. Really i don't even have that sort of devotion for my dh lol. As long as they are respectful of your rules, are good kids, not getting in trouble or any sort of terrible drama, I'd just relax. Maybe they're trying to hang out as much as possible before he leaves? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 There's really nothing for you to do. They're respectful of the rules, so....I'm not sure where you're going with this. Maybe they'll get married. Yeah, I'm not sure either lol. It's just a new situation for me, that's all. When I was a teen, I was hardly even home. I wasn't causing trouble, what I also wasn't doing "good things" either. At least he's home, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 double Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted November 24, 2012 Share Posted November 24, 2012 Yeah, I'm not sure either lol. It's just a new situation for me, that's all. When I was a teen, I was hardly even home. I wasn't causing trouble, what I also wasn't doing "good things" either. At least he's home, right? Right. Dh and I were high school sweethearts. We spent every moment we could together. And we weren't rule followers, lol. He joined the Marines, went to bootcamp, came back and we got engaged. We were married 6 months after his graduation. I still have a can full of letters we sent back and forth to each other. I think the important thing to note here is that he's still following through with plans for his future. That's huge. As long as they continue to make wise choices, I would just hang back and see what happens. It's a 2 year old relationship, so there's nothing to do but let them see it through. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Right. Dh and I were high school sweethearts. We spent every moment we could together. And we weren't rule followers, lol. He joined the Marines, went to bootcamp, came back and we got engaged. We were married 6 months after his graduation. I still have a can full of letters we sent back and forth to each other. I think the important thing to note here is that he's still following through with plans for his future. That's huge. As long as they continue to make wise choices, I would just hang back and see what happens. It's a 2 year old relationship, so there's nothing to do but let them see it through. Thanks Shannon! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Totally 100% normal, and I wouldn't say anything at all about the relationship. I don't understand why they are in a serious relationship since he is leaving, but it is up to them to change things. I am sure they've thought of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I wouldn't say a word. Sounds like they're being respectful of your rules, and given some of the issues parents have had w/teens and dating, I'd just be grateful for that and not worry about anything else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 ... Do I just let this play out and land where it may? I'd love some BTDT wisdom here! Thanks :)! Yes, you do as long as they are respecting the rules of your home. If and when the heartbreak happens, empathize with them and offer your condolences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Sometimes those potential heartaches you are mentioning are maturing stepping stones. Nothing else to add. I watched my ds and his girlfriend do this. As long as as they are observing the rules, I'd be very nice to the girl and your stepson. Seems like there is nothing wrong here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Thanks everyone. Sometimes (ok, often times) I am unsure of this kind of thing. I appreciate the affirmation! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Thanks everyone. Sometimes (ok, often times) I am unsure of this kind of thing. I appreciate the affirmation! We ALL are the first time. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 I've got a kid in this age range (who is looking to go into the Army after May). I believe in dating, and this is one of the reasons. Humans don't mature through age; they mature through experience. The experience of infatuation and heartache is a life lesson. I believe it's valuable. The hyperfocus on each other is typical. It's pretty typical of older daters, as well. :smilielol5: They sound like good young adults who are respectful of your reasonable rules. Good work! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Doesn't seem terribly unusual. It would be NICE if they had lives outside of each other also; but they are kids and kids don't always do what would be best. BTW, my ds is hyperfocused on his girl-of-interest and she isn't even allowed to speak to him (her mother thinks he is too much like her dh...wonder how THAT conversation between her mom and dad went! LOL). She's 18 so they'll decide for themselves soon enough :) In the meantime, he's working on being a man she can depend on "one day." BTW, my guess? They'll marry before he is stationed so she can go with him. That is what my sister did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Well, dh and I were high school sweethearts that married at 18 (he was 19) - so this seems normal to me. As somebody else said - they very well could marry since he will be getting a job/career that makes it workable for her to go with him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 25, 2012 Share Posted November 25, 2012 Let it play out. Better at your house where you can get to know her... When they fight? DO NOT take his side and do NOT say anything about her because they will get back together the next day, and YOU will have a black mark against you. My Dd 17.8 and her very much older boyfriend are very serious, have basically grown up together and if she's not working (she has an excellent job) or at school (on honor roll) then he's here, or they're together. He has an excellent career. I expect a wedding announcement within the next year. I'm going to say it once more, just so you don't make the mistake I did--do NOT say anything about the girlfriend. Just love them. If you say something, and they get back together, they will pull together more, and they will pull away from you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mama2cntrykids Posted November 25, 2012 Author Share Posted November 25, 2012 Doesn't seem terribly unusual. It would be NICE if they had lives outside of each other also; but they are kids and kids don't always do what would be best. BTW, my ds is hyperfocused on his girl-of-interest and she isn't even allowed to speak to him (her mother thinks he is too much like her dh...wonder how THAT conversation between her mom and dad went! LOL). She's 18 so they'll decide for themselves soon enough :) In the meantime, he's working on being a man she can depend on "one day." BTW, my guess? They'll marry before he is stationed so she can go with him. That is what my sister did. Yes, I'm thinking they'll be married before he's stationed as well. Especially since she has no college plans and is currently doing factory work. Not that factory work is BAD, just that it can be very temporary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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