Passionate, hyper focused DC who throws himself on the floor

[JenniferB]

My youngest and last child, age 5, is so passionate that he throws himself on the floor and sometimes bangs his head against it when according to him he has "FAILED!" He keeps himself busy all day, like 7-8 hours, making various paper crafts. He draws out an action figure, cuts it out, colors it, then starts again with another figure. He often does this from 8 or 9 to about 4 with a few breaks to eat and go to the bathroom. He gets himself so worked up about getting them just right that he'll sometimes throw himself on the floor and cry, "I've failed!!!" Sometimes I don't know what to do with him. Today I removed him from his drawings and poured him a glass of milk (he didn't like this solution). Yesterday I helped him draw one with more accuracy (he liked this solution). Anyway, does anyone have experience (or psychology training) with this personality type? Can you share some parenting tips, advice, etc.? I don't want to discourage his craft, as he seems very into it. However, my other 3 children were/are not like this and always "go with the flow" for the most part. So, I feel like my parenting tool chest needs some more tools in it. This is new to me. :confused:

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug: and a bump

[Rebecca VA]

Your son doesn't sound disordered and out of control. In fact, he sounds very purposeful in a GOOD way -- he wants to be able to work on his crafts with more skill. Can you enroll him in art classes or have him work with a talented older teen?

 

His intensity may end up being a wonderful trait that propels him toward success in life. I'd honor the will to improve that he is displaying, while teaching him techniques (such as calming down with a glass of milk) that can help him relax.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about him. Lots of moms on these boards would love to have a focused, intense child. :)

Edited September 19, 2012 by Rebecca VA

[JenniferB]

Your son doesn't sound disordered and out of control. In fact, he sounds very purposeful in a GOOD way -- he wants to be able to work on his crafts with more skill. Can you enroll him in art classes or have him work with a talented older teen?

 

His intensity may end up being a wonderful trait that propels him toward success in life. I'd honor the will to improve that he is displaying, while teaching him techniques (such as calming down with a glass of milk) that can help him relax.

 

I wouldn't worry too much about him. Lots of moms on these boards would love to have a focused, intense child. :)

 

Thanks Rebecca. Your response is very encouraging.

[Rebecca VA]

I'm bumping your thread because I think it deserves more input. You might want to do a search on posts about perfectionism, especially on the Accelerated Board.

 

Best of luck with your little guy.

[clarkacademy]

You could also get him some drawing books. The Draw Write now or something like that may be helpful to him.

[justamouse]

My youngest and last child, age 5, is so passionate that he throws himself on the floor and sometimes bangs his head against it when according to him he has "FAILED!" He keeps himself busy all day, like 7-8 hours, making various paper crafts. He draws out an action figure, cuts it out, colors it, then starts again with another figure. He often does this from 8 or 9 to about 4 with a few breaks to eat and go to the bathroom. He gets himself so worked up about getting them just right that he'll sometimes throw himself on the floor and cry, "I've failed!!!" Sometimes I don't know what to do with him. Today I removed him from his drawings and poured him a glass of milk (he didn't like this solution). Yesterday I helped him draw one with more accuracy (he liked this solution). Anyway, does anyone have experience (or psychology training) with this personality type? Can you share some parenting tips, advice, etc.? I don't want to discourage his craft, as he seems very into it. However, my other 3 children were/are not like this and always "go with the flow" for the most part. So, I feel like my parenting tool chest needs some more tools in it. This is new to me. :confused:

 

 

It is crazy making frustrating for an artist to have an image in their head that they don't have the skills to execute.

 

Can you use Drawing With Children with him? The very first lessons are on perception, and lines, and are integral to making that picture come out more precise. Also, if you read all of the introduction, there are some hints in there that will help him immensely-as in art is quiet time, and that they are not allowed to say bad things about their work. So the throwing himself down? Not allowed. Channel that frustration into learning to SEE more clearly, and execute more precisely.

 

Do not feed the *artiste beast*. There shall be no drama. Muses? No. Art is work, and it needs concentration and dedication, just like anything else. He needs to put in his 10,000 hours, so get started!

 

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Also, another wonderful book I have is Discovering Great Artists. (this book is black and white, sadly, BUT, that makes it readable and useable on your kindle). These could go hand in hand, after he learns how to see, but Discovering shouldn't be used before that skill is ...under control.

 

ETA, eta...:D Start talking/teaching about perseverance. It is a virtue. ;) POint out when he uses it, point out when other family members are, point out where your favorite saints are, where anyone perseveres. It's a character trait that needs to be developed.

Edited September 20, 2012 by justamouse

[deacongirl]

Google Dabrowski's overexcitabilities. :001_smile:

[Juniper]

I have really enjoyed the results my kids get from drawing DVD's. It allows them an element of independence with their artwork. I would look at this from two different angles: Feed his art ability, and continue to help him manage his emotions in appropriate ways.

 

I do remove the art supplies if they are leading to meltdowns, but if I see a frustrated child TRYING to calm himself down, I will allow the supplies to remain as is and just direct towards a break or distraction. Often the best solutions or inspiration come when the brain is relaxed and NOT thinking about the art project. Something that is very difficult when you are under a deadline!!!!!

[justamouse]

I have really enjoyed the results my kids get from drawing DVD's. It allows them an element of independence with their artwork. I would look at this from two different angles: Feed his art ability, and continue to help him manage his emotions in appropriate ways.

 

I do remove the art supplies if they are leading to meltdowns, but if I see a frustrated child TRYING to calm himself down, I will allow the supplies to remain as is and just direct towards a break or distraction. Often the best solutions or inspiration come when the brain is relaxed and NOT thinking about the art project. Something that is very difficult when you are under a deadline!!!!!

 

SO TRUE. You need downtime to refill the well.

[JenniferB]

Google Dabrowski's overexcitabilities. :001_smile:

 

This one explains him, not exactly, but a few of these examples describe him:

 

Sensual

 

The primary sign of this intensity is a heightened awareness of all five senses: sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing. Children with a dominant sensual overexcitability can get sick from the smell of certain foods or as toddlers will hate to walk on grass in their bare feet (he crawled very strangely, on his hands and feet, but not on his knees). The pleasure they get from the tastes and textures of some foods may cause them to overeat (yes, he loves the pleasure of food).

Appreciation of beauty, whether in writing, music, art or nature (he appreciates beauty of every kind, and not to brag but he tells me I'm pretty all the time - to balance that out he also says he doesn't like the smell of my breath).

 

Includes love of objects like jewelry (yes)

Sensitive to smells, tastes, or textures of foods

Sensitivity to pollution (my breath - LOL)

Tactile sensitivity (Bothered by feel of some materials on the skin, clothing tags) (yes)

Craving for pleasure (definite yes)

Need or desire for comfort (definite yes - he likes to wear pajamas all day and "super cozy clothes" - his words, and refuses some clothes that "aren't cozy.")

 

He also cried horribly when he was a baby, which none of my other kids did. It was awful! I have picture of it to remind me of the way he was, and also pictures of me to remind myself of how run down I was. I looked like a ragged mess. People would look at me and him and say, "oh your poor mom, you are wearing her out."

Edited September 20, 2012 by JenniferB

[Julie Smith]

I can't help to much. But I have heard stories that I did the same thing as a child. My Mom was quite worried she would get in trouble since I sometimes would get the floor tiles imprinted on my forehead.

[JenniferB]

I can't help to much. But I have heard stories that I did the same thing as a child. My Mom was quite worried she would get in trouble since I sometimes would get the floor tiles imprinted on my forehead.

 

And you turned out OK, right?

[deacongirl]

Check out the SENG website senggifted.org articles library. I bet you will find lots of helpful info. I think the suggestions re: drawing were great--this was the area of greatest struggle for my dd when she was younger and I didn't know how to help her with it--I think the sad thing with kids like this is the area where there is the greatest natural talent and potential is also the area where they are the most perfectionistic. I didn't have the good advice you have received and sort of gave up and she has not continued with art. I will say that playing the violin helped her immensely with perfectionism--maybe now that she is more mature we will approach art again. Good luck!

[Julie Smith]

And you turned out OK, right?

 

My Physiatrist does say I'm much better now.

 

:)

Edited September 20, 2012 by Julie Smith

[justamouse]

I'm going to say this with grave trepidation.

 

Just plug along. I know that finding reasons for why our kids are different is de rigor, and I am NOT saying that to know doesn't give perspective and empower, but *many* artistic people grew up like this, and we worked through it, learned to control it, and became artists. This is why I said don't feed the Artiste. ;) As an adult trying to make it out there as an artist, having dramatic meltdowns is only profitable on film. ;)

[RhondaM.]

We used to lovingly call my youngest son our temperamental artist. He loved to draw, had a talent for it, but was ever frustrated (to say the least) for not being able to draw exactly what he wanted.

 

When he Would have a melt down over it, and over many irritations I used to send him to take a bath in my big tub. He would fill up the tub, chill out and the world would be right again. Until the next time.

 

Not suggesting you send your dc to the bath. I'm just remembering going through it myself. You are not alone.

 

RhondaM.

[JenniferB]

My Physiatrist does say I'm much better now.

 

:)

 

LOL!

[Remudamom]

I'm going to be the butt here. (What else is new).

 

Good advice about how to help him, but I would tell him during a calm moment that I wasn't going to indulge the fits and he could have them on his own. You won't help a child throwing a fit.