Thanksgiving crowd....or not?

[shanezomom]

Thanksgiving with my husband's family is growing: the nieces and nephews are all getting married and now bring their spouses and kids to grandma's house. Everyone lives in the area so there are no out-of-town travels or complications like that. I believe we will be up to 29 people at my mother-in-law's house this year.

 

Even though it's a big, older house, some insist on bringing their dogs (despite being asked by my MIL to leave them at home,) and between kids running around, dogs chasing them, everyone bumping into each other, and being pretty squashed around the huge dining table, it ends up being a pretty chaotic day.

 

The only child in me prefers a quiet dinner at home with a few friends to make a long, leisurely day of it. My husband doesn't feel obligated to go to his parents' house, so it's pretty much up to me which way we go. Last year we skipped the family event and hosted our own at our house and invited 3 other families who have no local kin. I had a very nice time. I'm thinking this year we should go do the family thing just to alternate.

 

Do any of you participate in Thanksgivings that are growing too big for one house and feel the need to split off on your own?

[tabrizia]

I love our big crowded happy family Thanksgivings, there are never less then 20 at my parents and normally it is more. If the crowd is getting to much for you to do every year (and being an introvert I understand that as well), then yes I would probably do one year there, one year home and alternate.

[Susann]

Yup, it's just the immediate family here. I was the oldest daughter in a very large family so holidays were never relaxing or fun growing up. DH has a very large family also so it's the same there. Once we got married, we chose to always spend holidays at our home. We do go to a family get together the Saturday before Christmas to see everyone but the actual holiday is home. My dds have a lot of great memories of our cozy family holidays with all the traditions we've started. I've heard several nieces/nephews on both sides comment over the years on spending Christmas/ Easter/ 4th/ Thanksgiving in the car traveling and not being able to be home.

[gardenmom5]

yes - and I will not go there other than to say 'hallelujah' I am not hosting this year!!!!!!!:party:. My blood pressure is ever so grateful.

 

anyway, do you get together with your dh's family for everyone other times during the year? is there anything that set's thanksgiving apart from other gatherings? how did the extended family react to your not being present?

Edited November 2, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Annie G]

I couldn't enjoy the day with 29 people...not to mention the dogs. It's just too many people for me- I'd walk away feeling like I never got a chance to talk to everyone. And it seems like it would be too noisy and hectic for me.

 

Usually it's just the four of us here at holidays- this Thanksgiving dd is bringing her dh and their three children, and even though it'll be great fun, I'm going to need a couple days to chill out after they go home. I'm just...introverted. I kind of wish I wasn't so introverted but I'm 51, so this is probably how it's going to be.g

[QueenCat]

Minus the dogs... I love the chaos and laughter of a large family Thanksgiving (or in my case, lots of friends, since we're all far away from family).

[Desert Rat]

I grew up with a huge extended family. We had gigantic family Thanksgivings. Then we moved away from all family when I was 12. From then on, it was just the 4 of us, adding a significant other or straggler here and there. We liked it that way. No need to dress up. No need to make the house pretty. Just us. I do think Mom missed her family sometimes though.

This year, the first year without my dad, I considered inviting a few more people to make it seem less, hmmm, empty. But I realized that I would just feel the need to "entertain". I don't think any of us could handle that. So, while I would love the big family Thanksgiving, we're gonna keep it small, my 4, Mom and my brother, and just work on getting through the day.

OP, I would seriously need 2 days by myself after being in a house with 29 people for several hours. I'm an introvert, I guess. Good luck with your decision!

[Seasider]

I wouldn't mind that many people, but the dogs would do me in. We are all dog lovers but half of my immediate family has been cursed with dog allergies. It's hard for me to enjoy the day when I'm doling out the albuterol. It does make for a comic scene once we get home, each of us stripping to our skivvies in the garage to keep the dander out of the house.:D

[ksr5377]

I would cry if I weren't in the middle of big family chaos on a holiday.

[TXMomof4]

 

The only child in me prefers a quiet dinner at home with a few friends to make a long, leisurely day of it. My husband doesn't feel obligated to go to his parents' house, so it's pretty much up to me which way we go. Last year we skipped the family event and hosted our own at our house and invited 3 other families who have no local kin. I had a very nice time. I'm thinking this year we should go do the family thing just to alternate.

 

Do any of you participate in Thanksgivings that are growing too big for one house and feel the need to split off on your own?

 

I think starting your own traditions like this is invaluable. Maybe have dinner at home with friends and go over to the chaos in the evening just to be part of the family. I love family get-togethers, but too much is just too much. I'd much rather share some love with people who can't get to their families than be frustrated by craziness all day, kwim?

[Dinsfamily]

We do a big, chaotic Thanksgiving dinner and a small, family-centric Christmas Eve dinner. I love them both. Your crazy Thanksgiving does sound heavenly, but the dog issue would bother me. I have two dogs and love them dearly, but wouldn't bring to someone's house (even my parents') unless they were specifically invited.

[SKL]

There was a big blowup at my parents' house a few years ago over this very thing.

 

My parents have 6 kids. Several of us have spouses and kids who are still young. Fine, no problem.

 

Well. My oldest brother has (in addition to his teen daughter) 3 step-kids who are in their 30s, each with a significant other. And 6 step-grandkids. He used to bring them all over to my parents' for Thanksgiving. This was after they already had Thanksgiving dinner elsewhere, and they didn't always bother to tell us they were coming. The year of the blowup, the stepdaughter brought her family of 6 for dinner after saying she didn't think she could come. This resulted in 25 total guests. Because there were not enough chairs, my daughters and I had to sit on the kitchen floor to eat our only Thanksgiving dinner. My mom was ticked!

 

Our parents are getting older and these big productions are a lot harder for them than they used to be. I am not sure where people got the expectation that they bring infinite generations of offspring to Thanksgiving dinner, because that's not how it was when we were young. We ate at our own house and invited the grandparents alternately.

 

My parents would be a lot happier if the grown grandkids with children would not come for Thanksgiving dinner. Christmas is another story, but a big dinner is a lot of freakin' work - before, during, and after. And of course, these young folks never offer to help; they just let their kids run rampant (until late night hours) and make it harder for those responsible. I suppose that's a separate issue :tongue_smilie:.