Pamela H in Texas Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Okay, A-man is almost definitely on the spectrum. I could tell within minutes. He was supposed to be evaluated last month (why not before then?!?!); but due to another situation, the testing wasn't done. He has a number of psych meds with fairly noncommital dxes. I *really* believe they are wrong based on a number of factors, including information from his CASA who has been involved since they came into the system. What *I* think is that between a spectrum disorder (PDD?), severe neglect/abuse (think what you see on tv bad), and an adoptive mom who was just in over her head (wanted "compliant children" and was "just putting out fires"), he has gotten the short end of the stick. I don't want that to be the case here! Good news? We're not really putting out fires. For the most part, our moment-to-moment situation is fairly calm (yes, your house can be "fairly calm" with seven little kids under 8 years old). And I have things in place to get developmental testings and for him not to be so over-medicated. The school situation is being worked out (our school is awesome!), he started gymnastics, and he learned to ride a two wheeler. I guess I feel we have a decent framework. But I feel I'm not REACHING him. And I feel like too many of our interactions are negative rather than positive :( It is *really* upsetting me that I'm not doing better with him! I just don't feel I know how to communicate in a way he understands (for example, how to give directions such as when showering or why we wear certain clothes certain days not others). And I don't understand some of his behavior and find it frustrating (we keep finding him "perched" places with his clothes half on (or less), for example). I'm not bothered that he doesn't know certain things so much as I can't figure out a way to teach him how and why in a way that makes sense to him and helps him learn differently. And though I've gotten the arguing to be redirectable, I can't figure out a way to get him not to argue about EVERYTHING in the first place. He is a very sweet little boy. He really is and I'm afraid I'm going to paint him in a bad light. You'd probably more likely guess he was 6 with some very 3yo ways (socially, in terms of needing direction, etc). Really, the sister is worse behaved. It isn't his behavior so much as not feeling like we are communicating effectively. Okay, I'm feeling like I'm not expressing this well. Hopefully this means something to some of y'all enough to get an idea or two. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 :grouphug: Have you tried pictures schedules for routines like dressing? I made some for my daughter that she was able to do independently once taught. The ability to be redirected from the argument is a great step on the way to not arguing. That shows that he can change his behavior. Keep working at it. How do you think he might respond to, "I want to hear what you have to say. Finish getting dressed, then we'll talk," as a redirection? I'm not sure how well that would fit this situation, but maybe the next steps to extinguishing the arguing are delaying it, then walking through teaching how to advocate for himself effectively (which is a lifelong process, right? :) ), which includes learning when not to argue. I've read many of your posts about these little ones, and I am sure that your commitment to providing consistent loving discipline shines through just as clearly in real life. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 :grouphug: Have you tried pictures schedules for routines like dressing? I made some for my daughter that she was able to do independently once taught. The ability to be redirected from the argument is a great step on the way to not arguing. That shows that he can change his behavior. Keep working at it. How do you think he might respond to, "I want to hear what you have to say. Finish getting dressed, then we'll talk," as a redirection? I'm not sure how well that would fit this situation, but maybe the next steps to extinguishing the arguing are delaying it, then walking through teaching how to advocate for himself effectively (which is a lifelong process, right? :) ), which includes learning when not to argue. I've read many of your posts about these little ones, and I am sure that your commitment to providing consistent loving discipline shines through just as clearly in real life. Cat I was going to suggest picture "schedules/instructions" too. My next piece of advice is just simply time. If he's on the spectrum, routine, routine, routine, and time. You may be reaching him, but you may not know it. With regards to the feeling like encounters are always negative, find anything positive to praise him for. :grouphug: I'm glad he has you. I'm glad that you recognized the overmedicating and are getting him the help he needs. Just be be patient. It will take a lifetime of patience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
celticmom Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 My dd8 had some odd spectrummy behaviors and speech issues until very recently when the allergist took her off of wheat and dairy. Suddenly her behavior was so much more normal. We reintroduced dairy with no problems but as soon as we reintroduced wheat all the behaviors and problems were back full force and then some. All this to say have you considered an intolerance or sensitivity to a staple food could be part of the problem? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 23, 2012 Author Share Posted November 23, 2012 I know he had full allergy testing with only IgE showing off (way off -- btw, sibling was way off also). I was going to ask the doctor about it. I also considered having him go gluten free (which wouldn't be too tough for us as my daughter and I are already GF) if we could get a doctor to okay it (or after adoption if we were to adopt down the road). We do use picture schedules for some things. And coaching for others. And he responds REALLY well to the Tot-Clock motivation/time-out settings (which I was worried about because time pressures can make some kids anxious). I probably do need to remember that I may not see progress as it is happening until it snowballs big enough to recognize (and then, even then, many times you don't realize until much later....I remember that Victoria's Kindy teacher and I both realized in the same week she had finally stopped sucking her thumb...it had been a few weeks by that time according to our figuring). My son learned to read that same way. We kept exposing him; but he just wasn't ready until later than average. It seemed like we were spinning our wheels a LONG time. Anyway, thanks for being gentle with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Entropymama Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 I just wanted to offer some encouragement. It sounds like you're doing a famous job, and bravo for taking that on! I also want to second the need for more time. Sometimes that's the magic ingredient; just do what you're doing.. longer. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 If he is on the spectrum, many doctors do recommend the gluten- and casein-free diet along with Omega 3's, probiotics, and a multi designed for kids with ASD. Kirkman Super Nu-Thera is a good one that is not too expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 Honestly, it sounds like you are doing what you can, and you have lots of good plans. I have only had one difficult child, my step dd who was removed from her drug dependent mother. You are going to get where you are going. I am so impressed with all you are doing. You are inspiring me to think about fostering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted November 23, 2012 Share Posted November 23, 2012 lol about the arguing about everything...yeah...that's not going away soon, I'm sorry. But if you remember that he isn't trying to argue, as much as trying to clarify, that can help. As for teaching, assume he knows nothing, and teach step by step. We were shocked when it occurred to us that my son, at the age of 11, didn't know how to knock on a door properly. Kids on the spectrum don't mimic, they don't have the same mirror circutry, so you have to TELL them, step by step, and tell they WHY. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 many doctors do recommend the gluten- and casein-free diet along with Omega 3's, probiotics, and a multi designed for kids with ASD I would like to do that. We've been doing much of it with my ds4 and think it has helped. But we will have to have a doctor okay any/all of it. We can't even give vitamins or a supplement or anything without a prescription. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted November 24, 2012 Author Share Posted November 24, 2012 I was going to answer more but we're doing gifts tonight...I'll come back later :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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