Do you ever just want to crawl in a hole and cry?

[Heather in VA]

Maybe it's because I have a senior for the first time and I'm faced with just one more year or maybe it's because I'm having a bad personal time but I just feel scared all the time. I'm finishing our plans (we start the day after Labor Day) and all I can think of is what we aren't going to get to or what she doesn't know yet. The responsibility is just crushing. This is our 9th year homeschooling and I've never felt like this before. I feel like anything that goes wrong or any feeling she gets in college of not being prepared is all my fault.

 

Sorry for whining....I just needed to vent.

 

Heather

[bugs]

:grouphug: I have no wise words; I am sure I'll be feeling the way you do next year when my oldest is a senior. Your siggy looks like everything is just better than fine!

[freerange]

:grouphug: forgive me if this is wide of the mark, but have you read the little girl thread for over 40s?

 

My eldest is off to uni next month, and I know exactly what you're talking about.

Edited August 22, 2012 by freerange

[Brenda in MA]

Heather,

 

I think the feelings are normal. Getting into college is a big thing, and since's she's homeschooled, the responsibility over the last many years has been on you. Somewhat, you just have to accept that you will never teach her everything. There are definitely some things she doesn't know, but I suspect she knows enough...

 

The only thing I can think to suggest to alleviate your angst somewhat is to have your dd apply ASAP to a college with rolling admission. Once you have at least one "yes" in hand, you'll feel much better.

 

I'm right there with you on the angst of one going away. I've only got 2 years left with my youngest, and I've decided that I need to cherish the time we have together the best I can.

 

Best wishes,

Brenda

[Gwen in VA]

Someone once told me that I shouldn't worry about the gaps and holes that homeschooling will leave my kids with. EVERYONE has gaps and holes. Everyone has stuff that they didn't learn but that they would have benefited from learning. Gaps are NOT unique to homeschooling!

 

You thought through what you did with your daughter. She has a strong enough background to fill in the gaps and grow further on her own. You have prepared her to learn -- and that's enough!

 

We can't prepare our kids for everything they need to know. All we can do is our best, hoping that God's grace and the resourcefulness of our kids will cover the gaps!

[MicheleinMN]

It's the responsibility and the idea of letting go all rolled into that one year (summer/semester) that just about takes your breath away. You're not alone.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[cindylee]

Yes, yes, yes! I have felt exactly like you do. My oldest is a junior and all the fears of college and or life facing her has made me reanalyze every decision we ever made. I have felt just like you that whatever happens is all my fault!!! I was so nervous when she took her first ACT and told my husband I feel like all my work is being graded. What's the cure? I'll tell you what I know not what I do......it's trust....the only cure for fear is trust....to trust the Lord will take care of them.....to believe His grace is sufficient. It is, you know, but believing it makes all the difference in the peace in our lives. You have my prayers today, fellow worrier! I do understand!!!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Maybe it's because I have a senior for the first time and I'm faced with just one more year or maybe it's because I'm having a bad personal time but I just feel scared all the time. I'm finishing our plans (we start the day after Labor Day) and all I can think of is what we aren't going to get to or what she doesn't know yet. The responsibility is just crushing. This is our 9th year homeschooling and I've never felt like this before. I feel like anything that goes wrong or any feeling she gets in college of not being prepared is all my fault.

 

Sorry for whining....I just needed to vent.

 

Heather

 

You are not alone. I can't tell you how much I dislike watching Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader with my kids. Every single thing they get wrong is like salt in a room.

 

Now that my oldest has hit high school there is a looming sense of being under scrutiny as strong as when we were starting kindergarten and family was a little skeptical. I know that at the end of the day, we'll need to try to package up everything that they have done, all the little things that make them special and put them out for strangers to evaluate.

 

It doesn't help that what they are interested in have low acceptance rates to begin with. I know that if they don't get what they are hoping for, it will be hard for me not to entertain a host of "what if" thoughts.

 

Then I get to add the extra wrinkle that one is a swimmer and might be interested in swimming in college. Which means that NCAA also gets to weigh and measure his high school time and decide if it is wanting or not.

 

On the other hand, I have to keep reminding myself that there are opportunity costs to being in a brick and mortar school too. That going to the school down the street isn't a guarantee that they would get into the school of their dreams either.

 

And what's more, dh reminded me the other day that we were never going to actually be finished. There would not be a day when we looked at them and thought, "Yeah, I guess they've learned everything they needed to." They will be in their 30s and be faced with something and we'll think, "Oh no, we didn't prepare them for this."

 

The only solution I can come up with is to try to live and lead our homeschool in a way that means I will know that I did what I could.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Mad Jenny Flint]

You've gotten a lot of great feedback from everyone else. My son is s senior and we are doing some college visiting these two weeks before school starts. Last year was rough because of my angst and I want this year to feel better to all of us. There comes a point where you just have to let go, knowing you gave it your best. Some days I am almost there.

[laughing lioness]

and all I can think of is what we aren't going to get to or what she doesn't know yet. The responsibility is just crushing.

 

 

Breathe deeply. You don't have to get to everything and she will end up not knowing everything. It's o.k. Just do what you know to do- do the next thing, do it well.

 

Schools need students. I've said it before- getting INTO college is the easy part, getting it paid for is the challenging part. And there are so many options for higher ed now- it's not like she has ONE shot at success and then she's a failure. (i.e. it's not like YOU have one shot at success and then you are a failure, either!)

 

Your job is to be faithful to do what you are called to do. Outcomes are the problem of someone with a higher pay grade than you. Focusing on outcomes will strangle the life out of you and everyone around you. Do the process. Breathe. Eat chocolate. Thank-God for another year with your kiddo!

[Greta Lea]

...feeling a little better!

[Heather in VA]

Thanks everyone... these are things that I know somewhere in my head but the extreme panic part of me is drowning the common sense part. I'm thinking I'll be better when we just get started. And then of course when she starts getting accepted to colleges I'll feel better too. We are going to start applications next week. That's probably stressing me out too. But lately I've thought that getting in the car and just driving until I hit California sounds like a good plan. Hopefully I won't do that LOL. (plus my in-laws live in CA so that might not be an improvement to here LOL)

 

Heather

[MicheleinMN]

Personally, I always seem to want to head southeast, but then I've never seen the Atlantic Ocean. ;)

[Heather in VA]

Personally, I always seem to want to head southeast, but then I've never seen the Atlantic Ocean. ;)

 

LOL!! well since I live in VA I was thinking that wouldn't be far enough away. But if I could drive to the Caribbean then I'd be all over that. Maybe I could just drive to Florida and catch a cruise ship. How stiff is the penalty for stowaways?

[Kalypso]

My oldest is a senior. and I have been stressing over all of the same things. There is just so much to do, and I feel like I just can't get on top of it all. I know we will get through all of the applications, but it is going to be a long few months.

 

Hang in there and try to enjoy her last year.

[justkeepswimming]

Yes. Me ==> :crying:

 

We have just started high school after 10 years of homeschooling the early years. I thought I was pretty centered/satisfied/accepting of the things ds will be "missing" because of the advantages homeschooling offers. Now that there's no going back (we're in an all-or-nothing state), I am terrified. And I don't see the feeling going away.

 

Dh is oblivious, as usual.

 

No answers but :grouphug:

 

:iagree: Yes - the stress this year is enormous. It's all or nothing (unless she is fond of the idea of taking remedial summer school courses to fill in the perceived "gaps" the state will assume she has).

 

So, even though I feel really confident about our decision to hs, AND dd has an incredible list of courses this year that we're both really excited about, AND we have a really good TIME homeschooling together and spending so much time together...

 

...it has been REALLY hard to see friends' freshman being accepted into these awesome-sounding magnet schools, or taking "officially labeled" AP and Honors courses (which I know we have access to online, or sending in course plans, but I haven't been able to make the time necessary to do that at the right time)...

 

...seeing the sports the other kids are active in, the academic contests, the awards and certificates being doled out, the band/dance opportunities... (which, again, my kids also have access to, but it sure costs me a lot more to make it happen & then they don't have access to all of the competitions and academic opportunities in our state to try to gain those certificates and awards!!!)

 

And - in the same breath - I am so happy for my friends' kids! They've all done awesome things in their young lives and I'm incredibly happy. But, also worried over my decision to keep mine home. Even though I think it's the best decision. And, honestly, we're both really happy with it. I just sometimes long for "outside validation." My parents knew I was "really doing well" in school because I would bring home awards and medals each semester that validated that in their minds. So, it's hard for me to on one hand, know she's getting a solid education, but not have anyone else vouch for me. lol All I have are upcoming "serious" tests like the PSAT or ACT - and those feel like Mom's Report Cards and that just causes the self-doubt to raise its ugly head again.

 

Grass is greener syndrome is hitting hard this time of year for me and I'm hoping that, now that we've "officially started" 9th grade, I won't have these doubts.

 

stressing. out.

 

DD is blissfully unaware of all my inner turmoil. lol I want to live in her bubble for just a little while! :lol:

[Shelly in VA]

My son is s senior... Last year was rough because of my angst and I want this year to feel better to all of us. There comes a point where you just have to let go, knowing you gave it your best. Some days I am almost there.

 

This is me. ;) My oldest is a senior this year, and last year was NOT a good year. I am stressed about her preparedness, stressed about what she doesn't know, stressed b/c she'll be leaving next year, stressed b/c I want her to look back on her childhood as a positive experience and not as a mom-was-stressed-all-the-time situation...

 

Trying to live in the present and not worry about the future TOO much, so that we can enjoy this year as much as possible. I hope everyone from this thread can do the same!! :grouphug:

[Pam L in Mid Tenn]

We missed a ton of things over the years. Both my daughters have had NO trouble getting into college!

[funathome]

:grouphug:

Let me encourage you.

I just got back from Virginia Tech taking my oldest and FIRST to leave home DD!! :auto: It was a tear jerker. No one prepares you for this. There needs to be a support group or something!! :lol:

My DD has always been Home schooled, went to local CC for her 11th and 12th grade for "dual enrollment". We moved every 2 or 3 years during her life due to husband in Active Duty military, so not a ton of stability for co-ops, etc there. So we have have "missed" some things. We lived on the go and with what we had.

I figured a bad day home schooling is better than a good day in public school.

My DD is going to Va Tech and studying Chemical Engineering. I tell you this so that I can encourage you. Keep doing what you are doing. You are spending time with her at a time when she really needs it. Our kids are gone all too soon, as I can attest to. Enjoy this time with your child! ;)

Amy :001_smile:

[jpklehm]

Breathe deeply. You don't have to get to everything and she will end up not knowing everything. It's o.k. Just do what you know to do- do the next thing, do it well.

 

Your job is to be faithful to do what you are called to do. Outcomes are the problem of someone with a higher pay grade than you. Focusing on outcomes will strangle the life out of you and everyone around you. Do the process. Breathe. Eat chocolate. Thank-God for another year with your kiddo!

 

:iagree:

 

Wise words...

[Mommyfaithe]

:grouphug::grouphug:

I hear ya....sigh....

[Heather in VA]

:grouphug:

Let me encourage you.

I just got back from Virginia Tech taking my oldest and FIRST to leave home DD!! :auto: It was a tear jerker. No one prepares you for this. There needs to be a support group or something!! :lol:

My DD has always been Home schooled, went to local CC for her 11th and 12th grade for "dual enrollment". We moved every 2 or 3 years during her life due to husband in Active Duty military, so not a ton of stability for co-ops, etc there. So we have have "missed" some things. We lived on the go and with what we had.

I figured a bad day home schooling is better than a good day in public school.

My DD is going to Va Tech and studying Chemical Engineering. I tell you this so that I can encourage you. Keep doing what you are doing. You are spending time with her at a time when she really needs it. Our kids are gone all too soon, as I can attest to. Enjoy this time with your child! ;)

Amy :001_smile:

 

Thanks... funny you should mention Virginia Tech. My daughter's best friend is a year older than her and is like my own daughter. We've known her since she was 7 and has probably spent more dinners at our table than her own. She left this week for VA Tech. I think that's part of what has me in such a funk. My kids teased me that if I cried this much when she left how bad is it going to be when my own kid goes.

 

My head knows we are doing well and the kids will be well prepared... my heart... well it's thinking that having them all back in the 2nd grade sounds pretty good sometimes :-).

 

and :grouphug: to you as you face your first leaves home. I don't think there is anything I dread more than that first day of school after dropping off my oldest. I don't know how I'm going to cope with our first day pictures on the fireplace and special first day breakfast looking across the table and having her missing.

 

Heather

[Beth in Mint Hill]

Maybe it's because I have a senior for the first time and I'm faced with just one more year or maybe it's because I'm having a bad personal time but I just feel scared all the time. I'm finishing our plans (we start the day after Labor Day) and all I can think of is what we aren't going to get to or what she doesn't know yet. The responsibility is just crushing.

 

Oh Heather,

How I remember that feeling well!! When I technically "finished" homeschooling I felt like a complete and utter failure at being a homeschool teacher. But I felt like a great success as a mom and fellow learner with them.

 

All that we learned in the 20 years of our trip was that there was no way we could even scratch the surface of all the things they needed to "know." I had three boys, two of whom were very reluctant students, to put it mildly! I distinctly remember saying this to myself all the time, as if it was a mantra: "Love covers a multitude of sins!--just make sure they know how much you love them as you put that B, C, or D on their transcript!"

 

Because I wasn't one to fool myself... They got the grade that I figured they would probably have gotten in school, if they were doing the same amount of work there as they were doing for me.

 

But thankfully, later, they proved to be so smart and resourceful that they were able to do well on entrance tests and other such things. So now you can see the outcome (which is all due to the Lord's grace) below.

 

And oh! About the sadness of sending them away to college. It is real and there is no doubt about the fact that it hurts to realize that they are not yours to nurture in the nest any more. But the rewards that come later--when they call you from the barracks in the 82nd Airborne and want to discuss Plato's Republic with you, because you are the only person they know who can laugh over Socrates antics. When they call you and share their excitement over getting into Law school!! In spite of that iffy transcript you printed out for them.

 

And no, I was not too strict or demanding at all in those homeschooling years. They just balked at doing the little bit of work I'd give them, and they were so strong willed and we were dealing with so many personal disasters, that I didn't have the strength to fight with them over it.

 

Well, I don't know why I've dumped all this on you! Just meant to encourage you and point out that the most powerful thing about homeschooling is the creating of a lifestyle of learning: an environment of thinking and discovering, reading deeply, and discussing life--this is what empowers them to do well in college.